Good girl.
Those two words, each so short and simple, affect me like no other when strung together and aimed at me. They flood me with light. My blue eyes sparkle and widen with excitement, raising my eyebrows to new heights. My pink-polished lips upturn in an elated expression. And my joyous heart flutters as warmth spreads throughout my whole body as if I have just been covered by the plushest of blankets. 'Feeling good' doesn't accurately describe me - I feel euphoric. Oh my, I wish you could feel what I feel at this moment. I need you to understand... I crave euphoria as it protects me from my dark emotion - anxiety.
I desperately need to please the one who utters the words, "Good girl." I have to believe I deserve those words. And so it begins with him lifting my chin, as I settle on my knees. He always wants to see my eyes as I suck him. I need to see his eyes too. If his sexy moans don't tell me, I know his expressive eyes will reveal if I am fulfilling my never-ending desire to please.
Cupping his delicate balls, I lean in to lick him from base to tip. Witnessing a drop of pre-cum emerging from his slit brings me pleasure aplenty. My tongue darts out to catch it, savoring his sweet taste. When his eyes close from the sensations of my tongue, ecstasy washes over me. There is nothing like witnessing another's rapture by my hands, or in this case, my mouth.
Feeling his balls tighten within my grasp brings about my own rapture. I am doing this for him - to him. Is there any better feeling? I try not to race to the finish, but it is difficult. Excitement is building with each lap of my pleasing tongue. His heat emanates from his throbbing cock. I created his heat. Oh, my goodness. Is there any better feeling than when a man lengthens from your touch?
Unable to wait to witness his fulfillment, I swallow him whole. My hungry lips pull him in and out my warm cock cocoon, eliciting growls from his throat. At last, I hear the sought-after words, "I'm cumming." Triumphant, I tighten my lips around his shaft, ensuring no drop is wasted, slurping and swallowing as he releases rope after rope of warm cum down my thirsty throat. His eyes reopen to find my unwavering watchful blue eyes still upon him. As he gradually pulls out of my soothing hole, I purse my lips to capture every last drop.
"Good girl," he whispers.
~~~
Good girl slips.
I need to explain the other side of me - a darker side that extinguishes my light. Here is an example of an all-to-common day in the life of my people-pleasing self.
My job position is one of client support. I develop software per client specifications. More than that, I solve their problems. This is the best and worst job for someone who needs to feel she has met the needs of all around her. My day starts with me receiving an email from a client with a problem. I help her. As she responds with gratitude and relief, I feel my light inside glowing.
Relaxing back in my chair, I allow these positive emotions to sink in, resulting in tummy tingling. Here comes a call from another who needs me. Eager to please, I help her too, absorbing her newfound happiness as my own. I am overcome by bliss... becoming fully satisfied by the approval of others.
But, then another needs me. And another and another. My inbox is filling faster than I can empty it. Dings from my phone signaling voicemails interrupt my tranquility. Oh, no. I start to feel the tension building as their numbers grow. My light starts to flicker. Something inside gives my heart a squeeze. Biting my lip stops my smile. Wrinkles form around my fretting eyes. You can do it. Work faster. Work harder. I take too long to solve his problem, he hangs up the phone, after grunting his disapproval.
I am forgetting the ones I helped, as negative energy seeps into my head. My light further dwindles. My mind shifts to all that remains. Too much. Not enough time. I sweat. Their unfulfilled needs squeeze my heart until I can't breathe. My fast processor grinds to a halt.
Frozen, I disappoint another. She responds with passive-aggressiveness. The hardest for me to take. Her honey-coated words wreak of vinegar. Soon, I am left with a sour taste in my own mouth. My light is extinguished by my other emotion - anxiety. And what follows is the thought, bad girl.
At the end of the day, my mate walks through the door, immediately spying my frazzled face. The twinkle is gone from my eyes. My tone is low and clipped. His multiple attempts to draw me out fail. Quickly he withdraws his hand that just touched ice on my shoulder. He can't reach me. I am cool, disconnected, and bratty, disobeying his simple requests. I want to open up to him, but can't fight my way out of the suffocating anxiety. I can't bear I wasn't enough for everyone today. I need to cry, but can't. He knows what he has to do to reset me - bring me back to where I long to be.
