Sheila's Training

Anal virgin fag-hag turns to gay BFF for booty-training

Not for nothing are “Ghost World” and “The Doom Generation” my favorite films. I was made for a stark black bob long before I ever got one, before I saw those movies and even before I discovered black hair dye. Without it I might have ended up looking something like Lotte Lenya in “From Russia With Love.” Goddess bless Manic Panic!! It’s more than the hair, it’s the attitude. “Girl, you...Read On




A wife submits in a motel room, because those are the instructions

My mother-in-law is a good person. Good to her two grown children. Good to her grandkids-- I’ve given her two of them. A good mother herself, and a heartbroken one, for the daughter she lost, lost when my husband was ten. She’s good to me: kind, thoughtful; yes, like a second mother. In the eyes of God, probably, better than the one I had. Better than my stepmother, surely. And a loving...Read On

Erotic Poems(1)

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They're no longer clean as snow

This is to complain about morning-sex sheets. The cream cheese muffins lightly nuked Couldn’t politely be refused, but Then you go and sit your bare ass down On my side, and I washed these sheets on Sunday. You know how anal I am. And though I roll Sometimes onto the guest side and soak The ghost up of your fleeting heat, I do like to lie here and read, But I hate laying Vogue ...Read On

Group Sex(1)



She submits to strangers because she's told

I followed them into the empty bedroom, stood with Oliver behind me blocking the door while the other man went for a bedside lamp. He flicked it on, illuminating the room a little more warmly than I might have feared. The activities in this house were such that you might expect only the dingiest kind of light, the barest of rooms. But then, it’s not your middle-class types who throw...Read On



Ruth's Room

Lesbian coeds, but who's the top?

Some asshole had tried to explain to me, back in April, that the single-room in Waterford was “the size of a postage stamp.” What a lying little bitch. “Oh my god,” Stacy had squealed, “I hear there isn’t even, like, a real bed in there, it’s just, like, a mattress thrown on the floor.” “REALLY?!” I had exclaimed, genuinely excited. I had always enjoyed visions of debauched...Read On

Love Poems(49)

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The law of love dynamics

Nothing is unwritten. Every moment is carved In cut stone. What stranger brushes the crowd Unseen, unnamed, atomic, Your future lover, nemesis, anonymous Now but pulsing through space On orbit to smack you some dark day, Your delicious snowball of doom? So go, solitary one, and spin Through your space, lone and dim. Untraced, I streak the stars In inimitable ovals, glitter-sprung...Read On



Never mind about the dirty pipes

If I said something before about the plumbing Well, please, kindly disregard any such concern. I won’t bring it up, if it comes up I’ll waive it away For though there is some problem with the drains It really really ruins My peace of mind taking it from behind Hard up against the wall, wet Having to think about fungus spores Gore-green, mustered in flakes shaken loose Or clotting your...Read On

Editor's Pick

Second Act

The senses waken and wait

There’s next to no sense in anything fun: Whims, like winds, startle roofs with their rages. We’ve liquored and loved, before, till the sun Shushed us off to sleep like sober sages. Quiet, this house now keeps saner hours Where wandered wishes’ eyes I kiss tight shut When, wistful, I wonder upon our bower, That bed, where, lonely, I toss in a rut. No fun! But fitful dreams pen hard demands...Read On

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Three's company, and a crowd

I could fuck myself with a smooth-cut stone, Plug my fingers inside some bubbling spring To swallow earth’s squirts or make mountains spew, So greedy my hands now, for you-- and you. With polite purpose I entered the game, Acknowledged set bounds were all for the best. I let myself out when the fucking’s through: Merry chirpers above, I wing off, blue. Light-hearted was I, your...Read On


Ice Elation

It's time to break the thaw

I awake and find you-- same hard-knuckled rapping Of deadened boughs wind-stormed against the pane-- Perched, insolent and knowing, on my mind’s sill, Preoccupied with your thumb, some crumpet-crumb Or, heaven help us, the pungent remains Of an amorous trophy. How’d you sneak past All those cobwebs, I wonder? I’ll make coffee, Wipe the snot from my eyes and try and find Some semblance...Read On


Ariel X

The enchantment of life under the sea

(a companion-piece to "Ice Elation"; dedicated to sprite, who knows the life of the nymphs and other princesses, and has been owed an ode) * * * * * * * * These be nymphs I see. What sly wizardry, To rapture me down to the bottom of the sea. Adrift in narcotic waves, I reply To all glad tidings with a supple sway. This way, that! Pliant, I parade, a comely crowd‘s Candy willow....Read On



Falling to sleep in the afterglow

I may have to put on five or ten pounds, I so like this contentment. I like the feel of your belly, sticky, against my skin. You kiss me again, slippy tongue snug beneath my earlobe. Hair fluffs against my throat. Your thigh slides heavy over me, a bother that melts my heart in a puddle, in a place too clear. This is bad. You’re living with your grandparents. You spend too many hours...Read On



Summer love at sunrise

Desire makes for a wave-lashed bed On which we writhe and crack and cleave Spritzed and sprayed with sea and sex, Tangled with tidal love we weave With no rest, no respite. Kisses Cross like sodden clouds, an endless Storm of scorching dew. Lust’s nest Leaves its tenants a mucky mess. These sleepless eyes blink leaden lids And greet a score of kisses more. A weary wriggle’s my poor signal...Read On


The Salutatorian

When a smart girl turns slutty . . .

My friends had asked, how was it so, that I had passed From steadfast salutatorian to being Such a promiscuous slut (a redundancy of sorts, but not their words). But I answered so disingenuously And with so politely maintained a pretense Of taking no offense at all: “Oh my God, I know, I am soooo Dissipated now, you would not believe!” Ay, that was my very word: ‘dissipated.’ I think I said...Read On


Helen of Troy: Her New Millennium

The beauty's adventures never end . . .

I. Here stands that same famous Helen of Troy Who lately fired men and ships, her towers Forsaken like her promise to prince or king, For other loves deserted, different desires. Goddess-crowned, immortal, her beauty beams Gold on white beaches and fires the waves. Many seasons have fled, nations have waked And borne down in flames their extinguished fate, Yet this same Mediterranean...Read On


Spilt Milk

It takes humility to mop up on your knees

My last boss said I should lay down dough For some kneepads; I said maybe I should lawyer up, everybody’s Such a comedian. But that’s spilt milk, Nobody’s crying. And I don’t need No kneepads anyway. I don’t complain. Not that I’m a faultfinder Miss, oh no. You wouldn’t guess how I strip you with my eyes, neither. So equitable you are, Elizabeth, Missus, Miss, Mistress, Bitch: what’ll I...Read On


Continental Breakfast

Ambling through the morning hours

Is it safe to feed the ducks? Is it good For them? Probably not. They’ll fend for themselves, No? And these Sunday breakfast remains Are mine. Croissant flakes, and the bitter Ache of coffee! Dull clouds drift Above, and the light is so dim and pure, The pond a quicksilver sheen, and the ducks Well-fed and warm, I’m sure. Shortly A rain will start to streak. By then We’ll be in the car,...Read On


Skylark (for Lainey)

Attending to the flight of song

I thought to instruct the birds-- now, wings bowed and bound I'm sinking in the diminishment of a skylark’s looney tune Larking, loose-limbed and giddy turning skycarts in the dappled sun while I, enchanted, shrink To a little pool of bedazzlement--...Read On


The Morning Review

Lovers and poets and tea

If you’re going to live out contradictions Put them all on the same page at least? I did, I did! I rage and plea But oh, I spill my tea. In all the fume and excitement I forget almost This ecstasy dyes out the daily planner And makes my hours a wash. Did you see the rain? The sky collapses And putters, putters, and the laundered specks Drizzle past pebbles as out the pipes they fly. Oh,...Read On



The season is senseless

Wrap yourself warm in a blanket Till I’m there to buck you up Tonight. Gladly I’ll gladden You-- wrap your cock in my hand, Blow you balmy against the chilling wind-- When you see me next Lace my face with your jizz Warm my throat with white gush Plant your seed, womb-deep And cede the remainder to my ass’s account. Oh how shall I say it With that subtle, prize-fraught irony of old? That...Read On


Angels Come Down

We're falling into place . . .

You can start without me You can finish too I can come later I can start you over again If I need you to I like to lick it I like to watch I like to think About it, how it happens How I’ll go down Or how it all comes out I’m a fantasist Like that, I’m fickle I’m well-behaved I’m growing on you I’m growing wet I’m going to stay here And watch what you do I’m waiting for your move I...Read On


Not Too Subtle

Open ears make for open arms

sexy doesn’t have to be subtle it can be so sweet sometimes thoughts frazzle like candy floss webs for forward fingers to flick apart-- inhibitions gone birdbrained, extinct. no offense to the dinos: i’m convinced they were clever, quite. not me so much though. you’re telling me to “go with the flow”? oh--no! i see which way this story leads. you’re a nice person, i know, i‘m sure. i think...Read On


Chat Across the Pond

Birds cyber singing across the blue pond

(for Sisters, in scholarly seclusion) * * * * * * * Rock chicks rub off on you. Punks, goths, ravers, Even tweecore wallflowers sipping tea (that’s me). Kettle whistles, I do too. Hers Replies. Yay! Glad I’ve set the second pot Out. How are things? Henry VIII predates Tyrants today for show trials, the sot-- And the Gunpowder Plot? Ha, what a geek Am I, rehashing dirty deeds of old?...Read On


Lily, I'm

Spring is in bloom

A blush--my simple treasure given over to whomever catches--my artless eye in springtime swimming blithe cross the streets with lovers full this fluent heat wakes buds anew I’m pink now with desire for you I’ll gift this tingled fire if you catch me I'll unfurl for softest kiss this secret pearl...Read On



Becoming the perfect toy

aspire to ruse a techno dream adorn myself fantastic queen augmented lips pillowed plush sculpted abs toned tush yoga hips sight to touch inked bum shaved plum po-mo posh pink and pierced in this flesh I etch experiments this body whose? by bold desire my candy gift, Your gold empire....Read On



Daydreaming about dessert time

My most foolish fantasy Is to eat come On cream cheesecake Maybe with sprinkled Strawberry goo And then the jism too I had thought almost To have one of my heroines Eat some up like this But that’s a disgusting fate To serve up for them Even though they’d be up For it. As for me I can see the dessert plate Ringed round with neat strands Of the stuff. Maybe a few Neat globules on top...Read On



Something smolders beneath the chit-chat

Coffee and cigarettes sociable vices I don’t smoke, alas but you look so gracious sitting at my table that I can’t not inhale  your secondary smoke and something else besides (pheromonal or otherwise primal) or maybe it’s just the gray glitter of something ashen silver yet quietly smoldering (too faint for any alarm now on the market) behind your crudely sooty lashes that sends shrill...Read On


To Whom It May Concern

Tacked to the cyber-refrigerator door

This is just to say, dear, I’ve been searching up some porn! The day is drawn up grey and dim And I’ve been at it since the morn. Lord, the smutty images: The mind, it quite unhinges And that naughty monster Cupid’s Left me feeling rather stupid And the hours, they’ve gone flying All the while, I’ve been trying To find some shot, limbs a-tangle Or bare twat, at just the angle To say: all...Read On



I couldn't say 'no'.

I’m a very good lover, not the most doting. I know what you need though you’ll have to give over grief. your ring will be returned to you less lustrous once you’ve been well-worn. out and about, safe and shrouded you’ll remember this. what’s seen cannot be undone: your mental pictures you’ve surrendered to me are about to become your whole reality....Read On


Lucy Rises

An unexpected and longed-for reunion . . .

I thought they buried you in the snow Last winter-- but, pray, was that me? Curious, how I’ve nowhere to go, But pace the graves at half past three: Mysterious ‘tis, where goes my mind These bleary days since I spied you last; It seems I’m cloistered from my kind, Lost, amazed, in the winding past. But look at you! As snowflakes white, Trellised atop the gravestone’s perch! How does...Read On


The Fourth Date

It can be a terrible milestone . . .

It’s proverbial, just plain common sense, Practically the Eleventh Commandment, If not from God then the Holy Cosmo Catechism, that This being the fourth date, Celie’s getting lucky; Or, luck having nothing to do with it, Celie’s putting out. Like it or not. Sigh. Maybe not so much-- Peppermint choco-chip. Shall I indulge? Hell, why not. Save on trips to confession. It’s a day...Read On



Scarlet is the only color you see

I caught my glance in the glass again Tonight-- just stole a peek the other hour. A minute ago, alright? You know How I can’t keep my eyes off the one I love? That hardness about the eyes, When did that steal in? Like a robot Just a bit. I’ve taken too many Orders-- partners-- rejections-- lovers. Slut-eye. Inflames the pores of the soul. I was napping, awhile ago. Dreaming Of the...Read On


Study Hard

How to reconcile school and relationships

I wipe the smug from my chin and fish for the key. I’m late again. I need the hall to myself a moment Before we meet. It’s like a hum in the air, A rumble in the boards, this new thing between. At my side, your nose squinches, a parakeet in rain, Scratching the breeze for wafts of unsanctified prayers, The ones the gods scatter, by ill winds cleft. But I keep baby wipes in the car, you...Read On


Hot Tamale

If food be the food of love, love on

My fantastic ideal would be To be your Mexican housepoetess: Aztec princess, ceremonial heart-swiper, Gymnastically bilingual just as I am bisexual, A hot tamale in bedazzled headgear, pink plumage, Bronzed arms stained with the sex juice of my victims: see them laid Out upon the stairway to my bedroom at each dawn of another exhaustless day. Ay, caramba! But reality ‘tis, I’m much more...Read On


Sunshine Cemetery (irina, love: 2)

A lover meets a stranger and reflects on new love

(a companion-piece to my poem "Slight Effort") * * * * * * * A good girl free from sin may roam wild as a deer ’mong moldy stones and fear not the corpse’s clammy clutch bursting through the moistened muck-- Why, just as I approached the car intent to fetch the camera there lurched, then froze, some furry creature-- possum, rat, mole, hedgehog, beaver-- A ginormous thing! Then it...Read On


Daisies and Anal Buttercups

Getting back to simple, homely delights

(with thanks to Lainey, who offhandedly inspired the title) * * * * * * * Good God! Katy Perry in another latex dress: at least she’s had the decency to dye her hair, not just another disco wig. I’d be more impressed if she learned to sing or write, though. Even "Just Dance," if you call that dancing, what pop tarts try to do. You think I’d go clubbing like that? Oops, not a chance,...Read On


Slight Effort

Lazy Sunday brunch and munch

* * * * * * * you're irina, you were in that class, you slide down across from me. steel flashes in your tongue-- your sign. scribbled-up legal pad--that's mine. another day of show-and-tell in bohemia, what luck. but why is your poem in all lower-caps?  you ask and i say heard of cummings join the 20th century duh! (“ double-duh!”) ha! i like you no but really i think the lower caps...Read On



The future is bright with puppylove

****** (for the ravers, with love and giggles . . .) ****** Shit shit shit shit shit!!! No, nothing’s wrong ! Christ, why would anything Be wrong? No, I’m happy ! Don’t you see, Happy is being like “Shit shit shit shit!” All the time. You know, I bet if Hello Kitty were a dog and she could talk, she’d go “Shit shit shit shit!!!” All the time, cause she’d be so Happy Like, all ...Read On


Pronounce You

Love and marriage in the Post-Modern world

Ethics, this is the slut I told you about Blush summons sentence Served knee-high I can tell She’s never bent this far Before Alice wears brief skirts Weighs the legal options Vermont Sodom Thunder Wonder Student debt and studded collar Go-go justice prefers house music arrest Bottled brunettes Latex and fishnets Prime pills and pumping fist Jury-rigged troth's still better than none...Read On


Suburban Dreaming

Wouldn't you like to be my good neighbour?

for lainey and mare, good neighbours when i'm gone . . . * * * * * * * Cat on the ledge is mewing Drops on the pane are wet Tea on the counter’s brewing, Just grab my goth heels and I’m set-- Flowers fluster, late pale blooming, Lawns twinkle, moistened with dew; Neighbours inspect my chic grooming-- In a blink, they’ll moisten too! My skin is dusted in shimmer, False lashes wink...Read On


Candy Raver Cute

Yielding to temptation at the rave

You’re just too cute when you’re rolling Chatty Cathy candy raver you In your condition My dumbest definitions taste like divination When your lips bat them back at me It must be the Ecstasy And blue batted eyes try my Chastity (the prison guard that slumps inside of me). Why should I prize my walled-off thighs When I know you would roll me deep inside With thumb and tongue, knowing and...Read On


Kandi Girl

Longing for a superstar on the dancefloor

You’ll play these maidens for fools, Dancer dear, Cropped hair atomic pink, steel stud shining In your bottom lip, a bank your tongue overflows When you giggle. Look at you: baby blue UFO pants, rainbow Piping, your silly little bump and grinding; Kandi-coated arms flail like tipsy windmills, Funky Dutch style. Soon you’ll need to pop that paci inside Your mouth, you’re so toon-eyed and...Read On


Wild Christmas (in June)

The best time for love is six months away!

I’m a winter girl, I cannot lie (I could give you 13 reasons why). If this were the Christmas season, what a jolly apparition You’d find me to be in my yuletide condition: Cropped and tight in a warm ribbed sweater, I might even break out the high-waisted lycra, Christmas makes me feel so discofied and friendly: Everyone’s being so jolly. We could make a date underneath the holly, Set out...Read On



An angel sent from heaven above?

Even fools can find patterns, if heaven Shows mercy, and Providence, for my sins Was kind enough to drop you in my way, You angel cake crumb! Your halo dangling A bit tarnished, in one hand, and not so Inconspicuously swinging out of Sight, behind your back, as if you believed It were made to tap absentmindedly Against your bottom, in fact? Yeah, I wonder about that. But you just grin and...Read On


Under the Table

Sometimes you take a little adventure . . .

Two or three minutes more, and I’m going to Slip my hand onto his thigh Under the table, David, here at this Dinner party in Georgetown, yes Right here in motherfucking Georgetown, David. It’s become so hard to hold my tongue lately But now, see, this makes it so easy! I’m demure as Aesop’s cat become a damsel And I sit and I eat and I sip my wine So agreeable, not at all the shrew...Read On


Grad School Mixer

Looking across the room to attract a new mate

Pleather pants Seldom ride on the asses Of girls who wear glasses But I’m the proud exception to many a rule. Life’s full of surprises Like a bad burrito The Oort Cloud Or an offshore bank account And I’m just one of them. You seem to me to be searching Searching to reverse the decline of our culture Searching for a French movie where shit blows up Searching the Ovaltine can for All of...Read On



how things might be different . . .

i wonder what it would be like if i had put out for you that first night we met if i had opened myself up for you just like that something there was in the sight of you that made me feel uninhibited intuitive pretty dumb the slave i might be for you unguarded and alert a night bloom instant in the crickets’ choral shade your ready eager maiden but this was a service i deferred in that...Read On


Could Be Trouble

The inner slut flings into spring

I’m buying eyeshadow in bulk again Six phat shades, in cream crayon-fat pencils. Maybe it’s time I get real. At these prices, I’ll tell you, it’s a steal But who am I kidding? Like I need Purple raccoon eyes to pick up skim milk At the grocery store? And I might need the milk More than I do the makeup soon anyway. Maybe it’s a spring thing, this mania For color and primping and bad...Read On


Afternoon Prayer

Alone and loving myself

What am I anticipating? A knocking at my door. Chance for some prevaricating: I'm naked on the floor. Random bits of scintillating Chit-chat from above: Floating hyperventilating Moans of making love. The stranger coming to my gate Will knock and pass on by; I will not move nor soon nor late Till I'm on wing to fly. My finger knows its ready dance I dance and bop for one I suffer now...Read On


The Siren

A temptress waits and sings . . .

A crossroads am I, where three hungry holes kneel And if here, Traveller, you drag your worn heel By wave or by wing, bring along a friend, Feast to my famine, my chasms to mend With cocks, fingers, or fists, and cunts to kiss, So bring your toys, and don’t forget the Miss; I’ll teach the lot of you some of my games, Three players required (plus lube), dirty names You’ve heard but won’t...Read On


Come and Eat Me

A storm can make you hungry

I sit here in a rut Snug and dry as a bone Or a blueberry scone Just as edible too, but It’s storming, and I’m quite all alone. There’s something in the beat Of gray afternoon rain, That pulsation on the pane: It hammers out wet heat Deep in the gloom of my belly and brain. It rattles my sore nerves, This tempest between my thighs: I squall out choking cries To trace your fluid curves,...Read On



I can't change my ways . . . .

I guess I should've told you You'd be a fool to believe My promiscuous phase was Just-- a phase. It's just my nature, I suppose. And if I led you to believe I was loyal, and kind, and true Well, you should know: I have sojourned 'mid strange fruit Twisted mandrake by the root Broken hearts without reprieve Trained my glances to deceive Marshalled falsehoods in neat ranks Slipped my...Read On



Afternoon storms lead to afternoon arousal

Grass tickles against the low kitchen window Trying to raise a wink in that unblinking eye; Alert for danger like a Russian woman, Cat fur bristles against the coming storm. That gray weight of clouds heavy as my emotion Hard slow relentless as the push of wind: Can you imagine now If you touch me? What peals shudder through the air between us Low and tingling like the pelt of dull drops Or...Read On



Getting past words and excuses

I can see it’s a bit bulbous That’s how I want you Right now. It’s hard For you, being so sorry. I’m not mournful I was Such a bitch. I don’t need your apologies I don’t want you to settle I’m not going to hear I only-- Forget regrets just Slide into me....Read On



Alexa's Inbox

A smutstress and her horny fans

[Author's Note: A bit of a post-modern lark, this one. There's the occasional winking joke for the initiates. Or maybe that's just me. The feedback is entirely fictitious. In the real world, comments are still welcome and appreciated.] Alexa drained the last dregs of her morning coffee, almost grateful now to be alive, if not perhaps to be awake, and sat down to check her email. She was...Read On


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Emily, Disaffected

A moody coed's quest for love and sex

The thing about insomnia is, your time isn't even Time anymore. Even if you get the same ration of hours, even a couple extra, they've become an inflated foreign currency: you can't buy nothing worth shit with them. I always drift into it, in cycles. I'll have a good week, waking and sleeping like a model citizen, Ben Franklin style. Up at six, bed by nine. It's funny, waking up with...Read On

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Bad Cupcake

Surprise gift makes shy wife feel slutty

“And ah, yeah, open this one.” “Goodness, you shouldn’t have,” April gushed. “You’ve already made my day, sweetie.” “One more goodie won’t hurt, will it?” Larry smiled benignly as he handed her the final wrapped package. “Well,“ she said, smiling brightly. “I suppose I won’t let it.” He laughed. “Let’s hope not.” The Phaidon coffee-table tome truly did make her birthday. Never mind...Read On