Forum posts made by danand

Topic Can You Teach The Fine Art of Fucking?
Posted 02 Dec 2011 15:51

A specialist school in Austria has opened up (pardon the pun) to help teach international students all about the finer aspects of human sensuality.

It is open to all comers (oopse, I did it again) as long as they have the readies and are over 16.

At $1,000 a term, it seems rather good value. (Though I suspect Room and Board are extra) I am just wondering where they get their staff and precisely how does one go about taking up a position there? (once again. . . the temptation was just too much)

And don't you think the public reaction in Austria has been rather hard on them for their selfless act of pubic service?

(OK.....Ima stop now. That last double whammy even made me groan...and not in a good way.)

For all of yew lovely peopleby way of an apology for my crassness above. Something far more tasteful:

Topic sexiest girl ever?
Posted 30 Nov 2011 09:02

I reckon you need to go a long way to find a girl who looks as sexy as Rita Hayworth after taking off nothing but a set of long black gloves.

Sometimes subtlety is its own reward, innit?

Topic "Vajazzled Pussy"
Posted 29 Nov 2011 16:39

I hope you clear your browser history love, or your mum's going to know you've been asking naughty questions on Lush and she'll ground you.

Don't say you weren''t warned if you end up not allowed to go to the Junior Prom

Topic Do you consider tattoos to be fine art?
Posted 27 Nov 2011 19:52

I believe the same could be said of any artistic medium, be it music, graphic art, or (dare I say it?) writing.

Yeah but unlike poor choices made in relation to those art-forms, tattoos are forever.

You don't have to walk around with an Oasis album adorning your body for the rest of your days do you?

Topic Tattoos????
Posted 27 Nov 2011 19:48

True ... but her legs tats are ... well, to each their own ...

She's beautiful and the tatts go perfectly on her tight little body. But she, like all of us will stretch and wrinkle...and they're not gonna look good then. By 40, with three kids to her credit.....hey just sayin'. My best friend had a strawberry tattooed on her left breast when she was 15. She had 3 kids. She didn';t get fat at all either. But by the age of 31, at a nude beach one summer hols, my boyfriend leaned over to me and asked..."So why's that chick got a tattoo of a carrot on her tit?"

I kid you not.

Topic Do you consider tattoos to be fine art?
Posted 27 Nov 2011 15:04

The best of them...yes certainly.

Unfortunately, the "best" of them represent about 10% of the total ink that is scratched into people's bodies daily. Fine, original works. Conceived of and drawn together, by the client and the tatt artiste. With meaning and resonance in the life of the wearer. Something which when completed inspires pride in the artist as well as his customer.

The rest are sad looking, ill conceived and badly positioned stencils in garish colours with no meaning other than that someone got caught up in the latest fashion trend and decided to mark being an individual by getting inked, just like all his/her friends did. Often with precisely the same images his/her friends are sporting btw.

If I see one more teenaged girl with stars on her abs or one more wanna-be stylista boy with celtic armbands and no fucking idea, I think I'm going to slap one of them.

Topic having an affair with a married man
Posted 27 Nov 2011 14:50

Open relationships are all well and good. Everyone involved knows what they're up for and they're all volunteers. But when they try on this shit about "My wife and I have an understanding" is almost 100% of the time total crap.

Yeah....What it usually means is this: he's a faithless arsehole and she understands that.

She doesn't like it. She certainly doesn't feel good about herself for it. And you can bet his penis that while he's out sewing the oats he ought to have tamed while he was still single, she's too far up to her arse in nappies and school lunch boxes, softball practice and ballet lessons, to have the leisure to go out and get a bit of strange for her own self.

Unless you know for a fact that it's all open and above board, kick his lying arse to the curb. It's just a really shitty thing to do to another woman.

Topic On the Topic of Editing Already Approved Stories
Posted 26 Nov 2011 23:59

I look at typo's as a writers mark in time.
I use them to mark my progress. With or even better, with out the help of a quality editor.
If I ever get my typo's down to the number zero, it would be my mark in history..

Good luck Danand

Silver linings, innit??

ETA: Here's hoping I don't eventually drown in my own typos.

For Cash:

Topic On the Topic of Editing Already Approved Stories
Posted 26 Nov 2011 22:56

I was told; they still haven't found the last guy that re edited after being approveddontknow

laughing3 laughing3 laughing3

OK then . Bugger the typos. I'm leaving it.

Topic On the Topic of Editing Already Approved Stories
Posted 26 Nov 2011 22:30

Thank you.
Big Hugs

Topic On the Topic of Editing Already Approved Stories
Posted 26 Nov 2011 21:32

Is this possible?

I do not want to break any site protocols and can't find anything on this specifically. I even asked Mobius and he said he wasn't sure, unless I deleted the whole story and resubmitted an edited version of it. But then I would lose some lovely comments and I want to keep them.

I have noted some minor, but unfortunately placed typos in more than one of my published stories and one or two glaring errors of continuity. I would like to fix these flaws because, well because I'm an anally retentive cow when it comes to the written word, really.

May I? Please?

Topic Say something nice about the profile of the person above you
Posted 26 Nov 2011 21:18

He seems v. friendly and looks pretty fit.

I added you back btw.

Topic Why women want enlarged (fake) tits?
Posted 24 Nov 2011 17:02

I don't. I'm pretty happy with the size of mine (I mean more than a mouthful's a waste anyway, innit?).

But I tell you what, if they head any further south, I'm getting a nice sheep dog surgeon to do some corrective know. I don't want any padding inserted, just some help to round them up, and point 'em in the right direction again.

(Down sides to Milfy-ness abound, don't you know?)

Topic Fucking a younger guy
Posted 23 Nov 2011 12:00

Quite often I meet an older girl/woman who I would love to date and fuck. I find some women in their 40's and 50's to totally erotic and hot. I am a young-looking 26. Would women this age be interested in me or should I forget it ?

If yes, what do you recommend that I use for the first things I would say to them.... (knowing that my only interest is to get them into bed?)

Well in fact, you're not actually that young looking, but if it makes you happy to think so. . .

Oh and yeah I would defo go with the "tonguing your jack shit hole" line the other user suggested. We older, more sophisticated women just love talk like that. I would also be open about your only wanting to use them for sex, without any kind of commitment or mutual liking/respect/fondness going on. That is such a winner's approach, srsly.

So off you go son. Hit the karaoke bars on Single Mum's Pension night. Go in hard (pardon the pun) using the tools we've provided you with here.

But wear a cup. 'kay? Cause honey, your balls are going to end up in someione's sling, if you go approaching women who've been round the track a few times with a snot nosed attitude like this one.


NB: Sometimes you might try talking to if they were, you know... people. You'd be amazed at how hot that makes us.

Topic what is the first thing you would do??????
Posted 22 Nov 2011 16:19

Knowing my luck I'd probably stroke out from the shock. Esp as I never buy lottery tickets, so it would indeed be an unexpected windfall.

I know they say you make your own luck and I have tried throughout my life to be optimistic about things, but I tell you what mate if it was raining fucken mansions, I'd get hit with the shithouse door.

Topic Unimportant, trivial, and/or obscure facts from your past.
Posted 22 Nov 2011 05:09

I once sang onstage in the Concert Hall at The Sydney Opera House. Yep. Just me.............oh and and 500 other schoolkids from all over NSW.

Topic Hair on men. Yes or no?
Posted 21 Nov 2011 16:05

No....if I wax for him he can bloody well return the courtesy. I hate body hair.

It feels like crap when you lick it....and gets stuck in your teeth.

Topic What do you dislike about the opposite sex?
Posted 21 Nov 2011 04:39

I dislike making generalisations. Especially about the opposite sex.

Despite many opinions to the contrary, men are people too (they're a little less evolved than women, but hey, that's not their fault.) And being people they are prone to a wide variety of individual difference.

I will say this. The one thing that might actually be common to all men is their utter refusal to stop the freaking car when lost and already 15 minutes late for the social engagement you're headed to and ASK SOMEONE FOR FUCKING DIRECTIONS.

It's about the only thing I can think of that really gets on my tits, seems to cross all cultural, religious and socioeconomic boundaries and actually be true of everyone with a penis.

Even gay guys are like it.

Topic What body type on men do you favour?
Posted 19 Nov 2011 11:55

Well I am 5ft 10 so I do like tall just makes everything so much easier sexually.... .and I can wear heels when we dance.

And I like my men a little on the skinny side. I really do not like great big over blown gym junkie muscles at all. I don't mind long lean muscles. In fact any kind of muscles are good really, as long as they're there in relation to what the guy does for a living..

But men who spend hours in front of a mirror at the gym just to sculpt and perfect and hone the look of their own body shit me witless. I don't want a bloke who will be such a prima donna that he is pushing me out of the way to look in the bathroom mirror.

I want a man in my bed. And whether that kind of body fascist egotist realises it or not, being a man has little to do with an awesome six pack and everything to do with knowing how to share pleasure around. Selfish self obsessed people are not good lovers. That is all it is I think.

I don't like flabby men though. I know that's kind of horrible to admit and I am sure that if I really liked a man a few love handles would not be a deal breaker....but I am not instantly physically attracted to it, that's for sure.

Topic Where on Earth are you from? (Location, not heritage)
Posted 19 Nov 2011 08:30

The East Coast of Australia. About 160 km north of Sydney.

Topic nudity in the house
Posted 17 Nov 2011 18:17

I got a lot more circumspect about it when one afternoon last summer my 14 year old son walked in the door from school. I had the stereo going (NIN) and was wandering round the house totally starkers. Dancing. Not an issue for him...he just says..."oh put some clothes on mum, you'll turn me gay or something".

..unless he has 4 friends behind he did that day.

Yeah...pretty funny I know, and a story they'll all treasure, I'm sure, but he was mortified and I did promise to be more circumspect in future.

Now I just threaten him with it now when he has mates over. . "hey....clean up that mess you lot have made in the bedroom or I'll walk out there in me altogethers..."

Gets him moving like nobody's business.

Topic Things you would never write about.
Posted 17 Nov 2011 10:29

I'm writing a biography of my father, who, though he died a pauper, lived a life rich in adventure,love, laughter, tragedy and song. He was, for two years in his early teens, a victim of the Christian Brothers Boys Town abuse debacle. I have alluded to what he suffered there, but despite many attempts at actually depicting it, I finally decided that it was only possible for me to have the abuse happen off the page and look at what the effects of it on him were.

My father was a very private man. It seemed to me that as I was writing the scenes of abuse, no matter how hard I tried to make it not something for voyeurs to relish in, all I could hear was his voice saying to me "No kid...please. They don't need to hear that."

So I didn't put it in.

Topic Unusual places to have sex?
Posted 16 Nov 2011 14:49 your ear would be pretty unusual...and difficult to execute I imagine, unless the guy really was a needle dick...then it might give him some much needed friction.

But it's not really a safe sexual practice is it?

Bound to lead to deafness.

Pint Drunk

(Sorry..just in a happy, silly mood. Bit stoned.)

Topic Like the taste?
Posted 16 Nov 2011 13:32

If a bloke has a really shitty diet and lifestyle....lots of booze and Maccas food, then his semen will often taste like shit. You are what you eat, as they say...
And I do not even go down on a guy with funky tasting sperm. I can't. It makes me gag.

So.....that's a real deal breaker because I love giving oral sex.

ETA : Sorry....I forgot to actually answer what you asked...rude cow I am, off on me own tangent.

I think healthy sperm tastes like warm salty yogurt. Yes I love the taste of it...and I'll swallow it or wallow in it, as the mood takes me.

Topic What is Taboo to you ?
Posted 15 Nov 2011 17:37

Beastiality, paedophilia, incest...yuck ( I mean I love my family and my dog....but just not in that way) I am also averse to anything to do with excrement or urine. That's just poor personal hygiene as well as offensive to the eye and nose. No way.

Topic Kids Using Vodka Soaked Tampons To Get Drunk...
Posted 15 Nov 2011 17:17

Have you seen the latest craze sweeping the cretins of Europe? Extreme tequila slamming has evolved now into Tequila Suicide...and they're not all bloody kids doing it either


Those German blokes are fucking hard core mate. (They do the strangest things with Vegemite jars too, btw)

...I thought the most disturbing thing about this was the cheap shit tequila they were using. If they'd bought a decent Mescal, they might have wanted to actually drink it, eh?


Topic Free Markets: a good theory, or good practice?
Posted 15 Nov 2011 16:12

I'm an Australian. Your esteemed Pres is currently in my neck of the woods. While here, apart from making some not so secret but meant to be secret deals about establishing a permanent US base in Darwin, he and our own esteemed Prime Minister (a hideous cow called Julia don't feel bad that you've never heard of her. I only wish I could say the same.) These two will be negotiating on the Neocons wet dream... Free Trade.

This Free Trade Agreement will be the final nail in the coffin of the few independent Australian farmers left in this drought stricken, cyclone besieged, earthquake zoned,locust plague (srsly) prone nation I call my own.

It is being done on the principle common to all advocates of US style Capitalism, that the market will self regulate. That if not interfered with by government or social agencies, the market will balance itself out. And we will all be rich and happy and free.

Well if those in Congress and the IMF believe in this principle so firmly, then why the hell are they asking a tiny nation on the other side of the earth to lift all excise and import duties which are currently keeping our own farmers able to compete with the flood of poor quality low price imports from all over the world, while simultaneously providing US farmers with 35 billion $US per anum in subsidies to help them bankrupt farmers on the other side of the world?

There's no such thing as Free Trade..And nor ought there to be. A goodly dose of Fair Trade is what's needed

And in that we are sadly lacking.

Topic Favorite little things in relationships
Posted 15 Nov 2011 07:42

When you can sit in a room with him, both reading different books and it's's way cool. It's not that you have nothing to say to one another. It's that you know one another so well that sometimes you just don't need to say anything at all.

This is in fact the best way I can think of to spend a rainy Sunday. In companionable silence with your love.

Topic Kids Using Vodka Soaked Tampons To Get Drunk...
Posted 15 Nov 2011 06:22

It's not the kids who are's the society that lets them grow up seeing drugs and drink and sex everywhere...and then utterly fails to educate them about gaining access to any of this "fun looking stuff' safely.

If kids were given a message about sex and drugs and rock and roll which was a little more explanatory and constructive than "Just say no" they wouldn't be threatening their health and their lives the way they do. They might also not get knocked up quite so often, as sober girls tend to say "No" more often. Or at least make sure the condom is on him properly.

Kids in Holland don't so shit like this, because all drug and sex education in The Netherlands is directed at Harm Minimisation...making sure that they understand how to safely use alcohol, how to safely use drugs, what the effects might be. Most especially Harm Minimisation makes a point of educating kids about what practices NOT to engage inserting alcohol soaked tampons up your ladygarden..

Topic Self Defense
Posted 15 Nov 2011 06:07

I've lived in some pretty bad areas...well pretty bad for here (Aust) I don't know what it's like in your part of the US, so I can'tr say if my experiences compare./ But you know I always just had a dog. Doesn't need to be a vicious dog. It does need to be a decent sized animal know...look like it can be vicious.

I used to walk all over the red light and drug den districts of Sydney and Melbourne and Brisbane at all hours of the night. Me and the dog. No one ever hassled me. A lot of street people used to talk to me because they liked the dog. Actually a lot of everyone used to talk to me because they liked the dog. I think bad people leave you alone when you've got a dog...and good people gravitate to you.

We can't have guns here. They're illegal. Not even potato guns...srsly.

The cops have got them though.