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Yay... a person who thinks that calling my cry for help is bullshit will definitely help... You should have left it after Your first comment, when You said other people could answer my questions better than You ever could...
Yay... a clueless man comment... nothing personal... 1. the first man doesn't want to have sex with me. 2. Having sex with both won't solve my problem but will make it worst.
Maybe... but I stick to the saying that "If You see more than three cars rushing towards You, You most probably are in the wrong lane..."
I think that I am unfeeling since before sex I masturbated several times a day... in am awkward sort of way of crossing my legs tight enough to feel pain... When I started having sex I didn't feel sexual excitement... I enjoyed more the emotional aspect of it... and was pleased... so I dropped the masturbation (hove not done it for 3 years). And am not willing to start over... I have slept with 5 guys total of different ages and skill and have never had an orgasm... Would You consider me being just unlucky or unfeeling... ? Either way I haven't been to a doctor... doubt I will since I don't see it as a medical problem that would endanger my life... so it's not worth the expenses...
I'm so happy I got an answer. A) I am an introvert type of person. It's hard to look around, because I am scared to... :( That's why I am usually trying to cope with what I have. B) Sounds like my not so romantic relationship just turned in a completely NON romantic one. I have been feeling this too, but it still hurts, since I still think I love him.C) I think You are right... but it doesn't help me with the fact that I still fantasize about him. Furthermore I noticed that I stopped fantasizing about my BF which makes me even more miserable. And I don't even know where to put my sexual energy in... (not a toy fan, no masturbation - after real sex that ridiculous, + I need sex not so much for the in out but for the emotional state and touching (haven''t had an orgasm... ever... and am quite unfeeling down there)).D) I don't feel available at all... Feel more like an accessory to someone... (My BF because he is my BF and my FCM because I still feel his power over me) I am not mine - sounds terrifying.
K... so this is going to be a long one... (hope someone will actually read it )I was in a stable relationship with my BF for 1.5 years. I think we love each other ( we kiss (shallow) and hug and care ) even if we communicate less than we used to (He is a gamer and I am trying to drop gaming (studying at university)but for the past 0.5 years he doesn't want to have sex with me or even French me... I think it's weird, because he gets a boner every morning just like all the guys do. He never masturbates, because he thinks that's disgusting. The closest to sex we get is going to sleep naked every night, but nothing happens. So I have been hungering for some physical action for a while.A few weeks ago one of my former classmates from middle school called me. We last talked on our graduation 12th year of school (that was 3 years ago).Back then we had a Master-Minion sort of relationship. It was weird. We could be perfectly perverted with each other, talk about anything personal or private, but we were never attracted physically (I considered him ugly, he thought the same of me) and since we both were outcasts we had no one else's company to enjoy but our own.He always was a dominate type of person and I loved to be ordered around.My classmate, as so many years ago, ordered me to meet him. And so I did. Before the day of meeting came I tried to remember how he looks an everything and I started wildly fantasizing about him. It pained me badly because I felt like my BF is pushing me to think of other men with his neglect of my needs. When I met up with my former classmate (FCM for short) I told him about my situation. He laughed at me, but he also tried to help me understand my own feelings for my BF (in a very sadistically sarcastic sort of way) . I noticed that he hadn't changed at all. He was the same brutally straight sarcastic, bossy person I knew from 3 years ago. That turned me on and off at the same time (still consider him physically unattractive). That day I had a tremendously hard time parting with him. So hard in fact that I intentionally missed 3 buses. The next few days I went out for long walks alone just so I could talk to my FCM. I confessed my erotic fantasies to him. It's much easier to talk to him that way. And even though I had seen him I continued fantasizing about having sex with him even though he didn't turn me on in person. Nor did he like me. Just that "Guys can lay anything if they need to."Eventually I decided that I want to have sex with him (and I still think I do), so we met and everything was going the way I wanted, but I chickened out at almost the last moment. He told me that is my answer to how I feel about my BF. I asked him to continue, use force if he wanted. He grabbed me around my waist and pulled me so close to him that I got scared. Then he asked me do I really want him to use force. I felt so ashamed of myself. Nothing happened.He walked me to my bus stop and again I missed a bunch of buses. He was teasing me because I asked him for a kiss and he declined "I won't give it to You because that's what You really want." So... bottom line is... I have a BF who I love but we are passive. I have a dominant FCM who drives me crazy, but who I for some reasons find unattractive. I have a terrible sense of guilt that doesn't allow me to physically cheat (I still think that the meetings and calls are cheating).Can someone tell me their point of view on this because I don't know what to do.
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