Just your typical run down, beaten down, slapped down, broken down, shot down, hung down, put down, and kicked around old blind porn writer who's been beaten up, tied up, chewed up, blown up, hung up, screwed up, messed up, held up, and told to shut the fuck up.
Go for it, thyy stalwart author. ;) Looking forward to reading some of your work.
Bob, sorry to be so long getting back to you but for some reason (probably my fault) I was no longer subscribed to my own post. What follows is just my very humble, subjective opinion. Feel free to get back in touch to cuss, fuss, or discuss any of this.To me, the opening isn't a strong hook. While the description of the door and its opening are well-crafted, they might be a bit too wordy and I'm not sure the focus on the door is that effective. You might try having the action seen through the protag's pov. That could add a touch of suspense with the reader wondering not only who is coming in, but who is watching. Remember, all that's just one writer to another and the last time I checked, there were no Pulitzer's on my wall. BTW, welcome to the land of LUSH. Always good to have someone who can recall what music was like before the Beatles (I'm 67) Best of luck.
As usual, I agree with Seeker. There's nothing 'wrong' with shifting pov's. However, inadvertently confusing the reader is a major no-no. Except for the romance genre, most agents/editors don't like pov shifts, labeling them as 'head hopping'. That said, give your idea a try. LUSH is a great place to experiment.
Just a news item to consider the next time you're wrestling with your checking account. Epic divorce of U.S. oil baron may end after ex-wife deposits check NEW YORK (Reuters) - Sue Ann Arnall, the ex-wife of Oklahoma oil magnate Harold Hamm, has deposited a handwritten $975 million divorce check, Hamm's lawyer said on Thursday, in a move that may end an epic divorce battle over a fortune worth billions.note: A "hand written" check for nearly one billion yankee dollars. Bet he had to use a very, very fine point Bic pen. :)
There's an old cliche' that the intro to a story should be like a mini-skirt, long enough to cover the subject but short enough to attract attention. I've pontificated on intro's and opening hooks in a sticky post on this forum called, How To Be a Happy Hooker. Check it out if into heavy bloviation. That said, the prime directive of a short story is to provide readers with a brief account of a limitedincident. Some editor-types prefer short stories to take only one day. My FWIS advice is to give the bare minimum of info needed about the characters. Remember the old authorial adage, "Show, don't tell." Well, an intro is basically all tell.And in conclusion (finally) check out some of the top Lush writers such as Sprite and other contest winners. Welcome to Lush. I'm looking forward to reading some of your work.
I haven't tried this since 2009. According to MS Word, this is 140 with spaces.Michelle’s hips rose to meet every deep thrust. It was sex of a different order: frantic, intense, almost driven, and all on our first date.
After pontificating on the subject of 'adverbs' to an otherwise blameless LUSH writer, I decided to reprint the following taken from Stephen King's, "On Writing" (highly recommended).The adverb is not your friend.Adverbs … are words that modify verbs, adjectives, or other adverbs. They’re the ones that usually end in -ly. Adverbs, like the passive voice, seem to have been created with the timid writer in mind. … With adverbs, the writer usually tells us he or she is afraid he/she isn’t expressing himself/herself clearly, that he or she is not getting the point or the picture across.Consider the sentence He closed the door firmly. It’s by no means a terrible sentence (at least it’s got an active verb going for it), but ask yourself if firmly really has to be there. You can argue that it expresses a degree of difference between He closed the door and He slammed the door, and you’ll get no argument from me … but what about context? What about all the enlightening (not to say emotionally moving) prose which came before He closed the door firmly? Shouldn’t this tell us how he closed the door? And if the foregoing prose does tell us, isn’t firmly an extra word? Isn’t it redundant?Someone out there is now accusing me of being tiresome and anal-retentive. I deny it. I believe the road to hell is paved with adverbs, and I will shout it from the rooftops. To put it another way, they’re like dandelions. If you have one on your lawn, it looks pretty and unique. If you fail to root it out, however, you find five the next day . . . fifty the day after that . . . and then, my brothers and sisters, your lawn is totally, completely, and profligately covered with dandelions. By then you see them for the weeds they really are, but by then it’s — GASP!! — too late.I can be a good sport about adverbs, though. Yes I can. With one exception: dialogue attribution. I insist that you use the adverb in dialogue attribution only in the rarest and most special of occasions . . . and not even then, if you can avoid it. Just to make sure we all know what we’re talking about, examine these three sentences:‘Put it down!’ she shouted.‘Give it back,’ he pleaded, ‘it’s mine.’ ‘Don’t be such a fool, Jekyll,’ Utterson said.In these sentences, shouted, pleaded, and said are verbs of dialogue attribution. Now look at these dubious revisions:‘Put it down! she shouted menacingly.‘Give it back,’ he pleaded abjectly, ‘it’s mine.’ ‘Don’t be such a fool, Jekyll,’ Utterson said contemptuously.The three latter sentences are all weaker than the three former ones, and most readers will see why immediately.
If I tried a one-day gender switch, with my luck, my female-other would be suffering a PMS-Day-From-Hell.
Leah, there is no schedule of contests here at Lush. FWIW, I wish there were. But while contests appear randomly and sometimes with special requirements, you're probably safe in shaping your story for a Valentine's Day theme contest.
A few that might stir some interest are:1. Medical settings: doctors, nurses, EMT's, in hospitals, clinics, labs, out-patient, etc.. 2. Sex in uniform: would expand #1 to include members of the military, law enforcement,pilots and flight attendants, etc..3. Historical fiction: There seems to be a small but steady stream of stories on Lush set in the way-'back-when' such as: ancient Rome Victorian England or the 19th century US West. A separate category might encourage more.
Kelly woke in her stepbrother’s bed cuddled next to his nude body. The sheet barely covered his morning erection. She thought about teasing him awake, it struck her as the big-sisterly thing to do, but then rolled onto her back, stretched, and immediately dozed off and slipped into yet another rerun of her dreams. Like most of those she’d had recently, they involved sex. Unlike the...
Added 30 Jun 2014 | Category Taboo
| Votes 16 | Avg Score 5
| Views 18,337
| 8 Comments
After a lot of poking, prodding, and teasing, the stepsiblings managed to disentangle and get off Jason’s bed. Before he could pull Kelly out of the room, however, she noticed the sheets. “Whoa. Halt. Stop. Sorry, but those sheets have got to go.” Jason protested but she remained adamant as only a somewhat fastidious big sister can be and began stripping the bed. Perhaps it was seeing her...
Added 27 Jun 2014 | Category Taboo
| Votes 14 | Avg Score 4.93
| Views 17,761
| 6 Comments
Horny, nervous, and half-naked, Kelly Layton peeked through the open bedroom door. Inside, her kid brother, make that her kid stepbrother, lay stretched out on his unmade bed, reading a paperback. But he’s no kid, thought Kelly. Not anymore. Though still just eighteen, with his athletic build, dark hair, eyes the same steel-gray as his father’s, and a smile that could get him laid in...
Added 25 Jun 2014 | Category Taboo
| Votes 21 | Avg Score 5
| Views 32,302
| 7 Comments
The old-style Checker cab inched away from the congested airport loading zone,then pulled out into the cold, rainy January evening and headed for a downtown hotel. Inside, Gwen studied Mark's face. For all she knew, he might have found someone special while back home. Hesitantly, even shyly, she asked, "Did you miss me?” Mark nodded, "You were all I could think about on the flight up....
Added 30 Mar 2014 | Category Flash Erotica
| Votes 19 | Avg Score 4.74
| Views 4,150
| 14 Comments
After what she insisted would be a once-in-a-lifetime weekend spent making love with Mark Cahill, her ‘other’ man, the one who wasn’t her fiance’, Gwen had promised both herself and her friends it would never happen again. Her friends were openly skeptical. Her friends were right. Despite Gwen’s best intentions, the long weekend she spent with Mark wasn’t a one-time event, but the beginning...
Added 08 Feb 2014 | Category Oral Sex
| Votes 8 | Avg Score 4.88
| Views 4,728
| 5 Comments
In Mark Cahill’s considered opinion, things could be one hell of a lot worse. He was out of his room at the nearby Manhattan veterans’ hospital, sitting in a coffee shop on Lexington Avenue and staring across the small cluttered table into the soft, brown eyes of a very attractive student nurse. At the moment, she seemed to be saying something about school. He’d nod at times, even mumble to...
Added 27 Jan 2014 | Category Cheating
| Votes 7 | Avg Score 5
| Views 14,190
| 5 Comments
Willie and the Brain By Rumple Foreskin Many hours later, as she faced questions from her sorority sisters, Tanya the Tri-Delt Tramp would remember, Willie, the frat boy she’d been screwing cowboy style that morning and his awesome orgasm that blew her off both his spurting cock and the bed. What she couldn’t understand and mentioned to no one was how, during lift off, she heard him...
Added 17 Jul 2012 | Category College Sex
| Votes 15 | Avg Score 4.67
| Views 6,645
| 9 Comments
"Bah, humbug." Cindy Davis was most definitely not overflowing with holiday cheer. In fact, her happy yuletide tank had been empty all week. Now she was filling up with Jack Daniels, but it wasn't improving her mood. Sue Cangelosi turned away from the mini-refrigerator and walked over with two re-filled plastic glasses. "Girl, you are just no fun at Christmas parties. That's no way to bring...
Added 18 Jan 2014 | Category Seduction
| Votes 18 | Avg Score 4.78
| Views 39,758
| 14 Comments
What a fucking fantastic fuck! Making love outdoors was even better than Angie had imagined. Sitting astride her lover, feeling the sun and wind on her flushed, tingling skin was such a turn-on. Everything around them seemed so peaceful and sexy. The sounds of nature were accompanied by the rhythmic slurping of her lover’s thick shaft moving inside her wet, and, oh so happy, pussy. The more...
Added 07 Apr 2013 | Category Humor
| Votes 8 | Avg Score 4.63
| Views 5,324
| 4 Comments
NICE CAN BE VERY NICE by Rumple Foreskin Velma Meeks sat enthroned at one end of the worn couch in her haphazardly furnished living room. In the far corner, a muted TV flickered alone and unobserved. She lit a fresh cigarette with her old one, made a token attempt at crushing the butt, then left the still smoldering stub in the overflowing ashtray. After a deep drag, she leaned back and...
Added 26 Apr 2010 | Category Love Stories
| Votes 6 | Avg Score 4.5
| Views 2,610
| 4 Comments
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