Forum posts made by rumpleforeskin

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 09 Dec 2016 04:30

Greetings, to all 'bad' Lushketeers.

Mike, you finish off that beer, yet? (bet you didn't know beer had a 'yet') Anyway, I have one of the finest products of Columbia. It'll get your morning started with a real eye-opening rush. BTW, you want cream and/or sugar in that coffee?

And speaking of, Mike, we've been PM'ing about how, with my now being blind and all, I have to listen to all computer content, including stories here at Lush. This can sometimes result in my 'hearing' things sighted folks might skip over. Which brings me to the following, tried and true editing suggestions.

1. Before editing, change the size and style of your font, for instance, from 12 point courier new to 14 point Arial. The change in the 'look' of a story can help spot items that might otherwise be skipped over.

2. Read the story out loud...especially any dialogue. It's even better if someone else, unfamiliar with the story, reads it to you.

3. (this space intentionally left blank)
No more from me. Any more editing suggestion gotta come from other Rumplators.

Anybody want some of that coffee I offered Mike or, maybe, a bloody mary?


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 08 Dec 2016 20:22

Greetings, wanton wanderers in the wonderland of LUSH.

Let's see (so to speak), a Mint Julip for our summertime gal from Oz, a 'Kamikaze' for her 'Serenity', and a disgusting proposition from Mike for Jenn. Yep, things are about as 'normal' as things ever get around here.

Any other drink orders?


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 07 Dec 2016 21:33

Greetings, Serene one and thanks for the 'heads-up'. If you get a chance, please double-check all that the next time you stop by. It may have been a formatting/display glitch since that link is the last one on my sig line.

But to show my depreciation, I mean, appreciation, of course, how's about a drink? I'll just put it on Mike's tab. Since he seldom (if ever) pays, odds are he won't notice.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 07 Dec 2016 19:26

Evening, Gil. Keep your umbrellas. I'll just put the charge on Mike's tab. And be sure to stop by later for a drink that will ease any post-class strain.

Glad you liked, Jaymal's story. It's right at the top of my list of Lush stories that leave me feeling intense writer's enby.

Anybody else want a drink?


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 07 Dec 2016 06:01

Greetings, lusters after literary licentiousness.

When I read the guidelines for the current contest, it occurred to me that they had already been met and exceeded by the winner of an earlier contest.

"Jennifer's Eggnog," by Jaymal remains one of my all-time favorite Lush stories. It manages to combine whimsical humor, steaming hot sex and incredible writing. Check it out at:

For the rest of us, the good news is, with the word count at 2900 and, as mentioned, it's already an Editor's Choice contest winner, a quick copy, paste, and post, while tempting, might not be a sound move. ;)

Still, we can dream, can't we? And maybe reading this prize-winner will inspire we the uninspired.

Now anybody ready to actually pay for a drink?


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 05 Dec 2016 18:53

Greetings, from your weary barkeep. You know, it's hard work reading quality porn. I'm damn near tuckered out. (drinks deeply from a tall glass filled with an unidentified adult alcoholic beverage and then sighs) Man and boy but I needed that.

Tell youse guys da truth, if you read nothing else, check out the latest stories by Laura and Mike. Then if time permits, also check out the new ones by Chuck-e-poo, Sprite, and CandyTails. You can thank me later.

Now I got to get Tanya to give me one of her special massages to ease my stiffness.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 05 Dec 2016 05:49

Greetings and salutations, Lushers and Lushees

Buz, I'll have you know, "My Daddy Was A Pistol and I'm a Son of a Gun." ;) ;)

I had a prof in grad school who had LG in a class he was teaching as a grad ass't at UGA. Being from Louisiana, when calling the roll the first day, he asked if the family name was pronounced along the lines of 'Gre-zard, with the 'ard sounded like 'yard'. He was politely corrected that it was just, Grizzard.

Hope you helped yourself last night...and then noted the charge on your ever growing tab.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 02 Dec 2016 21:01

Greetings, night owls. Seeker, you want that whiskey in a glass or should I just run a siphon hose from the bottle to you?

Jen, you want...what...a pickled string beans? Does this joint look like some fancy kosher deli on the upper East Side of NYC? I mean to say... . 'Scuse me, Tanya wants to whisper something in my ear, the little mink. Say What? You're telling me we do have half a jar of the things on account as how you like 'em? Sweet mother-of-pearl.

Okay, Jen, you'll get that extra strength bloody mary complete with a dang pickled gre...make that 'string' bean in a second. (sigh)


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 02 Dec 2016 10:37

Greetings, and TGIF good day to all lusty Lushers.

Adele! Glad you stopped by. (slides a Bailey's OTR over to 'Cas' and two flagons filled with Kahlua for Gil and Laura)

Got some two-day old doughnut holes for anyone wanting a heart unhealthy breakfast.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 30 Nov 2016 05:24

Greetings, lusters after the Lush life.

Jennifer, what we ain't got is any of the pear cider you keep going on about. But Tanya says she's a big fan of yours so she'll go to the liquor store and 'coax' a bottle of the stuff off her cousin, Leroy.

Mike, you've had many morning afters, trust me. Now as for you and Laura, all I ccan say is, dream on, and guard your drink.

Verbal, the fastest way to edit a story is to submit the thing. Immediately afterward, you're sure to spot a host of typos. (slides over a Corona Fog) Here, take two of these and get back to us soon.

Okay, it's early morning out here in the desert, who wants a Bloody Mary made with a double-shot of Louisiana's own, Tabasco Sauce?


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 29 Nov 2016 20:11

(slides over a tall glass containing a dark brown liquid, some ice and a sprig of something that may or may not be mint)

Here you go, oh ye fount of all knowledge. And heartiest congratulations on whatever it is you accomplished...honest.

Anybody else ready to actually PAY for a drink?


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 29 Nov 2016 19:17

Laura, it is a truth, universally acknowledged, at least by Rumplation regulars, that when it comes to intelligence, the old Rumple unit is , at best,overly generously classified as a 'Single-digit IQ' type. So please let me know what in the name of, Elmore Leonard, is, 'Omnium.

There's a double Mint Julip in your future for telling all.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 29 Nov 2016 14:31

Greetings, Rumpleteers.

Laura, pardon my lack of manners, but Buz is one suffering carbon-based lifeform what with his beloved, Georgia Bulldogs losing to the accursed Yellow Jackets of Georgia Tech in US college football.

So Buz, you figure something like a case of Sam Adams will ease your suffering and/or replace it with a different sort of pain?

Now here you go, Laura. (slides over two, Mint Julips) BTW, don't be shy about pimping your new stories. Being a gent and all, I'll handle this one for you.

Okay, you deadbeats need to check out the 'Open Letter' link on Laura's sig line, click on it, read the story, then leave a vote and comment. Y'all got that straight?

See, there's nothing to it.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 28 Nov 2016 18:54

Greetings, lovers of the LUSH life.

Mike, thanks for the 'heads up' on that link. I'll get right on it, real soon, honest, no doubt about it. ;)

Laura, bless you for the kind words.Since you're suffering the 'summertime blues' what about a 'Mint Julip' or maybe some 'Long Island Tea'?

Any more drink orders?


Topic Help me get my first legendary story!
Posted 28 Nov 2016 16:34

93,123 and counting...well, unless I've just pulled a 'Milik.'


Topic What is the best line/phrase/image you've written
Posted 28 Nov 2016 16:14

Who, me? Post something of my own? Well, since you insist. ;)

This is from, 'A Special Photo,' one of the first stories I submitted to LUSH way back in '09.

Sensual and seductive, she lay amid the rumpled sheets of the bed where we'd just made love, relaxed and at ease within the golden skin of her petite, perfect body. Not posing, not looking at the camera so much as through it, into the photographer, into me. Waiting with an expression of amused tolerance for me to finish and rejoin her.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 27 Nov 2016 17:05

Way to go, Big V. So how many words are we talking about?

It just so happens we have a two-liter bottle of , 'Ragin' Cajun Rot Gut, er, something-or-other'. It's probably safest to call it 'whiskey' but nobody claims to know for sure. And I'll dip into the stash of slightly used but not too abused cocktail umbrellas for Gil.

Anybody else want a drink? Verbal's buying until he joins Coma and Tose over on the comatose table.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 27 Nov 2016 14:35

Seeker, be brave, stout heart, be very, very brave.

As for Gil and Laura, beware of Hard headed Canadians, I mean, stout hearted, of course, bearing 'free' drinks.

Someone actually buying drinks...for someone else, that is. Ain't been this much excitement around here since they opened a new keg of nails down at the hardware store.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 23 Nov 2016 13:39

Greetings to all who enter or are entered, as the case may be.

Things have slowed down a lot since the news broke about all the contest wins by Rumplations regulars. With this being the Thanksgiving weekend here in the States, odds are business won't be picking up anytime soon.

I'll be hanging around just in case some poor soul comes staggering in: weary from shopping, bloated from stuffing with too much stuffing and blood-shot of eye due to excessive football watching...and really needs a big, restorative drink.

BTW, over on 'Stories Space' I've posted a shorter, less 'Lushy' version of the, "What Are Friend For?" story I inflicted on Lush readers a few weeks ago. This version is cleverly titled, "What Are Old Friends For?". Bowdlerizing my own story proved to be an interesting challenge. If you get a chance, please check it out and let me know what you think.

Here's hoping everyone has a great T-day and we all reconvene, more or less intact, on the other side.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 20 Nov 2016 17:43

Evening, Gil. You want to try one of those 'Tequila Fog' deals, you know, a bottle of Corona (we got one left) with the neck filled with tequila. And, of course, three cocktail umbrellas in gaudy, tasteless colors.


Topic Faking Moans & Groans During Sex
Posted 19 Nov 2016 13:39

Listening is bad enough, but having to read one of those never-ending, over-the-top orgasm, such as the all-caps, "EEEEEOOOOOOWWW," or the even more dreaded, 'Unending Letters and Exclamation marks, "Ooooooh, fuuuuuuuuuuuck, yeeeeeeeees!!!!!!!!!!!!can be a challenge, just imo you understand.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 18 Nov 2016 07:19

Greetings, Laura. Hope things have settled down a bit over on your side of the big blue marble.Tell you what, we got in a sample bottle of something called, 'Valhalla Vodka'. The label claims to make you feel like you died and gone to a warrior's heaven. It doesn't mention any Rubenesque blondes taking you there but you never can tell about something like that or what all those warriors look like.

So what about I fix you and Mike, our winning writing warrior, double vodka martinis using that stuff?


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 17 Nov 2016 19:33

Greetings, Mike. You Fetish champs are such kidders. 'Belching Buzzard Beer' is, of course, something more or less resembling a beer-like liquid. Now if you want bourbon, we got you covered with several fine brands including, Bear Huggers.

So what'll ya have?

glasses8 '

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 16 Nov 2016 19:31

Evening, Mr. Big Winner. :) There are a couple bottles of Corona left. You want one of dem, 'Tequila Fog' things or a quart bottle of 'Belching Buzzard'?


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 16 Nov 2016 15:25

Greetings, risque Rumplations recidivis and a big, if delayed, mega-congrats, to VG for her first-rate, if second place, contest entry. (slides over a Tequila Fog)

About Seeker's common lament: I once finished second in a writing contest over at Literotica with a story that contained absolutely no sex. Here's a link to the Stories Space version:

Probably my crowning achievement as a writer and one I had no problem crowing about. Recalling that minor miracle still warms my cockels, wherever they may roam.

It's bound to be cocktail hour somewhere in the wide, wide world that's Lushland. So what do you peerless prose pushers want to drink?


Topic Challenge - Ruin a First Date in 4 Words
Posted 16 Nov 2016 08:59

You're (brother, sister, father, mother, girlfriend, boyfriend, roommate etc.) was better.


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 15 Nov 2016 16:02

Greetings, Verbal. Thanks for your kind offer. Against all laws of probability, we were beginning to run low on wine and near-beer. Anyway, Tanya hustled over to the liquor store, gave her cousin Clarence a quickie in exchange for a good deal on a case of Corona and two bottles of 'Toadsuck Tequila.

Seeker, you want two of these to celebrate joining the winners' circle?

It's a bit mind-boggling that so many 'regulars' have been winners in the last two writing contests. I've no idea why, but, imo,it is a major 'goodness' and I'll drink to all that.

Anybody ready for a refill?


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 15 Nov 2016 13:28

Way to go, Gil!

The management and staff here at Rumplations salute you...well, we would except for all that MD 20/20 Mike forced upon us

Want to try a box of the stuff? I'll even throw in ten cocktail umbrellas to celebrate your 'Top Ten' finish.


Topic Faking Moans & Groans During Sex
Posted 15 Nov 2016 13:16

CNN: From "When Harry Met Sally" to "Sex and the City" to your basic porn film, women in the throes of passion aren't just shouting their ecstasy from the rooftops, they're moaning with pleasure. Loudly.

But is this just cinematic license, or is there really something to noisy sex?

Experts wondered the same thing. In 2011, Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds published their research on the topic -- technically known as "copulatory vocalization" -- in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. In the study, they asked 71 sexually active heterosexual women between ages 18 and 48 for more details about vocalization during sex.

The researchers found that many of the women did make noise but not necessarily while they were having an orgasm. Instead, 66% said that they moaned to speed up their partner's climax, and 87% stated that they vocalized during sex to boost his self-esteem.

* So I was wondering what, if any, thoughts liberated Lush ladies might have on this subject. I'd ask my own wife and former lovers but they, of course, never faked nuttin'...honest. ;)


Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 15 Nov 2016 10:52

Greetings, Seeker.Go ahead and hang around. Odds are Buz will be so blasted he won't notice. And if he does, he won't care, or me on that last one.

All hail, MIKE THE MAGNIFICENT and our very own, Princess of Prose, VG!

Now please excuse me while I open these boxes of MD 20/20 and tap a keg of Belching Buzzard 3.2 Beer.