Forum posts made by rumpleforeskin

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 16 Jun 2018 08:01

Greetings, to the Weekender, Fuzzy, and all other wanton weekend warriors.

And speaking of Carl, he wrote: Bertha is moaning like a 17 year old male virgin at his first strip club
Me, I wrote: For that neuvo classic similie, Fuzzy gets sole use of a brand new, still unsealed bottle of Jameson, at least for the next few minutes or until it runs dry which should be about the same time.

Now let us gather together at that fount of all hot, liquid, caffeinated, coffee-like goodness to seek Big Bertha's balm. Y'all don't forget there's a virtual plethora of Beaver Breath Brandy, and what's left of the bottle of Bailey's The Weekender used in his java. You can also select from among some truly remarkable beers and wines and our collection of fine lickers. So whadda ya want to drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 15 Jun 2018 20:08

Carl wrote: may I have another double Jameson with a wee less coke this time barkeep?

Me, I wrote: Damn straight! ;)


Tawny's not even sweating much at the moment so y'all don't hesitate to give her more orders to fill. No doubt she'll show you her appreciation...the moment your back it turned.

Night all.

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 15 Jun 2018 19:41

Evening, night, afternoon y'all. Larry is, as usual, approximately 100% correct. Don't get the big head, Brother Nye, but here's another virgin Hannah to celebrate your correctahood. Guess I beeter slide a beer toward Scott since he was also on target.

Fuzzy, guess you've reached that exaulted stage of noteariety where ya don't need to mention what ya wanna drink, just how much. Enjoy.

Jim, I've read your fine story but will wait until tomorrow to reread it and do the RVC thing because I'm not sure what I think about it after only one read. Your writing is first-rate, it's the unique structure and story-telling that has me even more bumfuzzled than usual. If any of y'all get a chance, check itt out and let us know what ya think.

Just for the record, one of the major differences between me and Milik can be observed by checking out the sig line on his latest post. psst - here's ya a beer, Big Red. Thing is, if I'd posted a story as well-written, hot and just plain fun to read as his, 'Destiny's Ride' unlike Milik, I'd figger out how to make my sig line link pimp really big and maybe even throw in some flashing lights and fireworks.

But seriously, it is very good and should still be on the main page. Check it out.

Jeff, after a quick 'page down' or two, I reached the end of your latest sig line bounty. All I can now say is, "Calf rope! Uncle." ;)

Tawny's been trying to fill the drink orders while I've been yacking. If you didn't get just exactly what ya ordered it'll mean things are about as normal as they ever get around here.

Now while Tawny pauses to popp a couple salt tabs and some little white pills, it's time for new orders. So whadda ya wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic What did you think of Trump sitting with Kim Jong-un?
Posted 15 Jun 2018 13:00

— President Trump, explaining how North Korea’s Kim Jong Un is a “strong leader.”

“He speaks and his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do the same.”

No slouching,Trump supporters. BTW, this is no joke or 'fake news'. If in doubt, check it out. rf

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 15 Jun 2018 12:22

Best I recall, Jim, Jeff and Larry need a caffine fix, Curvy has, SURPRISE, ordered a beer ;), Tanya needed a tall iced tea, Scott wanted 'a' Tailgater no doubt to drink while waiting on 'the' Tailgater to arrive, and in case Pixie hasn't ordered, here's some of that Chablis stuff you (and me, both) like.

Is it just me, or does it appear to others that Jeff and Jim are getting into a contest to determine who has the longest one, sig line, that is.

Now who else out there needs a drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 15 Jun 2018 07:09

(finishes giving Big Bertha's bountiful backside a thorough polish)

Greetings to all who enter singing a happy song and leave humming 'The St. James Infirmary Blues'. Y'all make Zen Surfer feel welcome. We've been needing another representative from south of the equator.

Fuzzy, here's your coffee. It's strong, but incorrigibly fresh. Sorry about that.

Someone dropped off a batch of doughnut holes. Thought about charging for them but don't have enough change to break all the big buck the recent contest winners would try to use for payment. (sigh) So at least for now, there's no charge. Enjoy.

Now whadda ya wanna drink to wash those goodies down? Big Bertha is ripped and raring to put out coffee and hot water, and don't forget our drinks list, also deemed by many to be, incorrigible, complete with some of that wine stuff Pixie craves, a lot of the beer Curvy craves and the fine lickers everyone craves. So whadda ya purveyers of premier porn wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 14 Jun 2018 16:21

Curvy, since you've already done the RCV bit on Ed's story, you can have all the beer ya want even if you still got all your clothes on. ;)

Hi ya, Sara. Let me know when you're ready for a Tailgater.

:glasses8;

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 14 Jun 2018 16:11

READ THIS STORY -- NOW!
You'll thank me later, trust me.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/first-
Ed Givers
Wild Storm, Wild Tina
First Time
6700 words and you'll wish it were longer

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 14 Jun 2018 15:05

Okay, here's some coffee from near the bottom of the barrel for Jim.
Scott gets three fingers from the very old bottle of 'Old 'Overholt' my sainted great grandpappy carried throughout the 'War for Southern Independence' to treat wounds, blisters and snake bites.
Tanya, what about a tall glass of sweet iced tea? And while I'm at it, I'll fill up another one for Sara.

If Curvy shows up, especially if she's showing a lot, it's free beers for her.

Anybody else out there with needs that need to be filled?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 14 Jun 2018 13:00

WAHOO!

While replying to a PM from Fuzzy, I managed to slip into my 'in box'. With luck, I now have four new Lush friends: Jim, Amelia, Sugar Babe (aka, Grizzly Girl), and old (says he's 84) Edg.

Jeff, he wrote: Bill, you have no idea. This is a deeply encrypted file, and you have only seen the tip of the iceberg. When you get to, say, "273. Tentacle Non-Octopus Cephlapod Mind-control Threesome BDSM Sex" you know you've hit paydirt.
Me, I wrote: Jeff, no way I'd ever dive that deep into your hard drive being as how I'm a'feared of da bends.

But here's coffee for you and Jim whose new story is a quality read. Sara gets her sweet iced tea while Scott is now facing a glass filled with something from a bottle covered in dust and foreign words Tawny says she found in the back of the stock room. Enjoy.

Now does anybody else need a drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 14 Jun 2018 06:56

Greetings, scribblers of sublime slime. How you all are?

Mega--congrats to all who entered, and all who finished in the top ten. There weren't a lot of entries, but sweet mother-of-pearl they were extraordinary.

Now it's time to start pestering Nicola (aka She Who Must Be Obeyed) with suggestions for the next contest theme. Here's a list of possibilities someone said they 'accidentally' found in a locked, supposedly secure encrypted file deep within the bowels of Verbal's hard drive.

1. Tentacle gay sex
2. Tentacle lesbian sex
3. Tentacle group sex
4. Tentacle incest/fantasy sex
5. Tentacle steam-punk sex

Well, it's a start, I suppose, in the category of 'off the wall' theme suggestions.

Big Bertha is letting the world of Lush know that she's now cooked up a batch of coffee that will brings tears, no doubt of joy, to the eyes of all who crave hot, strong coffee. She'll also provide hot water for Tanya and the rest of the tea sippers and those who come for coco, so to speak. In addition, the joint's famed list of infamous beers, wines, and fine lickers is also available. So whadda ya wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 13 Jun 2018 10:03

(slides large mug filled with Big Bertha's best brew in the general direction of Jeff's voice) Here you go, oh 'extra' one.

YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE!
Nicola posted a notice on the contest thread over on the site announcement forum that a list of winners would be posted within 24-hours.
THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!

Anybody wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 13 Jun 2018 07:17

Greetings wary word warriors. With Friday the 13th coming on a Wednesday this month, one can't be two carful, ya know. ;)

Fuzzy, here's your coffee in a used but not abused (much) go-cup. hope the visit to the VA goes well. PM me a report on it if you feel so inclined.

Jim, keep us posted on that story. Here's your coffee. It's a bit fresher and less viscous than you'd prefer but when the going gets tough....

CURVY! you are a keeper. Take care of your fool self on the Wednesday edition of Friday the 13th. ;)

Okay, anybody else need anything to help ease you into or through the day? If so, whadda ya want?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 12 Jun 2018 20:40

Tanya, one 'Jen's Jolter' with a double-shot of Nyquil as a chaser is coming your way.
Jim, keep us posted on your 'ghost writing'. Here's you a nightcap of extra thick, bottom of the barrel coffee.
Millik and a cold beer are about to become as one.
Sara, what about a 'Tailgater' to help ease your aches and pains?

I'm heading for the land of nod. So now is the time to call out what ya wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 12 Jun 2018 13:11

Jeff wrote: Been a crappy morniing, but things have nowhere to go but up, right?

Me, I replied: Well, not according the Mr. T. Pynchon in, "Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up to Me."

Hannah, what about a lemonade?

Jim, congrats on being asked. This may seem hard to believe, but no one has ever asked me to write their story. ;) Still, unencumbered as I am by any personel experience, my advice is to just relax, write the story you want to tell, and then let the chips fall where they may.

Jim and Jeff, our resident Java-heads want strong coffee and in big mugs. Gotcha covered. Anybody else want something to drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 12 Jun 2018 09:37

Hot tea is coming up for Tanya. Classic car shows are a hoot. Enjoy.

Ping, (shakes head) it is a truth, universally acknowledged, at least by all acquainted with you that, in the words of carpenters everywhere, you are about half a bubble short of level. ;) Here's your AP with a half-empty bottle of TucuminCarrie Tequila.

Now anybody else out there need some liquid refreshment? If so, then whadda ya want?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 12 Jun 2018 05:49

Greetings and welcome to the Lushland Headquarters of 'Titty Tuesday' celebrations. Flash 'em if ya got 'em. Post a couple favs if ya don't.

Now that Big Bertha is brewing up another bountiful batch of her beatific brew, let us pause to contemplate life, it's own-self while waiting for the coffee to brew and the boobs to show.

(Yawn) Okay, tell y'all what, your beloved barkeep is gonna be moving to new digs here in the 'Valley of the Sun' next Monday so my appearances may be blessedly few for the next few days. With that in mind, I managed to get some reading done yesterday and highly recommend the efforts of these writers: Seeker, Ping, Edgivers (a 2-parter), Sprite, and Mad Mardigan. Those are listed in no particular order except it might be best to save the efforts of MM and sprite for last. That'll give ya a chance to warm up a bit in preparation for the experience.

Big Bertha is cocked (so to speak) and primed now to pump out a lot of strong, steaming java and hot water for the tea and coco addicts. Of course our list of beers, wines and fine lickers may not be exactly 100% accurate, especially the prices, but it'll give you a vague idea about what else is available. So whadda ya want to drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 11 Jun 2018 06:33

Greetings to all Lush gambolers who enter gambling on at least one of the latrines working.

So the Mets actually won a baseball game, beating their bitter cross-town rival, the New York Yankees 2-0. Jeff can, if so inclined, give you the gruesome record of the Mets recent futility. But last night's win just proved the old truth that even a broken clock is right twice a day. ;)

And speaking of winners, has anyone heard anything about contest winners, I mean, other than winning a contest must be nice? I checked the Site Announcement forum before getting here and cranking Big Bertha up, but so far, no joy.

And speaking of Big Bertha, she's now gurgling in a rather obnoxious manner for a Monday. But while she may not be empathetic to Monday moaning and groaning, she is sympathetic and eager to share her hot steaming bounty with all to approach her seeking succor.

And speaking of seeking, Seeker (aka Scott) reminds us that he has a new story for our enjoymentwhile also reminding us, with his order of Beaver Breath Brandy to 'enhance' his coffee drinking experience, that in addition to Big Bertha's offering, the joint also has: beer, wine, and many fine lickers. So whadda ya Monday mopers wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 10 Jun 2018 19:46

Two virgins Hannah, a regular iced tea, and a sweet iced tea. That takes care of Mr. RR, Ms Elizabeth, Wore-out Jim, and our favorite tailgater. Don't recall what Scott wanted, but for him, three fingers of single malt scotch is probably a good bet. If not, maybe he'll join Buz in knocking off a beer or two.

And in conclusion, let us all cross fingers and/or eyes to help Jeff's Mets hold on to a 2-0 lead over the Yankees in the ninth inning.

Any more drink orders for requests for divine intervention?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 10 Jun 2018 07:37

Ping asked: how did we get here?

Me, I replied: To paraphrase the immortal, Bugs Bunny, "We shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque!"

Greetings to Ping and all others who enter seeking eternal truths in a world of Trumpian variables.

Isn't today supposed to be the great contest winner announcement type day?

Buz is, of course, correct that his Dawgs won the NCAA men's track and field championship, a most laudable achievement which is hereby lauded. That means my LSU Tigers did not. However, the women's team finished 4th, while for the 21st straight year, the men finished in the top ten.Consistency is, of course, the essence of excellence. ;)

Y'all be nice to Jeff, at least for part of the day. His beloved Mets lost to their cross-town rivals, the New York Yankees by a 3-4 score.

Big Bertha is carrying on something fierce, waiting for someone (besides me) to show up eager to share her hot caffeinated goodness. She'll also put out hot water for the tea and coco crowd. Meanwhile, the joint's muddled menu of beers, wines and fine lickers awaits everyone else. So whadda ya wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic How To Be A Happy Hooker
Posted 09 Jun 2018 05:34

Richard Nixon! Sweet mother of pearl, he exclaims. Next thing we know old Jeff will be quoting the opening lines of, "the Federalist Papers." ;)

Thanks for the 'bump' Jeff. I'll admit to being fond of this piece, in part because 'Absolute Write' paid me $20.00 for one-time online use of the original, non-Lushy, version

glasses8.

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 09 Jun 2018 04:21

Greetings, you lucky so-and-so's. Not only are you citizens of Lushland and members of the Rumplations 'In crowd', you have managed to hang around long enough to witness the miracle of Milik claiming he had taken on board more than enough Crown Royal, at least for the evening. Just more proof the age of miracles hasn't passed. As lagniappe, you were there, or here as the case may be, when Simmie echoed the feat of Balboa by checking out the Pacific Ocean for the first time. Way to go, you two.

Mega-congrats to Sprite for her Warriors winning yet another NBA (pro basketball) championship. No word on the rumor she's volunteered to be the team's 'breakfast of champions'. ;)

Big Bertha is now up and running...over with good morning coffee, that is. There's also the hot water she provides plus the bar's unequaled selection of beers, wines and fine lickers. So whadda ya wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 08 Jun 2018 06:14

Greetings, prodigious party animals. The sun has just come crawling above the horizon out here in the desert. It being Jume, high temps are routinely running above 100f (about 40 c) so all is normal.

Speaking of normal, and by extension, abnormal, mega-congrats to the Caps for winning the NHL's Stanley Cup. As a long-suffering fan of the pro football team in my home state, the traditionally woeful, New Orleans Saints, Their upset win over Peyton Manning and the Indy Colts in the Super Bowl is a cherished memory.

Me, I got a couple technical-type questions. Over on the Site Announcement forum, Master Jonathan said he'd like to have an edit feature for forum posts. Thing isI already have that. I'm accustomed to not having some feature everyone else uses, but not having one others long to acquire is way out of the ordinary. Any explanation this single-digit IQ 'puter user can understand would be depreciated.

eta: Honey Dip replied that the feature is available to all seeking editing power. Check out her post if interested.

Also and in addition, I've been meaning to ask about the 'Suggested" tag that now shows up on the story sort list right after: latest, score, and popular. Any explanation of this would also be greatly depreciated.

Thanks to the insatiable Curly, Big Bertha is huffing and chuffing to beat some poor unnamed band. Still, their bruses are our blessing since it means a fresh batch of her estimatable version of coffee is available for our consumption. Of course, there's also our usual selection of unusual beers, wines and fine lickers. So whadda ya word processor woebegones wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 07 Jun 2018 17:54

Curvy wrote: It would be rude not to order a beer!

Me, I agreed: That Curvy is the soul of genteel good manners.

Jeff, I'm sure all here share in your authorial angst. Here's a fist or two of Old Crow to help ease what passes for your mind

Hannah, ya want that Sprite cold and sparkling or in its more traditional state of hot and bothered?

Jim, a man and his iced tea should be as one. Here ya go.

Okay, and come to think of it, add a 'dokey' to that. What do the rest of you writing rejects wanna drink?

glasses8.

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 07 Jun 2018 14:04

Sweet iced tea for Sara and a beer for ITM. That new story of her's is an imaginative, quick, fun read. Check it out.

Any more orders?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 07 Jun 2018 08:42

(slides over a mug full of Big Bertha's best brew in the general direction of Jeff's voice)

Hi ya, Jeff. This is just between the two of us, you understand, but the 'Snuggly Duckling' handle could still be with us. Seems, Tawny, thinks it would be a, and I quote, "Neat," name for the stock room. Granted, the day bed in there she uses for naps and transactional transactions, so to speak, give her opinions a certain weight. Still, I worried that flippant name might detract from the joint's renowned ambiance.

So whadda ya think about that, and about a refill?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 07 Jun 2018 06:52

Greetings to all who congregate inside these hollow walls to celebrate the birthday of, Tanya, Rumplations' #1 assistant, relief, back-up barkeep!

Any news, contest-results-wise?

Weekender, glad you came dragging in. Thought of you the moment that cranberry lemonade order popped up.

Thanks to Ms Curly G's semi-Herculian achievement of sorta organizing the clutter around here, it is now possible to actually reach Big Bertha as she bubbles with excitement at the thought of putting out a lot of coffee to go with Tanya's birthday cake. So whadda ya loose litter along the great info highway wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 06 Jun 2018 19:22

Great having some 'old timers' and 'first timers' dropping by for the celebration.

Lemonades, 'Jolters', beer, coffee and other staple drinks have been issued. Anybody out there need a refill?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 06 Jun 2018 05:57

Greetings, to the grand (1000) gang.

As always, thirst things first. Come on, BB, Milik and all the other insomniacs need your vital caffine infusion.

Sensual Lady, glad we are to have you drop in. As others have indicated, most of the regulars have had their shots and claim to be housebroken. Hope you make it back before the 2000th page is reached. ;)

Judging by the gurgles and groans coming from Big Bertha, another helping of her elixir of life is ready for consumption. First mug goes to poor Milik. After that, it's 'root hog or die' for the rest of you. Don't forget BB can also lay a generous serving of scalding hot water on you, so to speak, for tea and coco and our one-of-a-kind selection of unique beers, wines and fine lickers is also available for a most reasonable charge. So whadda ya want to drink?

BTW, thanks to who or what ever brought the health food sampler featuring: vintage doughnut holes, fried pork skins, pickled pigs feet, and an assortment of Twinkies. Enjoy.

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Awesome Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 05 Jun 2018 11:29

Thanks for that Don Williams' link, Jeff. "Good Old Boys Like Me' cuts real close to the bone in my case. Have you ever listened to some of his work with the 60's folk/rock group, The Pozo Seco Singers?

Jim, here's iced tea for you and sweetened ice tea for Sara.
ITM, ya wants sparkling water, you get sparkling water.

To tide over those poor unfortunates who have had their orders misplaced, here's some beer and coffee to tide you over until things get squared away.

No need to shout. I already know what ya want, so to speak.

glasses8