Forum posts made by rumpleforeskin

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 20 Feb 2018 21:31

Literary licentiousness is on the loose! I'll get to your orders once clothes stop flying my way. Ouch! That was a damn shoe...small, but with a five inch heel. Ping, is that yours?

Jeff, here's your ibuprofen. The rest of you gonna have to root hog or die. (ducks into the stock room with Tawny)

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 20 Feb 2018 18:17

EB wrote: Just sayin' I have heard from several not-to-be-named people that it actually made Bertha's best a LOT better. No insult intended.

Me, I type: Good move, Ms 'Lizabeth. Big Bertha is very sensitive and filled with scalding hot fluids. ;)

Headaches seem to be the 'in' thing with the in-crowd. Scott, here's your green tea. Tanya, one, Jen's Jolter, coming up

Sara, no doubt feeling a bit nippy up on her mountain, is about to get a double-handful of mini-marshmallows along with a mug of hot chocolate to help wash 'em down.

Jeff, you feel up to switching over to BBB instead of Nyquil or maybe going for the gusto with a hot rum toddy?

What about the rest of you wretched and huddled masses? Whadda ya wanna drink?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 20 Feb 2018 10:24

Crown and Coke for Kal. Scott craves a Molson Canadian. And sickly Jeff wants a healthy slug or two of NyQuil in his coffee. (That last one kinda makes my teeth hurt just thinking about the taste.)

What about the rest of you retro rejects from the giant slush pile of life? I mean to say, whadda ya wanna drink?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 20 Feb 2018 06:08

Many thanks for the 'heads up', boss lady (who must be obeyed).

Just one question, I mean, besides, whadda ya wanna drink, are limericks allowed in the contest. You see, I've come up with this fresh, original idea about a man from Nantuck.... Nic, Nic, you still there? (sigh)

Okay, I can take a hint...or an order for drinks, hint, hint, hint. So whadda ya rejects from both rhyme and reason wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 20 Feb 2018 04:01

Greetings to all who enter seeking wit, wisdom and cheap booze, decide one out of three ain't bad, and hang around.

Has anyone heard any updates on the labors of Gav to get the system back to something resembling normalcy, if only by Lush standards?

Speaking of normalcy or lack of the same, maybe Sprite and/or Hannah will show back up today. Hope they're not too rowdy. Coma and Tose have not completely recovered from Curvy dancing on top of their table...while wearing a micro-miniskirt.

Things are so slow, I even started thinking about declaring today, 'Titty Tuesday' but the last time, it seemed like everybody in the place kept yelling at me to put my shirt back on. (sigh)

But there is good news. Big Bertha is still putting out her unique coffee along with hot water for the tea and coco crowd. Our always remarkable selection of beers and wines are available for selection and our collections of fine lickers is sure to please. So whadda ya truants from the school of hard knocks wanna drink?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 19 Feb 2018 12:29

Emily, here's ya a strong drink (don't ask about contents etc. just drink it while the drinking is good). There's a similar one heading for Ping so it must be good, right?

Larry and Kal both crave strong coffee. What we got is some of Big Bertha's best that's been rendered down to a caffeinated essence that makes expresso seem wishy-washy. Enjoy

Scott, don't recall what you wanted...drink-wise...but a couple fingers of Canadian Club might do for a starter.

Keith, welcome to the septuagenarian club.

So what are y'all gonna order to help Keith celebrate?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 19 Feb 2018 05:30

Curvy Galore! Was that you dancing on the tabletop all weekend? Poor Coma and Tose are, well, comatose as usual but also bug-eyed and drooling a lot more than usual. Next time, please don't wear that micro-mini skirt...please.

Meanwhile, here's the first installment on your gallon of coffee order. Big Bertha's keeping the rest hotted up for you. Tanya, here's your hot tea. Sounds like the weather's gonna be fluky out your way this week. Stay warm, and dry, and cool, and, well, you get the idea.
Anybody else out there need a fill or maybe a refill?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 19 Feb 2018 04:38

Greetings, groovees, groovers, and those of us whose minds have skipped several grooves.

Is it just me, or do others sense a lull in Lushland? Might be the crashes, or maybe the Olympics, all the flu going around, or just that time of year. Even more likely is the distinct possibility that I'm full of (feel free to fill in the blank).

Fortunately, Big Bertha is up to whatever challenges await. She's full of hot coffee, even hotter water and is ready to put out as you request. Don't forget our selection of bewildering beers, wonderous wines and fine lickers. So whadda ya museless writers of the porn wanna drink?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 18 Feb 2018 16:19

Gil, you might want to consider joining Emily in a 'Jen's Jolter'. That should get your mind off just about everything.

Jeff, you being sick and all, would you prefer something cool and soothing like a Virgin Hannah' or a taste of Sara's iced tea? If hot is more appealing, hot chocolate with a slug of BBB might do the trick.

At the moment, I'm subscribed to about twenty podcasts. Most of them are history oriented where Mike Duncan (History of Rome & Revolutions)is king. If you're so inclined, pass along any of your favorites.

And speaking of favorites, the bar is open for anyone wanting to partake of some favorite adult beverage. So whadda ya bottom feeders wanna drink?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 18 Feb 2018 11:39

Emily, sorry you're dismayed. What about a Jen's Jolter' (a rum and Coke made with 151 proof rum) to ease your strain? Scott, you still want a regular rum and Coke?

BTW, what are you two going on about? I mean, who is Fletch and why is he having some sort of memorial? Just being nosey.

Any more calls for fluid refills?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 18 Feb 2018 09:31

Scott, ya wants a rum and Coke, you'll get a rum and Coke. Enjoy.
And speaking of enjoying, I'm enjoying the story, 'The Professo' you've linked in your sig line.

Kal and Larry both have a hankering for caffine. Can do. Anybody else have a 'hankering'?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 18 Feb 2018 05:18

Greetings, wanton wanderers through the lusty fields of Lush.

Here's today's vocabulary lesson
Monkey sex: monkeylove"; primitive, animalistic, uninhibited, jungle-like lovemaking

note: I first heard this term on the 'Dharma and Gregg' sitcom. She says she and Gregg are unavailable on a certain day because that's their regularly scheduled, monkey sex Monday.

Now to convert this joint from a classroom back into its more familiar rol of seedy, disreputable den of iniquity.

Not sure what to offer the migraine suffers among us, other than sympathy. But for now, here's the virgin Hannah Gil wanted, plus hot tea for Tanya and coffee for Sara. Any more orders...other than shut the fuck up and get a move on those drinks?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 17 Feb 2018 19:23

Tanya, hate to hear that you're suffering. My area of life-long expertise is with sinus headaches not migraines, but Sara's solution might do the trick.
Kal, hope your womenfolk are improving. Looking forward to reading some of your prose. (I leave poetry to those with IQ's in the positive range.)

Buz, be sure to save any cocktail umbrellas y'all encounter tonight for Ms Gil

Larry, you got a hankering for anything special for a nightcap?

Which brings to what passes for my mind the notion y'all seem to need reminding that this is a bar and still open, you know, for business. So whadda ya creators of crude, carnal crud wanna drink?

glasses8.

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 17 Feb 2018 05:07

Morning, Rumplators on both sides of the equator and date line.

Laura, you were so sweet to give Cal such a very warm welcome. Dang good thing for me that even cold showers are relatively warm out here in the desert. ;)

This is the time that try folk's souls. No football, no baseball (except for colleges), just the Olympics, end of the regular season-type basketball and hockey, plus the usual Rumplations sponsored, monkey sex marathon.

Big Bertha is gurgling and making other disgusting noises which means another batch of her remarkable version of coffee is available. There's also plenty of her hot steaming water for the tea and coco crowd. Those wanting a more robust drinking experience can select from beers and wines of a most unexpected quality along with our renowned collection of fine lickers. So whadda ya scribblers of sleeze, slime and smut (among other things) wanna drink?

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Topic 3 word biography
Posted 16 Feb 2018 22:50

Working at Rumplations. ;)

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 16 Feb 2018 21:41

Sara, did you think to check out Terance's hideout in the hot nut machine. Tawny said he'd swiped that for which you seek and was using 'em to practice juggling. (I'm told, the sight of a multi-legged/armed tarantula juggling a bunch of mini-marshmallows shouldn't be missed)

Anyway, If you manage to negotiate the release of a few of them for your own use, here's you a mug of hot chocolate. Enjoy. ;)

Cal wrote: You all seem like good peeps.

Me, I wrote: "Good," could be. Ya never can tell. Just don't ask for details like what, where, and when.

Tonight's movie will be, once the ceremonial VHS is dusted off, "The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!" So whadda ya troll farmers wanna drink while watching and wondering what the hell ever happened to the popcorn machine.

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 16 Feb 2018 09:37

Here's yeer beer, Scott. Sorry about those mood swings. Since I'm usually down so low, bottom looks like up, that's seldom a problem for me. Met-formen is okay but if the dosage is too high...well, let's just say you'll never need to worry about constipation.

Ya ready for a refill? And what about the rest of you scabrious scribblers? Whadda ya wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 16 Feb 2018 07:17

Hot tea is coming up, Tanya. Glad to hear the visit went well. How long will the training last?

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Topic Dont know how to remove my post
Posted 16 Feb 2018 07:10

Cristy, no one can delete a post from Lush. Not sure why and it's a pain, especially following a double-post, but that's just not something we mere mortals can do..don't know about admins. Of course, you can delete the contents of your own posts and either leave it blank or replace it with something heartfelt, like a ad for Rumplations. ;).

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 16 Feb 2018 05:09

TGIF best wishes to all who enter seeking support, serenity and surcease from sorrow, only to discover there's no toilet paper (again) in the latrine.

MS SARA, last night there was an unopened package of mini-marshmallows on the bar. Today, it's half-empty. Not complaining, you understand, just wondering why anyone as sweet as you would need all those sugar bombs? ;)

Me, I'm already on my second cup of Big Bertha's version of coffee and she has plenty more to offer. There's also her steaming hot water for the tea and coco crowd along with beer and wine you won't believe and, as always, our line-up of fine lickers. So whadda ya TGIF wastrels wanna drink?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 15 Feb 2018 15:59

Whisky for Tanya and Scott. Drink 'em in good health.

A Hannah for the recovering Curvy-unit. Sara, ya want one or two handfuls of dem mini-marshmallows?

Anybody else out there with a need for drink(s)?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 15 Feb 2018 08:15

How you all are? It's Thursday. Just for the record, I don't care either.

I'd like to throw out some typical BS, but between the idiocy in the White House and the tragedy in Florida, I just don't feel up to the challenge.

Tanya, here's your coffee. You want it in a go cups?
Scott, you'll get yours in the cracked, semi-clean mug you've been using for ages.
Jeff, somebody left a 32-oz. insulated mug. Ya think that might get you started?

Anybody else need something to help getting through the day?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 14 Feb 2018 21:41

Ping 'The Ever Requesting' wrote: A cup full of your best pharmaceutical-grade mushrooms, please. I want it to be a long, adventurous evening.

A dark rum, coke, shaved ice, short glass, & skinny straw will help as well.

Thanks!!!

Me, I wrote: Is THAT all?

Odds are I'll be up all night working on chapter five of my five-part, 'Feels So Right' bro/sis incest series. Feel free to interrupt and pester the hell out of me with any 'skank of the evening' type request...starting about now.

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 14 Feb 2018 11:55

Afraid it'll have to be 151 proof rum or maybe some extra stout whiskey, Scott. We're a bit shy when it comes to, Screech. It may have something to do with all you 'north of the border' types celebrating Olympic triumphs.

My own contest track record is similar to yours. After winning the first one I entered, I failed to win, place, show or break into the 'honorable mention' category until my fifth place finish in the recent 'Bookish' contest. Not that I've entered every contest since way back when, but....

It would be nice to know the 'why' when yet another entry failed to make the cut. But honest, constructive feedback is rare and time consuming to write and often leads to brickbats instead of bouquets being thrown your way. (sigh)

But it's a long time from here to December. Me, what I'm a'gonna do is cherry-pick future contests. If I'm in the mood and the theme is appealing, I might give it a shot.

Now please stand back while I fall off my soapbox and then crawl back behind the bar. Ah, that's mo' better. So whadda ya slush pile rejects wanna drink?

glasses8

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 14 Feb 2018 09:47

Coffee for both Tanya and Jeff.

Tanya said she'd experienced the same problem I did earlier today. (If you're REALLY interested, check my last post for details.) Ms T, whatever the cause, if it does come and go., maybe I'll have better luck next try. Thanks.

Any chance anybody out there wants a drink? Just asking.

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 14 Feb 2018 07:36

Good morning, Lushland, and a happy Valentine's Day to all who enter. Y'all think it's just a chronological coincidence that Valentine's Day is also Hump Day?

Yet more congratulations to all the 'Change Contest' winners. In light of Jeff's winning entry, is it time for Lush to crank up a 'Tentacle Sex' category? ;)

BTW, I was going to delete my own, non-winning contest entry (sob) from my sig line but I get an error message when I click on 'My Profile'. Is anyone else experiencing that issue?

And now to business. There's a plentiful supply of coffee, tea, beer, wine and fine lickers available for your enjoyment, or whatever. So whadda ya other also-rans in the literary contest of life wanna drink?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 13 Feb 2018 21:29

Major congrats, Jeff, on winning First Place! Now, uh, whadda ya gonna do with all the winnings? Not hinting, you understand, just asking, honest. ;)

Here's the top ten list
1st Place: - Beneath, by Verbal
2nd Place: - No Mercy, by Delphi
3rd Place: - Black and White, by browncoffee

Murder on the River Thames, by Green_Man
Vanilla Scream, by Ping
The First Taste is Always the Sweetest, by DanielleX
Pee Perverts: Filthy Foreign Fantasies, by AbigailThornton
The Monster in the Cave, by NymphWriter
Policed to meet you, by Annamagique
That's What Friends are for, by TxSwinger

The management and staff of Rumplations is proud the names of so many customers are on that list. Congrats to each and every last one of you and that goes for the not-yet-customers as well. :)

And in conclusion, for now, let me remind one and all that in about 90 minutes, Mardi Gras ends and Lent begins. Party hardy folks.

Ya know, I'd ask what y'all wanna drink except by now, why bother?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 13 Feb 2018 08:18

Tanya, here's your hot tea. Enjoy your current once-in-a-lifetime ride. There'll be more Olympics.

Scott wants some of Big Bertha's Best Brew enhanced by a slug of Beaver Breath Brandy. Ah, the real breakfast of champions.

As for Buzz and jeff, they want Bertha's special 'Tina Turner' coffee: hot, black, and strong. (Back when, a friend said he wanted to be reincarnated as her microphone...sounded like a winner back then and still does)

Any more orders before y'all return to watching the Olympics and the 'site announcement forum?

glasses8

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 13 Feb 2018 02:50

Greetings,all you writers of the porn.

Life is good, mostly. Spent several hours listening to a Kinky Friedman mystery, "Elvis, Jesus, and Coca-Cola". I'll change the mood from Jeff's selection with one of the hits off his legendary 'Kinky Friedmna and The Texas Jewboys" LP vinyl albumn.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHI943GcX5s

Which reminds me that today may or may not be the day the contest winners are announced. If so, there'll be plenty of Rumplations own, 'Shampain' chilled and waiting for post-contest celebrations.

Big Bertha is gurgling and steaming, full to the rim with her unique version of coffee. There's also hot water for tea and coco, beer and wine that all agree is memorable and, of course, our collection of fine lickers. So whadda ya oral olympians wanna drink?

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Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 12 Feb 2018 20:35

Here's your SC, Brother Buz. Someday you should try a 'Jen's Jolter' named in honor of our very own, UK Jen (aka The Birthday Girl). A JJ is a hot rum toddy made with 151 proof rum. Might place a close second in numbing qualities trailing only your notorious 'Hunch Punch', if at all.

Anyway, here's a comforting thought for those of us who 'groove' on real sports: spring college football practice kicks off in about a month! ;)

Okay, any of you snowflakes want something to drink? This is a bar, ya know, not a damn media center. (sigh)

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