I am a middle aged man from Australia, with grown up kids and a sense of humour. I like to read sexy stories, and I thought I would try my hand at writing one, (or more if the feedback was positive, which it mostly has been so far). I try to write stories that are a little more three-dimensional than some of the stories I have seen on this site, and I like to add a little humour, because people often do and say funny things in sexual situations.
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"Sara" by Bob Dylan.
Three southern belles were discussing their respective boyfriends one night, and the conversation got around to nicknames. The first southern belle announced, "Ah call mah man Huggy Bear, 'cause when he hugs me, it's jist like bein' squeezed by one o' them big ol' bears!"The second southern belle says, "Ah call mah man Kissy Pie, 'cause when he kisses me, it's as sweet as one o' them li'l ol' apple pies." The third southen belle says, "Well, ah jist call mah man, Drambui.""Dram-bui?" the first southern belle replies, "Ain't that some kinda fancy liquor?""Yes, sir," the third southern belle answers, "That's mah man!"
He does look like he could do with a little more fibre in his diet. Maybe it's a good thing.
Maybe Judge Judy could hear the case. I suspect her summation may be a little more excoriating than just, "Get out of my courtroom."
I prefer giving to receiving. I just love going down on a woman, but having her go down on me is never as exciting for some reason. However, I had a girlfriend in the 80's who was so good at it I would beg her to stop, because it felt so good I could hardly stand it. I know that sounds weird, but it was like being tickled to death. One thing I have noticed over the years is that most women seem to get very wet and very horny when they go down on a guy, though. There are all kinds of reasons why I personally like going down on a woman, but one of the big ones is the sheer intimacy of it. Also, in the back of my mind, I'm putting my face, and my mouth and my tongue somewhere that my mother drilled into me as being off limits when I was a kid. Also, I just love bringing a woman to orgasm by going down on her.
Mozart's Piano Concerto. Just beautiful.
My brother and a couple of his friends watched a movie with Willem Dafoe in it once, and they kept saying it looked like me on the screen.
I have written some incest stories in the first person, but strictly fictional, and I was quite surprised to have people writing and asking if I have ever committed incest. I took it as an endorsement of my ability to write dirty stories, and it doesn't really bother me.
When I was 22 years old, I had a one night stand with a divorced lady who was 45. When you are 22 years old, a person of that age seems so much older, and at that age, I had never seen a woman having a full-on, chest-clutching, groaning orgasm. At a certain point in the proceedings, she asked me how I was going, and then said, "Because I'm about to go off like a box of crackers". Then, she threw her head back and clutched her chest, and started to gasp and groan, and for the briefest of sickening moments, I thought she was having a heart attack, until I realised she was having a massive orgasm. I felt kind of stupid after that.BTW, next morning, after an encore performance, we were lying in her bed talking, and she told me her daughter's name, and I realised I had been in the same class as her in 3rd class. I thought it was funny but some might put in the Lame category.
" .. Does any one know how to fly a plane? .."That's got to be close to No. 1, but how about "I thought you filled it up before we left."
Howdy folks, my name is Wendell Buford, and I live in a little town name of Frog Whistle, Arkansas, with my widdered Ma, Mavis Buford, and my sister Priscilla. Folks is always sayin to me, “Wendell, you ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed, are you?” but I reckon I got me a sixth grade education and I can lift all kinds o’ heavy stuff, so I cain’t complain, ‘cause I reckon I get on okay. ...
Added 19 Aug 2016 | Category Humor
| Votes 2 | Avg Score 5
| Views 1,538
| 3 Comments
I’ve never been a big fan of horror movies. It’s not that I scare easily, but they just don’t do much for me. I will say, though, that the scariest movie I ever saw when I was a kid, was a film called “Poltergeist.” It came out when I was about thirteen or fourteen, and it frightened the shit out of me when I first saw it. It’s about a bunch of people living in a housing estate that’s been...
Added 18 Oct 2010 | Category Straight Sex
| Votes 8 | Avg Score 4.5
| Views 8,625
| 2 Comments
This story continues directly on from my previous story, “Remember Me? - Part 1” In the morning, I woke up from a deep sleep, where I had been dreaming, with crystal clarity and amazing detail, about my high school days. I was lying on my right side, and when I opened my eyes, I found myself looking at an unfamiliar window. For a moment, I didn’t know where I was, but then I remembered. I...
Added 10 Oct 2010 | Category Straight Sex
| Votes 14 | Avg Score 4.71
| Views 6,883
| 2 Comments
When I was sixteen years old, one my dad’s old drinking buddies said to me, one day, “Son, you probably don’t realise it now, but these are the best years of your life. Once you finish school, it’s all downhill from there. Mark my words on that.” My heart kind of sank when he told me that, and I thought, You mean, this is as good as it gets? To put it, mildly, my school years weren’t...
Added 12 Sep 2010 | Category Straight Sex
| Votes 13 | Avg Score 4.92
| Views 12,159
| 3 Comments
I think I’m a pretty average guy. You know, medium build, medium complexion, medium brown hair, average looks. When I say “average looks,” I mean I’m no Brad Pitt, but then nobody ever got me confused with Quasimodo, either. Kind of a happy medium, you could say. Maybe I’m a little a taller than average, but that helped me get into the state police force, so that was a good thing, but...
Added 09 Aug 2010 | Category Straight Sex
| Votes 7 | Avg Score 4.29
| Views 5,841
| 3 Comments
Warning: This is a long story with a slow build-up. 1980 was a long time ago. A lot of history has happened since then, but there are parts of that year I remember like it was yesterday. I remember being a shy, seventeen-year-old kid, in my second-last year of high school, and I remember that I was not exactly Mister Popularity, either. I remember that feeling of not always fitting...
Added 27 Jul 2010 | Category First Time
| Votes 30 | Avg Score 4.93
| Views 22,530
| 8 Comments
Back when I was about twenty, my old dad said to me, over a beer one day, “A divorced woman is like a used car.” I had to ask him what he meant by that, and he clarified by saying, “Just remember, a man gets rid of a used car for a reason.” Looking back, I’m not sure if he was just making blokey conversation, or whether he was actually offering me some fatherly advice, but sadly he never lived...
Added 14 Jun 2010 | Category Taboo
| Votes 32 | Avg Score 4.83
| Views 32,689
| 12 Comments
I was half-way through a day shift on a Wednesday morning, as I sat at a computer in the muster room, typing out a report on a minor arrest I had made the day before. I heard footsteps on the carpet behind me, and I looked up to see the shift supervisor, Sergeant Morrow, standing there with a clipboard in his hand. Morrow was one of those big, rugged, old-style cops that you just don’t see...
Added 20 May 2010 | Category Straight Sex
| Votes 11 | Avg Score 4.82
| Views 14,362
| 7 Comments
The year I turned twenty-three didn’t start out very well at all. First off, I lost my job, and the reason they gave me was that I just wasn’t performing well enough. That kind of thing is always hard to take. Then, to round things off, my girlfriend dumped me. She told me that losing my job was the last straw, and she was sick of playing second fiddle to my inferiority complex, even though...
Added 01 Jan 2010 | Category Mature
| Votes 12 | Avg Score 4.75
| Views 18,779
| 4 Comments
This story continues on directly from my first story, Sonya’s Siren Song. In the morning, I opened my eyes, and there was Sonya, in the bed beside me, still fast asleep. I realised that whatever happened last night had really happened, and there was no going back. I wasn’t sure what would happen when she awoke, but just in case, I quietly slipped out of the side of my bed, and put my...
Added 09 Sep 2009 | Category Taboo
| Votes 14 | Avg Score 4.86
| Views 11,370
| 2 Comments
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