Forum posts made by alexandra_a

Topic Oh, soldier, soldier - a poem thrice scorned
Posted 10 Oct 2014 14:57

Rejection sucks. I wrote a poem, and I let the structure be dictated by the emotions that I hoped would be revealed by it. It was rejected because it did not fit someone else's definition of Proper Poetry.

Sometimes, it's better to to let the writing of the work be a personal process, and a personal release. When I read your poem, I was saddened by the tragedy as it unfolded, but I did not feel the tremendous loss that you had to have felt in losing a friend. I sincerely hope that writing and sharing this piece is helping you to cope with those feelings.

I also trust that you understand that having some heartless cynic reject your poem does not make your feelings less valid. In this case, I think it reaffirms that warm-hearted and kind people should stick together.

Write on, and keep the pointy side of the pencil on the paper!

I couldn't agree more. Well put! And great advice to boot xxx

Topic Oh, soldier, soldier - a poem thrice scorned
Posted 07 Oct 2014 11:16

I'm surprised it wasn't accepted too - did you piss someone off or something?

I agree with OMKN - and I think it's way better than a lot of the stuff I've read...


Thanks, Maz, for the very informative video and for your kind words. My poem is - and this also applies to the original - social comment, but is also linked to the tragic demise of a real and very insecure young woman with whom I was acquainted.

I pissed no one off: some people are simply pissed off when you encounter them. As Aldous Huxley's wife - I forget her name (that's more social comment before you all start writing in) - wrote: 'You are not the target'. As much as I live by any adage (and I don't) I live by that one.

Topic Oh, soldier, soldier - a poem thrice scorned
Posted 07 Oct 2014 09:46

Maybe they weren't aware of the original version

It's not really a poem though. Just a collection lines vaguely smacked around an old musical hall number.

What is it? Well it looks to me like one of those drunken ramblings you hear at an open mic night. Maybe that's what you were going for.

That said i'm surprised it wasn't accepted. 95% of the poems on here are utter tosh.

Brilliant. Thank you. I feel truly as though I've been over your knee. Carousing criticism is better than rejection any day! X

Topic Oh, soldier, soldier - a poem thrice scorned
Posted 07 Oct 2014 07:34


This is my first time here, so please be gentle.

Or is it my second?



I had a poem rejected. Believe it or not, I'm not used to rejection. It hurts, doesn't it? Fucking really hurts. Feels personal. I spend hours, days, weeks, producing something for you, crafting it, shaping it, fretting over every word, every letter, every comma, and then you turn your back on me. Say it's not right. It doesn't fit. Where's the meter? The rigid metrical structure? Parts of it don't even rhyme! What's that prose in aid of? And, a love poem? Where's the love in it? And then you talk about 'poetic justice', hand me a definition of 'poetry', a link to a 'How to write poetry' page, and 'respectfully' slam the door in my face. Ouch. And it seems that a majority of the mods agree with you. The over-riding aim is perhaps not to covey something thought-provoking about the human condition, it is to tick boxes and fit neatly into a well-delineated though oft-meaningless category.

(At this point, I really ought to add that there was no malice intended, that the rejector was rejecting for what they perceived to be all the right reasons while obeying the rules of Lush. And moderators do a daunting, thankless task, bombarded daily by reams of well-meaning but oft unprintable fare. Mine among it.)

So now I know. But I'm not bitter. It's only a few words and I have millions more of those naughty little fuckers up my sleeve.


Anyway. More seriously. To the point. Rather than leave it in the black hole of my iPad, I decided, at a friend's behest, to pitch it into the whirlpool of 'Poet's corner'. Hopefully, despite its supposed 'Am I a poem?/am I prose?' identity crisis, you will pat its little head and say welcome home. Thank you :) xxx

(Oh, and if anyone wants a short essay on what it all means, from choice of vocabulary through the implications of its rhythm, rhyme, punctuation and structure, I wrote one, yet it fell on deaf eyes. What else would I expect? :))

Oh, soldier, soldier

Oh, soldier, soldier, won't you marry me, with your muscles tight as drums?
Oh, no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you, because your hair should be more fair.
So off she went to the apothecary
And bought some bleach that - nice 'n' easily -
Turned to straw her hair that once curled so beautifully
And it made the soldier cum.
Oh, soldier, soldier, won't you marry me, with your muscles tight as drums?
Oh, no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you, cos your laughter causes wrinkles and your smile produces crinkles.
So off she went, for a Botox session -
The most 'acutely lethal toxin' known to the medical profession -
Though she could neither chew nor close her eyes, it started an obsession
And it made the soldier cum.
Oh, soldier, soldier, won't you marry me, with your muscles tight as drums?
Oh, no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you, cos the features on your face look a little out of place.
So off she popped for some plastic surgery
And though she paid several times, it still looked a mess to me
Her nose was too big and her lips lacked symmetry
Still they made the soldier cum.
Oh, soldier, soldier, won't you marry me, with your muscles tight as drums?
Oh, no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you, cos your tits are the size of orange pips.
So she flew to Belarus for more plastic surgery
And acquired some tits that looked very strange to me
Tight bloated tits full of sad asymmetry
Yet they made the soldier cum.
Oh, soldier, soldier, won't you marry me, with your muscles tight as drums?
Oh, no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you, cos that unsightly cellulite won't keep me up all night.
So off she went for some lipo surgery
Though to tell you the truth, her bum and thighs looked great to me
And the results, though expensive, were much worse than most you'll see
Yet they made the soldier (who, after 5 years service overseas, had a noticeable and rather - if you ask me - unhealthy arse fetish) cum.
Oh, soldier, soldier, won't you marry me, with your muscles tight as drums?
Oh, no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you, cos I'd prefer my fiancée to have, at most, the skin tone of Beyoncé.
Apprehensively she paid for dodgy surgery
Where they gave her stuff - hydroquinone, steroids and mercury -
Fucking dangerous stuff, it was very clear to see
And, though she was quite ill when she got home, she still somehow managed, at his insistence, to make the soldier cum.
Oh, soldier, soldier, won't you marry me, with your muscles tight as drums?
Oh, no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you, because (though I have been too polite to mention this before) your cunt is so loose I may as well stick my cock out of the window and fuck the world.
So, yes, you guessed it, the silly cow spent a small fortune putting herself once again under general anaesthetic and into the hands of an under-qualified Filipino butcher who completely fucked up her hitherto quite beautiful pussy.
And, after months of infection, antibiotics, and pain-relief, the soldier insisted instead on a blow job then the cunt rolled over and went to sleep without so much as a fucking thank you.
Oh, soldier, soldier, won't you marry me, with your muscles tight as drums?
Oh no sweet maid, I cannot marry you because, despite all your efforts, which I appreciate very much - and that, thinking about it, must have cost you a fucking fortune - your insecurity is such a turn-off for me that I have decided to go back to my ex who - though she is a complete psycho-bitch - is aesthetically an unlikely cross between Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry.
Oh, Alex, Alex! What am I to do? No one will want me now!
Oh, no, sweet girl, come to Alex, baby; he was a complete cunt and you're better off without him.
So I held her till she stopped sobbing, cuddled up and kissed her gently and repeatedly, and told her she had been beautiful all along, and then, as the dark night bleached into a bright and beautiful tomorrow, I slowly and lovingly made her cum.

And though it is impossible to establish a direct link between any of the procedures Charlie undertook and her untimely death last year, I am certain that, were it not for the greedy amoral media and the obscenely heedless and cynical pharmaceutical, surgical, and cosmetic industries that drive young girls to seek unattainable perfection, my love would still be with me today.

Topic Lush, and turnover rate.
Posted 04 May 2014 15:54

I think the reason may be:
Life is fast here, speeded up a thousand-fold. Relationships blossom and die in days. Others get involved, take sides; people are shunned, leave in a huff. New lovers come and go as virtual relationships can soon lose their fire. People quickly get bored, need new stimuli. It's the way of the modern world: why work at what you've got when something new is around the corner? Especially something titillating and off-limits. It's immature, childish, and promotes a shallow, superficial existence that perfectly suits the free market economy. Sex, consumerism and the internet were simply made for each other.

And then, of course, real-life partners suspect the worst, check histories, confront and threaten. We never evolved for this. It happened too fast. The choices are too great; the temptations too vast; and the flesh is very, very weak...

Topic Announcing the Winners of our "Seduction Stories" Competition
Posted 04 Mar 2014 08:10

Thanks to whomever considered my little sex-free cookery manual to be amongst the top three sex stories in the latest comp. What must your minds be like? :)

I am truly honoured being placed above so many wonderful writers, and the pleasure I continue to enjoy coming directly beneath Liz and Sprite is, quite frankly, beyond compare :) Congratulations to you two ladies for your incredible tales :) xxx

Topic Favorite Line You've written
Posted 27 Jan 2014 09:45

This stanza from your poem is brilliant - such a clever and witty use of words, all propelled by an unerring sense of rhythm.

For something of my own, I quite like the closing couplet of my "Sonnet on an hand-job in a pub garden":

"And suddenly he comes, great streams of mess,
With most of it, alas, upon my dress."

As always, you combine sensuality with a touch of the surreal and a great runny dollop of humour! Brilliant xxx

Topic Favorite Line You've written
Posted 18 Jan 2014 05:42

This baited 'best line' thread has hooked some beauties; to it may I add my uncontroversial wriggling minnow:

So, Old Nick nicks our knickers, steals the kinky drawers of vicars, while the fallen angels frolic - a black mass of diabolic lycra, leather, latex lingerie for his Satanic Majesty.

Topic AUTHORS - 6 New Categories - Please move any stories you have which would be better suited to the ne
Posted 14 Jan 2014 23:38

How you manage to insult our readers, authors, moderating team and this site, all on one post, is quite amazing.

It's a shame. You are a talented author, no doubt, but your attitude really does need some adjustment (it stinks).

My 2 cents

There was no intention to cause offense or to insult anyone. I am an adult with carefully considered opinions amongst other adults with the same, not a naughty child in a classroom, and had a point to make, a valid one, I thought, and I made it in an ironic and light-hearted way. If authors, moderators and the site are offended, then I withdraw it unreservedly. As site owner, it is obviously your prerogative to assess my attitude and publish your opinion on it. There is nothing more to add but to say sorry again to everyone I have offended.

Topic How would you rate the avatar above, bland.. good.. funny... or perfect?
Posted 14 Jan 2014 15:36

You are the demon of the seamen! Classic Jack Tar with a couple of fingers from Captain Birdseye... Irresistible!

Topic AUTHORS - 6 New Categories - Please move any stories you have which would be better suited to the ne
Posted 14 Jan 2014 15:26

Surely the greater consideration should go to those readers that might happen across something they did not wish to read, as opposed to those that don't really know what they are looking for.

Ah. Yes. The readers. I hadn't considered them at all, to be honest. I imagined they would look after themselves, are probably old enough and hardy enough to survive viewing 'specialist adult material' without being too shocked and offended :)

'Surely' or not, I stick by what I said: too many categories narrows the readers' minds... possibly narrows the writers' minds too. I understand how Incest might offend and needs to be kept separate - as do its advocates and their resulting progeny - but other than that, I feel the categories need to be broad. One could argue that a love story is a love story, whether it's under the sea, on another planet, or between two consenting restless spirits. Why does it need breaking down into smaller categories?

Though I am speaking from an artistic (if that's not too pompous. It is, isn't it? Artistic is always pompous...) rather than an economic perspective, I can fully appreciate how more categories may well fit a more successful business model. Thankfully, making money from my writing - or from others' writing for that matter - will never be a major concern of mine :) x

Despite the above, another category just struck me: First time writer
Or better: brand spanking new first time writer
And another: Reluctant spell checker
And: Comma? Whats a comma? Or an apostrophe, for that matter?
And the famous: Story? What story?

Anyone got any more for the next round of nano-category specialisms? :)

Topic AUTHORS - 6 New Categories - Please move any stories you have which would be better suited to the ne
Posted 14 Jan 2014 13:40

Categories are all well and good, and the addition of some new ones may be a boon to some; however, the smaller the pigeonhole, the fewer pigeons that are likely to call in. Yes, being more genre-specific and specialist may help a reader find exactly what they want, but what about readers stumbling onto something they maybe did not want, but end up enjoying? Sometimes, the broader the category, the more diverse the experience for the general reader, and thus the broader the resultant mind. Just a thought :)

But, conversely and even more blinkering, when posting stories, I have often thought the following: it would be useful if I could choose two categories for this story. Maybe cross-dressing/sci-fi. How about supernatural/gay male? Or lesbian/milf. Just another thought...

Topic POV - which and why?
Posted 08 Jan 2014 13:40

I've never tried a story in second person. I suppose it would be necessary to be very clear if the narrator is taking about him/herself (essentially talking to one's self or describing one's own actions), taking about the reader, or objectively observing another person in the story.

I can see a lot of difference between 'I fucked him' and 'She fucked him.' With a third person limited omniscient POV all the narrator can do is explain what is physically going on (which in itself can be enlightening and insightful). But with 'I fucked him' the narrator has free reign to go into their internal aspects: why fuck him? how do I feeling about fucking him? What do I hope to get out of the encounter or achieve? etc.

Well, yes, there is a difference, but if the 'story' is simply about two people fucking then I'm not interested in who did what to whom or what the POV is; I'd rather have a cup of tea and watch Grand Designs. That was my point, though I didn't make it very clear :) x

Topic POV - which and why?
Posted 08 Jan 2014 08:00

Why this obsession with odd ordinal numbers? What's wrong with second and fourth? And will fractions and decimals ever get their say?

I think for erotic short stories, first person is generally more effective, more intimate and arousing, allows a more personal perspective on what is generally a very personal interaction and thus makes the whole more believable. I've written erotic stories in third person and have later changed them to first and found them more effective, but I suppose it depends what your aims are, what you are trying to say and why.

However, if you are simply choosing between 'I fucked him,' or 'she fucked him,' I can't imagine it will make much difference.

Topic Too many story ideas?
Posted 22 Dec 2013 14:57

Story ideas are ten a penny and are even more worthless without the hard graft that goes into the telling. The writer's craft, it seems, is rather like the songwriter's or the comedian's. The skill is in the timing. The build up. The language. The punchline. Some great books are based on fairly simple and mundane ideas yet are immensely satisfying simply because the author knew how to tell a tale, create tension, and how to keep us turning pages. Any idiot can tell a joke. Any idiot can write a song. And any idiot can tell a story. Apparently, a good one takes a spark of genius, a flash of inspiration, then lots and lots of hard work to make it look like it was easy.

Christian-based recovery programme? That sounds very scary. They are probably well-meaning people, but are likely to be a little unbalanced and probably need recovery themselves. By all means take their help to get to a better place, then say goodbye.

So, to sum up: don't worry! By all means write down your ideas in a diary of sorts. Why wouldn't you? Write it in code if the God-squad are getting heavy... And enjoy your creativity. Simply enjoy :) xxx

Topic writing erotica & being a Christian
Posted 17 Dec 2013 16:42

You are quite safe! There isn't a Hell, so you won't be going there. This life, fortunately, is all there is. No Paradise for the self-satisfied though often well-meaning-but-deluded. No hell for the nasty evil buggers or for the generally nice folk who sometimes fancy a quick wank. And thank god (small g) for that. Be excellent to each other, be sensible and safe and have a long happy life, for beyond it - or so all the evidence suggests - there is nothing.

And even if there is a God, a kind forgiving soul somewhat like the Jesus who lived here for a short while, surely he would not be so mean, petty, small-minded and vindictive to condemn to an eternity of torment his beloved, often inherently weak and stupid creations for sins committed in what must be to him the blink of an eye? Surely?

You just couldn't make it up, could you?

Topic Abandoning a story?
Posted 07 Dec 2013 01:07

I've said it before, but I'll reiterate: if your characters are real and well developed, then you can't hit a dead end, any more than reality can simply stop and run out of ideas. Something happens next. Something always happens next. People's lives ebb and flow, come and go, and stories do the same. Give your characters flesh, start their hearts and watch them go. They will create it for you. Simply write it down.

Alternatively (lol), only write when you are inspired. Don't write for the sake of it. Mull over in your head till inspiration strikes then take it by the horns and cling on for grim death.

Gustav Holst, the composer, said something like: 'Only compose when the act of not composing is a positive nuisance to you'. Write when you have reason to write, when the need to say what you need to say overcomes everything else. :)

Topic Ever fucked a girl that you just didn't really like? Advice requested too.
Posted 20 Sep 2013 02:35

You don't have to like someone to fuck them - and anyway, perhaps the feeling was mutual.

Sex can simply be a sport, doesn't have to have the usual commitment connotations. So liking and/or loving doesn't have to come into it; indeed the opposite may add unexpected spice: Man U don't like Arsenal, but it's always a spectacle worth watching and, I expect, participating in. :)

Topic You may notice the votes on stories changing
Posted 20 Sep 2013 01:14

In around and hour last night, I got around 50 scores - all fours which are good for me! - on all my profile page stories and a few beyond. And there was I, thinking I was suddenly 'almost popular', or 'famously average'. Oh, well. It brought a little excitement to my Earl Grey existence.

Topic New Privacy Setting - Private Messages - Set to Friends only
Posted 14 Sep 2013 01:01

I thought it already did that! Oh... great idea anyway!

Topic period sex
Posted 18 Aug 2013 03:23


Isn't piss, cum, sweat, saliva, gin, baby oil, pussy juice and Canestan enough fluid for one dry-land activity? What's wrong with you people?

Topic If you could have one lustful evening with anyone (and they were totally into it) with whom would it
Posted 23 Jul 2013 09:28

Just me, a box of chocs, some Roy Orbison and a nice cup of Earl Grey. Perfect x

Topic Would you rather be very wealthy, or live forever?
Posted 23 Jul 2013 05:51


Rich people - and perhaps especially their kids - are rarely happy.

Re immortality: look around you - even God is fed up of living forever. Why would you get out of bed or do anything at all when you have all eternity to do it in?

Topic Are You A Different Person When Drunk?
Posted 15 Jul 2013 16:22

I don't drink. But surely one would not poison one's body just for the sake of it? There must be some immense benefit, something beyond the teenage need to flaunt authority, to break rules and experiment with grown-up things that clings on into adulthood...

Everyone is different when drunk. It's a mind altering drug, that alcohol stuff. It can be harmless fun, I'm sure, but some people get violent; others drive their car, or they say things their sober selves would never dream of saying. Hence, they hurt people in lots of ways. And many get addicted. A friend of mine is alcoholic. He lost his job, his wife and kids. He lost his health and his self-respect. Yet he cannot stop drinking alcohol, cannot break the addiction. It will kill him soon. He is certainly different when drunk. I can vouch for that.

I don't like the taste, the numbness, and don't enjoy the feeling of 'out of control', however slight. And, to be honest, I just don't get it. I like being me, don't need to oil the wheels, to loosen up. I am often surrounded by tipsy, even drunk people and find myself feeling sorry for them. Sorry for their impending hangovers; sorry for the sad lives I imagine they must lead in order to find pleasurable escape in their present pathetic condition.

Drinking to excess is somehow seen to be clever, but it isn't. Chimps eat fermenting fruit and fall out of trees, probably tell their chimpy banana-breathed mates how they got 'hammered', 'went on a right bender', 'got pissed as a sloth'. Come on, Humanity, surely it's time to evolve?

That was a light-hearted question that received a heavy-handed response. But I offer no apology. Drinking alcohol is potentially as serious as snorting cocaine. We need to be responsible, take it seriously and stop talking like thirteen year-olds.

Topic Why do men impersonate as women or post ladies' pics on their profile
Posted 14 Jul 2013 23:34

And now we have JK Rowling pretending to be a man to sell more books! Whatever next?

Topic Replying to the Moderator who approves your story?
Posted 06 Jul 2013 00:58

In the real world, I would always thank someone for doing something for me, especially something as selfless as reading my moronic 5000 words and deeming them acceptable and fit for public scrutiny. However, the Internet is a funny thing. Sometimes - perhaps in the manner of all addictive substances - it magnifies my personal traits and sometimes it diminishes them. Hence, sometimes I say thank you and sometimes I simply forget. For all those apparently unappreciative moments (when I was actually too dazed by euphoria to respond respectfully) may I simply say:

Thank you xxxxxxx

Topic An Opening HOOK?
Posted 01 Jul 2013 23:52

There is no right or wrong when writing commercial fiction...only effective and ineffective. IMHO, telling your story in a way that appeals to your targeted readership is what seperates authors from writers.


And whether they live in trees or not separates monkeys from humans. If selling comes first, rather than honesty and self-expression, then we stay in the trees. Money grew the trees: monkeys live in them. We really need to get out and explore the savannah, don't you think?

Topic characters under 16 years of age
Posted 01 Jul 2013 15:20

I thought the guy in Lolita was a paedo, I wouldn't call that erotica. I never read it at uni, but I know someone who did and he said it wasn't very good.

Graham Greene said it was the one of the best books he'd read. That's good enough for me... unless your friend is Salman Rushdie or something :)

Topic characters under 16 years of age
Posted 01 Jul 2013 15:15

Yes, the site does actually forbid the use of its forums, profiles and stories to be used as a link to third party advertisements. Such links are removed as they are discovered and repeat offenders could be suspended or even have their accounts deleted. See the red dot with LP in it? That signifies it was a Lush Publication.

I have seen adverts on profiles for external sites : '' for example. Are you sure this is the case? Or perhaps Smashwords is linked to Lush somehow? And I have a link to an Amazon page where I have a collection of short stories for sale. Is this not allowed also? So many rules: so little time!

Topic characters under 16 years of age
Posted 29 Jun 2013 03:21

And I love the 'Nobokov'! It slipped by me on first reading. I like your style!