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21 Jan 2007
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Topic: Perfect breasts Part 2
Posted: 24 Sep 2007 17:04

Her boobies make me pant, but I'm not so keen about the runway strip. That would have to come off. Or grow back. Then I might let her have her way with me if she were lucky <img src="/images/emoticons/confused5.gif" alt="confused5">

Topic: Anyone else suffer from vertigo?
Posted: 24 Sep 2007 17:02

Takes a lot of guts to do something like that. I have to get a window cleaner in to do the upstairs windows <img src="/images/emoticons/evil6.gif" alt="evil4">


Topic: Fun with words - have any good anagrams?
Posted: 24 Sep 2007 16:58

Here are some fun celebrity ones:

• Britney Spears: best PR in years

• Justin Timberlake: I’m a jerk, but listen

• Madonna Louise Ciccone: occasional nude income. & one cool dance musician.

• Arnold Schwarzenegger: he’s grown large n’ crazed

• William Shatner: slim alien wrath & Will is earthman

• Elvis Aaron Presley: Seen alive? Sorry, pal & earns lovely praise

• David Letterman: terminal dead TV & nerd amid late TV

• Clint Eastwood: old west action & lies down to act

• Jennifer Aniston: fine in torn jeans

• Saddam Hussein: UNs said he’s mad

• Marilyn Monroe: in lore, my Norma & I marry loon men

• Sean Connery: on any screen

• Sharon Stone: no near shots & ass on throne

• Jim Morrison: Mr. Mojo Risin’

• Howard Stern: wonder trash

• Frodo Baggins: bad ring’s goof

• Sherlock Holmes: heh smells crook

• Babe Ruth: he rub bat

• Robin Williams: I warm billions

• Monty Python’s Flying Circus: strongly psychotic, I’m funny

• Steve Martin: I’m star event

• James Marshall Hendrix: hinder lax, harmless jam

• Princess Diana: ascend in Paris & end is a car spin

• Stevie Wonder: er, doesn’t view

• Elvis Costello: voice sells lot

• Paul McCartney: pay Mr. Clean cut

Topic: Happy birthday Curious2c
Posted: 24 Sep 2007 16:56

Belated happy returns!

Topic: 100 great reasons to be a guy
Posted: 24 Sep 2007 16:48

Apologies to those who've seen this one passed around already, they normally do the rounds at the same time <img src="/images/emoticons/eusa_doh.gif" alt="d&#39;oh!">

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday Night Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading Championship
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. ESPN's sports center.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell you friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There is always a game on somewhere.

Topic: Katt Williams on weed
Posted: 10 Jul 2007 04:55

Is he stoned on stage? <img src="/images/emoticons/kekekegay.gif" alt="kekekegay">

Topic: Anti-gay-sex robo-toilets!
Posted: 10 Jul 2007 04:54

So you'd have to be seriously horny and quick fire to get it over with in 30 seconds. Blimey!

Topic: No pole dancing please
Posted: 10 Jul 2007 04:53

Can only be England...

Topic: Anyone into "Furring"?
Posted: 10 Jul 2007 04:52

Hell, I'm still trying to figure out 'dogging' and now there's another new one out there? How am I suppose to keep up on all this stuff and write stories too?<img src="/images/emoticons/eusa_doh.gif" alt="d&#39;oh!">

What's dogging? Or dare I not ask?

Topic: Condom testers wanted
Posted: 10 Jul 2007 04:51

Where do I sign up? Another male to the front for the sake of scientific advancement <img src="/images/emoticons/glasses10.gif" alt="glasses8">

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Stories Published By CaptainPants All Stories »

My insatiable Asian secretary

Most of the daytime, I spent driving around the town for work and sometimes, I had to return to office late in the evening to catch up some paper work. I had rung in earlier to Madeline, my part time secretary (Mabel was on leave), to leave some of the files I might need on my desk before she went off. About 8pm, I returned to my office, it was empty, I had checked. I made myself a coffee,...

Added 23 May 2007 | Category Straight Sex | Votes 23 | Avg Score 4.76 | Views 66,633 | 7 Comments

Audio Story The Neighbors

My neighbors are pretty average, nothing out of the ordinary. One night, I was sitting in my bedroom watching TV. Nothing good was on, save an old episode of Friends, so I gave up and laid there, pondering what I should do. I turned to look at my alarm clock to see the time (11.44 pm) and happened to glance out my window, which looked into the neighbor’s bedroom. Rich (my neighbor)...

Added 02 Feb 2007 | Category Voyeur | Votes 16 | Avg Score 4.38 | Views 52,784 | 6 Comments

Friends Comments

Happy Birthday from the Lush team.
01 Jan 2014 00:20
Happy Birthday from the Lush team.
30 Dec 2011 16:57
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