Life is too Short to hate someone... Indeed the person with patience will achieve SUCCESS. Life has never been simple or easy but always believed in smiling and keep the world around me quite happy... Wished i could find a solution for the world for the memories that they carry... I am quite emotional so can be overly caring about someone... To know more about me, you can add me or ask me... Sometimes i might also need someone who would want to listen to me like i would listen to them... Hopefully the journey continues....
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MBBS Professor: The Sperm is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of.A Girl raised her hand: Then why doesn't it taste like Sugar?Suddenly silence in hall.Girl: Oops.Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:My dear, that's because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your Throat.
A newlywed husband had to go on a business trip, and hated to leave his gorgeous, sexy blonde wife alone. The night before he left, he brought home a vibrator and gave it to her."What's this for?" she asked."It's for those lonely nights when you miss me," explained her husband, winking. "Just think of it as something to take my place when you get horny."A week later, hubby returns home, and finds the vibrator in the garbage."Honey," he says, "why did you throw it away? I told you, you should use it in my place when I'm gone.""I did," she said. "But the damned thing rattled my teeth's fillings loose."
Having downed a few drinks, a gud luking lady turned around,faced him, looked straight in the eye, and said: Listen buddy, I am always ready to get screwed by anybody, anytime, anywhere your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, standing up,sitting down, naked or with clothes on, 24/7.The guy: No kidding ? I'm in Army too ! Which unit are you with ?PS - nothing against the army... Sorry if I hurt anyone sentiments
Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot."The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are too strict."The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband.He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get it right.'"
A young, attractive woman decides to hang one of her favorite pictures on her wall and asks her father what she needs to do.He says to hammer a nail with a large head on it into the wall where she wants her picture to be located.After searching endlessly for a "nail with a large head on it" she gives up and goes out to buy one.When she reaches the store she sees an old dirty looking man with his eyes popped out of his head once she entered. Not knowing her way around a hardware store she is forced to ask him for help."Do you have a nail with a large head on it?"He answers, "I have something with a large head that would be happy to nail you....."
A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives."Look," he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 (small) a 320 (medium) or a 330 (large). The word condom won't even be used."The first day was fine but on the second day a guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said, "350..."The girl panicked. She ran outside, phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament."Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs," her boss told her.She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs."Yes!!!" she said "He's got one hanging there....!"The boss said, "Go back in and give him Pound 3.50......................He's the bloody Window Cleaner"!!!!!!!
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap."Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser."To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood (the thing). Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.So she gives several more tugs, then yells..."Holy Mary,Mother of God,HAND WASH TOO!!!
One friend said to the other, "What is a dilemma?"He replied, "Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that.Imagine that you are laying in a big bed with a beautiful naked young woman on one side and a gay man on the other.Who are you going to turn your back on?
Redhead: Tell me, what is sex ?Blonde: Sex is when you dress up go to a bar flirt with a guy he buys you drinks. You go to bed and he leaves some money on your table.Redhead: And what is good sex ?Bonde: Good sex is when you dress up go to a bar flirt with a guy he buys you drinks you go to bed and he leaves lots of money on your table.Redhead: And what is love ?Blonde: Love!!! That's an ethnic minority invention to avoid leaving money on the table.
There were these three morticians talking about their greatest feats.The first one says, "I had this soldier who stepped on a land mine. Took me three days to get him ready for an open casket funeral !!!"The next guy says, "Oh yeah? I had this construction worker fall 15 stories, then he got run over by a steam roller, but I had him ready for an open casket funeral in two days!!!"The third guy sulks in the corner, "Guys! Both y'all got me beat. I had this lady parachutist who landed on the empire state building. It took me four days just to get the grin off her face."
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