Life is too Short to hate someone... Indeed the person with patience will achieve SUCCESS. Life has never been simple or easy but always believed in smiling and keep the world around me quite happy... Wished i could find a solution for the world for the memories that they carry... I am quite emotional so can be overly caring about someone... To know more about me, you can add me or ask me... Sometimes i might also need someone who would want to listen to me like i would listen to them... Hopefully the journey continues....
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Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin's penis was twisted like a corkscrew."Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before.""Like what?" Martin said."All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary said."Well, what's yours like?" Martin said."Straight, like normal," Gary said."I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Martin said.Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants."What did you do that for?" Martin said."Shaking off the excess drops," Gary said. "Like normal.""&%$#@ !," Martin said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."
I came home from work last night and told my wife that I've been given a Huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ My own private secretary."Well you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly," she said. "I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have sex with.""That's fair enough," I replied. "When can you start?"
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?Old Lady: I am 72 years old.Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.Defense Attorney: Did you know him?Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.Defense Attorney: Why not?Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.Defense Attorney: What happened next?Old Lady: He began to rub all over of my body.Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.Defense Attorney: Why not?Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!Defense Attorney: What happened next?Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'Defense Attorney: Did he take you?Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!"And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said, "What can I get you, gorgeous?"The woman blushed and replied, "If you're sure you don't mind, I'll have a large stiff one, please."The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered into the woman's ear, "Would that be before or after I've got the drinks?"
John and Mary had been high school sweethearts, but they had never had sex. "We'll have to wait until we are married," she told him. So he waits.They are engaged three years, and finally the big day rolls around. On their wedding night, Mary comes out of the bathroom, and says "I have some bad news. I have my period, and I don't want our first time to be all bloody!"John says, "You're kidding!"Mary says, "We'll just have to wait a bit longer."Mary goes to sleep, and wakes up at 3:00 am to get a drink. On her way back to bed, she notices Johnny wide awake staring at the ceiling."There's no use John," she said "You might as well go to sleep.""I would, except my dick's so hard there's not enough skin left to close my eyes!"
A blonde and her redhead friend were talking about sex...Blonde: Tell me, what is sex ?Redhead: Sex is when you dress up, go to a bar, flirt with a guy, he buys you drinks. You go to bed and he leaves some money on your table.Blonde: And what is good sex ?Redhead: Good sex is when you dress up, go to a bar, flirt with a guy, he buys you drinks. You go to bed and he leaves lots of money on your table.Blonde: And what is love ? Redhead: Love - That's an ethnic minority invention to avoid leaving money on the table.
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10-Meter board, and did a two and a half tuck gainer. This was followed by three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out, and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.She said," That was incredible!"He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?""No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.
A Blonde couple were in a car parked on Lovers Lane and the young man turned admiringly to his pretty date and said, "Gee, you smell terrific. You wearing perfume or something?"The girl blushed charmingly and confessed that she was wearing a new perfume that she'd bought especially with him in mind."You smell good, too," she aid, "What do you have on?""Well, I have a hard-on," blurted the young man," but I didn't know that you could smell it."
A man, very much on the make for his secretary, wined her and dined her. He finally succeeded in getting her to his apartment, where he whispered sweet promises into her ear while he began to unbutton her blouse."If we get together," he said, "a fur coat...perhaps a trip to Europe."The secretary nodded a cheerful agreement, and soon the two were locked in intercourse. Later, while dressing, she asked him when she could get the fur coat he'd promised."What fur coat?" he asked."You promised me a fur coat," she said."When I'm horny I'll promise anything," he said. Putting one hand on his heart and one on his penis, he added, "When he's soft, he's hard. When he's hard, he's soft."
One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?Brian: Yeah, sure.Presenter: OK, Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?Brian: Ha Ha Ha..., well, about 8 o'clock this morning.Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?Brian: Hmmmmmmmm..... about 10 minutes.Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?Brian: Ohhhh, I can't say that.Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!Brian: OK... OK... On the kitchen table.Presenter (laughter in the room): Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?Brian: Yeah, alright.Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you?Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello.Sharelle: Hi Brian.Brian: Hi Sharelle.Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.Sharelle: OK.Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.Sharelle: OK! About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle?Sharelle: (Giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.Co-Presenter: That's close enough. Brian was just being a gentleman.Presenter: OK. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway... just tell em.Sharelle: Ohhhh..... alright.... Up the ass!Radio Silence...
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