Life is too Short to hate someone... Indeed the person with patience will achieve SUCCESS. Life has never been simple or easy but always believed in smiling and keep the world around me quite happy... Wished i could find a solution for the world for the memories that they carry... I am quite emotional so can be overly caring about someone... To know more about me, you can add me or ask me... Sometimes i might also need someone who would want to listen to me like i would listen to them... Hopefully the journey continues....
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Luiggi walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about.After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them. Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luiggi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?"Startled, Sophia replies, "Yes, Luiggi, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?"Luiggi answers, "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?"Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, "Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?"Rosa answers, "Yes, Luiggi, I do, but how do you know that?"He replies, "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?"Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luiggi asks Carmela to dance.Midway through the dance his face turns red... he states, "Carmela, be stilla my heart, please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tella me this true!"Carmela smiles coyly and answers, "Yes Luiggi, I wear no panties tonight..."Luiggi gasps, "Thanka God... I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Armani leather shoes."
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed, good looking man in his late 40's or early 50's."May I help you?" she asked."I want to see Valerie," the man replied."Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam."No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie.Valerie explained that no man had ever come back two nights in a row - too expensive - and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000.Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.After their session, Valerie questioned the man., "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"The man replied, "South Dakota.""Really!" she said. "I have family in South Dakota.""I know,' the man said. 'Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:1. Death2. Taxes3. Being screwed by a lawyer.
An Young lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams."Don't worry about that!", says St. Peter, "It's only someone having the holes drilled into her shoulder blades for the wings."The lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. A few minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams."Oh my Goodness", says the lady, "now what is happening?""Not to worry," says St. Peter, "she's just having her head drilled to fit the halo.""I can't do this", says the lady, "I'm going to hell!""You can't go to that nasty place", says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and taken advantage of!""Maybe so", says the young lady, "but I've already got the holes for that...!"
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to Santa on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives."Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and told me how much she adored me.""Ah, last night," the Italian said, "I made love to my wife six times, and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man."When Santa remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?""Once," he replied."Only once!?" the Italian arrogantly snorted while the Frenchman laughed, "And what did she say to you this morning?""She said, 'I guess we had better stop - it's time to go to the airport.'"
Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin's penis was twisted like a corkscrew."Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before.""Like what?" Martin said."All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary said."Well, what's yours like?" Martin said."Straight, like normal," Gary said."I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Martin said.Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants."What did you do that for?" Martin said."Shaking off the excess drops," Gary said. "Like normal.""&%$#@ !," Martin said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."
I came home from work last night and told my wife that I've been given a Huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ My own private secretary."Well you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly," she said. "I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have sex with.""That's fair enough," I replied. "When can you start?"
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?Old Lady: I am 72 years old.Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.Defense Attorney: Did you know him?Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.Defense Attorney: Why not?Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.Defense Attorney: What happened next?Old Lady: He began to rub all over of my body.Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.Defense Attorney: Why not?Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!Defense Attorney: What happened next?Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'Defense Attorney: Did he take you?Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!"And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said, "What can I get you, gorgeous?"The woman blushed and replied, "If you're sure you don't mind, I'll have a large stiff one, please."The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered into the woman's ear, "Would that be before or after I've got the drinks?"
John and Mary had been high school sweethearts, but they had never had sex. "We'll have to wait until we are married," she told him. So he waits.They are engaged three years, and finally the big day rolls around. On their wedding night, Mary comes out of the bathroom, and says "I have some bad news. I have my period, and I don't want our first time to be all bloody!"John says, "You're kidding!"Mary says, "We'll just have to wait a bit longer."Mary goes to sleep, and wakes up at 3:00 am to get a drink. On her way back to bed, she notices Johnny wide awake staring at the ceiling."There's no use John," she said "You might as well go to sleep.""I would, except my dick's so hard there's not enough skin left to close my eyes!"
A blonde and her redhead friend were talking about sex...Blonde: Tell me, what is sex ?Redhead: Sex is when you dress up, go to a bar, flirt with a guy, he buys you drinks. You go to bed and he leaves some money on your table.Blonde: And what is good sex ?Redhead: Good sex is when you dress up, go to a bar, flirt with a guy, he buys you drinks. You go to bed and he leaves lots of money on your table.Blonde: And what is love ? Redhead: Love - That's an ethnic minority invention to avoid leaving money on the table.
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