Forum posts made by dancing_doll

Topic Plagiarism alert
Posted 15 Jul 2014 12:54

I get plagiarized often, and have filled out dozens and dozens of DMCAs over the years. I've literally lost count. I have also gone after plagiarists directly and make no apologies for it.

In this case, if you haven't already filed a formal DMCA with GoodReads, I would strongly suggest it, as it will possibly lead to the termination of the entire catalog of stories this person has published if they are a repeat infringer (which it seems they are). I've posted details about GoodReads DMCA procedure below, as well as for Google and Amazon (the ones I use most often).

Smashwords, iTunes, and assorted bookstores and story sites all have their individual takedown notice processes and will vary with time-to-respond as well as procedure. Some will take things down instantly once you offer proof (eg. Amazon, Google), others will contact the plagiarist to get their response, so this can drag things out a bit. Just be persistent.

The thing about plagiarists is that they tend to steal from multiple sources and once you're known around the writing community, people/fans and those you've networked with, will contact you and let you know when they see this happening and even fight the fight on your behalf. I am always grateful for that kind of support and regularly do the same for other writers when I see this happening as well.


Google has a drop-down menu style form for their DMCA. This covers Blogger/Blogspot as well. Follow the instructions carefully - if a longer story appears on multiple pages, you will need to fill out of those for 'page one, page two, page three' and so on, even though it's the same story. Turnaround time varies but expect it to take 2-8 weeks. I was dealing with a few take-downs two months ago that averaged around the 8 week timeframe. They do work though - I've never had one go ignored - so just fill out properly and be patient.

DMCA Form for Google


Amazon DMCAs - these get handled much more quickly - usually within 24 hrs, the book is pulled and you will be notified.

Reporting Copyright Infringement
This procedure is exclusively for notifying and its affiliates that your copyrighted material has been infringed.

If you believe your work has been copied in a way that constitutes copyright infringement, provide's copyright agent the following written information:

An electronic or physical signature of the person authorized to act on behalf of the owner of the copyright interest.
A description of the copyrighted work that you claim has been infringed upon.
A description of where on the site the material you claim is infringing is located.
Your address, telephone number, and e-mail address.
A statement by you that:
You have a good-faith belief that the disputed use is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law.
Under penalty of perjury, the information in your notice is accurate and that you are the copyright owner or authorized to act on the copyright owner's behalf.'s Copyright Agent for notice of claims of copyright infringement on its site can be reached at:

Copyright Agent Legal Department
P.O. Box 81226
Seattle, WA 98108-1226

Phone: (206) 266-4064
Fax: (206) 266-7010


DMCA Notice

If you believe that your copyrighted work has been copied in a way that constitutes copyright infringement and is accessible via the Service, please notify Goodreads's copyright agent, as set forth in the Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1998 ("DMCA"). For your complaint to be valid under the DMCA, you must provide the following information in writing:

An electronic or physical signature of a person authorized to act on behalf of the copyright owner;
Identification of the copyrighted work that you claim has been infringed;
Identification of the material that is claimed to be infringing and where it is located on the Service;
Information reasonably sufficient to permit Goodreads to contact you, such as your address, telephone number, and, e-mail address;
A statement that you have a good faith belief that use of the material in the manner complained of is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or law; and
A statement, made under penalty of perjury, that the above information is accurate, and that you are the copyright owner or are authorized to act on behalf of the owner.

The above information must be submitted to the following DMCA Agent:
Name: Otis Chandler
Attn: DMCA Notice
Company: Goodreads, Inc.
Address: 188 Spear Street, 3rd Floor, San Francisco, CA 94105


Please note that this procedure is exclusively for notifying Goodreads and its affiliates that your copyrighted material has been infringed. The preceding requirements are intended to comply with Goodreads's rights and obligations under the DMCA, including 17 U.S.C. §512(c), but do not constitute legal advice. It may be advisable to contact an attorney regarding your rights and obligations under the DMCA and other applicable laws.

In accordance with the DMCA and other applicable law, Goodreads has adopted a policy of terminating, in appropriate circumstances and at Goodreads's sole discretion, members who are deemed to be repeat infringers. Goodreads may also at its sole discretion limit access to the Service and/or terminate the accounts of any Users who infringe any intellectual property rights of others, whether or not there is any repeat infringement.

Topic Would You Consider?
Posted 15 Jul 2014 07:31

If she's doing something that she has to hide from her GF, then you can technically call it cheating... different story if they're both cool with it, and just see it as harmless fun. But if your friend walked into this girl's room and she would rush to shut down her computer and/or delete her computer history, she knows she's doing something wrong.

Now... do I think it's as serious as 'real-life' cheating... not really... unless she's emotionally invested and attached to the people she's messing around with online and it's an ongoing thing with one person that's eating up her waking thoughts, even when she's not online.

The problem is - when someone finds out their s.o. is playing online, the reality is - they're sharing some kind of intimacy and fantasy life with someone else. Even if it's purely on a casual level, the person who accidentally discovers this is probably left wondering where the boundaries are... is other stuff going on? would they ever meet these online people in real life or want to? are they unhappy (emotionally or sexually) and looking for someone else to fill the void? So... if your friend hasn't confronted her about it yet, she's probably thinking about the bigger picture and may be confused or stressed about it.. If it was a matter of just some casual chats/cyber with random strangers, it might not be seen as reason to get upset about it... but she may not know how far it's gone (or would go) and is left wondering if this is a symptom of bigger issues in their relationship.

Verdict - they need to talk and figure out what they're both comfortable with as far as 'monogamy' and 'cheating'. Honesty is important. If this girl doesn't consider cyber as a big deal (and for example, wouldn't be bothered if your friend was doing it too), then maybe that's all she needs to feel more secure about the relationship. If it's still an issue for her, then changes need to be made for things to work out. Everyone has limits and if you know those limits and still disrespect them, then yeah... I would call that 'cheating'. Whether that level of cheating is upsetting enough to warrant a break up is still up for debate - depends on the people involved.

Posted 14 Jul 2014 15:31

occasion7 occasion6 occasion6 occasion7

All hail Queen Nicola! I hope you have a fantastic day!

And, in lieu of cake and candles, don't forget to blow out the corks on the good stuff! drunken

Topic Bikinis - the skimpier the better?
Posted 13 Jul 2014 07:25

I'm a fan of the classic string bikini, but I'll do cheeky bottoms (in more of the sporty style, especially with a T-back or racerback top), depending on where I'm going/what I'm doing. I also like string tops, halters, bandeaus.

Generally, I like moderate butt-coverage, like this:

I don't do g-strings, full thong, micro-bikinis or anything really over the top or cheesy. It's not about body confidence - it's more about personal taste and I think some of those styles can veer toward looking a little tacky, not to mention kind of non-functional if you enjoy doing more than just tanning and standing around.

Some swimwear brands that I like and own pieces from - L*Space, LeTarte, Kaohs Swim, Vitamin A. I have a couple of fashion brand bikinis as well (Burberry, D&G, La Perla). I have a couple of older ones from Victoria Secret. Generally for me, it's all about the fabric - I also hate padding and overly structured styles.

Topic Teeth Whitening
Posted 11 Jul 2014 08:59

So.... to those that purchased this product from Amazon - what's the verdict? Yay or nay? :)

Topic Stockings and garter belts?
Posted 11 Jul 2014 08:01

I wear thigh-high hose, tights, socks, fishnets but I'm not into garters. I'll wear them for a guy if it turns him on or if it's part of a corset or sex-outfit (I do have a few), but it's not really my thing. I would never wear a garter unless it was for a guy - I don't really like them. Bare legs are always my first choice in warm months and then thigh-high stay-ups of some kind in cooler, winter months.

Topic Elliot Rodger kills 6, injures 13 others. Is it rape culture, guns or something else?
Posted 11 Jul 2014 07:05

sometimes i think it needs to come to this. planet of the apes style. This is for Doll...

A year ago Usha Narayane was about to embark on a new life. A call-centre worker with a diploma in hotel management, she was 25 and about to travel north from her home in the centre of India to begin a managerial job in a hotel in Punjab. The job would transport her not only geographically but also socially.

Like her neighbours, Narayane is a dalit, an "untouchable", at the bottom of the caste ladder. Schooling and literacy are rare among the women of Kasturba Nagar, the slum neighbourhood in the city of Nagpur where she grew up. She was unmarried, preferring to work and study. Yet nobody resented her success. Instead, they had high hopes for the girl. But Narayane went nowhere. Today, she is in her family's one-room, windowless home, awaiting trial for murder.

At 3pm on August 13 2004, Akku Yadav was lynched by a mob of around 200 women from Kasturba Nagar. It took them 15 minutes to hack to death the man they say raped them with impunity for more than a decade. Chilli powder was thrown in his face and stones hurled. As he flailed and fought, one of his alleged victims hacked off his penis with a vegetable knife. A further 70 stab wounds were left on his body. The incident was made all the more extraordinary by its setting. Yadav was murdered not in the dark alleys of the slum, but on the shiny white marble floor of Nagpur district court.

Laughed at and abused by the police when they reported being raped by Yadav, the women took the law into their own hands. A local thug, Yadav and his gang had terrorised the 300 families of Kasturba Nagar for more than a decade, barging into homes demanding money, shouting threats and abuse.

Residents say he murdered at least three neighbours and dumped their bodies on railway tracks. They had reported his crimes to the police dozens of times. Each time he was arrested, he was granted bail.

But it was rape that Yadav used to break and humiliate the community. A rape victim lives in every other house in the slum, say the residents of Kasturba Nagar. He violated women to control men, ordering his henchmen to drag even girls as young as 12 to a nearby derelict building to be gang-raped.

In India, even to admit to being raped is taboo, yet dozens of Yadav's victims reported the crime. But the 32-year-old was never charged with rape. Instead, the women say, the police would tell him who had made the reports and he would come after them. According to residents, the police were hand-in-glove with Yadav: he fed the local officers bribes and drink, and they protected him.

When one 22-year-old reported being raped by Yadav, the police accused her of having an affair with him and sent her away. Several others were sent away after being told: "You're a loose woman. That's why he raped you."

Nagpur is counted among India's fastest-growing cities. Yet the experience of the women of Kasturba Nagar is a parallel tale of how everyday life in India's back streets is stuck in the past. Splashed across the country's news- papers, the gory image of Yadav's blood on the courtroom floor was a lesson in the consequences of a state unable to protect the weak and the vulnerable.

After Yadav's murder, powerful voices were raised supporting the lynch mob. Prominent lawyers issued a statement saying the women should not be treated as the accused, but as the victims. One retired high court judge even congratulated the women. "In the circumstances they underwent, they were left with no alternative but to finish Akku. The women repeatedly pleaded with the police for their security. But the police failed to protect them," said Justice Bhau Vahane.

Two weeks before the lynching, Yadav came to Narayane's house on several successive days, threatening to throw acid on her and rape her. He targeted her, she says, because she was outspoken and her brother-in-law, a lawyer, had verbally stood up to Yadav. "He raped only poor people whom he thought wouldn't go and tell, or if they did, wouldn't be listened to. But he made a big mistake in threatening me. People felt that if I were attacked, no woman would ever be safe."

Although Narayane has been charged with Yadav's murder, she claims she was not at the court when it took place but in the slum collecting signatures for a mass complaint against him. Among the charges levelled against her are some of India's most serious offences, including "anti- nationalist" crimes amounting to treason. "The cops say I planned the murder; that I started it. They have to make someone a scapegoat," she says. She believes she has been singled out because she has been the police's most vociferous critic. Her education gave her the confidence that inspired the community to act, she says.

In the week before the lynching, people started to talk about taking action against Yadav. He disappeared, sensing boiling anger. Narayane and her brother-in-law bypassed the local officers and went straight to the deputy commissioner. He gave the family a safe house for a night and promised to search for him.

On August 6, hundreds of residents smashed his empty house to rubble. By evening they heard Yadav had "surrendered" and was in custody. "The police had said he would be in danger if he came back. They suggested he surrender into their care for his own safety."

The next day he was due to appear at the city's district court and 500 slum residents gathered. As Yadav arrived, one of his henchmen tried to pass him knives wrapped in a blanket under the noses of the police. After the women protested, the accomplice was arrested and Yadav taken back into custody, but not before he threatened to return and teach every woman in the slum a lesson.

Hearing that Yadav was likely to get bail yet again, when he returned to court, the women decided to act. "It was not calculated," Narayane says. "It was not a case that we all sat down and calmly planned what would happen. It was an emotional outburst. The women decided that, if necessary, they'd go to prison, but that this man would never come back and terrorise them."

On the day of Yadav's hearing, 200 women came to the court armed with vegetable knives and chilli powder. As he walked in, Yadav spotted one of the women he had raped. He called her a prostitute and threatened to repeat the crime against her. The police laughed. She took off her sandal and began to hit him, shouting, "We can't both live on this Earth together. It's you or me."

It was a rallying cry to an incensed mob. Soon, he was being attacked on all sides. Knives were drawn and the two terrified officers guarding him ran away. Within 15 minutes, Yadav was dead on the courthouse floor. But his death has not brought the women peace. Five were immediately arrested, then released following a demonstration across the city. Now every woman living in the slum has claimed responsibility for the murder. They say no one person can take the blame: they have told the police to arrest them all.

But it is Narayane who is in limbo as she waits for her case to be heard. "After the murder, society's eyes opened: the police's failings came to light. That has irritated them. The police see me as a catalyst for the exposure and want to nip it in the bud."

They face a fight. Narayane is loudly unrepentant. "I'm not scared. I'm not ashamed," she says. "We've done a good thing for society. We will see whether society repays us".

This is one of the more disturbing news stories that I've read.. and I'm disturbed for the women, not the sicko that got killed.

In some parts of the world, the 'culture of violence, rape and misogyny' is so ingrained that it's reflected in the lack of enforcement of the laws and the corruption of them when it comes to protecting victims. This is the kind of thing that leads to vigilante justice and then the persecution of the victim-turned-avenger. Very sad on all counts.

Topic Did He Use Me?
Posted 11 Jul 2014 05:36

It might be that things were getting deeper than he wanted (or not deep enough, or quickly enough if he was pressing for real-life contact). It might be that he was just looking for a little online distraction during a rough patch with a wife or girlfriend and things cleared up so he went back to regular life. He might have gotten bored or he might have been chatting with multiple people at the same time and as one took off, others got left behind. It's impossible to say, but as dpw said - online stuff can be very transient - especially in the early stages of getting to know someone. I wouldn't take it personally at it.

Everyone has different motivations for getting to know people in cyberspace and yours didn't mesh with his. In an ideal world, he should have let you know before disappearing, so that you weren't left wondering 'what happened' but people don't often do this because it's so easy to disappear online and not look back.

Topic Strange or normal kink?
Posted 11 Jul 2014 05:24

It's not a turn on for me, but I think it's pretty normal, assuming it's of a girl that you're involved with on some level. As Dirty_D said, don't do it to strangers. But if you're into it and the girl thinks it would be sexy, go for it.

I remember seeing some cum tributes posted that some guy did for a girl and he jizzed before waiting for the ink to dry on the print-out so all the ink ran together with the cum and just made a monstrous blob of the girl's face. It was kinda funny, but worth mentioning as a tip if someone is planning to try it.

Topic Ladies, have you ever had a sugar daddy before?
Posted 11 Jul 2014 05:16

As a man who enjoys buying gifts and spoiling women who I have been with, I have to laugh at some of the perceptions of some respondents of this thread. It's amazing how quickly some are to judge, especially on a site like this.

Maybe the thread should have been worded, "Ladies, do you enjoy getting spoiled by your man and your guy friends?" A 'sugar daddy' is more of an atypical relationship - even by using that term rather than 'boyfriend' or 'friend' - it's more of an 'arrangement'.

I'm going by the standard definition.

And by the way - no judgment from me. As I said, I have friends who do it (or have done it). Both people are getting something out of it that makes them happy. Everyone should do whatever works for them.

Topic Ladies, have you ever had a sugar daddy before?
Posted 10 Jul 2014 11:30

I never faked anything..never put out. And I worked, paid my own rent, ect... while I had the pleasure of having the company of men who loved to take me out, or spoil me.

I would call a guy taking a girl out, paying for dinner and gifts as just part of regular dating, especially if the girl is attracted to him and not faking interest in him to get something out of the situation.

I have a friend or two that have gone the formal definition of the sugar daddy route and it usually involves money/rent paid, extravagant gifts, travel, monetary "loans" etc. where the return for the rich guy is basically a hot (younger) girl that provides sex and/or companionship, fun and the fake premise of love. It's a mutually beneficial 'arrangement'.

It works for some people and not for others - depends on what one's motivations are. I'm just not wired that way.

Topic Ladies, have you ever had a sugar daddy before?
Posted 10 Jul 2014 11:11


Material things are nice but it's not worth faking it and losing your independence.

Topic Happy Birthday ShyVixen
Posted 10 Jul 2014 04:31

occasion7 occasion6 occasion6 occasion7

Happy Birthday, beautiful! I hope you have a fantastic day! :)

Topic Big bust up over 'gay cake' Who do you think is right?
Posted 09 Jul 2014 17:49

The exact same kind of case happened in Colorado in 2012. I agree with the rulings and think they should apply across the board when it comes to situations like this.

Article Link ]

Colorado's Civil Rights Commission on Friday ordered a baker to make wedding cakes for same-sex couples, finding his religious objections to the practice did not trump the state's anti-discrimination statutes.

The unanimous ruling from the seven-member commission upheld an administrative law judge's finding in December that Jack Phillips violated civil rights law when he refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple in 2012. The couple sued.


Gay marriage remains illegal in Colorado. Mullins and Craig were married in Massachusetts and wanted a wedding cake for a reception to celebrate their union back home in Westminster, another Denver suburb.

State law prohibits businesses from refusing to serve customers based on their sexual orientation.

The panel issued its ruling verbally. It ordered Phillips to stop discriminating against gay people and to report quarterly for two years on staff anti-discrimination training and any customers he refuses to serve.

Phillips' attorney said she was considering appealing the ruling to the Colorado Court of Appeals

Here's a link to the original story - Link

Topic Gourmet Candy Apples
Posted 09 Jul 2014 11:51


Maybe it's just my dirty mind, but this apple kinda turns me on.

Topic How many sexual partners does it make a girl a slut..?
Posted 09 Jul 2014 07:46

I've heard even pretty liberal and promiscuous guys use the term 'slut' when the girl has casually fucked an alarming number of his own friends and acquaintances. They tend to be less judgmental as far as relationships go if you're not getting passed around his own social group and most of your 'numbers' happened on vacation, spring break, college and/or among people he doesn't associate with. I think you're allowed 1-2 of his closer friends and up to three of his casual acquaintances/coworkers. After that, things can get a little more dicey, assuming he has a 'moderate/average' sexual outlook and cares about such things in the first place. Plenty of guys don't, and slut is just a fun 'dirty talk' word. :)

Topic Gourmet Candy Apples
Posted 09 Jul 2014 07:30

I would love one of these. I'm one of those people that loves cinnamon.... cinnamon v-day hearts, cinnamon toast, I even have cinnamon toothpaste when I want to switch it up. This looks yummy.

And this Apple Pie Caramel Apple - so delish!

Topic Avoiding the Friendzone
Posted 09 Jul 2014 07:18

Guys - play your cards up front. Make it obvious what your intentions are. Don't go, "oh, I'll be friends with her first and then figure it out later because by then she will be lovestruck based on what a great guy I am." Wrong. This is called being a friend-faker and a sketchy-schemer. Don't blame the girl for not wanting to fuck you just because she thinks you're a nice guy and a good friend to her. The worst thing you can do is fake being a friend to someone for the sole purpose of getting into her pants and then self-righteously ex-communicating her when she finally tells you for the twentieth time that she's not interested in you and doesn't see you that way.

Don't look for 'Do's' and 'Dont's' involving withholding friendship like it's some prize she'll be desperate to win. Chances are the girl that inspires this friend-zoning behaviour has plenty of friends already. What does suck is getting to know someone and wasting your time establishing a friendship (which is relevant too, because it IS a form of a genuine relationship) only to have the guy ditch out of it totally because he's decided to become permanently-sulky that you didn't have sex with him or want to be his girlfriend. Also - ignore advice that creates stereotypes like "her douchebag boyfriend"... it's quite possible he's a solid guy and you just see him as a douchebag because he has what you want.

If a guy sees a girl he wants - let it be known early-on. Flirt, ask her out, establish the chemistry. If she says you're a great guy but she's not into you because she has a boyfriend, isn't attracted to you, there's no chemistry, and she doesn't feel like you're a fit as a couple etc, take these things as facts. If you proceed from there, trying to win her over with the only intention of your friendship being sex/relationships, you have only yourself to blame... and really, like I said. It's a creepy thing to do, in my opinion. If she was up front with you, the least you can do is be honest in return, cause at that point, it's you that's playing 'The Game' on her and wasting her time - not the other way around. She's just being your friend - like she said she was going to be.

Topic Gourmet Candy Apples
Posted 08 Jul 2014 06:13

DD, you're such a girl! (Says the girl who also fusses over turquoise stains Embarassed)

I know. shhh... lol

But really... although turquoise is totally impractical, I still looked at this and wanted it - even though I'd never eat it. drunken

I'm pretty sure I would eat these though... they're purple... but it tricks my brain into thinking 'berries', which are still edible. I'm not sure there are any edible naturally turquoise food groups. Sighs. Even though there really should be. Mother nature totally messed up on that one. :)

Topic Gourmet Candy Apples
Posted 08 Jul 2014 04:38

Topic Gourmet Candy Apples
Posted 08 Jul 2014 04:33

Topic Gourmet Candy Apples
Posted 08 Jul 2014 04:23

So pretty! But non-food for thought: could those have been painted with OPI's Mermaid's Tears? evil4

Good call - and honestly, I also considered it might be a polish/ad for Essie's "Mint Candy Apple"... cause that would be pretty perfect actually.

But... I reverse searched it and apparently it's a company that claims they can make candy apples in any colour you could want or imagine. This was their attempt at 'Tiffany Blue'... They are so pretty though.... *sighs*

Or you can just be a posh girl named Mia who gets them for her Sweet Sixteen Party .... (and yep, I'm jelly!)

I guess these are the DIY versions. Not sure how nicely these would play with your teeth and tongue though.

Topic Gourmet Candy Apples
Posted 07 Jul 2014 19:48

Black Liquorice Candy Apples... I'll bet these would actually taste really good!

Topic Gourmet Candy Apples
Posted 07 Jul 2014 19:44

Omg. Candy Apples in my favourite colour. With pretty stems! I'm having hard fantasies about these. *swoons*

Topic Gourmet Candy Apples
Posted 07 Jul 2014 17:01

I'm a total purist when it comes to Candy Apples... they have to be shiny and red.

Oh, and p.s. this lip gloss called "Candy Apple" by Lime Crime is awesome too... It gives you legit candy-apple lips. drunken

Posted 07 Jul 2014 11:54

This thread is funny.

Usually I rule my characters because... I'm a bitchy writer that way - "You'll do what I want!"

But... once I get out of short-story territory (under 10K) and into novella and series territory, the characters totally take over and no longer obey.

I actually had the final two sex scenes in West Coast Games written in a far more dirty/kinky way, and then during edits, my main character forced me to rewrite them and change everything. I actually couldn't believe I was letting him do that to me. I had to sleep on it, to make sure.

Him: "Ash, nope.. you know I just wouldn't do that ."

Me: "Well can't you just do it in this one scene... for me?? Will it help if I make you drink more vodka in the scene preceding it?"

Him: "Come on, look what you've done to my life over three chapters of this story! Can't I catch a break here?"

Me: "Fine, grrrr...I'll rewrite it. And for the record - Roxy was right - you are uptight!" cussing

We made up by the final scene though, and he's still one of my favourite characters that I've ever created. :)

Topic London Grammar - Lana Del Rey fans, a heads up if you've not heard of them
Posted 04 Jul 2014 12:47

Cool voice. She reminds me a bit of Florence and the Machine too!

Topic Elliot Rodger kills 6, injures 13 others. Is it rape culture, guns or something else?
Posted 02 Jul 2014 14:38

Speaking of Rape Culture... has anyone been following the George Will debacle? This guy makes me sick. I get the freedom of speech bit, but giving this guy's views a platform via major publications is ridiculous to me.

Link ]

In a new syndicated op-ed published in the Washington Post and the New York Post, columnist George Will argues that more college rape victims are now coming forward because victimhood has become “a coveted status that confers privileges.”

According to Will, the campus sexual assault crisis is overblown, based on misleading statistics about the drunken hookups of “especially privileged young adults.” He’s particularly concerned that the federal government’s recent attention to the issue will put more young men at risk of being charged with rape.

Will is the most recent example in a long line of writers who have used their prominent media platforms to suggest that sexual assault victims aren’t completely blameless. College rape is an area that’s particularly ripe for these type of pieces, thanks to the assumption that students are simply drinking too much. Last spring, Wall Street Journal columnist James Taranto argued that rape victims and their rapists should share equal blame if they were both drunk. And Slate contributor Emily Yoffe has written several pieces arguing that it’s college women’s responsibility to avoid rape by drinking less alcohol.

Although sexual assault prevention activists are heartened that the Obama administration is turning its attention to rape on campus, they say we’re still a long way away from a society that “confers privilege” to victims.

It's been in the media recently because rape survivor Lisa Sendrow has spoken out about it after George Will used her as an example of why her assault "didn't count" as rape.

Link ]

The young woman whose experience of college sexual assault was recounted in a controversial column written by George Will — a piece that sparked massive outrage and led at least one newspaper to drop Will’s byline — is now telling her side of the story. And Lisa Sendrow has a few things to explain to the Washington Post columnist about rape culture.

In order to make the argument that college students are falsely reporting rape after engaging in consensual sex, Will retold the story of Sendrow’s assault, which occurred while she was a student at Swarthmore College. In his column, he implied that her experience didn’t necessarily “count” as rape because Sendrow had previous sexual experience with her attacker, didn’t resist strongly enough, and didn’t immediately report the incident.

In an interview that aired on CNN on Wednesday, Sendrow said that she was “outraged” to read Will’s syndicated column “dismissing not only my claims, but essentially using that as a way to dismiss all sexual assault claims.” When the CNN anchor asked what needs to change to ensure that people like George Will don’t downplay the issue of sexual assault, Sendrow made the case for dismantling society’s victim-blaming approach to rape survivors:

SENDROW: Rape culture needs to change. There’s this one idea that always comes to mind, that people need to avoid being sexually assaulted. But really, the conversation needs to turn to how we can teach people not to sexually assault. If you’re saying no, you mean no. If you’re not saying yes, you don’t mean yes. I don’t understand why that’s so hard for people to conceive, or why it’s so hard to understand that sexual assault doesn’t need to be in a back alley where you’re raped by some sort of stranger. Sexual assault can happen to anybody, it can happen at any point. It can happen by friends, family members, boyfriends, girlfriends — anybody can sexually assault or be sexually assaulted. The way that framed it made it seem like it’s only women who are crying and don’t have any reason to be crying. That’s not the way it is.

It's sad that it's necessary to see signs like this at universities in order to bring attention to the situation. Again - the quotes from columnists show that the onus is always on the female to 'not drink so much' and to 'fight harder' and if you've already hooked up with the guy once before then, 'whoops, too bad for you, it doesn't count'. It meshes with the "get a gun" philosophy too - finding bandaid solutions rather than looking at the underlying problem, which is changing assumptions and beliefs, standing behind victims, not doing the 'boys will be boys' thing with campus assaults and blaming the alcohol, and yes, looking at ways to change rape culture too. :(

Topic how long did your first time last?
Posted 01 Jul 2014 13:49

3-4 pumps. I felt like that probably still qualified me as a half-virgin. Worst sex ever.

Unfortunately with that particular guy, it never got much better. One time he came before he was even able to get it in. And he was far from inexperienced.

I feel like I didn't experience 'proper sex' until I was with my second partner.

Topic Happy Canada Day!!
Posted 01 Jul 2014 11:02

Happy Birthday, Canada! I'm celebrating! drunken