Forum posts made by dirtymartini

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 03 Apr 2010 05:46

Good Morning Lushes of Lush...
If I was playing pool with that girl, I would shoot straight up the middle for the center hole...um, let me get my, um pool stick ready...
In the meantime...let me get a drink...whatever everyone is drinking will work...
Yeah, I never had Sams Club single malt scotch before...give me that with a bourbon chaser...that should do the trick...
I'll stop back later...don't worry...
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 02 Apr 2010 15:14

Good Afternoon Fine People of Lush...
Mr. Rump, Bernie didn't seem to be available for refinancing my debt at Rumplebations...said something about he didn't mind bailing out all of South America, he probably could have saved the Edsel, but my tab here was just a bit too much for him to handle...
But, I have some good news...I got another great tip on a horse...and this one I know is a winner, I can just sense these things...
(Pulls out crinkled racing form from back pocket)
Ah yes, Almost Dog Food in the fourth...now this is a winner if I've ever seen one...they even have a picture here of the horse and jockey...
(Holds up racing form)

http://www.lushstories.com/forum/upload/images/68-horse-sit.jpg

Somebody pointed out something about the jockey is supposed to be on top of the horse...not the other way around, but that just seems like a minor detail I'm sure they can work out before the race...
I just need to borrow a few bucks from Scooter...he should have some money on him now that, um, Konrage has become one of his best customers...
Where is he? Still doing business in the men's room???
No problem...just give me a double bourbon with a borbon chaser...
And, um, put it on my tab.
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic Word association game
Posted 01 Apr 2010 15:24

stew

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 01 Apr 2010 14:26

Hey Al...I think Scooter has some pills that I'm sure will relieve any pain you may have...I think he may have been selling them in the men's room earlier...
Where is he today? I always get concerned when I don't see him for a day...I'll watch the news later...
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic Haiku...Lushly speaking
Posted 01 Apr 2010 09:08

Your legs are parted,
I see a feast before me,
I'm a hungry man.

Topic Vatican Joins Lush Moderating Team
Posted 01 Apr 2010 08:24

Actually, I thought it was a pretty good idea...laughing6

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 01 Apr 2010 08:13

Hey Rump...just stopped by quick to say "Hello" to you guys...
Hey Al...left another haiku up there after yours...just couldn't help myself...I can just see where that thread will lead...
Hey Mr. 4skin...I know have not had a lot of luck with the ponies lately...um, Glue Factory should've been sent there a long time ago, Sure Thing was not, Dead But Not Buried...hmmm, let's not go there, but I have another sure winner...I'll post a picture later...
In the meantime, I figure if the ponies don't pay off, I always have a Plan B...
Yes Sir, I think I figured out a sure fire way to pay off my bar tab...or at least service the debt...
(Pulls an old yellowed copy of The Wall Street Journal out of back pocket)
Can you say "Junk Bonds???" Yes sir...I figure I can sell off junk bonds to unsuspecting victims, um, I mean customers in small third world countries to pay off my bar tab...
This has to work...I mean, this is brilliant...
I just need to find an investment banker to handle the deal...In the meantime, can I get a double bourbon with a bourbon chaser...just, um, put it on my tab...
Later,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic Haiku...Lushly speaking
Posted 01 Apr 2010 08:03

Here's one for you Al...

Put a story here,
At least spell the title right,
Agravate the mods.

I have no idea where the inspiration for that one came from...laughing6

Topic Haiku...Lushly speaking
Posted 01 Apr 2010 06:05

Warm beer, cold women
Grumpy old man tends bar there,
Cheap drinks at Rumples.

I'm sorry, what was that Rump about not encouraging me??? Too late...

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 01 Apr 2010 05:28

Welcome Mr. Konrage...I see you fit right in here...we were just waiting for someone to come along and make the rest of us look respectable...I was getting worried for a bit, but I see my fears were unfounded...
Mr. Rumpskin...give the man a drink...just, um., put it on my tab...
Later,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic Haiku...Lushly speaking
Posted 01 Apr 2010 05:02

Hey Rump was just asking for it...posting a haiku about gardening here is like walking around with a T-shirt that says "Kick me hard"...
That said...here's another haiku, just for Mr. 4skin...

Drinks at Rumple's place,
Put them on my tab again,
Buy the house a round.

Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 01 Apr 2010 04:52

Hey Lushers and Lushettes...Me again...sorry...
Hey Mr. Rumpskin and present company...speaking of playing the ponies, someone, whos name shall not be mentioned, gave me a tip on this horse...but I'm just not sure...
(Pulls out crinkled racing form from back pocket and looks at it studiously)
Ah yes, here it is...Dead But Not Buried in the fourth at Belmont...
I don't like the looks of this one myself...where's Scooter, he'll give me his opinion...he'll know...

http://www.lushstories.com/forum/upload/images/529-funny-pictures-horse-in-your-car-DmE.jpg

Let's say the odds are a bit high on this one...let me know what you guys think...I really need a winner this time...
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic The women in lingerie thread
Posted 01 Apr 2010 04:43

Hot Damn Mr. Shameless...WeHireStrippers.com and Hotlegsandfeet.com...jeez, two more sites to bookmark on my browser...
Oh Yeah!!!
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 01 Apr 2010 04:38


Y'all be sure to check out my poetical efforts on the haiku (rhymes with ah-choo or Chattanooga Choo-Choo) thread in the Lounge forum. Only problem is Alan's reply (smart-ass, of course) is a lot funnier.
Rumple Foreskin rr




It was funny Rumple...evil4

Yes, that Alan guy is trouble...oh wait, that's me...
You should be old enough to realize Mr. Rumple that if you post a haiku about gardening in the forum of a sex story site, it is the forum equivalent of walking around with a T-shirt that says "Kick me hard"...you are asking for abuse, as I see it...
And you know me...I would never leave a smart-ass reply otherwise...I don't know what came over me...
That said, my luck picking the ponies does not seem to be going my way...I just don't understand it, Sure Thing looked so good too...especially with the hat and shades...
I knew I was in trouble this time when I saw him sipping one of those fancy drinks with a little umbrella in it...
But don't worry...I'll find another horse...there is no shortage of horse flesh out there...and probably back in the kitchen here...
In the meantime, Mr. 4skin...if you would be so kind, a double bourbon with a borbon chaser....just, um, put it on my tab...
I'll get you back later,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic Forum Game: Twin Word Link
Posted 31 Mar 2010 15:29

sex machine

Topic Forum Game: Twin Word Link
Posted 31 Mar 2010 15:20

too much

Topic Turn off Votes on your stories?
Posted 31 Mar 2010 15:05

If I could, I would turn off the voting on that poem right now...to "lock it in" to first place...

Could this happen if the option was allowed? This could lead to a lot of problems if that was the case.

My guess is that if one did, all votes would be erased and the story would be pulled from the compatition.

There would have to be definite restrictions on turning off votes in competitions to "lock in" scores...
I know the subject of voting has been beat to death in the forums before and nobody is ever completely satisfied...I'm sure Nicola would tell you that if she had a dollar for every time someone mentioned voting to her she'd be sailing on her yacht right now...
There are some people who I have heard argue that a top story being knocked off the top with a "two" vote is sort of a natural way to make room for newer stories...not sure if I completely buy that one, but after doing this for almost a year, I've come to accept it...
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 31 Mar 2010 14:56

I doubt she will be good for a loan ,, seeing as I picked her up needing a ride .. ,, But I bet she would sit next to you .

That will work for me just fine...3601

Topic Chatting with Mr. Shameless009!!!
Posted 31 Mar 2010 14:37

You don't even have to turn on the computer, eh Mr. Shameless???

Topic RUMPLATIONS: Honky Tonk and Cyber Bar
Posted 31 Mar 2010 14:35

Hey Shameless...I just happen to have a seat open right next to me...
Do you think she might be able to lend me a few bucks? Just till I get back on my feet...my pony picking skills seem to be eluding me lately...
Oh, and Mr. Rumple...ah, another drink for me and the lady...just, um, put it on my tab...
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5
PS: I definitely don't want anything from the kitchen in this joint...that old yellowed sanitary inspection sticker on the wall behind the bar says "April 1956" and the bar whose name is on it closed down during the Johnson administration...
At least it's a bit more authentic than the Photoshopped liquor license hanging behind the bar...

Topic Turn off Votes on your stories?
Posted 31 Mar 2010 14:28

I don't see why anyone would want votes turned off. Everybody on this site votes quite high anyways. I don't think I've ever seen a story at less than 4. I think maybe making the voting out of 10 might add a bit more variety and differentiate between really good and average stories.

That is not always true. There are those that delibratly vote down stories with very low votes. I myself suffered 3 such attacks last night and two of those stories had won editors picks. Still, I'll always allow voting from the members.

One of the questionable issues about the ability to "turn off" voting arises from this...I have the same problem a lot of authors have in that once a story hits the top spot on the charts, so to speak, someone will come along and "Knock it off" with a low vote...
I'm just holding my breath right now with whatever poem I got on the top of the Feb list...I feel that if a story/poem gets 14 five votes and then one "two" it is almost always a malicious act...
If I could, I would turn off the voting on that poem right now...to "lock it in" to first place...
This is questionable ethically...one can always argue that there is somebody who is going to read it and sincerely feels it rates a "two" even if 500 others have read it and nobody thinks it rates below a "five"...
So, to satisfy the naysayers...I think that's the word...the option to turn off votes would have to be at the time the story is posted...
I would also love to turn off voting on my contest story right now...I have a strong suspicion Milik would agree with having that option...
But...is that fair???
These are the issues that arise with voting options...
Later,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic Word association game
Posted 31 Mar 2010 11:46

chubby

Topic ... in my pants
Posted 31 Mar 2010 11:28

It's Now Or Never...in my pants...

Topic ... in my pants
Posted 31 Mar 2010 11:28

The Girl Can't Help It (Little Richard)...in my pants

Topic Word association game
Posted 31 Mar 2010 11:27

effect

Topic ... in my pants
Posted 31 Mar 2010 11:25

Hold On, I'm Coming (Sam and Dave)...in my pants...

Topic Grammar lesson 4 u
Posted 31 Mar 2010 09:59

As for me ,, I take offense to this topic , I have not learned proper punctuation ,, and probably never will.
So if being literate to this kind of standard ,, or polically correct is one of the desires of this group ,, then
a test should be given upon the membership application.
Had I known that going back to school was in order here ,, to avoid an insulting of my abililties here ,, I
might have looked for another form of entertainment. If asked ,, Do you think this topic is funny ,, I
would say NO!!
So if one of our literate ,, or politically correct members would care to send me a PM ,, telling me why
this issue has to be brought up ,, in my opinion just to piss people off again ,, I will respond to you .
If I can't get an answer that soothes me,, Then I will need to find some less intellectual people to
converse with.


Hey Shameless...if you ever need anybody less intellectual to talk to...give me a ring...can't get much less intellectual than that...unless you talk to inanimate objects...
I was never a well-read literate kind of guy...but, I understand the point, especially if you are going to actually write stories that will be read by others...
Hey...I think I'm getting better at least...
Later,
Alan.
occasion5

Topic Haiku...Lushly speaking
Posted 31 Mar 2010 09:30

Your roses may die
Search for something else to do
Please give up haiku

Only kidding that was wonderful Rump...remind me not to hire you as a landscaper...

Topic Haiku...Lushly speaking
Posted 31 Mar 2010 08:37

tongue gently stroking
my hard shaft becomes aroused
ready to explode

Topic Haiku...Lushly speaking
Posted 31 Mar 2010 08:19

Lush Stories is good,
Keeps me busy all the time,
Glad it's not a crime.