Forum posts made by elitfromnorth

Topic Bill and Monica
Posted 24 Oct 2012 08:43

Most definetely. Don't think I've ever heard someone say "It's only oral. That mean it's not cheating!" as a defence before.

Topic i can't tell jokes - help me!
Posted 24 Oct 2012 08:30

A young boy came home early one day and went upstairs to his mum's room because he was hungry. There he surprised his mum as she was still in bed with her lover. She grabbed the kid and hurried him into the closet. The boy stood there and waiting until suddenly he heard his father shouting from downstairs. Not long after the lover came into the closet, hiding from the angry husband.
"Really dark in here" said the boy.
"I have a football(soccerball to you yanks)"
"Well that's nice."
"You wanna buy it? Only cost you £100"
"100 quid? No chance!"
"My dad's just downstairs..."
"Alright alright! Just be quiet." So the lover bought the football from the young boy.

The next day the lad come home early again. Once more he found his mother in bed with her lover and she hurried him into the closet. Again a little later his dad come home and shouted from down the stairs and so the lover ran into the closet.
"Really dark in here" said the boy.
"Oh God.. Yeah."
"I have a pair of football gloves."
"Alright alright, how much?"
"200 quid? But the ball was only 100?"
"My dad's just downstairs..."
"Alright alright!" and so the lover bought the gloves for 200 quid.

The next day the dad told the boy to get his ball and gloves and they'd go out in the backyard to play a bit. The boy had to admit that he had sold the ball and gloves to a new friend. When the dad asked how much he admitted that it was for 300 pounds. "You scammed your mate for 300 quid? That's it! You're going to church to confess to the priest!" To church they went and the dad pushed the boy into the confession box. He sat there silent for a while, looking around before finally muttering to the priest.
"Really dark in here."
"Don't you fucking start that shit again!!!"

Topic Cock picture in profile
Posted 23 Oct 2012 15:58

I'd like to see more of these on profiles. love10

Reason guys don't put that on their profile is because we know you'd stalk us and start luring outside our house in hope of getting massive ginga cocks :p

Topic How Did We Meet?
Posted 23 Oct 2012 10:40

I used to ride with the Golden Horde of Gengish Khan. I remember I had been hit after a minor skirmish on the Russian plains with Polish Hussars. With an arrow in my chest I rode along the plains until I fell off my horse. Poor thing was injured as well. I dunno how long I was there, but this hot thing found me. I was passed out when she took me back to her cabin and healed me up there. It was several days with fever and delerium before I managed to get out of bed. I'll be forever greatful to her for that.

Topic Italian Scientists Convicted of Manslaughter in Earthquake Deaths
Posted 23 Oct 2012 08:41

It would be like me bringing up a lawsuit against a company that provides statistical analysis of the weather and they say that if I go to Florida in June I'll get so and so many days with rain. I then go to Florida and get a lot of rain, a lot more than average, and I blame them.

But the Italian court system is tremendeously fucked up. It's corrupt as hell unless they're convicting a high ranking member of Cosa Nostra. I'm guessing Silvio has a greasy finger or two in this, just so he can put some of the blame of the tragedy on them and not on his own government's inability to handle things.

Topic Cycling's reputation in ruins
Posted 23 Oct 2012 03:40

For those of us interested in sports these last couple of weeks have been devestating for the cyclingsport. Lance Armstrong lost his Tour de France titles yesterday was probably the ultimate climax. Add with Rabobank being fed up with all the doping scandals and saying they won't support a team for next year.

Question is; can the sport rise up from this when it's now public that the greatest legend in the sport was a cheater? How long will it take before the sport will be considered as clean as the others and what is necessary for people to stop saying "Well no wonder they manage to do that, they're all on drugs"?

Topic The End of Human Tolerance
Posted 22 Oct 2012 12:29

She hit him. He had a right to defend himself. He did so and threw her off the bus. If she had a knife or gun she probably would have used it. She didn't want to pay, he told her she had to. She started mouthing off and then hit him. I would have knocked the shit out of her too and still threw her out the door.
The other passengers were not in danger from him hitting her and throwing her off the bus.

Calma, chef. We all need to be gentle people. This is the 21st century where we're all supposed to drink herbal tea and do yoga to remain cool and controlled. There must be no yelling under any circumstance. Do like Jesus! Turn the other cheek. Now wait here and I'll get you your Yoga mat and a freshly brewed cup of ginseng tea. You will feel the angry toxins disappear from your body binky

Topic Number of athiests on the rise
Posted 22 Oct 2012 12:23

"God is dead"
- Nietzsche

"Nietzsche is dead"
- God

Topic The "Oh Bollocks" Thread.
Posted 21 Oct 2012 01:20

Too much to drink... Oh bollocks...

Topic What is your favorite beer,wine or whiskey and how do you like it?
Posted 19 Oct 2012 13:25

Erdinger Weiss. Need beer with some taste! Too much beer that has no taste at all.

If it's Liquor then I want a cognac or scotch whisky. No matter what, it needs to be drunk room temperature minimum, otherwise you kill the taste, so to all you who put ice cubes in your whisky: The Liquor gods will make sure you suffer in the after life and drink crappy home made wine for all eternety!

Topic Should men shave their legs?
Posted 19 Oct 2012 12:24

Definitely not unless they are competing in sports where it is necessary, e.g. swimming (cuts drag) or cycling (I am told something to do with what happens when you fall off and slide across tarmac...)

Easier to clean any wounds you get from gravel and such if you have shaved legs, so basically just hygiene. Don't think I'd ever do it other than drunken laugh or something like that. Pint Drunk

Topic Scoring and comments. Fair?
Posted 17 Oct 2012 19:02

Go ahead and vote on my stories, BUT if you're gonna vote it any less than a 5 then tell me, either in the comment field or send me a PM, why you didn't give me a 5. I do as best as I can and there is very little improvement that can be done without the proper feedback. If I don't know what's wrong, how will I fix it? Sure, by reading other stories I can pick up phrasing or maybe minor techniques that will improve mine, I won't improve. So gimme feedback! Praise is nice, but constructive criticism is just as good.

Topic Halloween costume!
Posted 17 Oct 2012 16:51

No, not for me. My friend Saga says she has no clue what to wear for Halloween, so it's up to you lushies to come up with suggestions. Anything that doesn't show arse, pussy or tits, even though it would make adult men go trick or treating at her house...

So give her your best ideas.

Edit: She has a great cleavage, so if you have something in mind that can show off that then all the better.

Topic Graphic Erotic Stories, Novels and Erotic Comics
Posted 17 Oct 2012 15:11

Are we talking the Japanese style anime Ecchi/Hentai here, or the more "Western" style in lack of a better word.

Topic I was just wondering.....
Posted 16 Oct 2012 02:40

Maybe because anal is awesome? dontknow

Answered in a spit or swallow thread yet? Your answer would be just as obviousb229 evil4

Topic For those with real avatars
Posted 15 Oct 2012 02:33

Considering my job it would be kind of awkward if people I work with found out I was a lushie, so I keep my face rather private and stick to those of my friends that I really trust. I would guess that several people from my area frequent lush or might even be members, so I don't feel the need to advertise it.

Topic like to cyber/rolepaly
Posted 15 Oct 2012 02:27

Like overmykneenow so gracefully said: does a bear have four legs and big fluffy ears?

If you want someone to cyber with, it be a one time thing or a regular, you'll find plenty of guys willing to do it here. But if it's quality cyber or rp you're after then you might have to look a bit harder.

Good luck:)

Topic Affair wanted
Posted 14 Oct 2012 12:44

I'll admit, I never had a real relationship, so I obviously have an idealised view of what it must be like, and no actual clue. I get that. But there are some parts of relationships that are the same, no matter what the name and details of that relationship.

But why can't people just communicate with each other? Why can't grown adults try to broach the problem with their partner, with a listening ear? There are two people in every relationship like this (discounting people outside the marriage/partnership who may be involved), and it is up to them to communicate their needs and desires, and and listen to the other's, surely?

Why are you looking to us for answers about what you should do? Talk to your wife and/or maybe a close friend or counsellor who knows you, and work out together what will be best not only for you two, but as Elit says, your children. And if she doesn't want to talk to you about what her issues are, you tried, and that should give you some clue as to what your next move should be .

This is the important part. If you have an affair and shit hits the fan then if you have any kind of decency in you(and I think you do, since you actually seem concerened about your kids, but hey, maybe I'm just naive here) then a broken marriage due to your affair will cause you to sit down and regret it, because it affected you AND your wife in a bad way. Same way that the affair, like overmykneenow, will cost you a lot of money.

If you try and talk to her and she pretty much gives you the finger and starts being defensive and hostile towards you with no intention what so ever of trying to change her way, then you start thinking if her being like that is a good place for you to be in. It's a pragmatist view and many will brand me as an asshole for saying so, but you're only one man and there's only so much you can do. If the misery is so big then maybe divorce is the only option that you have.

As of yet you haven't really done anything wrong. You've thought about maybe having an affair or sex outside the marriage, but you haven't done it yet! These people telling you that you should burn in hell and that you're a low life is something you should disregard.

But ultimately you should make a decision based on what is both short term and long term the best for your children. They are your number 1 priority.

Topic Affair wanted
Posted 14 Oct 2012 09:10

I'm just gonna alienate everyone and make everyone hate me straight away. If what he tells about his wife acting the way she does, about the hiding chocolate like alcoholics hide booze, and all that stuff, no wonder the man isn't happy. For all we know she can be a total nagging bitch that goes to work and comes home and bitch about everything all day to him and then goes off to wallow in self pity with a big bag of M&M's.

Yeah, OP does come off as a selfish bastard there's no doubt about that, if you disregard the part where he stays in the marriage simply because then they'll be able to put money into the kids college funds and get them a proper education. But one thing is for certain; having an affair is not a good option. If she finds out(and usually at some point they do) then you'll end up with an angry wife(and rightfully so) and the kids get to see mum and dad argue like they're ready to declare war at each other. Being a divorce kid I know from personal experience that just the arguments even if it doesn't end up with a divorce and the knowledge that "Daddy is a cheater" you suddenly lose your kid's respect. In the same way there's a chance the kids feel they'll be forced to pick sides, and that's even worse. So if your main concern is your kids, then don't have an affair. In the end it is them that will suffer. So having an affair is more selfish than the divorce.

You need to either sort shit out with your wife or get a divorce. Both options are messy and hard. Should you pick the first one then you have to, maybe for the first time in your marriage, stand up to your wife and tell her to stop acting like she's doing and get her life sorted or else you're taking the kids and leaving. I think you both need help, and especially her, if there's ever to be any hope to save the marriage.

On this one, I'm not siding with either part. I'm with the kids.

Topic how many times have you fallen in love on lush
Posted 14 Oct 2012 07:18

Twice. No regrets.

Topic What would you do if you came across this one day?
Posted 14 Oct 2012 07:17

Maybe if I'm going with my girl I might suggest we do the same bates

Topic Worst Bridezilla EVER!!!!
Posted 13 Oct 2012 19:55

Dear Bridezilla

I saw your mail sent out to all your friends and I think you'll need my contact info. I'm an attorney that specializes in divorce with a good record of stripping the poor husbands clean of money. Looking from the mail you sent to your bridesmaids I think you will have need of my services sooner rather than later, unless your husband to be is an 80 year old with a heart condition. My phone number is 765-divorce and my e-mail is riphimoff Best of luck with your marriage(You'll need it).

Your future divorce lawyer
Charles Andrew Sheringham Hepburn

Topic Presents
Posted 13 Oct 2012 04:14

You should find a couple of places that aren't that noisy either. You want to have a conversation, get to know each other, and places with a bit of dim lighting and very low background noise is perfect for that.

Topic The "Oh Bollocks" Thread.
Posted 12 Oct 2012 18:23

It's 3:23 AM. Oh bollocks...

Topic Sexy Butts
Posted 12 Oct 2012 16:10

Topic Sexy Butts
Posted 12 Oct 2012 16:09

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 12 Oct 2012 11:53

The EU? Seriously? The EU? Are you fucking kidding me? The organisation that's never been as divided as now, has had a massive rise in right wing extremists. Not to mention that they make a habit out of crushing the smaller member countries so that they never get to participate in anything. So job well done to give it to an organisation that squashes smaller nations, divides Europe into two parts, and if they want to bring in another nation but the nation doesn't really want to, then they'll just close off their market until they're forced in. How democratic and peaceful isn't that? If it had been businesses it would have been called hostile takeovers. And all to create one big gathered Europe, the same ideal that good old Hitler had.

EU - bringing on Hitler's dream of a grand Europe.

Topic Have you ever taken advice from a song?
Posted 12 Oct 2012 11:05

I will use the inspiration from Bee Gees - Stayin Alive until the day I die...

Topic I apologize
Posted 12 Oct 2012 05:17

Since Norway today lost what little it had left of respect in the world after giving EU the Nobel Peace Prize(fair enough, it's only a handful of people in the committee, but they ruined it for the rest of us) I would like to use the words of Nick Clegg in his song that you can find below

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.
There's no easy way to say it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.
There's no easy way to say it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

We're sorry, We're sorry, The Norwegian people are sorry
There's no easy way to say it, We're sorry, We're sorry

We're sorry, We're sorry, The Norwegian people are sorry
There's no easy way to say it, We're sorry, We're sorry

Topic Happy Birthday STEPHANIE
Posted 11 Oct 2012 15:43

Gotta love the Irishman. Happy birthday Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk Pint Drunk