Forum posts made by evil_elli

Topic A New Sort Of Work out
Posted 18 Nov 2010 20:04

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me.
Well, without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't). A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company does business.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20 pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.

Topic Works For Me
Posted 30 Oct 2010 08:12

I hope he didn't have any important plans after golfing, because once he unties her.. Well, that just won't be pretty.

Topic 40 Years of Marriage...
Posted 24 Oct 2010 12:00

That was great. :3

Topic Word association game
Posted 18 Oct 2010 19:28

Ballet.

Topic Make an absurd accusation about the poster above you
Posted 18 Oct 2010 19:26

Nikki breads small animals to sell fur coats on the black market.

Topic Make an absurd accusation about the poster above you
Posted 06 Oct 2010 15:38

Tries to imitate the call of blue whales as a lulaby.

Topic Make an absurd accusation about the poster above you
Posted 03 Oct 2010 17:21

Created a cloning machine that makes Eeyore versoins of everyone who goes through.

Topic Word association game
Posted 03 Oct 2010 17:17

Flowers.

Topic Word association game
Posted 01 Oct 2010 17:41

Chaise.

Topic Make an absurd accusation about the poster above you
Posted 01 Oct 2010 17:36

Walked on the sun. Four times.. :3

Topic Marsh mellows?
Posted 01 Oct 2010 17:32

About five or six mini marsh mallows in my hot cocoa, but about three giant puff marsh mallows to make s'mores with it. :3 Oh the sugar rush..

Topic All-Girls Trip
Posted 01 Oct 2010 17:28

Oh the things blackmail can do..