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How to fulfill the emotional needs of a woman Options · View
mrplow
Posted: Saturday, December 15, 2007 3:26:02 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/5/2007
Posts: 1,030
Location: Here and now
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

icon_biggrin
Guest
Posted: Saturday, December 15, 2007 4:47:26 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,441
Ya laid it on the line. Applause
nicola
Posted: Monday, December 17, 2007 2:56:12 PM

Rank: Matriarch
Moderator

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 26,810
Location: United Kingdom
Grrr cussing

Funny though clown
Curious2c
Posted: Monday, December 17, 2007 6:52:03 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,441
Heh heh heh.


I can see where if you spoke to a woman like that you'd probably not ever get sex from her again.


Funny, but right on that fine line.icon_biggrin
Hourglass
Posted: Sunday, January 13, 2008 4:58:09 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/12/2008
Posts: 90
ouch
i'm the one bringing the money in... so i can spend it how i want :D
plus... i'd just laugh and put it all back...

but then... i wouldn't refuse him in the first place

*~*xX/ ;) i'm not joking/Xx*~*
Coulter
Posted: Monday, January 04, 2010 1:58:32 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/4/2010
Posts: 12
Location: Charlotte NC
WOOT WOOT!
Woman
Posted: Monday, January 04, 2010 2:09:28 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/21/2009
Posts: 674
Location: Stopping the war 'tween Harold and Kumar
PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was bloody brilliant!!! I've copied it and sent it to every man in my contact list!!! I love it!!!!! Do you have anymore?

Living life and enjoying life are two different things... just need to figure out how to do both at the same time to live it right!

Woman... GO FLY A KITE!!!!! Take a slideshow walk with me on a walk through the parks of Inner Mongolia, China. Then enjoy the tale of a very traditional day in the life of a white Woman in China.
Guest
Posted: Monday, January 04, 2010 2:25:27 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,441
Thats so mean! I love it!icon_smile
mercianknight
Posted: Monday, January 04, 2010 5:18:10 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,027
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
Brilliantly re-written Mr Plow. A very funny joke that, given my years, is good to see doing the rounds again. flower

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, January 05, 2010 8:42:21 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,441
Oh my god , be careful how she holds on to your needs tonight. You`ll certainly want her to put them down.
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