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Describe in 300 words or less... Options · View
Posted: Saturday, January 9, 2010 1:58:02 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,826
Location: Cakeland, United States
The absolute most horrendous 1st date you ever endured. Somewhat exciting beginning to the sordid end. And I assume it's a first and only...date.

Personally I have six of them that would leave you in stitches, however only one please, per entry. 300 words, that's about a page of text.

Let's see who shouldn't be giving advice in the relationship thread. crybaby

Obscenity is the last refuge of an inarticulate motherfucker.
Posted: Saturday, January 9, 2010 2:08:08 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 1/8/2010
Posts: 4
Location: East of Eden
I was once set up on a blind date, which I never do as a rule. However my BFF begged and assured me the guy was "awesome and not douchey" so I went. Clearly we have differing definitions of awesome and not douchey.

He was reasonably cute and pulled out my chair when I met him at the restaurant. (Always drive yourself on a blind date, that way you have an escape route) I then made the mistake of asking him about himself. Wow, never doing that again. He was a door-to-door vaccuum salesman and a born again. It took about 3 minutes to realize this was not gonna happen. He tried to convert me throughout dinner and repeatedly asked if I had been saved. He then told me he could come by and demo the vaccuum for me sometime. Any other guy and I would have assumed this meant something else. As I am fairly certain the born agains are against premarital sex, I think he honestly wanted to sell me a vacuum.
Needless to say, i got out of there as soon as the check was paid and revoked the BFF's set up privileges for a year. We still joke about it today.
Posted: Saturday, January 9, 2010 4:38:07 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/24/2009
Posts: 310
A mate set up a blind date for me so we could all go to the cinema together one night, i must explain that all my male mates know my female likes, short, blond and pertite, every time. when i arived, she turned out to be taller than me, dark hair and only one word i can think of is HUGE (no offence meant to the larger ladies).
We entered the cinema and as soon as the lights went out, she pounced and proceded to try and suck my face off while trying to undo my jeans, it felt like she had more arms than an octopuss, after wrestling with her and fighting for breath for about half the film i told her i had to go to the loo (alone) and i'm affraid i did a runner.
when i phoned my mate the next day he was weak laughing at me for doing a runner, and explained his girlfriend had set up the date and after i had gone early, the girl had asked her when she could meet up again with me as she thought i was great. needless to say i never did meet her again, but she did pester my mate's girlfriend for weeks for my phone number. It put me of blind dates for ages. you might think this is a load of bull, but honestly ist the truth.
Posted: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 6:33:45 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,826
Location: Cakeland, United States
Three hundred words is pretty restrictive...I've tried four different tales and I get 1/3rd of the way through each and hit 295-300.

Obscenity is the last refuge of an inarticulate motherfucker.
Posted: Wednesday, January 13, 2010 8:41:25 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/27/2009
Posts: 108
Location: Ohio, United States
Dinner, then a movie, then out for a drink or two. And then tells me: "I'm pregnant."

"Really? When did you find out."

"Well, it's not official yet, but I just know. I can kind of feel a baby growing inside my body."

At this point I can hear the theme to "The Twilight Zone" growing in volume inside my head. At the very least I don't know what to do. I remember saying something sensible about making sure before you make plans, and then she starts telling me about her ex, whom she's just certain made her pregnant the other night when she got him drunk.

It got worse from there. I decided to take her home, only the directions she gave me didn't match the directions she gave me when I picked her up. She had me drop her off at a different location. Turned out to be her ex's and it turns out he was with his new girlfriend and well, let's just say once was more then enough.
Posted: Thursday, January 14, 2010 11:06:32 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,826
Location: Cakeland, United States
"My...my...my, you certainly do look like the handsome photos you sent me!"

After meeting her online and chatting earlier for two hours, I had gotten off work that Saturday evening - another very slow shift in the operations center, and I'd just entered the restaurant where we'd agreed to meet, on the phone...not an hour earlier - for my first ever rendezvous with A Woman From The Internet.

Her voice rose promisingly, seductively, to my ears, through the din of the late evening dinner crowd. I spun slowly, my right hand starting to unzip my heavy leather bomber jacket.

I stand six foot three, and I was peering at approximately, the five foot eight inch level across the room, as her photos and her voice had indicated.

The lighting inside McCoy's Steak & Coffee House was purposefully low to create a chummy atmosphere and my eyes were still adjusting. I blinked quickly a few times to help jump start my pupils, when my left eye's peripheral vision noticed a shadowed opaque form, shaped like the Liberty Bell, hovering towards my vantage point...like a floating blob.

"Except for your spectacles, I thought you mentioned you wear contact lenses?"

Kerrie had lumbered to within an arms length from me. She was wearing an evergreen colored, quilted down-coat, which draped from her shoulders, to just above the planked flooring. She was about 150 pounds heavier and a foot shorter, than her previously stated playing size.

My cheeks blushed, my ears burned, the short hairs on my nape rose as I angrily spun in my boots and started for the exit.


Kerrie followed, shrieking incoherent insults as I swiftly marched through the slush to my vehicle, that December twelfth, 1998.

Obscenity is the last refuge of an inarticulate motherfucker.
Posted: Thursday, January 14, 2010 12:17:50 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 811,620
Ah yes.... He was a cute guy from my poetry class - not really my type but still cute - and he asked me to a party off campus. We got there and he he shortly disappeared, leaving me with a group of people I didn't know. After awhile I went looking for him, only to find him making out with another guy. I was crying out of humiliation and asked him to take me home, but he said no as he didn't want to leave his "friend." Another guy drove me back to campus who basically tried to convince me to have sex with him to make me feel better (!). I esacped, vented to my roomate, took a long, hot shower and went to bed.

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