Welcome Guest Search | Active Topics | Members | Log In | Register

new girlfriend, the sex addict...? Options · View
sungoddess
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 9:00:04 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 18
Location: United States
If a girl you've been dating for 5 months (only having sex the past month) told you she is a sex addict how might you react?

Guest
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 10:08:53 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,290
It depends on the context in which she tells me. if she is ashamed...then i handle it with care. if not....well then
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 10:12:34 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,290
I think you might be asking thinking "If she is a sex addict, why did it take us 4 months to have sex? And if we were not having sex, was she having sex with someone else?" ?

Or is it just a general, "How would you deal with a sex addict as a girlfriend"?

I need to know before answering.
Rembacher
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 10:29:33 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/16/2008
Posts: 1,107
We've been dating for 5 months, but only had sex for the last month, and she's a sex addict? How was she satisfying her addiction the first 4 months?
sungoddess
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 10:30:41 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 18
Location: United States
Both I guess...

I wasn't with anyone else, it's not the physical act I crave...

I just don't want him to think I'll cheat, and I need him to know that maybe my needs are different than other girls
sungoddess
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 10:33:13 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 18
Location: United States
Rembacher wrote:
We've been dating for 5 months, but only had sex for the last month, and she's a sex addict? How was she satisfying her addiction the first 4 months?


I don't have to have sex... Something as simple as a sexy glace from a stranger can satisfy somedays. Other days I've come here
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 11:03:04 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,290
Oh ok. Well it does not sound like you ARE a "sex addict" then. It sounds more like you crave stimulation of various types. And frankly that is not that uncommon, and I would bet a lot more normal than you think. I am very much the same way. It is not JUST sex that I crave, but the affects that the very things you mention give. It translates into wanting more sex when in a relationship though, and can cause some problems if the overall stimulation is not met. It is not as simple, IMO as tossing a label of "sex addict" on it all, since while there may be a raised sexual appetite, it is not the only factor and you CAN stay faithful (physically) to your partner. Generally "sex addicts" can not, from what I have seen.

So maybe you should just drop that term all together? Just sit him down and explain your needs to him. But if you even say the words SEX ADDICT once, it is a bell you can't un-ring. And it will be in his mind forever. This is not what I would consider a good or healthy thing.
sungoddess
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 11:11:54 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 18
Location: United States
Okay, I used that label because I have been called that from a previous partner but you are correct. I can stay faithful and prefer to stay that way... I just know that I crave alot of sexual attention. In an unhealthy way that's how I measure love... Working on fixing that but I think he should know about this before we go further.

Thank you!!!
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 11:18:54 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,290
You are most welcome, and I agree. That is a part of who you are that, frankly, is very important and needs to be known up front (well before any real long term commitments). The same if one partner simply does NOT want/require sex very much. You have to be compatible.
sungoddess
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 11:27:46 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 18
Location: United States
Exactly.

I guess that's a better way to say it, just talk about level of desire. In ever relationship I know there is the hunny moon period of being infatuated and lots of physical action. I need that to continue, not be left to take care of myself.
Guest
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 12:23:38 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,290
sungoddess wrote:
Exactly.

I guess that's a better way to say it, just talk about level of desire. In ever relationship I know there is the hunny moon period of being infatuated and lots of physical action. I need that to continue, not be left to take care of myself.

I am the same way.
Leiza350
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 1:38:28 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/22/2012
Posts: 424
Location: ft myers, United States
i would hope so......lol ....can i be your new girlfriend ..?3some
MrLosAngeles
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 4:20:29 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/11/2013
Posts: 482
Location: Marina del Rey, United States
I would LOL at her and then slowly - using little words - explain what a "sex addict" is.
sungoddess
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 4:34:10 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 18
Location: United States
Guess it's a good thing I can laugh at myself also.
MrLosAngeles
Posted: Friday, March 01, 2013 4:53:35 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/11/2013
Posts: 482
Location: Marina del Rey, United States
It's always a good thing to be able to laugh at oneself now and then. It keeps a realistic perspective :)
Guest
Posted: Saturday, March 02, 2013 11:50:21 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,290
MrLosAngeles wrote:
I would LOL at her and then slowly - using little words - explain what a "sex addict" is.


Ouch! That's a bit codescending, surely.
Magical_felix
Posted: Sunday, March 03, 2013 12:34:01 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 5,196
Location: California
sungoddess wrote:
If a girl you've been dating for 5 months (only having sex the past month) told you she is a sex addict how might you react?



I would fuck her.



JohnnyE
Posted: Sunday, March 03, 2013 3:06:57 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/3/2013
Posts: 14
Location: central, United States
Your, not alone in this situation. It takes a very understanding person to open up to like that. The ups and downs of your own needs bewilder you at times, let alone someone you love and care for. Let them know in other ways, as well, that you need and want only them. Keep being honest to yourself, as well, and remember to hope for the best, but plan for a disaster. Just give it your best is all you can do.
Warm wishes for all to work out.
MrLosAngeles
Posted: Sunday, March 03, 2013 3:07:51 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/11/2013
Posts: 482
Location: Marina del Rey, United States
mrdavid wrote:


Ouch! That's a bit condescending, surely.


I'm guessing you've never dealt with actual addicts. You know, gambling, drugs, alcoholics, etc. Addiction is a destructive life-consuming thing. I suspect the person who said they were a "sex addict" isn't REALLY addicted to it.
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 4:49:55 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 5,196
Location: California
MrLosAngeles wrote:


I'm guessing you've never dealt with actual addicts. You know, gambling, drugs, alcoholics, etc. Addiction is a destructive life-consuming thing. I suspect the person who said they were a "sex addict" isn't REALLY addicted to it.


What are you basing this on?



winky
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 7:52:34 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/5/2011
Posts: 338
Location: tanning on the beach
enjoy it! what kinda guy are you to question a sex addict? just have sex with her derr
sungoddess
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 11:00:35 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 18
Location: United States
Very possible I used addict, in the wrong way...
I just know from a previous relationship I have a high sex drive, need for sexual attention
If that need is left unattended I will stray, and previously lied about it.

I don't want a repeat of this. I appreciate all response, I'm pretty thick skinned, honest blunt approach is not always bad.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 12:49:08 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,290
I'm probably repeating some of what has already been stated, but having a strong sex drive and telling your partner that you need frequent attention on all levels will usually be received extremely well and something you should absolutely tell him! You need to ensure compatibility and consequently he needs to know this, and (since he is the object of your desire) he will probably assume that he has something to do with your strong sex drive, which will fuel him further. However, don't be afraid to mention it periodically - guys are pretty simple, but we can fall into certain habits and periods where we are not as attentive - stress at work or whatever can sometimes interrupt all of our best intentions, so be prepared to sometimes just take the initiative and show him just what kind of a dynamo in the sack you really are. If he's worthy, he will respond well!
lovmilkytit
Posted: Sunday, April 28, 2013 8:26:34 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 4/23/2013
Posts: 14
Location: United States
Talk to him about what your needs are and see if heis willing and capable of fulfilling them.
Jason_NYC
Posted: Wednesday, May 08, 2013 9:08:39 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/30/2009
Posts: 91
Location: United States
Quote:
Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results.

For some sex addicts, behavior does not progress beyond compulsive masturbation or the extensive use of pornography or phone or computer sex services. For others, addiction can involve illegal activities such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, child molestation or rape.


Goddess, I take it this is intended as a hypothetical question. So, hypothetically, here's how I'd react.

First, I'd ask what elements of the definition characterize her "addiction?"

Perhaps someone in her immediate family is an accusatory, scare-tactic type who's tagged her with a frightening, but totally unjustified label.

Then again, maybe it's a real problem and she's reaching out for help. In that case, I'd want her to see a qualified professional as soon as possible.

Or perhaps she's just yanking my chain? If I really loved her, I'd try to understand why.

Aren't relationships wonderful?

aldenbradley
Posted: Wednesday, May 08, 2013 9:11:32 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/22/2013
Posts: 62
Location: Willo' the Whist Hollow, TN, United States
As for me, I'd say, "Me, too!"
Then sit down and figure out what is and is not acceptable behavior within the relationship.



Alden Bradley

The zenith of sensuality occurs in sensitivity.
Caring matters more than achieving gratification.
Users browsing this topic
Guest 


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Main Forum RSS : RSS

Powered by Yet Another Forum.net version 1.9.1.6 (NET v4.0) - 11/14/2007
Copyright © 2003-2006 Yet Another Forum.net. All rights reserved.