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My Boyfriend Wants to Make Me His Sub; What Do I Do?!?! Options · View
Dryad
Posted: Tuesday, April 2, 2013 12:06:17 AM

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Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 181
Location: United States
My boyfriend and I have always had a very creative and satisfying sex life, and I've always been open to trying new things, but I was a little apprehensive when he told me he wanted me to become his submissive. He's always been assertive and dominate over me, and I like that about him, but I guess the thought of giving myself to someone utterly and completely kind of scares me.

My question is what is to be expected when becoming a sub? What's it like to surrender your body and soul to someone? How do you keep from losing yourself in the process? And doms, how does it feel having that much control over someone? And how can you tell when you've taken too much from them?

Ravyn
Posted: Tuesday, April 2, 2013 12:38:57 PM

Rank: Cock Connoisseur
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Joined: 4/26/2010
Posts: 2,185
Location: Bend, United States
It should scare you. It's not something to be taken lightly. As for what is to be expected of you, each D/s relationship is different there is no template to go by. The two of you have to sit down and talk this over. Discuss what is wanted by both of you from this type of relationship. You must discuss limits yours and his. This type of relationship takes so much trust and communication for it to be successful. There are many places you can read up on this and you should. Arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can.

Once you've made an informed decision, if its something you decide to do please make sure you have a safe word. This enables you to know full well that once that word is uttered that things cease and you can regroup and talk about the situation that caused you to use your word.

As for your questions, if you feel this type of relationship is something you want, it will feel right. If he's always been assertive and Dominant over you and you like it, you most likely will find this type of relationship appealing to you. IF you trust him enough to offer your submission to him its his job to take care of you and your needs as much as it is yours to please him completely. Each dynamic is different as I said and you both will find yours through communication.

You won't lose yourself in this process, allowing yourself to submit to him (if this is what you truly desire) will only add to who you are. There is a sense of freedom you feel once you submit to someone. It's as much mental as it is physical.

As for the amount of control you are willing to allow him to have, is completely up to you. You set your limits, soft and hard ones. It's his job as your Dom to test your soft limits and never cross your hard ones. Remember he cannot take more than you are willing to give him.

I hope you find the answers you are looking for and wish you the best of luck.

ByronLord
Posted: Tuesday, April 2, 2013 3:58:33 PM

Rank: Forum Guru
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Joined: 11/14/2010
Posts: 839
Location: Massachusetts, United States
MssTreeNymph wrote:
My boyfriend and I have always had a very creative and satisfying sex life, and I've always been open to trying new things, but I was a little apprehensive when he told me he wanted me to become his submissive. He's always been assertive and dominate over me, and I like that about him, but I guess the thought of giving myself to someone utterly and completely kind of scares me.

My question is what is to be expected when becoming a sub? What's it like to surrender your body and soul to someone? How do you keep from losing yourself in the process? And doms, how does it feel having that much control over someone? And how can you tell when you've taken too much from them?


I would wonder about it from the other side as well. Does he really understand what he is getting into? The fact that he would ask you rather than wait for you to ask him maybe suggests a misunderstanding.

I have no use for a sub because I have more than enough to do looking after a wife and two kids. A sub is basically asking you to micro-manage their lives for them. That is a non-trivial investment in time and energy. Roleplay is a time limited commitment.

VanGogh
Posted: Tuesday, April 2, 2013 4:09:42 PM

Rank: Sarcastic Coffee Aficionado

Joined: 2/10/2012
Posts: 3,952
Location: Vancouver, Canada
ByronLord wrote:
A sub is basically asking you to micro-manage their lives for them. That is a non-trivial investment in time and energy. Roleplay is a time limited commitment.


I love this quote from ByronLord. Excellent comment|!

with your original subject heading: "My Boyfriend Wants to Make Me His Sub; What Do I Do?!?!" .... my original thought was "run!" .... but the members above have certainly given lots of advice and food for thought.

My suggestion to anyone in any type of relationship is "never lose yourself .... you will always need you to rely on" (a wise woman once told me that ... I lost myself once, never again!)

Good luck with your playing!

Ravyn
Posted: Tuesday, April 2, 2013 4:54:57 PM

Rank: Cock Connoisseur
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Joined: 4/26/2010
Posts: 2,185
Location: Bend, United States
ByronLord wrote:

I have no use for a sub because I have more than enough to do looking after a wife and two kids. A sub is basically asking you to micro-manage their lives for them. That is a non-trivial investment in time and energy. Roleplay is a time limited commitment.


I have to disagree. There are many levels to ones submission. Not all D/s relationships are roleplay, those who enjoy the roleplay, its just that. Those who choose to live the lifestyle its a much deeper commitment and meaning than those who simply want to play the role while in the bedroom.

ByronLord
Posted: Wednesday, April 3, 2013 8:59:40 AM

Rank: Forum Guru
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Joined: 11/14/2010
Posts: 839
Location: Massachusetts, United States
Ravyn wrote:
I have to disagree. There are many levels to ones submission. Not all D/s relationships are roleplay, those who enjoy the roleplay, its just that. Those who choose to live the lifestyle its a much deeper commitment and meaning than those who simply want to play the role while in the bedroom.


I thought that is what I was saying there. It is a deeper commitment but what I don't think gets sufficiently acknowledged is that it is a huge commitment for the D and not just for the s.

However it is not quite clear what the boundaries are here and maybe that is what they should be considering. It is not a choice between roleplay in the bedroom and 24/7 D/s. Maybe they might want to move to D/s in the bedroom rather than roleplaying it. Or D/s in the whole house during the weekends or even the whole week. See how they both feel about it and whether they want to extend those boundaries.

Ravyn
Posted: Wednesday, April 3, 2013 12:19:35 PM

Rank: Cock Connoisseur
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Joined: 4/26/2010
Posts: 2,185
Location: Bend, United States
ByronLord wrote:
However it is not quite clear what the boundaries are here and maybe that is what they should be considering. It is not a choice between roleplay in the bedroom and 24/7 D/s. Maybe they might want to move to D/s in the bedroom rather than roleplaying it. Or D/s in the whole house during the weekends or even the whole week. See how they both feel about it and whether they want to extend those boundaries.


This part I agree with and is what my advice was to her in my first post. Without open and clear communication as to what they both want including limits on both sides they won't be able to move forward.

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