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Why do guys act this way? Options · View
SittingBallerina
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 4:28:19 PM

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Why do guys seem to almost always seem like they're very interested in you and then ignore you? For example, one guy and I that I knew spent the night cuddling and kissing and later looked at me and said, "We're definitely going to see each other again." That was three weeks ago. One guy strung me along for 6 months. And guys seem to act in that manner generally. Can you tell me why? xx

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/the-way-you-own-me.aspx
crazydiamond
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 4:36:08 PM

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Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada
pixiedust wrote:
Why do guys seem to almost always seem like they're very interested in you and then ignore you? For example, one guy and I that I knew spent the night cuddling and kissing and later looked at me and said, "We're definitely going to see each other again." That was three weeks ago. One guy strung me along for 6 months. And guys seem to act in that manner generally. Can you tell me why? xx


My dad once said to me.. " If you keep chasing, they'll keep running". Are you being a little too available? You are not a buffet, all you can eat treat, both sexes enjoy the chase and the struggle ;) keep it that way. If the time is right it will happen. It's kinda like a dance at first, and you need to brush up on the steps.
(says me, hahahaha)

SittingBallerina
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 4:42:44 PM

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crazydiamond wrote:


My dad once said to me.. " If you keep chasing, they'll keep running". Are you being a little too available? You are not a buffet, all you can eat treat, both sexes enjoy the chase and the struggle ;) keep it that way. If the time is right it will happen. It's kinda like a dance at first, and you need to brush up on the steps.
(says me, hahahaha)


Thanks. Nope, not too available at all. I always let things take their course. But whatever. Haha. Thanks for the response. xx

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/the-way-you-own-me.aspx
crazydiamond
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 4:47:01 PM

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pixiedust wrote:


Thanks. Nope, not too available at all. I always let things take their course. But whatever. Haha. Thanks for the response. xx


(one also should allow for the mental maturity diference of roughly 7-8 years, men are about that much behind , that's no way an insult but a factor)

BallChinian
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 4:52:57 PM

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What's funny is that there are guys posting the same thing about girls. It seems like in any relationship early on there is one person more engaged than the other. It's when you luck into a perfect balance that a real relationship starts.

Looking at your story in particular though I'd say your guy had some other gal in the picture and you may have been his fallback plan. Guys are lame in this way. They won't dump who they have unless they have someone else lined up. He may have had both irons in the fire and ultimately went the other direction. Totally sucks.

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set her free." -Michelangelo


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Guest
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 5:12:18 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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You are of the microwave generation. A generation that lives for instant gratification. A generation that also has little respect for women. Most males see women as a place to warm their c**k. The guys you are talking about are thinking with their little head.

Keep this in mind, What ever bait you use will determine the kind of fish you are going to catch. Find a good fishing hole and use the right bait.

My wife and I dated for months and never had sex till a month before we got married. We've been married now for 16 years and love each other more today then we did when we got married.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 5:50:33 PM

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The whole men are behind 7-8 years in maturity is an old wives tale. It sounds good until you watch women interact in private or when they don't think anyone is watching. This is not an insult either, but a simple truth.

Also the most men see a woman as a place to warm their cocks thing... this is 2013 and from what I have seen, there is not much difference any more between the sexes in that regard. But there are great people of both sexes out there. The challenge is getting them to actually pair up. :)

As BallChinian pointed out, MEN are posting the same questions and having the same problems. Every comment made so far could be reversed and be equally true.
SittingBallerina
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 6:03:50 PM

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JohnC wrote:
The whole men are behind 7-8 years in maturity is an old wives tale. It sounds good until you watch women interact in private or when they don't think anyone is watching. This is not an insult either, but a simple truth.

Also the most men see a woman as a place to warm their cocks thing... this is 2013 and from what I have seen, there is not much difference any more between the sexes in that regard. But there are great people of both sexes out there. The challenge is getting them to actually pair up. :)

As BallChinian pointed out, MEN are posting the same questions and having the same problems. Every comment made so far could be reversed and be equally true.


I know, it's so true, about what a lot of you have said. Sometimes I feel like all guys are assholes. (I know that's not true :). It's just a matter of time I guess.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/the-way-you-own-me.aspx
Guest
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 6:07:39 PM

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pixiedust wrote:


I know, it's so true, about what a lot of you have said. Sometimes I feel like all guys are assholes. (I know that's not true :). It's just a matter of time I guess.

I know. Unfortunately the assholes/bitches are the ones that are the easiest to see. :(

Keep at it though, just make sure you don't compromise yourself in the process. Be true to YOU. I know it can get frustrating. Hang in there.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 7:54:31 PM

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pixiedust wrote:
Why do guys seem to almost always seem like they're very interested in you and then ignore you?


Many will exaggerate and max out how interested they are in you to see how far they can get in the short term - especially if they think you're the type of girl that needs those kind of assurances before allowing things to get physical. It's like a hit and run - they come on really hot and over the top interested/excited and then disappear completely. Usually they're playing multiple people at the same time, have limited time/resources and don't want to put in the effort of a slow burn. If someone is not interested in a relationship, this method yields the most potential for fun. That goes for both sexes.

Or sometimes people say it because after having sex with someone or being intimate with them. It kinda just feels like the 'polite' thing to say, even if they have no intention of backing it up in reality. Kind of like when two old friends talk about 'getting together' or having lunch sometime. In this case, it's a pleasant and benign way to end a recreational interaction that involved nudity and swapping bodily fluids.

Dating and mating is complicated. Anyone that comes on super strong and seems overly interested right away should probably be raising a red flag if your goal is relationship longevity. You have to fight against the natural rush of excitement and endorphin release that comes when a person we might be interested in provides us with a sudden flood of attention. Basically you have to take whatever they say with a grain of salt, unless you're just looking for 'fun & sex (although there's certainly nothing wrong with this). If you're looking for a relationship or some deeper connection, it's best to avoid these types. The only real predictor is how a person behaves over time.




SittingBallerina
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 8:13:49 PM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:


Many will exaggerate and max out how interested they are in you to see how far they can get in the short term - especially if they think you're the type of girl that needs those kind of assurances before allowing things to get physical. It's like a hit and run - they come on really hot and over the top interested/excited and then disappear completely. Usually they're playing multiple people at the same time, have limited time/resources and don't want to put in the effort of a slow burn. If someone is not interested in a relationship, this method yields the most potential for fun. That goes for both sexes.

Or sometimes people say it because after having sex with someone or being intimate with them. It kinda just feels like the 'polite' thing to say, even if they have no intention of backing it up in reality. Kind of like when two old friends talk about 'getting together' or having lunch sometime. In this case, it's a pleasant and benign way to end a recreational interaction that involved nudity and swapping bodily fluids.

Dating and mating is complicated. Anyone that comes on super strong and seems overly interested right away should probably be raising a red flag if your goal is relationship longevity. You have to fight against the natural rush of excitement and endorphin release that comes when a person we might be interested in provides us with a sudden flood of attention. Basically you have to take whatever they say with a grain of salt, unless you're just looking for 'fun & sex (although there's certainly nothing wrong with this). If you're looking for a relationship or some deeper connection, it's best to avoid these types. The only real predictor is how a person behaves over time.



Thanks, that totally applied to a scenario that I was describing. Great advice. xx

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/the-way-you-own-me.aspx
cheeseball
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 9:49:21 PM

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Most of those kinds of guys are jerks and basically they are fishing. They want to see what will result from their line of B.S. My daughter told me that she wouldn't date a guy that was her age, they were only interested in getting her into bed. She ended up marrying a wonderful guy that I am proud to say is my son-in-law, he's 14 years older than she is and they have 2 cute little kids.

So be patient and be careful.
SittingBallerina
Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2013 10:25:25 PM

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Wow, good for her. And glad you're happy. Yeah, I'm patient. I'm not going out and "looking" for the right guy, looking to settle. When the times comes along and the right guy comes into my life, then I'll be truly happy. I definitely will not settle for a asshole. It's just frustrating and I'm really thankful for all of the advice. It's helped me and my patience with asshole guys.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/the-way-you-own-me.aspx
KBech
Posted: Saturday, March 2, 2013 10:02:49 AM

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I find some women/girls think they have found the one true love really fast, and soddenly they have kids and everything, and then the guy drops out of the relationship and the girl stands there thinking why.
i have to be honest, i have found it easy to drag some girls along for a long time while doing other things, behind their backs and all the warnings signs was there for them to see, but they always fell right into the trap with the right words.
I don't get it ether why some women keep hanging around guy's that do it to them, but they do.

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Jonathans_Fantasies
Posted: Monday, April 1, 2013 7:25:35 AM

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Not all guys are like that pixiedust. Some of us are still gentlemen.

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_mal_
Posted: Friday, April 5, 2013 12:04:39 AM

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It's not just guys. Women are that way too. I'd say PEOPLE are like that.

To answer your question, though, it's probably because that person was interested in just the sex. It's tough to say though.

For example:

I knew this girl for years. Never knew she was into me because we just knew each other in passing, through friends. Years later, we started hanging out. One thing led to another... and.. well, we fucked.

We had known each other for a long time and were friends at that point. No talk of a relationship. I thought we were just friends-with-benefits. So, I wasn't calling her up every day. This was in the day when not everyone had a phone that texted so I wasn't texting her a lot either (my phone did texts. Don't think hers did. Or it was too expensive to text all the time. Or both). I was also in school and was too busy to call ANYONE that often in those days. Anyways, word got to me through friends that she wondered why I wasn't calling.

In my case, it was a combination of mixed signals and different expectations. And a lack of understanding from both parties what was going on.

But, I don't know you or the people you've dated. Or the situations you might be referencing. So, I can't really say. Answers tend to be pretty particular to a situation. And it's really difficult to generalize from a specific situation.
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 5, 2013 2:52:57 AM

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Men & women both act exactly the same, it's called being selfish & being an opportunist & has nothing to do with yourself so don't take it as a personal put down or rejection of any kind. Some, how ever, only get the courage after a few drinks, in the morning they will be too shy or too self critical to think they have a chance, or they have been hurt & are thinking the same as you are & question why people act this way. To know the answer to this is to get to know the person well & know their own character.
OnlyForHer
Posted: Friday, April 5, 2013 4:13:19 AM

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"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." - Janis Joplin

What we can take from this is the moment you become emotionally invested in ANY relationship, even if it's only hours old, you give part of yourself, part of your freedom of thought to it. From that moment you can place any number of metrics upon yourself, correct or incorrect, that will in the long run effect who you are. With that investment of emotion the actions of the other person involved will help shape who you are.

What we all strive for as human beings is FREEDOM. Freedom to do as we please, which for many of us is finding a person who is special to us, who completes us, who fills the voids. It is understandable to seek actively to do this, nobody likes being alone. Regardless of the number of friends, fuck buddies, acquaintances or family we surround ourselves with, most of us will continue to feel at least a little alone till we find that person. Where am I going with this? Enjoy your freedom, don't invest in a relationship, even a little bit, until you feel it out and figure out what it is going to mean to you. Each of us looks for something different out of our relationships, you have to figure out what you are looking for in yours. Any relationship that doesn't appear to bring you closer to this goal should be taken as is, accepted as it comes and goes, and plainly communicated to the other person involved exactly what it means to you. These little relationships we have with people will fill that void, make us feel less alone in the short term, what you have to do (in my opinion) is take it from Janis, be free, only put yourself in a position to feel loss when it's worth your freedom to look for what will bring you happiness in life. If you have a quiet night of kisses and cuddles (and I have had my share, who doesn't like kisses and cuddles) then enjoy it in the moment, look back only as the memory of a moment in time where you were content and let nothing take it away from you. If this boy means something to you, CHASE HIM. Most people (men and women both) often need to be chased to some degree or another. If he has discarded what you had, and you believe he might be the one to bring you happiness then give chase, let him know you are interested. Make him tell you he isn't, it might hurt, but there are no regrets without action, and there is no success without failure. If he's not worth chasing, don't let it plague you, just enjoy the memory. Look for the one who is worth the chase, and make him see who you are, there is no doubt in my mind you have much to offer a potential partner, but until you make them look at you, they will never make an informed decision, or give you an informed answer.

Just my opinion.

P.S. This doesn't give anybody permission to stalk anybody, be reasonable people :P
Jack_42
Posted: Friday, April 5, 2013 8:40:01 AM

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pixiedust wrote:
Why do guys seem to almost always seem like they're very interested in you and then ignore you? For example, one guy and I that I knew spent the night cuddling and kissing and later looked at me and said, "We're definitely going to see each other again." That was three weeks ago. One guy strung me along for 6 months. And guys seem to act in that manner generally. Can you tell me why? xx



I never do this and even when I was younger never did it. These guys sound like they feel they're doing you a favour or something. Whenever a girl expressed an interest it always gave me that happy buzz rather than a power surge. Seems the problem is with them if, as others have expressed, they want to play head games, rather than really meet someone they're just sad pratts trying to boost their flagging egos which they probably doubt in the first place. Kind of berks who consciously flex their muscles and do chest breathing exercises and sing rugby songs in the shower and sneer at skinny little guitar players.
lafayettemister
Posted: Friday, April 5, 2013 9:33:32 AM

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crazydiamond wrote:


(one also should allow for the mental maturity diference of roughly 7-8 years, men are about that much behind , that's no way an insult but a factor)



Are not!!!! Nanny nanny boo boo you big meanie pants.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 5, 2013 10:35:54 AM

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Well from the looks on your profile you are young and young guys have no clue, they think with the little head and only care about themselves. I realize that is a generalization and does not speak to all young guys, but it is true for the majority. They still have a lt of learning to do, especially on how to appreciate women
crazydiamond
Posted: Saturday, April 6, 2013 2:30:18 PM

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lafayettemister wrote:



Are not!!!! Nanny nanny boo boo you big meanie pants.


Game, Set and Match bunny xx

Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 6, 2013 4:30:33 PM

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Simple pixie, the guy is only after one thing. Age, maturity, have nothing to do with it. Truth is, they just want sex.
Will94
Posted: Sunday, April 7, 2013 11:37:50 AM

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Sex is the obvious answer, but other times it's just to feel wanted. Take the 6 month guy, he probably did it for so long because he enjoyed the attention you gave him and the knowledge that someone wanted him.

When life gives you lemons, keep them. 'Cause hey, free lemons!
VanGogh
Posted: Sunday, April 7, 2013 11:45:33 AM

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pixiedust wrote:
Why do guys seem to almost always seem like they're very interested in you and then ignore you? For example, one guy and I that I knew spent the night cuddling and kissing and later looked at me and said, "We're definitely going to see each other again." That was three weeks ago. One guy strung me along for 6 months. And guys seem to act in that manner generally. Can you tell me why? xx


Why .... such a stinker of a question!!

I liked all the responses that everyone listed here ... all can be relevant to a particular guy and/or situation. There are going to be LOTS of those types of mixed signals until The One that comes along, and it clicks perfectly. It isn't FWB, or "casual" ... it becomes a real relationship that you both want.

Patience ..... and enjoy the ones that come along and make you smile ... delete those that don't make you smile!
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