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DirtyMartini
Posted: Thursday, April 11, 2013 6:23:00 PM

Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn

Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,847
Location: Right here on Lush Stories..., United States
This might interest some friends here who are trying to become happier hookers...happy8

First Sentences of Great Books
http://blog.bookbaby.com/2013/04/first-sentences-of-great-books/?utm_campaign=BB1315&utm_source=BBeNews&utm_medium=Email



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Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories

hardnhot18
Posted: Thursday, April 11, 2013 7:39:07 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/3/2012
Posts: 20
A few of my faves, since this thread's still kicking:

"The beet is the most intense of vegetables. The radish, admittedly, is more feverish, but the fire of the radish is a cold fire, the fire of discontent not of passion. Tomatoes are lusty enough, yet there runs through tomatoes an undercurrent of frivolity. Beets are deadly serious."

Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume

"It was a pleasure to burn."

Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury

"The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel."

Neuromancer, William Gibson
DirtyMartini
Posted: Wednesday, July 24, 2013 6:46:48 PM

Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn

Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,847
Location: Right here on Lush Stories..., United States
Here's one for you Reverend...not sure I would spend years writing an opening sentence, but who am I to argue with Stephen?

Why Stephen King Spends 'Months and Even Years' Writing Opening Sentences
http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/07/why-stephen-king-spends-months-and-even-years-writing-opening-sentences/278043/?utm_source=Publishers+Weekly&&utm_term=0_0bb2959cbb-5e3718848f-304828229



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Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories

Metilda
Posted: Wednesday, July 24, 2013 7:00:01 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/10/2013
Posts: 1,256
Location: United States
RumpleForeskin wrote:

From the P.D. James mystery, "The Private Patient"
"On November the 21st, the day of her 47th birthday and three weeks and two days before she was murdered, Rhoda Gradwin went to Harley Street to keep a first appointment with her plastic surgeon,and there, in a consulting room designed, so it appeared,to inspire confidence and allay apprehension, would make the decision which would lead inexorbly to her death."

(note: I transcribed this from a recorded version. All spelling and punctuation errors are mine. I'm not even sure if she used numbers for the date and age or spelled them out.)

To me, this is one of the best 'long' openings I've come across. It's not punchy and there are no 'action points' but IMO the average reader would never put the book down after reading that sentence.

glasses8


I disagree with this one and a few others that are run on sentences. It's a put off, not a hook. It makes me wonder if the author forgot what they were writing.

FionaThrust
Posted: Monday, September 08, 2014 11:04:44 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/29/2014
Posts: 22
Location: United Kingdom
What a great idea for a thread; my thanks to you, RumpleForeskin.

I remember the slick first line of Graham Greene's Brighton Rock: 'Hale knew, before he had been in Brighton three hours, that they meant to murder him.'

Fiona x


'I was hot and horny as hell...'
Naked and Sexual (The Fiona Thrust Series, Episode 1)
BJintheUK
Posted: Saturday, January 24, 2015 10:01:15 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/17/2014
Posts: 9
Location: Elstree, United Kingdom
Hiya,

Talking of hooks. I wonder if you could give me some feedback on two possible starts for a story? Here's the first and second drafts for comparison, and I'd like you to tell me which one would keep you more interested in reading the rest of it?


First Draft

The handle next to the shabby frosted glass in the office door twisted and the hinges quietly squealed as the door separated from its frame, a wooden frame around the door that carried the discoloured evidence of many previous entrants. As it opened, there appeared fingers around the edge of the door, desperate fingers that had accompanied their owner into this haven of supplication. This altar for the believers to pray for help in solving mysteries they themselves had no idea how to solve. The fingers pushed the door further open to reveal a short, middle aged man, dressed in the standard attire of old suit, mismatched tie, scuffed shoes, and the expression they all carried, one of defeat and despair.

“Hello, how can I help you?” said the smartly dressed young lady behind the desk.

“You can offer me a drink for a start!” scowled the man as he entered the room.

“OK,…. And then what?” the young lady smiled, while gesturing for the man to sit in the chair facing hers across the desk.

“Then I’ll tell you a story to make you sick to your stomach, three times over!” said the man as he turned the chair partly around and heavily dropped his be-suited frame onto it.

“Really? Well, I’d better get a bucket then, hadn't I? Will an ice bucket do?” she said as she closed the open folder that lay before her on the desk, and began to open a diary-like book to her right.

“Ha, a comedian, that’s all I need, a bloody comedian for a flatfoot. Brilliant!” he said as he watched her manicured fingers calmly moving the stationery around on the desk, mesmerised by her seeming indifference to his gruff, aggressive manner.

“Well not really brilliant. Genius maybe, but not brilliant by any means” she smiled again disarmingly, and with her right hand picked up an expensive looking fountain pen, ready to start taking notes.


Second Draft

“Hello, how can I help you?”

“You can offer me a drink for a start!”

“OK,…. And then what?”

“Then I’ll tell you a story to make you sick to your stomach, three times over!”

“Really? Well, I’d better get a bucket then, hadn't I? Will an ice bucket do?”

“Ha, a comedian, that’s all I need, a bloody comedian for a flatfoot. Brilliant!”

“Well not really brilliant. Genius maybe, but not brilliant by any means”



RumpleForeskin
Posted: Saturday, January 24, 2015 7:15:20 PM

Rank: The Right Rev of Lush

Joined: 7/3/2009
Posts: 2,945
Location: Lost in the ozone somewhere east of Luckenbach Tx,
Bob, sorry to be so long getting back to you but for some reason (probably my fault) I was no longer subscribed to my own post.

What follows is just my very humble, subjective opinion. Feel free to get back in touch to cuss, fuss, or discuss any of this.

To me, the opening isn't a strong hook. While the description of the door and its opening are well-crafted, they might be a bit too wordy and I'm not sure the focus on the door is that effective. You might try having the action seen through the protag's pov. That could add a touch of suspense with the reader wondering not only who is coming in, but who is watching.

Remember, all that's just one writer to another and the last time I checked, there were no Pulitzer's on my wall.

BTW, welcome to the land of LUSH. Always good to have someone who can recall what music was like before the Beatles (I'm 67) Best of luck.

glasses8

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. - ROBERT HEINLEIN

Feels So Right, It Can't Be WrongMore steamy, seductive, straight step-sibling sex, 2-3

FROM:
Becky -- FOR: Matt -- With Love:
a Festive contest winner – honest

HOW HUMANS DO IT: a fish-eye view of sex an Editor's Pick - no kidding
BJintheUK
Posted: Sunday, January 25, 2015 11:57:55 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/17/2014
Posts: 9
Location: Elstree, United Kingdom
Rumble,

I can still remember a page from the New Musical Express taped on to my best friend Steve's bedroom wall. It showed two pictures, one of the Beatles, and one of the Shadows, and the text said, "The Beatles are catching up on the Shadows!". If only they knew how much and how soon?

Thank you very much for your comments. It's too easy to get lost in your own thoughts when starting a story, and it needs the cool gaze of an outside person to keep you from too much self-indulgence.

That particular starting couple of paragraphs may be used on one of several ideas I have, not for erotic stories, but for something entirely different, but I will say that as I am quite a fan of writing stories almost entirely from dialogue, I prefer my own second draft. I feel it has more impact, and piques the reader's interest into wanting to turn the page to find out what exactly is going on.

Best regards,

RumpleForeskin
Posted: Monday, January 26, 2015 6:07:34 PM

Rank: The Right Rev of Lush

Joined: 7/3/2009
Posts: 2,945
Location: Lost in the ozone somewhere east of Luckenbach Tx,
Go for it, thyy stalwart author. ;) Looking forward to reading some of your work.

glasses8

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. - ROBERT HEINLEIN

Feels So Right, It Can't Be WrongMore steamy, seductive, straight step-sibling sex, 2-3

FROM:
Becky -- FOR: Matt -- With Love:
a Festive contest winner – honest

HOW HUMANS DO IT: a fish-eye view of sex an Editor's Pick - no kidding
ChuckEPoo
Posted: Monday, January 26, 2015 6:47:19 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/30/2013
Posts: 1,300
Location: Ventura, United States
I always try to hook my readers in the first paragraph. Here is the opening of New Horizons.

For most people they want an uneventful life that holds very few surprises and we were no exception. There is a certain amount of security in developing a routine in your life. I think most of us become boring by choice. Our lives the past few years can be defined by our calendar. My wife and I go to the gym Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. We dine out almost every Friday, but occasionally try a new restaurant when we feel real adventuresome. Then there is the BBQ with our long time friends on the second Saturday of each month. I usually play racquetball at 6:30 am on Monday and Wednesday. Oh yeah, I forgot... we usually fuck on Sunday and Thursday. Probably because there is not much to watch on TV those nights. It occured to me recently that we had run out of new stories to tell because we had run out of new adventures. Little did I know how that was all about to change.
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