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Do men lose interest? Options · View
jimyzgrl
Posted: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 1:44:27 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/24/2009
Posts: 21
I want to know why, relationships start in the beginning, you can't get enough of each other. Have sex every day, multiple times a day. Then you go along, eventually move in together, and that stops?

Okay, so me and the bf used to have sex multiple times a day/week. why would that stop? Now, honestly am lucky if I get it a couple times a month. Am I doing something wrong? Do men just lose interest after time? I want it every day. Sometimes in the morning, and at night would be just fine by me. I was married for 12 years, to a man, that I didn't want to touch towards the end, and I can't help feeling that the bf is thinking that about me. He says he's not, is completely in love, wants to get married. yadda yadda,,,,but I have needs. You just don't hear to much about men complaining their girlfriend/wife wants it to much.

So my question for the men is, do you guys just get that comfortable, and not feel that you have to woo us anymore?

I want to have sex with him all the time. He does work alot and we have been busy, but DAMN!

Kinda wrote a book about my life....LOL...hope nobody minds hello2
But I'm curious as to what other men think about my question....
Thanks!
LushPrincess
Posted: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 2:37:58 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/17/2008
Posts: 1,177
Location: AZ
You know what I can’t speak for guys but being in a family that is mostly male; I can say this “they do get comfortable, and they don’t feel the need to please you anymore” they figure you’re not going anywhere so they can just ignore you for long periods of time. But then again not all guys are the same, may be someone here can bring you a better answer… Good luck…!


P.S I know this is gals ask guys but I just wanted to give you my opinion
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 9:50:39 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 675,722
I'm glad you asked and I hope a lot of fellas give you their opinion...as this is an individual response that will not represent the entire group of us that you can take to the bank.

You learn by living and I'm no longer a youngster so I am applying what I learned from my first marriage of 24 years. I have a beautiful loving wife for the last year and a half (been together for five years). When I decided to get out of my marriage I took what I learned about myself and realized if I was ever lucky enough to fall heads over heels in love I would want to woo-my-girl every day! So far so good...I think about her all the time and can't wait to see her when I get home. She always gets a welcome home kiss that is not redundant...she can tell immediately what is on my mind but what my lips are telling her. She's number one priority in my life even though I have days of mass activity! While life has no guarantee’s I think I found my gem!

If you don't have that kind of importance in each others life why would the love/passion/sex reflect anything different?

Best of luck, but you need to evaluate if this bf is the right match for you or not.


Satyr
Posted: Wednesday, May 27, 2009 5:11:22 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/19/2009
Posts: 40
Location: United States
'cause we are like dogs, plain and simple. Give a dog a toy and they love it, chase it, chew it, run around with it in their mouths and sleep with it for sometimes a day, sometimes even two... but then they find a new toy and BAM! they are gone. The old toy forgotten. I think the secret is ya gotta get the dog to love the toy, it has to become their reward for a long hard day of work, it has to become their comfort, their security and their best friend. That takes a lot of work, not just holding it in front of their faces and sayin', "Oh, don't you love it, don't you love it, yes you do, you love this toy, yes you do, love it, love it because it's beautiful and you should." Do that and the dog sniffs it, pees on a bush and walks off sayin' "Yep, I was here and now I see something over there that I need to chase."

Ok, now don't hate the playa', hate da game.

Cause let's be fair, women are like cats. They want to be loved, petted, fed, taken care of, and then left alone. They want to rule the house and they want to have you bring them fine things and dote on them constantly. A cat will play with a toy obsessively for hours but when they loose interest they expect you to know EXACTLY what toy they want to play with next. Cats also will jump in your lap, want to roll around and purr and do what I call "makin' biscuits" on your chest and then suddenly they scratch you for apparently no good damn reason and you are just supposed to know why. You can't just expect a cat to love you, you have to get to know the cat, learn the cat, know what the cat is thinking because she'll never, ever tell ya. If you don't the cat will run away in the middle of the night and never give you a reason why and one day you'll see them with a new owner and they'll look at you like, "SEE! This owner actually LOVES me." and flick their sexy little tail and walk away.

This whole thing is a game. Play it at your own risk. Best thing is, sometimes you find someone that just knows you and you know them. You get to that level of comfort and then the dog never wants to leave that chew toy and the cat sleeps tucked in between the dogs legs every night and purrs like a kitten. When you find that you better just hold on tight because it don't happen often.

Much love to ya, I wish everyone still searching for someone the best. It's a jungle out there, plenty of prey animals and plenty of sheep.
WickedShads
Posted: Wednesday, May 27, 2009 5:05:26 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/26/2009
Posts: 1,195
Location: Pennsylvania, United States
I'll be honest - generally I try to look for a woman that can keep up with me sexually. My libido has never diminished, and if available, I wouldn't complain about having sex several times a day. Unfortunately I don't seem to find that in real like, and the ones that are a sexually-driven as I like end up being wacko nut-cases, or ones looking for a financial free-ride through life. As for losing interest, yes I do tend to lose interest in a woman over time, but usually because I'm left to my own devices for satisfying my needs. If she's taking care of things at home (and I don't mean housework) then I wouldn't have any reason to look anywhere else.

"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, May 27, 2009 11:37:20 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 675,722
jimyzgirl,

if i could see that sexy tummy every day i could be UP for whatever you'd want!

g
baker992009
Posted: Thursday, May 28, 2009 6:07:50 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/19/2009
Posts: 66
Wow.. You struck a nerve in me. I am afraid to admit that I am in a sexless marriage. When my wife and I first got together we had sex... day and night... was great. That was until she had our first child. After that things started going downhill. Intimacy went from twice daily to twice weekly. Then to weekly... then to once in 2 weeks. By now I am starting to beg for some lovin. By the tenth year... I was being turned down.. three out of four times. I remained faithful. I did everything I could humanly do to keep the passion.. The intimacy alive. I would help with the kids... putting them to bed.. do laundry.. dishes... bath the kids; clean house, babysit the kids so she could have nights out. I also made sure I showed affection towards her every chance I could... (several times a day) and for what?.. to be rejected

This went on and the intimacy dwindled to once in 2 months. We talked about it... faught about it.and it just got worse. Sex then became duty sex (not at all satisfying). Its been four and a half years now since we have had any intimacy at all. I have withdrawn all efforts to please her. We havn't so much as touched one another in any way. except to dance at my sons wedding last year.

Imagine sleeping beside this woman you can't put your arms around.. can't give her a kiss.. a love tap... a squeeze any kind of touch... what-so-ever without being pushed away. rejected.. thrown out like the trash. I stayed in this for my kids. I hate myself for doing this. Because I have suffered and am now agnry ,bitter, resentful. I could come up with lots more terms. You get the idea.

Just so that you know.. I also started begging her to seek help.. medical.. or councelling. All were denied. Both of us are in good health.. no weight issues; nothing to indicated being rejected like this. While the kids were growing up ; she never worked outside the home.

I recently joined an online group where we support one another through this. Their are a lot of us out there. BOTH MEN and WOMEN. One common trend that occurs is it never gets better... only gets worse.

To you JIMYZGRL. I would recomend you run the other way. Find someone more compatable.

Sorry to vent.. You just struck a nerve.
jimyzgrl
Posted: Thursday, May 28, 2009 3:26:07 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/24/2009
Posts: 21
Wow, I really appreciate all your answers. And your honesty. I was married for 12 years to a man, that I didn't want to touch. I'm sorry to admit that, but I did leave....

I have a very healthy sex drive. I do want it at least once a day. What I can't figure out, is why our sex life would just go away..

I love the new toy analogy....It is true. Both men and women treat a new relationship like a new toy, and after awhile, it does change. But for once in my life, I truly believe I found my soul mate, we are compatable in every sense. I thought sexually too, but that changed. We are in the middle of moving, but once this whole month??? I mean really??? We have been busy, and tired, but it has not diminished my need for him....He holds me every night. Kisses me when I get home, askes me about my day.. In every aspect, we truly have the perfect relationship....and no, sex should not be everything, but I need something. He holds me every night when we sleep. Tells me I'm stunning. He is very romantic and sweet, I just want to know what happend to the sex?? I have tried, everything, from sitting at the table naked, to arousing him other ways.....

Im honestly just like wtf?? I ask him if he's bored? doesn't want me anymore, he says he wants me, and loves me...he doesn't know whats wrong? Is that truthful?? Do men get depressed? and does that affect you alls sex drive??


You guys are awesome, thanks for talking with me...I know this is way personal,,but I wanted opinions.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 28, 2009 3:49:22 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 675,722
That update did get me thinking.

I thought maybe human nature/male human nature was acting on him as in what others have talked about...not the new toy anymore.

I'm now thinking there is something else going on here, something he doesn't want to openly talk to you about. I'm sure he is not an idot and if you are talking to him in the nude, it's not a hard cue to see what kind of mood you are in.

So...I think he has an idea about what your needs are but you need to get him in a non-threatening setting and just talk. Now good luck with that because it is obvious there is something going on that he doesn't want to share with you...but that's your job.

You need to let him know that the physical love making is an important part of the relationship to you but you don't need to hammer it home. I would bet he gets that to a degree and some gentle reminding from you may help. Having confirmation that he "gets it" about your needs would be just one less question that needs an answer.

As a generality with men: I opine that we don't like talking about some things (personal things) that are going on in our heads or bodies. We don't like seeing the doctor unless we absolutely have too. You will be very special to him if he opens up.

Best of luck.

Guest
Posted: Friday, June 26, 2009 1:57:03 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 675,722
baker992009 wrote:
Wow.. You struck a nerve in me. I am afraid to admit that I am in a sexless marriage. When my wife and I first got together we had sex... day and night... was great. That was until she had our first child. After that things started going downhill. Intimacy went from twice daily to twice weekly. Then to weekly... then to once in 2 weeks. By now I am starting to beg for some lovin. By the tenth year... I was being turned down.. three out of four times. I remained faithful. I did everything I could humanly do to keep the passion.. The intimacy alive. I would help with the kids... putting them to bed.. do laundry.. dishes... bath the kids; clean house, babysit the kids so she could have nights out. I also made sure I showed affection towards her every chance I could... (several times a day) and for what?.. to be rejected

This went on and the intimacy dwindled to once in 2 months. We talked about it... faught about it.and it just got worse. Sex then became duty sex (not at all satisfying). Its been four and a half years now since we have had any intimacy at all. I have withdrawn all efforts to please her. We havn't so much as touched one another in any way. except to dance at my sons wedding last year.

Imagine sleeping beside this woman you can't put your arms around.. can't give her a kiss.. a love tap... a squeeze any kind of touch... what-so-ever without being pushed away. rejected.. thrown out like the trash. I stayed in this for my kids. I hate myself for doing this. Because I have suffered and am now agnry ,bitter, resentful. I could come up with lots more terms. You get the idea.

Just so that you know.. I also started begging her to seek help.. medical.. or councelling. All were denied. Both of us are in good health.. no weight issues; nothing to indicated being rejected like this. While the kids were growing up ; she never worked outside the home.

I recently joined an online group where we support one another through this. Their are a lot of us out there. BOTH MEN and WOMEN. One common trend that occurs is it never gets better... only gets worse.

To you JIMYZGRL. I would recomend you run the other way. Find someone more compatable.

Sorry to vent.. You just struck a nerve.


You stayed for you kids? But arnt they all grown up now?
Wouldnt they understand if you left?
Your only human, your life will end and you wont be happy...
Your married but you will still die alone... isnt that just to sad to live with?
Im only 18 so I have no experiance to talk from, but my mom left my dad about a year after my birth, and she confessed on day to me that this is the same reason she left. I have three older brothers that blame her for leaving a marriage of 19years, but now that I know, I dont blame her anymore, Im just sad that I blamed her to for so many years.
Guest
Posted: Friday, June 26, 2009 10:50:38 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 675,722
Good analogy satyr about us women being like cats. I think when a woman goes off sex from personal experiance there is something much more deeper than not wanting sex. my ex was getting violent and so i didn't want him touching me, so i used to fantasise about other men. I got to a point where i dispised him so much, and any touch would make my skin crawl. I also know with me after i had the children my focus was totally on them i became totally bessoted with them, and becasue he didn't feel the same that turned me off him. A lot of couples that have brought up children and still married but have no sex, say that they are like brother and sister and somebody i know said she doesn't like her husband to be affectionate with her but equally won't leave because she has invested so much time in the house. it takes real courage to leave something and know it might not be that great once you've done it. it seems easier to stay even though your unhappy. I read a book years ago it was called, too good to leave, too bad to stay i think that is the right way around. all your coments make for some pretty deep thinking reading. coffee
narresh
Posted: Sunday, April 21, 2013 11:01:16 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/17/2013
Posts: 21
Location: in ur dreams, India
ya,honestly speaking we lose interest after sometime,that's how things are with both sexes,i think so.after a time,we start taking things for granted.thats where the relationship loses its charm.so we have to keep each other interested,i think so.everything needs effort.moreover monotony and too much familiarity kills everything.i always work to try different things with my girl
Magical_felix
Posted: Sunday, April 21, 2013 11:22:19 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 5,472
Location: California
I think part of it is that men get comfortable, yes, and they start to change over time but women are the same way. Not all men and all women of course but sometimes both parties stop trying. The women may stop dressing and acting like their sexy selves that first attracted the man and the men may stop taking care of all the girl's needs like they used to in the beginning. Sometimes the man does it in response to the woman not trying and sometimes it's the other way around. Not sure if it is done on purpose or not. Sometimes relationships get more passionate too when two people are really compatible, the more you know about them the more you want them. Seems like you may be in that type of relationship where, the more you know (or he knows) the less attracted he/she is. It sucks I know.



Mr6x6
Posted: Sunday, April 21, 2013 5:50:58 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/2/2013
Posts: 59
Location: United States
Hasn't happened yet...thank goodness.

Long and thin may slip right in, but short and fat is where it's at.
pricklypear
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2013 8:56:55 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/9/2013
Posts: 4,575
Location: somewhere over the rainbow, United States
to baker, this is why i don't ever want to get married. :P

as for the anonymous chick with the pic of a chick's tummy, yes...men can get depressed. i have severe clinical depression, in fact. but it's never affected my sex drive so i can't help you there. dontknow
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