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Dirty Limericks Come and share Options · View
HanoverPhist
Posted: Friday, April 19, 2013 4:23:54 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 2/19/2013
Posts: 35
Location: State of Confusion, United States
Please share your favorite Dirty Limericks here:

There once was a girl from Madrass
Who had an incredible ass
Not rounded and pink as you probably think
but was grey, had long ears, and ate grass
Guest
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2013 7:54:57 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil
ddubya
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2013 9:11:20 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 7/7/2010
Posts: 4
Location: United Kingdom
There was Policeman from Clapham Junction
Whose penis wouldn't function
For the rest of his life - he satisfied his wife
With a bit of snot on the end of his truncheon
SventheElder
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2013 10:16:55 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/27/2013
Posts: 188
Location: SW Uk, United Kingdom
There was a young couple from Florida
Whose passion grew steadily torrider;
They had planned to sin
At a room in the inn
But, impatient, they screwed in the corridor.
SventheElder
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2013 10:19:37 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/27/2013
Posts: 188
Location: SW Uk, United Kingdom
A notorious whore named Miss Hearst
In the weakness of men is well versed;
Reads a sign o'er the head
Of her well rumpled bed:
'The Customer always comes first.'
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, April 23, 2013 9:58:36 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
The limerick I wrote was just SO bad, I had to delete it.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, April 24, 2013 4:40:10 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There was a young woman from Kilkenny
who men would shag for a penny
but for another half sum
they could roger her bum
a source of amusement for many
HanoverPhist
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 2:50:19 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 2/19/2013
Posts: 35
Location: State of Confusion, United States
There once was a man from Bel Aire
who was fucking his wife on the stair
the banister broke
he doubled his stroke
and he blew his wad off in mid air
HanoverPhist
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 2:50:21 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 2/19/2013
Posts: 35
Location: State of Confusion, United States
There once was a man from Bel Aire
who was fucking his wife on the stair
the banister broke
he doubled his stroke
and he blew his wad off in mid air
amyishot69
Posted: Tuesday, July 16, 2013 5:51:37 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 7/4/2013
Posts: 4
There once was a girl named Dot
who lived on pig shit and snot
when she couldn't get these
she ate the green cheese
that she scraped from the sides of her twat!!
amyishot69
Posted: Tuesday, July 16, 2013 5:53:26 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 7/4/2013
Posts: 4
George, the grave digger elite
would always have stiffs at his feet
but those that were cherry
he never would bury
instead of interring he'd eat!
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, July 16, 2013 7:28:41 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There was a boy from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a puss I would fuck it
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, July 16, 2013 7:31:12 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There once was a man from kanass
Who's nuts were made out of brass
in stormy weather
he'd clack them together
and lightning shot out of his ass
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, July 16, 2013 7:31:39 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There once was a man from Peru
Who had a lot of growing up to do,
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, July 16, 2013 7:32:29 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There once was this guy named Stan
Who had some trouble being a man
He wore a dress and high heels
And drove a Chevrolet with pink wheels
And soon Stan became a tran
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, July 16, 2013 7:34:26 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
A silly young man from Clyde
In a funeral procession was spied
When asked, "Who is dead?"
He giggled and said,
"I don't know; I just came for the ride."

Guest
Posted: Tuesday, July 16, 2013 7:35:13 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd
She was frightened--it must be allowed.
Soon a happy thought hit her --
To scare off the critter,
She sat up in bed and meowed.
Agrippa
Posted: Tuesday, July 30, 2013 6:08:56 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 7/29/2013
Posts: 50
Location: United Kingdom
There was a young man from Devizes
Who had balls of two different sizes
One was small
Barely nothing at all
The other was large and won prizes

or

A pansy who lived In Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom

SerraKitty
Posted: Tuesday, July 30, 2013 10:39:30 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/22/2011
Posts: 858
Location: United States
There once was a girl from Philly
Who didn't like any man's willy
She thought it was sick
To suck on a dick
But she loved to eat her girl, Lillie.
splodger
Posted: Friday, November 8, 2013 11:46:44 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/2/2013
Posts: 606
Location: United Kingdom
There was a young girl from Calcutta
Who peeped through a hole in a shutter
And all she could see was a young maidens knees
And the balls of the cunt who was up her
splodger
Posted: Friday, November 8, 2013 11:50:03 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/2/2013
Posts: 606
Location: United Kingdom
There was a young boy called Shaun
Who wished he'd never been born
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his condom was torn
Guest
Posted: Friday, November 8, 2013 12:42:22 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There was a nice young girl named May
Whose parents were about to give her a birthday
Surprise until they saw by accident something crass
In the form of a tattoo on her cute little ass
Which her daddy spanked in a very nasty way.
cooldaddy
Posted: Wednesday, January 22, 2014 3:54:21 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/21/2013
Posts: 10,169
Location: , United Kingdom
There was a young lady called Dinah
Who once took a slow boat to China
She was lashed to the tiller
With a sex starved gorilla
And China's a fucking long way!

Guest
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2014 12:30:15 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There was a fellow from Kent
Whose cock was extremely bent
To save him some trouble
He put it in double
Instead of cumming he went
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2014 12:32:40 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a pleculiar feeling
She laid on her back
Opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2014 9:44:51 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There was a young sailor from Brighton
Who said to his girl you've got a tight one
She replied upon my soul
You're in the wrong hole
There's plenty of room in the right one
Ardentmale
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2014 12:02:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/22/2013
Posts: 10,481
Location: Jersey Shore, United States
There once was a man named Al McGlick
He was born with a cork screw dick
All his life was a hunt
For the girl with a cork screw cunt
When he found her he dropped dead
For she had a left hand thread!


characterized by intense feeling; passionate; fervent

Intensely devoted, eager, or enthusiastic; zealous

vehement; fierce burning, fiery, or hot
kiera
Posted: Friday, January 24, 2014 12:31:52 PM

Rank: Short Arse Brit

Joined: 3/23/2013
Posts: 18,339
Location: Sipping tea , United Kingdom
Oom Chucka Willi
From Coconut Grove
Was the meanest mother fucker
You could tell by his clothes

He lined 100 women up against the wall
Swore to the Devil that he'd fuck them all
He got to 99 and he had to stop
Cause the frictions in his bollocks were about to pop

He went to the dr the dr said
Oom Chucka Willi
Your bollocks are dead
On his grave, all written in green
Is Oom Chucka Willi
The fucking machine
Guest
Posted: Saturday, January 25, 2014 10:28:23 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There once was a man from Seattle
whose hobby was sucking off cattle
'til a holstein named Keith
blew a load through his teeth
and put 'im right back in the saddle
Guest
Posted: Saturday, January 25, 2014 10:29:25 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,693
There was an old Irish mick
whose cum was exceedingly thick
He could squeeze it out
And spray it about
But it stuck to the end of his dick
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