Welcome Guest Search | Active Topics | Members | Log In | Register

Why do men ask for the truth then hold it against you later? Options · View
Broken_Cowgirl
Posted: Saturday, June 01, 2013 11:46:38 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/25/2013
Posts: 143
Location: The Whistle Stop Cafe, United States
I would like honest male answers... I am not trying to fight or cause trouble, I really want an answer to this question...

I want to understand why it always happens that if the "truth" is what you want, why does it go so badly once it is answered?
Guest
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 1:50:47 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 692,758
Because some men are jerks. Not all are like that.

However, there's always a higher chance that the truth will go down better if you already know the guy well. I don't know what kind of questions you've answered, but some men are probably just screening for qualities in a potential mate before even getting serious.

If someone has trusted in me by telling the naked truth, I would never hold it against them. I'm under no illusions that anyone is perfect, but honesty on the other hand is one of the most desirable qualities out there; often times it could also indicate that you're willing to put the past behind you.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 2:01:25 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 692,758
Well sure, some guys are jerks.... but..... in all honesty MOST of these types of questions are not gender specific. Change men to women and you will get the same answers only in reverse. But I would present that in these types of questions "some" be added to the question, because in reality I have not seen a single one be truly representative of "all".

To answer the question in general though, I don't think it has to be an issue of someone being a jerk/bitch. I think it has to do with human nature and feelings. It is a wonderful idea that "honesty" makes everything ok, and that it just smooths over feelings and emotions.... but it does not. We can TRY, but we are human. And often times I see people want understanding and forgiveness, as well as grace, for things they present to their partners, but if it was reversed chances are it would not go over so well. It all depends on what side of the situation you are on.

But yes, choosing the right partners and true compatibility helps.

Of course, each situation is also different. So it is hard to apply a general answer to a vague and truly unknown situation.
Broken_Cowgirl
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 3:20:00 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/25/2013
Posts: 143
Location: The Whistle Stop Cafe, United States
Sperminator wrote:
Because some men are jerks. Not all are like that.

However, there's always a higher chance that the truth will go down better if you already know the guy well. I don't know what kind of questions you've answered, but some men are probably just screening for qualities in a potential mate before even getting serious.


He is a wonderful man... and he said I was perfect for him... Said he wanted to marry me... He told me stuff he had told no one ever... Said I was... the one... He was so happy that I took all of him the good the bad etc... Thanks for you answer...
Broken_Cowgirl
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 3:20:36 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/25/2013
Posts: 143
Location: The Whistle Stop Cafe, United States
JohnC wrote:
Well sure, some guys are jerks.... but..... in all honesty MOST of these types of questions are not gender specific. Change men to women and you will get the same answers only in reverse. But I would present that in these types of questions "some" be added to the question, because in reality I have not seen a single one be truly representative of "all".

To answer the question in general though, I don't think it has to be an issue of someone being a jerk/bitch. I think it has to do with human nature and feelings. It is a wonderful idea that "honesty" makes everything ok, and that it just smooths over feelings and emotions.... but it does not. We can TRY, but we are human. And often times I see people want understanding and forgiveness, as well as grace, for things they present to their partners, but if it was reversed chances are it would not go over so well. It all depends on what side of the situation you are on.

But yes, choosing the right partners and true compatibility helps.

Of course, each situation is also different. So it is hard to apply a general answer to a vague and truly unknown situation.


Thank you for taking the time to answer my question...
matt55
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 8:58:27 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/31/2013
Posts: 374
Location: Atlanta area, United States
I think this is true of both men and women. Often we ask for the truth expecting a certain answer, or hoping, and when we get something different we lash out. It isn't right but it happens. I hope I am mature enough not to ever behave that way. No...I KNOW I am.
Magical_felix
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 9:41:45 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 6,072
Location: California
Sometimes the truth isn't what we expected... Like say you're getting into one of those "well how many people have you slept with" conversations late at night and the dude is all "I've been with like 7 girls" or something and the girl goes "oh me too, well full on sex that is" and the guy says "oh cool, wait, what do you mean full on sex?" then the girls drops the bomb that she has also sucked about 80 guys off and forgot how many handjobs. Shit like that is hard to hear without some kind of reaction later on. I mean come on, thats not a blowjob thats a blow career.



Guest
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 9:59:59 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 692,758
Truths are what you build within the relationship. Unless it involves a current STD, why concern yourself so much with what's in a person's past when you're building a new future? Who cares how many people they have slept with if they are now sleeping with you? What do you expect: a virgin with sexual experience enough to please you? If you go into a relationship with a shopping list and wearing a judge's robe, then expect that right back at you.
LadyX
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 10:10:14 AM

Rank: Artistic Tart
Moderator

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,804
Magical_felix wrote:
Sometimes the truth isn't what we expected... Like say you're getting into one of those "well how many people have you slept with" conversations late at night and the dude is all "I've been with like 7 girls" or something and the girl goes "oh me too, well full on sex that is" and the guy says "oh cool, wait, what do you mean full on sex?" then the girls drops the bomb that she has also sucked about 80 guys off and forgot how many handjobs. Shit like that is hard to hear without some kind of reaction later on. I mean come on, thats not a blowjob thats a blow career.


Man...first of all, when I sucked you off and let you ass-fuck me, you were the only one getting it at the time. That counts for something, right? Like, I could've had a few other hard-ass pipe-hittin' boys there to help you run that train, but I didn't. Why not? Because I'm a lady!!






GODDAMMIT!!
Magical_felix
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 10:16:00 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 6,072
Location: California
LadyX wrote:


Man...first of all, when I sucked you off and let you ass-fuck me, you were the only one getting it at the time. That counts for something, right? Like, I could've had a few other hard-ass pipe-hittin' boys there to help you run that train, but I didn't. Why not? Because I'm a lady!!






GODDAMMIT!!


You know... I was a bit weary when you let me ass fuck you first then you sucked me off. Why do you think I never ventured into this kind of conversation with you? I picked up on these clues and didn't ask. Why not? because I'm a gentleman.



janet_haney
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 10:19:47 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 252
Location: United States
I realize this question was for the guys and normally I would respect that, but, I think it is true of both genders maybe even more so women. I think guys are generally more forgiving. That being said, Yourmisterdark is right. History should be just history. However, the problem is many feel a history shows a pattern. It's pretty easy to say "I will never cheat on YOU as I did with so and so", but those are just words and we all know someone who would say anything to get what they want until they get it and then all bets are off. Trust is an elusive thing and very hard to earn and give after it has been shattered a few time. If a relationship is real, in my opinion, that trust will build for both but it takes a lot of work. This is my opinion by the way
Guest
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 1:18:30 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 692,758
Why do [SOME] women [and men] give you specific, detailed information or instructions, and then get angry when you are unable to consistently read their minds to find out what they're really saying?

It's the exact same reason. Because some people have a hard time distinguishing between the text and the subtext. The stereotype is that men don't read subtext as well and that women have a harder time maintaining emotional distance. Like nearly all stereotypes, it does come from a grain of truth, which in this case, is that we as a culture condition men and women to behave in those ways.

It's hard to say too much more without knowing the specific situation that inspired you to ask this question. I can say that all people have behavioral eccentricities, and yes, flaws. Every personality is different though, so those eccentricities and flaws are different in every person. The trick is finding a partner whose shortcomings are compatible with your own. For some people, that means finding a very similar match so they can understand, and for others, somebody completely different whose flaws compliment your own.

clum
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 2:44:33 PM

Rank: Clumeleon
Moderator

Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 5,531
Location: Kirkcaldy, United Kingdom
Because men are, to use a favourite expression of my mother's, a shower of cunts.

She Just Wants To Be

Third place entry in the Toy With Me competition.
Milik_the_Red
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 9:22:09 PM

Rank: Internet Philosopher
Moderator

Joined: 8/14/2009
Posts: 4,993
Location: somewhere deep under the Earth, United States
Why do women get pissed and refuse to tell us why?

People, men and women forget themselves and put their pride in front of their love. Is being right or vindicated worth angering the one you love?

lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, June 03, 2013 7:52:22 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,460
Location: Alabama, United States
Being honest doesn't absolve anyone of any consequences of their honesty.

If a man cheats on his wife and she asks him about it, and he is honest and admits it's true, chances are she's going to dump him.

If a devoutly religious man meets a wonderful woman and she honestly tells him that she's been with 200 men, he may move on to find another woman more suited to his needs in a woman.

If a woman asks a man who she's just recently started dating, "have you ever hit a woman?" and he answers "yes", she'll get out of the relationship immediately.

Honesty is a good thing, but it doesn't just wipe the slate clean or exempt the asker from having feelings/emotions about what's answered.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Jinxy
Posted: Monday, June 03, 2013 9:59:29 AM

Rank: Princess Blondie

Joined: 10/10/2012
Posts: 3,079
Location: In His Heart, United States
I just have to say, ladies do this too.

†Jinxy Approved†

Icarus32
Posted: Monday, June 03, 2013 10:11:56 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2012
Posts: 258
Location: Around, Canada
Like many have said above me I think this applies to both sexes, I also think the doesn't apply to everyone. Lots of people wouldn't do something like that.

Also the OP left this pretty broad and didn't give any context, so we don't really have a concept of if he/they are holding it against you. The way this is worded it could be anything from you telling him you once ate fifteen cheeseburgers in one sitting and him teasing you about it jokingly, to you telling him you cheated on him and him being upset about it for a while, or even you saying you once experimented with girls and him trying to use that to pressure/manipulate you into doing it again.

A lot of this is perspective, something you may feel is him holding it over your head may not even register on his radar, which is one of the many reasons why communication, particularly honest communication is king in keeping relationships going.

I do believe that to an extent history can suggest a pattern, if a girl told me that every relationship she had ever been in ended with her cheating I would be pretty skeptical when she told me that it wasn't going to happen with me. At least for the first while.

Now that all of that is out of the way, I'll leave with one last comment; if he is actually holding something over your head to make you feel bad or manipulate you etc. it's not because he's a man it's because he's a dick. Regardless of how he comes across the rest of the time.
Icarus32
Posted: Monday, June 03, 2013 10:13:47 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2012
Posts: 258
Location: Around, Canada
lafayettemister wrote:
Being honest doesn't absolve anyone of any consequences of their honesty.

If a man cheats on his wife and she asks him about it, and he is honest and admits it's true, chances are she's going to dump him.

If a devoutly religious man meets a wonderful woman and she honestly tells him that she's been with 200 men, he may move on to find another woman more suited to his needs in a woman.

If a woman asks a man who she's just recently started dating, "have you ever hit a woman?" and he answers "yes", she'll get out of the relationship immediately.

Honesty is a good thing, but it doesn't just wipe the slate clean or exempt the asker from having feelings/emotions about what's answered.



Really good points.

I just want to add that honesty is still the best path, because if you leave it out, or particularly if you lie about it chances are it will come out eventually,either intentionally or otherwise, and then it will be a much bigger deal.
Broken_Cowgirl
Posted: Thursday, June 06, 2013 3:38:26 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/25/2013
Posts: 143
Location: The Whistle Stop Cafe, United States
I didn't expect my question to cause all this.... Forgive me for asking... As I had stated, I wasn't doing anything but trying to understand a problem in my life and it seems that it became a big joke...
pricklypear
Posted: Thursday, June 06, 2013 5:45:16 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/9/2013
Posts: 4,575
Location: somewhere over the rainbow, United States
sounds like a jerk.

also, people should never ask things if they know they cannot handle the worst case scenario.



and you NEVER ask a woman how many she's slept with/done stuff to. that's just opening a can of worms that should never be opened. whether or not she is loyal to her significant others at the time is the only thing that matters. if she's clean and what she did in the past stays in the past, that's all that should matter.
Broken_Cowgirl
Posted: Friday, June 07, 2013 8:44:37 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/25/2013
Posts: 143
Location: The Whistle Stop Cafe, United States
pricklypear wrote:
sounds like a jerk.

also, people should never ask things if they know they cannot handle the worst case scenario.



and you NEVER ask a woman how many she's slept with/done stuff to. that's just opening a can of worms that should never be opened. whether or not she is loyal to her significant others at the time is the only thing that matters. if she's clean and what she did in the past stays in the past, that's all that should matter.


It wasn't amount of people... That is small... It was a fantasy convo and he freaked over the girl thing...
Leiza350
Posted: Friday, June 07, 2013 10:17:57 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/22/2012
Posts: 424
Location: ft myers, United States
Some times i wished i was a male , just to answer q's like this .......cuz i know why they want truth ...then later to use it against you ...when they got in trouble .
Ravyn
Posted: Friday, June 07, 2013 11:48:33 AM

Rank: Cock Connoisseur
Moderator

Joined: 4/26/2010
Posts: 2,120
Location: Bend, United States
Milik_The_Red wrote:
Why do women get pissed and refuse to tell us why?

People, men and women forget themselves and put their pride in front of their love. Is being right or vindicated worth angering the one you love?



Not all women do that, I will gladly tell anyone man or woman if I am pissed and why.

Broken_Cowgirl wrote:
I didn't expect my question to cause all this.... Forgive me for asking... As I had stated, I wasn't doing anything but trying to understand a problem in my life and it seems that it became a big joke...


Nobody is making a big joke of your topic. There will always be some lightheartedness on a site like this, its just the nature of the beast. You are getting some good feedback in here :)

BlackTalon
Posted: Friday, June 07, 2013 12:05:31 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/19/2013
Posts: 55
Location: United States
Cowgirl .. though some may make a joke here n there ...nobody has tried to turn your question into an invalid one.

First I must agree this is not a 'man' thing, and doesn't apply to all of either sexes. It is a 'some people' thing.

I myself think total honesty is a good thing. In your case it seems you shared a fantasy that most guys would love to hear, he may simply feel threatened and think he isn't enough for you, which is just the way he chooses to view it possibly. As a man with a bisexual female partner, I can attest that some men feel threatened by the thought they aren't enough for their woman. I don't feel that way, I understand she has needs I can't meet because I'm not equipped to meet them, but I can however accept her needs and insure they are met in a way safe to our relationship, and without either of us feeling guilty or hurt afterwards. It all comes down to a very deep level of communication in which guidelines are set beforehand that we are both comfortable with.

Fantasies for many people are just that, they choose to never act on them. My questions at this point would lead to more specifics: Did you merely inform him this is a fantasy you have? or.. Did you tell him you'd like to actually experiment with your fantasy either solo or include him in it? If he has a strong morality problem with same sex relationships, did you know about this before he asked? Does he have the double standard of watching girl on girl porn and then turning around and claiming it's morally incorrect?

My best advice at this point would be... If he isn't willing or able to accept you for who you are and what you need from life and relationships, then he wasn't right for you to begin with.

Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
SweetPenny
Posted: Friday, June 07, 2013 12:45:40 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/15/2010
Posts: 1,274
Location: State of Confusion
Milik_The_Red wrote:
Why do women get pissed and refuse to tell us why?

People, men and women forget themselves and put their pride in front of their love. Is being right or vindicated worth angering the one you love?


Because we wish you would figure out what you did wrong. You've done this 1000 times before. How could you not know why I'm mad at you now. Just saying icon_smile
Milik_the_Red
Posted: Friday, June 07, 2013 12:53:13 PM

Rank: Internet Philosopher
Moderator

Joined: 8/14/2009
Posts: 4,993
Location: somewhere deep under the Earth, United States
SweetPenny wrote:


Because we wish you would figure out what you did wrong. You've done this 1000 times before. How could you not know why I'm mad at you now. Just saying icon_smile



Yeah, but we're morons! Remember! You're assume we're capable of remembering!

d'oh!

badrich81
Posted: Friday, June 07, 2013 1:19:38 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/1/2012
Posts: 50
Location: socal, United States
i alway say that to my girl and when she starts to tell me, i dont hold shit against her. But thats just me. The thing i hate is when she tell me the samething and she holds it against me thats what really sucks... cause a guys always worng
bassguitarbubba
Posted: Saturday, June 08, 2013 1:51:34 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/30/2008
Posts: 409
Location: So. California, United States
Because men can't handle the truth!!!!!!
Z1992
Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2013 6:30:19 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/29/2013
Posts: 45
Location: United States
In my opinion, it's not so much that I am angry at the person. It's more that they lied to me in the first place.
kylie_kained
Posted: Wednesday, June 12, 2013 7:21:31 PM

Rank: Detention Seeker

Joined: 8/17/2010
Posts: 995
Location: Over your Knee Screaming and Kicking!, United King
I think many guys (and girls at times) like to try to rub the partners nose the wrong way to guilt them and make them feel worse.
















Users browsing this topic
Guest 


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Main Forum RSS : RSS

Powered by Yet Another Forum.net version 1.9.1.6 (NET v4.0) - 11/14/2007
Copyright © 2003-2006 Yet Another Forum.net. All rights reserved.