Welcome Guest Search | Active Topics | Members | Log In | Register

All Talk No Action! Options · View
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 7:31:15 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,399
I have done the inevitable and have actually met a guy that is all talk and no action. I am completely baffled, this in my eyes in common behaviour with women, but a guy??? I must be missing something. There has been opportunities to have sex and other things we talk about wanting to do, which don't come often considering I'm married and he always backs out. He is single so it's not another woman issue.... It is a complete confidence destroyer and makes me feel like complete shit ughhhh! I guess I'm wondering what might make a guy be like this, have any of you guys pretended to be really interested in a woman then cancel every time you make plans? Probably a really difficult question to answer but any insight would be awesome, just so I know I'm not losing my mind.....
dontknow
Thanks in advance guy
<3<3<3
MadMartigan
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 7:57:20 AM

Rank: Raised on Blackroot

Joined: 6/17/2013
Posts: 2,171
Location: United States
confused1

Maybe you're scaring him...

More than likely, the guy might enjoy the fantasy of actually flirting with a married woman, but when it comes right down to it, he doesn't want to be "the other guy" in reality.

If you were single, he'd probably have mounted you a long time ago. That's just my My 2 cents .

I could probably "talk the talk", but no.....I'd never actually sleep with a married woman personally.
clum
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 8:51:44 AM

Rank: Clumeleon
Moderator

Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 5,182
Location: Kirkcaldy, United Kingdom
I think you're being a little sexist. Guys can have all the same hang-ups and sexual insecurities that women do.

We get nervous, anxious, and self-conscious. Some things are easy to say, but when it comes down to it, it can be terrifying for some guys.

I would imagine your attitude to the situation doesn't help him much. Cut the guy some slack.

She Just Wants To Be

Third place entry in the Toy With Me competition.
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 9:05:08 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,399
MadMartigan wrote:
confused1

Maybe you're scaring him...

More than likely, the guy might enjoy the fantasy of actually flirting with a married woman, but when it comes right down to it, he doesn't want to be "the other guy" in reality.

If you were single, he'd probably have mounted you a long time ago. That's just my My 2 cents .

I could probably "talk the talk", but no.....I'd never actually sleep with a married woman personally.



We have been together in the past when I was and wasn't married... And he has been with other married women, it's kind of his thing. I'm pretty sure I couldn't scare him ha ha... Thanks for the response.
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 9:16:35 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,399
clum wrote:
I think you're being a little sexist. Guys can have all the same hang-ups and sexual insecurities that women do.

We get nervous, anxious, and self-conscious. Some things are easy to say, but when it comes down to it, it can be terrifying for some guys.

I would imagine your attitude to the situation doesn't help him much. Cut the guy some slack.



I would've never considered myself "sexist" and take a small offence to that. If he wasn't egotistical and he had a shy personality this would have been a totally different question about how to get him out of his shell ... I am extremely kind hearted and love men! He is the epitome of a nasty trash talking manwhore and I LOVE it, but when it comes down to doing the deed he's a no show. I've been cutting him "slack" for a VERY long time. I should've been more specific in my original post and maybe change met to know... I've known him for 7 years but have only been back in contact for the last year.... I didn't think I was coming off snub or with an attitude at all, I try to put my best foot forward and be extremely friendly with everyone. I really hope I didn't seem that way :(
dontknow
MadMartigan
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 9:33:37 AM

Rank: Raised on Blackroot

Joined: 6/17/2013
Posts: 2,171
Location: United States
Then the question is, is he still that same person? Marriage woman skirt chaser and all that jazz?

Hell, how long ago is "past?" Maybe he enjoys talking the talk, but no longer doing the deed. Maybe he actually developed feelings for you outside of the occasional roll in the hay.

Clearly you've been coming on strong for quite some time now. Your only option it to either give up or point blank ask him if he's interested.
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 9:42:41 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,399
MadMartigan wrote:
Then the question is, is he still that same person? Marriage woman skirt chaser and all that jazz?

Hell, how long ago is "past?" Maybe he enjoys talking the talk, but no longer doing the deed. Maybe he actually developed feelings for you outside of the occasional roll in the hay.

Clearly you've been coming on strong for quite some time now. Your only option it to either give up or point blank ask him if he's interested.



7 years ago and then last Nov and Jan.... I think maybe you're right about the enjoying talking about it but not actually doing it. The feelings aspect is 100% a NO he makes that very clear, it has been discussed. I can probably come on strong sometime i'll totally admit that, I have a very high sex drive! I've given up a few times and have cut ties and he comes back every time. I have a weakness for him and let him back every time... Starting to think he just likes to feel he has control over my emotions
Dani
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 9:52:27 AM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch
Moderator

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 5,655
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
It could be a number of things.

1.) As stated before, he may like the idea of flirting with a married woman. Maybe knowing that he CAN fuck you if he wanted to is enough for him, but he has apprehensions about actually sleeping with a married woman.

2.) You said you guys have been friends for a while. Perhaps he doesn't want to cross that line.

3.) Maybe he's really not that interested, but enjoys feeding your ego (people do that sometimes).

4.) Perhaps he's the fuck and move on type. Guys who are satisfied just playing the field don't like to feel obligated to stick around in any capacity. And maybe he senses that you would want him to stick around, even if it's just like a fuck buddy situation.

5.) Some guys like the thrill of the chase, and having sex thrown at them is off-putting for them. So if he's the womanizer that you claim he is, let him feel like he's 'womanizing' you. If you come off as desperate, he's gonna pull back. Try playing hard to get and see if he comes around.

jessicaheart696 wrote:
I have done the inevitable and have actually met a guy that is all talk and no action. I am completely baffled, this in my eyes in common behaviour with women


That did come off as a little sexist, by the way. I was offended for like a millisecond.


bookworm_sue
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 10:00:16 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 6/6/2013
Posts: 26
Location: United States
Well if you have known him a long time, have been with him in the past, and you know he used to like getting with married women, I would say you need to pin him down. Ask him if he keeps canceling because you are married. Since you were out of touch maybe that changed for him. If the problem is not your being married, ask what the problem is since there obviously is one. Tell him its time to put up or shut up if he says there is not a problem or be prepared to walk away.

Sex is emotion in motion.
Mae West

Guest
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 10:06:27 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,399
slipperywhenwet2012 wrote:
It could be a number of things.

1.) As stated before, he may like the idea of flirting with a married woman. Maybe knowing that he CAN fuck you if he wanted to is enough for him, but he has apprehensions about actually sleeping with a married woman.

2.) You said you guys have been friends for a while. Perhaps he doesn't want to cross that line.

3.) Maybe he's really not that interested, but enjoys feeding your ego (people do that sometimes).

4.) Perhaps he's the fuck and move on type. Guys who are satisfied just playing the field don't like to feel obligated to stick around in any capacity. And maybe he senses that you would want him to stick around, even if it's just like a fuck buddy situation.

5.) Some guys like the thrill of the chase, and having sex thrown at them is off-putting for them. So if he's the womanizer that you claim he is, let him feel like he's 'womanizing' you. If you come off as desperate, he's gonna pull back. Try playing hard to get and see if he comes around.



That did come off as a little sexist, by the way. I was offended for like a millisecond.


I didn't mean it to come off as sexist but reading it back it definitely sounds that way *face palm* in my experience it isn't uncommon for women to act like this, far more uncommon for a man though. Your response was exactly what I was looking for, thank you. I guess I have a lot to think about.
canvoyager
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 10:57:37 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 12/31/2012
Posts: 23
Location: GTA, Canada
It's probably not a guy or girl thing; we are all people and have various reasons to back out. On the other hand, I can see guys typically jumping at the opportunity, so I see where you are coming from.
That being said, I was stood up by a girl who was after me for a while... The only thing you can do is move on and try again.
JustJohn
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 2:13:28 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/28/2012
Posts: 105
Location: United Kingdom
Is it possible that he is feeling guilty (as you're still married) when the actuality arises, maybe he only ever intended it to be a fantasy and is scared of getting involved in what could be a messy situation?
Dani
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 2:19:59 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch
Moderator

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 5,655
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
Or maybe he's like a dog that finally caught the car he's been chasing...doesn't really know what to do with it.

Sorry...I've been watching the Dark Knight.


ride4fun
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 3:33:26 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 8/16/2011
Posts: 8
Location: United States
Something else to add. Not knowing what happened 7 yrs ago when you guys split up, but he could have fallen for you and doesn't want to get hurt again. Talking to you now may fill a void but that's as far as he's prepared to go.
Metilda
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 3:40:54 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/10/2013
Posts: 1,227
Location: United States
Well I see this (and I read all the responses and thought through this carefully) . . . I hope this doesn't offend.

But if he really likes you: he might not want to be your fall-back guy. . . the 2nd helping . . . the afterthought . . . the underhanded pleasure . . . the dog under the table begging for scraps.

I was the 2nd hand in a relationship and it made me feel like shit about myself - I was good enough to fuck but not good enough to BE with? I really loathed myself for being in that position . . . it was quick and fun when feelings were in the way.

Quick and fun is quick and fun

A 7+ year potential relationship being put on the burner because you're married is a whole other story - that is not quick and that is not fun.

Decide what you want - talk to him about what he wants - talk to your husband, too . . . maybe it's time to reassess your marriage?

Seems to me like no one in your neck of the woods is happy at all. Maybe if you talk to people about things you can work it all out for the better?

Maybe he has other things on his mind: like not wanting to wreck your marriage if you have no intention of divorcing? Having kids - maybe he doesn't want to ruin things for them? Maybe the idea is frightening and he doesn't want to get his ass beat? (That's what one of my exes did . . . put a guy in the hospital when he *thought* I was sleeping around - and I wasn't)

A lot comes with it when feelings - strong, deep feelings - surface.

kylie_kained
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 6:52:02 PM

Rank: Detention Seeker

Joined: 8/17/2010
Posts: 994
Location: Over your Knee Screaming and Kicking!, United King
Have you ever thought that he might be scared that your Hubby might find out? Try talking things over with him.
















Guest
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 7:29:05 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,399
There are no secrets in my marriage the husband knows about him, he reads our conversations and takes part in the pictures/videos we exchange etc... Threesomes are open on the table also. There is definitely no reassessing of the marriage needed, we've never been more in love than we are right now. Our life and family are just perfect, besides this little hiccup. :D I talked to him, he says it's all just bad timing, not sure if I believe that but I'll take it for now. If things don't change, moving on will be the best option, I'm done investing time and everything else it takes to see him or not see him. Just doesn't make sense I am 100% sure there is nothing emotional from his ended and yet when I've moved on in the past he was upset and jealous... Ughhh
Lustyrose4u
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 8:12:44 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/6/2013
Posts: 362
Location: Long Island, United States
Dear Jessica,
Don't worry about it, I live the "Hotwife" lifestlye, (one sided swinging, my husband stays home). I get literally hundreds of proposals from guys wanting to go out, about HALF of therm are pure BS when it comes time to put up or shut up. They are either wankers , frightened, or just plain scared.
Of course, there are also those who will meet you and rock your world...
Don't take it personally, it's the guys who are losing out by not meeting you.
Bobbi jo

"When its too kinky for everybody else, its just gettin' good for me."
(Kinky Freedman)
Dani
Posted: Monday, June 24, 2013 10:47:17 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch
Moderator

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 5,655
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
jessicaheart696 wrote:
There are no secrets in my marriage the husband knows about him, he reads our conversations and takes part in the pictures/videos we exchange etc... Threesomes are open on the table also. There is definitely no reassessing of the marriage needed, we've never been more in love than we are right now. Our life and family are just perfect, besides this little hiccup. :D I talked to him, he says it's all just bad timing, not sure if I believe that but I'll take it for now. If things don't change, moving on will be the best option, I'm done investing time and everything else it takes to see him or not see him. Just doesn't make sense I am 100% sure there is nothing emotional from his ended and yet when I've moved on in the past he was upset and jealous... Ughhh


I think you just answered your own question. His emotions are probably involved and he doesn't want to share you with your husband or other men.


Guest
Posted: Tuesday, June 25, 2013 1:00:24 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,399
slipperywhenwet2012 wrote:


I think you just answered your own question. His emotions are probably involved and he doesn't want to share you with your husband or other men.


But he acts like it's a fantasy of his and that he REALLY wants to see/be involved with the two of us(me and the hubs)... I have such a hard time thinking it could be a front.
TheUprightMan
Posted: Sunday, March 01, 2015 5:12:53 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 7/15/2014
Posts: 69
Location: United States
So, how did it turn out?
BareLeAWriter
Posted: Sunday, March 01, 2015 6:12:09 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 2/20/2015
Posts: 31
Location: United States
clum wrote:
I think you're being a little sexist. Guys can have all the same hang-ups and sexual insecurities that women do.

We get nervous, anxious, and self-conscious. Some things are easy to say, but when it comes down to it, it can be terrifying for some guys.

I would imagine your attitude to the situation doesn't help him much. Cut the guy some slack.



Words of Wisdom



If you or your lover have ever wanted to sensually submit or take control, you might care to read ~ Cat's Meow

playsit
Posted: Sunday, March 01, 2015 8:34:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/26/2011
Posts: 395
Location: Northeastern Untied Sates, United States
There could be many reasons for this. First thing I think of is maybe he is just a plain old fashioned good guy down deep, and respects the fact you are married. The second thing that comes to mind is the possibility of some self-confidence problems. Neither of these two possibilities have anything to do with you as a person.
hopp3r
Posted: Monday, March 02, 2015 9:45:25 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 1/24/2015
Posts: 77
Location: South-Central, United States
It could be that he enjoys the intellectual stimulation that comes with flirting but doesn't want to take it to a physical level (for whatever reason). It's kinda like a dog barking at trucks driving down the street; he doesn't really want to catch one but loves making the chase.
Thefisherman
Posted: Tuesday, March 03, 2015 3:36:47 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/8/2014
Posts: 43
Location: Suburban Chicago, United States
Hard to believe NO ONE has hit upon the fact that the guy may have a medical issue he is afraid to own up to.
adirtysecretboy
Posted: Friday, March 06, 2015 4:20:46 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/7/2015
Posts: 106
Location: Toronto, Canada
Is he aware of your husbands consent?

Just ask him?

We are clearly just as confused as you are.
Users browsing this topic
Guest 


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Main Forum RSS : RSS

Powered by Yet Another Forum.net version 1.9.1.6 (NET v4.0) - 11/14/2007
Copyright © 2003-2006 Yet Another Forum.net. All rights reserved.