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paul1979
Posted: Sunday, July 14, 2013 7:24:25 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/23/2011
Posts: 16
Location: United Kingdom
i became very close with a girl from work to the point i developed feelings for her, we're both married and she doesn't feel the same way about me. things have been very distant between us and she want us to go back to the friendship we had. how do i give her what she wants without opening myself up to me hurt?
Delphi
Posted: Sunday, July 14, 2013 8:30:41 AM

Rank: Quiet Fire
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Joined: 6/30/2012
Posts: 1,864
Location: United States
In my experience, you can't. Emotions just don't usually flip back that way. I'm curious as to why she is more of a concern to you than your marriage, though.

Guest
Posted: Sunday, July 14, 2013 9:17:59 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 652,869
Delphi wrote:
In my experience, you can't. Emotions just don't usually flip back that way. I'm curious as to why she is more of a concern to you than your marriage, though.

I agree. People can learn to deal with their emotions, and sometimes ignore them, but you will always have that "flutter" or even "pain" when thinking of them sometimes. People even experience this after a divorce, even a bad one. It is what it is.

My advice is that if you can't separate a general friendship from your feelings for her, stay social and civil, but do not get involved in typical friendship conversations. Don't eat lunch with her or any other "not required" contact. Don't go out of your way to be anything but working friends and keep it professional. It would be GREAT if you could still be friends and more than social workmates, but some people just can't do that without it causing too many emotional issues for them.

I have found that in most cases I have seen, woman are more able to do that then men are. That is not saying ALL me, or ALL women, just what I have seen. But another factor is who has the feelings and who does not. This time it is you on the emotional side of things..... good luck.
Dani
Posted: Monday, July 15, 2013 9:18:19 AM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch
Moderator

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 5,625
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
In all honesty, as Delphi has said, you can't just turn off your emotions. She doesn't see you that way. And you've probably ruined your chance at even a friendship with her, to be honest.

Also, as Delphi has said, I'd really like to know why your feelings that she doesn't return mean more to you than your marriage.


WellMadeMale
Posted: Monday, July 15, 2013 10:07:08 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,427
Location: Cakeland, United States
Meh, just roll with the changes, Paul. Ignore your married former dalliance and go back to the drawing board.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
cokeheadbarbie
Posted: Monday, July 15, 2013 10:21:12 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/4/2010
Posts: 163
Location: In the DJ Booth , United Kingdom
WellMadeMale wrote:
Meh, just roll with the changes, Paul. Ignore your married former dalliance and go back to the drawing board.


Speaking of unrequited love, Barbie's not getting any love from her studmuffin of a Master lately. And yeah, sorry, but Paul was HOT and I mean, Ibiza was rocking and I know it was just supposed to be like a weekend, but I kept missing my flight and damn, everyone loved me there and Pau was like the total sugar daddy - didn't even mind me fucking around on him, until he found out, that is - oops! LOL! Anyway, hope you missed me, even just a little? mwah! Barbie missed you! xx B
AriOli101
Posted: Monday, July 15, 2013 12:06:45 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/3/2013
Posts: 321
Location: United Kingdom
*sigh*

You're an idiot. You've gone and ruined a good work relationship and, potentially, your marriage for a dalliance. Genius.

Sort out the issues which are clearly in your marriage first (as otherwise you wouldn't be chasing skirts) and THEN worry about being friends with the girl

d'oh!

Make love not horcruxes! >^_^<

Check out my stories, you'd be surprised what I can do :)
Guest
Posted: Monday, July 15, 2013 12:06:56 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 652,869
Paul, I'm curious as to where this pops up in other aspects of your life. Sounds as if you sort of want the cake and eat it too. Is this a pattern for you? Wanting something before you're willing to release what you have? If you're in a relationship with a wife (kids?) work that one out first - stay, go, either way work it out first. Don't want to do that then you're doomed to keep going after the unrequited love, the job you almost got/wished you had, etc. But then again some people prefer that "drama" in their lives. Perhaps a talk with a counselor? Good luck.
JordanMan09
Posted: Monday, July 15, 2013 1:40:13 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 1/3/2010
Posts: 71
Location: Norman, United States
sucks!
Guest
Posted: Monday, July 15, 2013 11:15:06 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 652,869
I'm not convinced the feelings are unrequited love so much as unconsummated sexual lust. Love asks nothing in return. It's given freely, It can be shared, but makes no demands, has no expectations. Crushes, infatuations, even obsessions are not love, just desire. In my opinion, there's a HUGE difference between all these emotions.
daddysweetheart
Posted: Thursday, November 14, 2013 10:20:35 AM

Rank: Beautiful Submissive

Joined: 11/14/2013
Posts: 3,107
Love your reply Lurker!

Olivia
Posted: Thursday, November 14, 2013 1:43:13 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2011
Posts: 109
paul1979 wrote:
i became very close with a girl from work to the point i developed feelings for her, we're both married and she doesn't feel the same way about me. things have been very distant between us and she want us to go back to the friendship we had. how do i give her what she wants without opening myself up to me hurt?


The agony aunt has only tough love for you, sir. The answer is very simple: you can't give her what she wants unless you leave her alone. This is the reason for the emotional distance, as I'm sure that wasn't your idea. Your idea is to have her supply the role that I'm guessing your wife played in your life and in your heart. I will not moralize and ask you loaded questions about why you're not as concerned about your marriage as you are about this person. We don't have your whole story and we don't have your wife's either. It's not our business unless you make it that way. But advice on your questions is my business, and I will simply say: abort mission. Find a new target for your emotional infidelity, such as it is. This woman you seek stronger connection with has let go of the rope.

Better luck in the future!
thesexynun
Posted: Thursday, November 21, 2013 11:11:52 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/18/2013
Posts: 475
Location: the nunnery, United States
tough love from the nunnery too

see what I suspect happened was you felt more for her than she did for you

and unlike you..she realized she was married

see you cant be married and be in love with someone else at the same time

you have to chose

and if you are still in love with her you need to let your wife go

see she deserves a man who ADORES her

not one who is just marking time as he waits for another to sweep him away

and you never ever do that at work

I mean two married people possibly having an affair

trust me...someone could lose their job

and for what..

something that doesn't even give you the safety of a promise

now after that tough little lecture

I feel for you

I truly do

it hurts and hurts for a long long time

so I suggest you get yourself to counseling

and find out what you are missing in your life

that you tried to find..in her

hugs

" smile..it is the second best thing to do with your LIPS!"
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