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Playing on peoples emotions. Options · View
mowerman05
Posted: Monday, August 5, 2013 2:24:25 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/19/2012
Posts: 51
Location: Ashland, Ohio, United States
Why do people play on others emotions? Do they not realize they are?
VanGogh
Posted: Monday, August 5, 2013 5:18:09 PM

Rank: Sarcastic Coffee Aficionado

Joined: 2/10/2012
Posts: 3,952
Location: Vancouver, Canada
mowerman05 wrote:
Why do people play on others emotions? Do they not realize they are?


This happens a LOT here on Lush ....... most people are hopeful that people are honest, straight-up, and somewhat real in this unreal environment.

A number of us have experienced this ... and I see it like this:

a) the person who is doing the playing (the player) .... has no emotional attachment nor investment in the person that they are playing;

b) the person who is being played, is just hopeful that this one is real; and

c) the person who is doing the playing (the player) .... figures this is all a game anyways .... why be offended?

Often, you'll see ... another LushCrush crushes the Crushee .... hard and good (not in a good way!!). We learn from those major disappointments.

Reminds me of the lyrics from a song called Changes (by the Stars) .....

Once said, words make a world of their own
I misread






Guest
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 4:40:03 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 819,716
I think the players know exactly what they are doing... they just don't give a fuck.
Adagio
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 5:14:29 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/24/2013
Posts: 2,276
This is precisely what draws down the chat rooms and meetings of the those that are sincere. It's not new, just grows and grows. Reminds me of mold.
Poppet
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 6:16:53 AM

Rank: Cheeky Chick

Joined: 10/5/2012
Posts: 6,422
Location: In Your Dirty Fantasies, United States
Players know exactly what they’re doing, most don’t care, though some straight up admit they are in fact players but not often.

A lot of the times people do it because their real life is too boring, and they think why not come online and make up a world of fun and fantasy. This isn’t the real world after all, right? They think if they don’t invest their true feelings, the person on the other end isn’t either. Of course there are the ones who just don’t care at all, and are truly only out for themselves.

In the end, it’s as simple as deleting someone, or going as far as deleting your own account. You can always make a new one. There is no rule for doing that is there?

I hate how easily people play with people emotions, online or not.


BabydollSlave
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 6:27:56 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/15/2012
Posts: 507
Location: Been All Around The World , Japan
Poppet wrote:
Players know exactly what they’re doing, most don’t care, though some straight up admit they are in fact players but not often.

A lot of the times people do it because their real life is too boring, and they think why not come online and make up a world of fun and fantasy. This isn’t the real world after all, right? They think if they don’t invest their true feelings, the person on the other end isn’t either. Of course there are the ones who just don’t care at all, and are truly only out for themselves.

In the end, it’s as simple as deleting someone, or going as far as deleting your own account. You can always make a new one. There is no rule for doing that is there?

I hate how easily people play with people emotions, online or not.


Nicely put and i agree. after all ive seen some that mess up their "online life" they just start over with a new one? really makes me wonder how fake they are in real life too :(

my newest :)
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 7:16:23 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde
Moderator

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 7,216
Location: Your dirty fantasy
I have noticed in my time on Lush that the faster the hook-up, the harder the fall. I think that people sometimes rush into things without really getting to know the other person in a natural way. And if you only keep it online, I think the connection should develop even slower than it would in real life. I've seen profiles where a person has only been here a week before they are declaring their 'love' for someone and changing their relationship status. I mean how well can you even know someone in such a short period of time - especially if both people are bypassing the normal 'connection time' in favour of that drug-like high of feeling 'loved' and 'wanted.' With this outlook, it's easy to fall prey to people who are just looking to dick around with someone's emotions and have a little mini-vacay from their own reality. It's easy to cast the smoke and mirrors for short periods of time but when the initial euphoria of excitement settles down a bit, the players will bail because it starts to become more work than fun.

I feel compassion for those that have been hurt in these ways, but my advice would always be to keep perspective and take it slow with the emotions. Let things happen naturally. And if you come across a guy or a girl who is tripping on saying "I love you" when they barely know you and delving right into some kind of intense 'relationship' - especially the kind that involves putting rules and limitations on your real life time and freedom, please be very cautious and skeptical.

Take your time and really get to know someone before you jump in with both feet. And also - if you only intend on keeping it online, it's important to be realistic about the fate of your connection - the 'players' are very aware of this and are grateful that it's much easier to disappear online than in real life. It's all gratification for them and then when they're done - they just move on and let the chips fall where they may. Their parting thoughts are probably along the lines of "well, we were role playing, weren't we? I thought you knew that too." They are either clueless about the pain they might have caused someone who really *was* invested in it or they are just too cowardly to be respectful about handling a 'breakup' and look for the easiest way out. Most people that have been hurt will probably be able to look back on it and see the warning signs they chose to dismiss. Listen carefully to your gut feeling and intuition along the way - they're usually right.

I only let myself get very close to one guy I originally connected with on here and years later we are still very close (in an offline way).

Just remember to take your time and don't drop your defences and don't be too eager to drink the kool-aid. Your time is valuable, and someone should be willing (and interested) in earning your respect and the right to become part of your world - that goes for both online and off.


MadMartigan
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 8:28:53 AM

Rank: Raised on Blackroot

Joined: 6/17/2013
Posts: 2,331
Location: United States
I was going to chime in, but then the wonderful DD posted.

All that I had planned would be redundant.

I'll just add that, like the real world, some people just take enjoyment out of the troubles of others. THey get off on it. Usually, their own lives were fucked up, so their goal in life is to make as many people as possible join in their misery.

I like to think I'm good at spotting the BSers, being a king of bullshitting myself. I try not to take things too seriously on here, despite there being some awesome people on here I wouldn't mind meeting.

My philosophy is how I make friends in real life. You have to be pretty damn special to enter my circle of trust and friendship. I already have had the greatest friends in real life. I can be picky and choosy on here.

We're all here for fun anyway right? Some people, like DD said, get involved too early, too fast. Not good IRL, and certainly not good online.
Metilda
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 9:13:33 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/10/2013
Posts: 1,520
Location: United States
DD said it all very well. I would have just said "don't get involved online" - but you know, the same thing could happen in real life.
Dani
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 10:05:43 AM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch
Moderator

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 7,210
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
Yes, Dancing_Doll really did say it best. What makes me cringe the most is to see people make public spectacles of themselves and jump from e-relationship to e-relationship. And then it goes sour and friendships become divided and it's all a big mess.

This happens especially in chat, from what I've observed directly. Not picking on the BDSM community, but I see new subs being 'owned' and masters switching subs faster than you can blink. It has to be the biggest humiliation to just have all your 'feelings' displayed so publicly, only to realize that something's off or not meant to be.

That's actually why I always question the authenticity of such public displays. I get being proud to be with someone, but when you try too hard, I almost always think you're overcompensating. It makes me cringe because I know in just a short time that's all gonna fade away and you're left, quite publicly, to pick up the pieces. I mean it can be just the same in real life with bad relationships, but online, everyone knows, and the words follow you everywhere.

But yeah, it sucks having your emotions fucked with. And not to take sides or anything, but being that this is Lush and just the internet in general, people may get involved in something thinking it's casual...and then a strong emotional attachment develops that you really don't reciprocate, so I understand cutting things short when they reach that point. But don't continue to egg something on when you know you don't feel the same. That's just fucked.



SereneProdigy
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 11:39:37 AM

Rank: Cryptic Vigilante

Joined: 7/16/2013
Posts: 2,889
Location: Into the Unknown
I personally have next to nothing experience about online 'relationships', and I'm very glad to have stumbled across this thread to learn from people who have a lot more knowledge on this matter than I do.

Still, after only 3 weeks of lushing I can already assert some opinions on the subject. First and foremost, I believe the internet is a land of illusion ; a lot of its appeal is actually based on that very fact. No one here appears as a 'human', but through digital pictures, forum posts and emoticons, which hardly represent the complexity of a human being. Even for people who are truly sincere, providing an honest image of oneself is a complicated task that requires tremendous meticulosity and insight. Faking 'something' is very easy, since there is simply no verification available that connects the real world to this digital environment.

If I use this Lfunny, in response to a comment, I'm a truly laughing, or simply seeking the other's approval and sympathy to trap him/her into a nasty trick? How can you tell or verify? Wait for some form of congruity until I post this laughing6 ?

It's already difficult enough to apprehend others' intentions in real life, how can we be sure of anything here?

The point to consider is this : how do these 'lies' put you at risk?

A key factor to online communications is anonymity : use this at your advantage. No one actually forces you to divulgate personnal information, so anything you provide will be at your own risk. Myself, I've already made it clear in my mind which aspects of my life I'm not willing to compromise. I'm here to share thoughts and feelings, and as such only my thoughts and feelings will be shared. Everything else I provide will be my responsability, and I assume the risks entirely.

The same goes for emotional involvement, although in this case rationality takes second stance, which can hinder objectivity. Any involvement I pursue will be made at my own risk, and I must maintain the possibility that my illusions be broken at any time.

Another factor to consider is how human empathy and sympathy can be altered by online interactions. These qualities are generally made possible by seeing others suffer firsthand, which is something that doesn't adequately apply in this context. You can't really feel a genuine human suffering only be seeing this : crybaby . Our brains are not wired that way. Research Mirror neurons for further knowledge.

In that sense, don't expect your internet fellows to feel a great deal of empathy/sympathy toward you, as even the most compassionate of us won't be able to share your feelings at full capacity.

In the end, only intuition, empowered by maturity, can lead to some form of truth. It is your own duty to judge the power and limits of such intuition.


CurlyGirly
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 3:54:15 PM

Rank: CurlyFries

Joined: 10/5/2012
Posts: 1,834
Location: United States
slipperywhenwet2012 wrote:
Yes, Dancing_Doll really did say it best. What makes me cringe the most is to see people make public spectacles of themselves and jump from e-relationship to e-relationship. And then it goes sour and friendships become divided and it's all a big mess.

This happens especially in chat, from what I've observed directly. Not picking on the BDSM community, but I see new subs being 'owned' and masters switching subs faster than you can blink. It has to be the biggest humiliation to just have all your 'feelings' displayed so publicly, only to realize that something's off or not meant to be.

That's actually why I always question the authenticity of such public displays. I get being proud to be with someone, but when you try too hard, I almost always think you're overcompensating. It makes me cringe because I know in just a short time that's all gonna fade away and you're left, quite publicly, to pick up the pieces. I mean it can be just the same in real life with bad relationships, but online, everyone knows, and the words follow you everywhere.

But yeah, it sucks having your emotions fucked with. And not to take sides or anything, but being that this is Lush and just the internet in general, people may get involved in something thinking it's casual...and then a strong emotional attachment develops that you really don't reciprocate, so I understand cutting things short when they reach that point. But don't continue to egg something on when you know you don't feel the same. That's just fucked.



thumbup In total agreement. And then you see rage cage binge posts airing all the dirty laundry. Then, 2 months later, the whole process starts again for the same person. I guess that's what I don't understand when it keeps happening to the same individual over and over. Obviously, they're missing signals somewhere along the way. I understand the "euphoria" of being in a new relationship, but a little self preservation goes a long way.

No one likes having their emotions played with, so it's a good idea to be very protective of them, especially online when it's so easy to lie and manipulate. If a guy says he "loves" you here and wants to be in a relationship with you, then you should be able to contact him in the real world as well. Just makes sense. dontknow

Like Doll, I've gotten very close to one guy I connected with on Lush and more than 2 years later we are still extremely close. However, our friendship moved to the real world, and we seldom interact on Lush at all anymore. I have a few other Lush friends who made it into my real life, but it was not a quick process, because I was/am pretty guarded with what I'm willing to share.
reddeville18
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 4:12:10 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/29/2013
Posts: 266
Location: northwest, United States
yeah what DD said.....
Magical_felix
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 4:17:08 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 7,921
Location: California
LOL, welcome to life.

HappyEndings
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 4:51:36 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/7/2011
Posts: 2,225
Location: NW Florida, United States
I mean REALLY folks? Does anyone really think they can know someone enough to love them or be loved by them just by sharing an internet connection?

I'm probably not gonna be very popular for saying this but you'd have to be pretty desperate to allow yourself to believe that.

I certainly DO think it's a great way to meet people and arrange a face to face meeting and I've already been there a few times.

I'll venture something else... WAAAAAY more than half the people here on Lush that claim that they're posting their own pictures online aren't really using their own and they're so full of lies that you have NO CLUE who or what they are...

Guard your heart folks...

I haven't even mentioned the stalkers that certainly cruise the net constantly looking for gullible lonely hearts. These people are PROS and they have no feelings and they're experts at manipulation....

BEWARE!!! Danger Will Robinson!!! Danger! Danger!

Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together.... ;)
WellMadeMale
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 10:45:31 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,863
Location: Cakeland, United States
mowerman05 wrote:
Why do people play on others emotions? Do they not realize they are?


Are you referring to what goes on out in the real world or what occurs online? They are very different environments.

And yes, most in the real world know exactly what they are doing. I call 'em predators, chainsaws, gold diggers. Whatever.

The key is to recognize when you're being played...and hell, turn it around on them.

That's when it can be fun.

Or you can flip them into the nearest dumpster (as too much drama) and go about your merry way.

Recognition is everything... in the real world and especially - online.

Obscenity is the last refuge of an inarticulate motherfucker.
Magical_felix
Posted: Wednesday, August 7, 2013 10:52:23 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 7,921
Location: California
WellMadeMale wrote:


Are you referring to what goes on out in the real world or what occurs online? They are very different environments.

And yes, most in the real world know exactly what they are doing. I call 'em predators, chainsaws, gold diggers. Whatever.

The key is to recognize when you're being played...and hell, turn it around on them.



You were the target of gold diggers?

I want to hear that story. Surely no one has ever targeted you because of the money... Tell us a story.

WellMadeMale wrote:


The key is to recognize when you're being played...and hell, turn it around on them.



sign5



mowerman05
Posted: Thursday, August 8, 2013 11:32:13 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/19/2012
Posts: 51
Location: Ashland, Ohio, United States
Thanks to all that replied and gave input, .........do appreciate it !!!!!

Neil
DavidTheDeer
Posted: Sunday, August 11, 2013 9:15:16 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/25/2010
Posts: 923
Location: Pierre, United States
I doubt most people do it on purpose; yes, some people just see the people on here as things rather than people but I like to believe that's the minority. The rest aren't playing with your emotions on purpose, probably just misunderstanding what you mean and the confusion causes things to be said that aren't meant, then as they realize what they said was wrong w/e they try to make up for it, which just makes things worse.
Guest
Posted: Monday, August 12, 2013 3:25:47 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 819,716
I've found that when people are playing on my emotions, that it's partly my fault. I came here to get away from the emotional stress of it all. Only to find myself looking for certain individuals, then being upset that they're not available. I had to take a reality check on myself. Said that to say, I would not put all the blame on the other person.
tango48
Posted: Tuesday, August 13, 2013 1:18:30 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/6/2008
Posts: 202
Location: islamabad, pakistan
some maybe to get even for what someone did to them.
some because they think its a macho thing to do, or a machoess (if there be such a thing)
very few just for the heck of it!

anyone one is untruthful about themselves - in their profile on here or such - that becomes a cheat, and what would you expect from one like that - you cannot as they say, tell one lie!

if, 'to be or not to be' is the question - then how is E=MC^2?
tango48
Posted: Tuesday, August 13, 2013 1:19:22 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/6/2008
Posts: 202
Location: islamabad, pakistan
Red_Head wrote:
I've found that when people are playing on my emotions, that it's partly my fault. I came here to get away from the emotional stress of it all. Only to find myself looking for certain individuals, then being upset that they're not available. I had to take a reality check on myself. Said that to say, I would not put all the blame on the other person.


could not agree with you more - way to go!

if, 'to be or not to be' is the question - then how is E=MC^2?
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, January 22, 2014 8:33:49 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 819,716
Yea I wish people wouldn't play with our emotions but they do and they really don't care. I have had my emotions played with too many times and if I feel it happening now they are blocked. Yea I have thought of creating a new profile sometimes but why should I. Just block the fool. I have logged in and many times see someone on and they log off when I hop on. Once ya shrug it off but multiple times and the same person it really gets you thinking.
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