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Have you waxed your hoo-ha today? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Thursday, August 22, 2013 8:12:53 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,414
Found on Facebook:

NEVER WAX YOUR HOO-HA

Quote:
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless hair removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now....the wax. Read on..........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should get the waxing kit from the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin Extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet...

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!..... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.

CRAP!

Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out.... I must stay conscious.... I must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe.... OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... it's not! I touch....I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake ... Remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop....my head may pop off!'

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand in the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right ???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.....in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.

'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?' She's laughing out loud by now ... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

'IT WORKS!!

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......how bad can that turn out???
Poppet
Posted: Thursday, August 22, 2013 8:17:06 PM

Rank: Sweetest Cricket

Joined: 10/5/2012
Posts: 5,514
Location: In Your Basement, United States
It sure does make one think about waxing. I never have, but have always wanted to. However, not this at home stuff, I'd rather have someone else do it. It still scares me though. I guess I'm just chicken.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ You Inspire Me Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
Jinxy
Posted: Friday, August 23, 2013 12:32:30 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/10/2012
Posts: 2,833
Location: In His Heart, United States
I cringed & had to look thru my fingers, almost like a horror movie. I laughed so hard like it was a comedy, wut is she thinkin? omg!
sheepholy

†Jinxy Approved†

Bunny12
Posted: Friday, August 23, 2013 5:32:48 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/2/2009
Posts: 1,008
Location: My own little world, United States
LOL I just had a brazillian two days ago! It's really nothing when you have a professional do it. Funny read though...

Bunny12


Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
Supple72
Posted: Monday, August 26, 2013 7:01:01 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/16/2013
Posts: 430
Location: United States
GingerKitty,

It took me a good ten minutes to pull myself back up off the floor and compose myself. I literally have tears running down my face and nearly peed myself, I was laughing so hard. I think every single one of us have a been there done that story when it come to home beauty products. I turned my hair Barney Purple once, and had to wait a nearly week before the salon could process my hair and fix my home dye job. So I can truly sympathize.

There are just some things that are best left to professionals: micro-dermabrasion treatments (welcome to the burn unit), waxing (see above), anything that involves the word "bangs" (there will be tears), and if the box says results may be permanent or has a list of possible side effects run the other way (heavy drinking and an 800 number are in your future).

Thank you for sharing; that was awesome!!!
Shaman
Posted: Wednesday, September 25, 2013 9:25:03 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/5/2013
Posts: 508
Location: In a Galaxy far far away, United States
ain't no way
buttercup2u
Posted: Wednesday, September 25, 2013 8:45:52 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/13/2012
Posts: 439
Location: lost in paradise, United States
OMG Girl! That must have been the absolute worst experience of your life! I have tears running down my face from laughing so hard ... um no, I mean I feel your pain! ... I have tried the cold wax thing myself and I must say that the prewaxed strips are a vast improvement from having to smear the stuff on your self, which I have done. Hell, I even enlisted the help of my boyfriend at the time to help me ... he didn't seem to understand that the spatula should clear the hair before you begin to pull it from the area ... either that or he was having too much fun watching the faces that I was making as he yanked a couple hundred well rooted pubies! I'm not sure which it was ... I cried uncle after about the third time he did that and slunk off to wrestle it on my own ... in the end, I decided that shaving was my best option there!

If I weren't so self conscious, I would go and have it done professionally, I do like the smooth hoo-ha feel! Maybe someday I will decide to just suck it up and get it done, but until that day comes, I will just shave ... it seems far safer and easier on the psyche to use a razor than to rip God knows what hair, skin, and possibly other parts of which I am rather fond of having down there, from my nether regions.

And as far as coloring your hair ... if you have had a perm have it done professionally ... that stuff can make your hair turn blue or purple when it reacts with the residual perm solution. Though I have never dyed my hair, I did have a friend who had that happen to her ... can we say Cookie Monster!

Thank you for sharing your tale of woe! Perhaps there is a reason we call it a HOO-HA! LOL
Buz
Posted: Wednesday, September 25, 2013 8:52:41 PM

Rank: The Linebacker
Moderator

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Location: Atlanta, United States
Yep! Both the hoo-ha and ha-hoo (it's on the other side.)

PhilAnders
Posted: Sunday, September 29, 2013 10:48:35 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/20/2011
Posts: 71
Lately I've noticed a TV ad for a product to remove body hair. I think it's called "No-No" or something like that. It may be worth looking into if someone wants a smooth HOO-HA.
Guest
Posted: Monday, September 30, 2013 5:15:44 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,414
I paid to get it done and I found a place where its not too bad they use European wax where there r no strips it dries and they pull..it is painful especially around the clit but it goes by fast..still a little painful but not as bad..never have the guts to try it myself. More power to u girl!
RumpleForeskin
Posted: Monday, September 30, 2013 6:45:03 AM

Rank: The Right Rev of Lush

Joined: 7/3/2009
Posts: 2,924
Location: Lost in the ozone somewhere east of Luckenbach Tx,
Deepest sympathy is hereby extended. You're suffering is just another proof, I suppose, that life can be cruel to the young and beautiful. ;)

glasses8

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adagio_sabadicus
Posted: Monday, September 30, 2013 7:51:37 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/24/2013
Posts: 1,376
I think you are referring to the Dr. Spock book...Bubba Hears A Hoo-ha, All The Doodah DayRegaeman Man
whynottry
Posted: Monday, November 18, 2013 9:57:37 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/1/2013
Posts: 13
Location: Austin, United States
Before you invest in the No NO, check on-line for comments and information. It sounds great on the radio, but it is not recommended for your delicate area. One of the negative comments is you have to deal with the smell of burning hair! Better to be stuck to the bottom of the bath tub than have blistered pussy lips.
thesexynun
Posted: Monday, November 18, 2013 10:09:07 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/18/2013
Posts: 475
Location: the nunnery, United States
omg love this!!!

love what you wrote

i need to wax...but i just cannot see in my small town

going in and telling them to wax off..lol

however i soooo need to invest in the NO NO!!

to be a YES YES for this post

loved this :)




" smile..it is the second best thing to do with your LIPS!"
Dani
Posted: Monday, November 18, 2013 10:47:12 AM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch
Moderator

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 5,657
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
I think this story is more of a warning to follow instructions. The wax wasn't meant to be heated as high as she did with her hair dryer. If she would have just stuck to the instructions, I'm sure her waxing would have turned out just fine.

Having been privy to many a Brazilian wax and home waxing, it's actually quite simple. I've heard some horror stories...but they all involve someone not knowing what they're doing or some outlying factor like an unknown allergy to the wax or something. Hardly a caution against waxing in and of itself.


BelleduJour
Posted: Tuesday, November 19, 2013 9:10:58 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/13/2011
Posts: 1,507
Location: Canada
I'm a fan of the Brazilian method but prefer to leave it in the hands of the professional.

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