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May I ask a specific question about the giving and receiving of pain? Options · View
Milik_Redman
Posted: Saturday, November 02, 2013 4:09:10 AM

Rank: Internet Philosopher
Moderator

Joined: 8/14/2009
Posts: 4,753
Location: somewhere deep under the Earth, United States
Greetings members of our BDSM community here on Lush. Although I have been a member of the Lushstories for over four years, I come to you as an outsider to your sanctum. For those many of you who are not familiar with me or my writing, allow me to explain why I have created this thread.

In my life, I have experienced and experimented with many forms of sexuality, but I have little or no experience or understanding of the lifestyle many of you hold as an integral part of your existence. As I am aware that BDSM is more than merely a sexual practice, I come to you so that I may gain an insight into the inner feelings that make your lifestyle so complete.

You see, I am currently writing a story in which a young woman is to explore many of the wide and various aspects of pleasure gained from sexuality, and while I have enough life experience to feel confident in being able to express most of this, your world is still a mystery to me. To that end, I ask the permission and patients of your Doms and Masters that I may respectfully inquire of them what it is about the application of pain to your sub that is arousing. More deeply, may I inquire to your respective subs what it is about the pain and punishment you endure that you crave and enjoy?

I realize that this sounds as if I am ignoring the greater part of your lifestyle. Please do not feel that this is the case. The woman I am writing of is not living in a submissive lifestyle per se' but she will be expected to enjoy giving pleasure to all whom seek it from her, and my presumption is that there are those people who do derive pleasure from the giving of torment, just as there are those who find pleasure and strength in enduring it.

Lastly, it is my intention to portray this aspect of the story with the utmost respect and understanding of which it deserves. My stories often revolve around a strong female character who is selfless in love and courageous in it's pursuit. I assure you that nowhere in my story will any cheap aspersions or negative connotations of your lifestyle be made. I thank you all in advance for your input.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 02, 2013 5:11:35 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,474
For me, the pain and the pleasure compliment each other. It's a little hard for me to put it exactly into words. For example, the sting of the riding crop hurts, but it also goes right to my clit. It's as if you had licked my clit when you hit me with the crop. The more intense the sting is, the more it arouses me. The pain tends to heighten my ability to feel pleasure, and makes it more intense. When you taste something bitter, the sugar always tastes sweeter. There is always that contrast between the pain and the pleasure. The more intense the pain is, the more intense the pleasure that follows will be.

I also have an innate desire to please. It gives me great pleasure when I know I have pleased someone. Again, I think the contrast between being punished, and pleasing my Dom, makes the joy of pleasing almost euphoric for me. Pain and punishment. Pleasure and pleasing. They are two different sides of a coin, but in order to fully appreciate one, you have to have the opposite.

I'm sorry. I am struggling here to explain the feelings and emotions involved.
Milik_Redman
Posted: Saturday, November 02, 2013 5:16:15 AM

Rank: Internet Philosopher
Moderator

Joined: 8/14/2009
Posts: 4,753
Location: somewhere deep under the Earth, United States
lisad83 wrote:
For me, the pain and the pleasure compliment each other. It's a little hard for me to put it exactly into words. For example, the sting of the riding crop hurts, but it also goes right to my clit. It's as if you had licked my clit when you hit me with the crop. The more intense the sting is, the more it arouses me. The pain tends to heighten my ability to feel pleasure, and makes it more intense. When you taste something bitter, the sugar always tastes sweeter. There is always that contrast between the pain and the pleasure. The more intense the pain is, the more intense the pleasure that follows will be.

I also have an innate desire to please. It gives me great pleasure when I know I have pleased someone. Again, I think the contrast between being punished, and pleasing my Dom, makes the joy of pleasing almost euphoric for me. Pain and punishment. Pleasure and pleasing. They are two different sides of a coin, but in order to fully appreciate one, you have to have the opposite.

I'm sorry. I am struggling here to explain the feelings and emotions involved.


I believe this illustrates it quite well and at least confirms some of which I thought to be true. The scene in question will be a test to see if the central character is emotionally able to not only accept this and other aspects of giving pleasure, but that she can enjoy it as well. Thank you for your response.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 02, 2013 5:19:25 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,474
That is a HUGE issue, and one that is often misunderstood by those on the outside. There is a wide range of pain activities, and frankly many "vanilla" sex acts use pain as well, but people don't think about it. They associate pain with cutting, extreme pinching, clamps, clothes pins, flogging, spanking, ropes, etc. But the range involved can be wide and from mild to wild.

So with that in mind.... I will ONLY address the issue as it pertains to me.

I like a bit of pain because it releases endorphins. My body reacts and goes into overdrive. So pinching at the right time, biting, and even hard sucking can push things over the edge. Pain can make you feel alive and in the "now". It can also become a point of focus.

It is very important thought that you communicate before, during, and after anything involving pain. Learn what you and your partner wants and can handle. Pushing things is fine, it helps explore boundaries, but FORCING is not fine IMO.

But like most things, I don't require, or even WANT pain to be involved every time there is a sexual interaction. For me, if you do anything too often, it loses its appeal and affects. So for me, mixing things up is best.
Milik_Redman
Posted: Saturday, November 02, 2013 5:22:04 AM

Rank: Internet Philosopher
Moderator

Joined: 8/14/2009
Posts: 4,753
Location: somewhere deep under the Earth, United States
JohnC wrote:
That is a HUGE issue, and one that is often misunderstood by those on the outside. There is a wide range of pain activities, and frankly many "vanilla" sex acts use pain as well, but people don't think about it. They associate pain with cutting, extreme pinching, clamps, clothes pins, flogging, spanking, ropes, etc. But the range involved can be wide and from mild to wild.

So with that in mind.... I will ONLY address the issue as it pertains to me.

I like a bit of pain because it releases endorphins. My body reacts and goes into overdrive. So pinching at the right time, biting, and even hard sucking can push things over the edge. Pain can make you feel alive and in the "now". It can also become a point of focus.

It is very important thought that you communicate before, during, and after anything involving pain. Learn what you and your partner wants and can handle. Pushing things is fine, it helps explore boundaries, but FORCING is not fine IMO.

But like most things, I don't require, or even WANT pain to be involved every time there is a sexual interaction. For me, if you do anything too often, it loses its appeal and affects. So for me, mixing things up is best.


It is a huge issue to be certain. I believe it requires a great deal of trust. You make some very good points and I will consider them carefully.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 02, 2013 5:27:13 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,474
I have to also add that the one giving the pain MUST stay in the moment and NOT get lost to it. That can be dangerous. I often find myself hurting others physically in NON-Sexual situations. I often forget my own strength (I know, that sounds like a brag, but it is NOT... I don't see myself like others see me most of the time, and I forget that it is easy to hurt others.. like when playing around, shaking hands, pushing, or any other number of things), so sometimes when I am not careful others can get hurt. I have to really control myself. And this can often be a problem when using pain with sexual activities (not for me in particular, but in general) because the person giving the pain can not FEEL it. So they MUST MUST MUST be mindful of that and be in control of not only the other person.... but THEMSELVES.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 02, 2013 6:29:23 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,474
Milik_The_Red wrote:
Greetings members of our BDSM community here on Lush. Although I have been a member of the Lushstories for over four years, I come to you as an outsider to your sanctum. For those many of you who are not familiar with me or my writing, allow me to explain why I have created this thread.

In my life, I have experienced and experimented with many forms of sexuality, but I have little or no experience or understanding of the lifestyle many of you hold as an integral part of your existence. As I am aware that BDSM is more than merely a sexual practice, I come to you so that I may gain an insight into the inner feelings that make your lifestyle so complete.

You see, I am currently writing a story in which a young woman is to explore many of the wide and various aspects of pleasure gained from sexuality, and while I have enough life experience to feel confident in being able to express most of this, your world is still a mystery to me. To that end, I ask the permission and patients of your Doms and Masters that I may respectfully inquire of them what it is about the application of pain to your sub that is arousing. More deeply, may I inquire to your respective subs what it is about the pain and punishment you endure that you crave and enjoy?

I realize that this sounds as if I am ignoring the greater part of your lifestyle. Please do not feel that this is the case. The woman I am writing of is not living in a submissive lifestyle per se' but she will be expected to enjoy giving pleasure to all whom seek it from her, and my presumption is that there are those people who do derive pleasure from the giving of torment, just as there are those who find pleasure and strength in enduring it.

Lastly, it is my intention to portray this aspect of the story with the utmost respect and understanding of which it deserves. My stories often revolve around a strong female character who is selfless in love and courageous in it's pursuit. I assure you that nowhere in my story will any cheap aspersions or negative connotations of your lifestyle be made. I thank you all in advance for your input.


It is about trust on both parts. Establishing trust and caring and yes love. Funny, my next story is similar. I would never push a pet beyond what they can take.
Soleillalune
Posted: Saturday, November 02, 2013 6:53:28 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/29/2013
Posts: 2,105
Location: If I was in your pants you'd know, United States
I got hot reading this thread .. That's all I've got to say. Ooo and Nicki, can't wait to read your story

Peter242
Posted: Thursday, November 07, 2013 3:29:17 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/4/2008
Posts: 55
Hi,

Lisad83 has got it right. Pain gives /heightens sexual pleasure. As an adult we know we can object and resist. Part of the acceptance of pain is that it does also give pleasure. I particularly like lying across a dom woman's bare lap. I like to be naked to show my submission. I prefer the woman dom to be dressed but bare legged. The skin to skin contact adds to my desire. The stinging of the cane or flogger gives unique sensations that are so hard to duplicate.

I don't need to be told off as I am disciplined. Conversation is great, then periods when the more serious discipline is dispensed and the pain prevents conversation - as both of us are focused on the receiving and giving of pain.

More recently I have dommed as well. Beforehand I had no sexual joy from spanking someone else. However, when with a woman I trust, and who trusts me, I have achieved serious arousal from spanking her. I also know she has been aroused being on the receiving end.

Interestingly, we differ in our ability to switch back to our more common roles. Me as the sub and her the dom. It takes several minutes in fact for me, and even longer for her. I have put that down to the depth of feeling we experience.

In many ways it isn't natural to be both a dom and a sub. There is a natural tendency to be one or the other.I have to force myself to dom, whereas being the sub is natural. When I do dom I get satisfaction from the gasps and groans from the sub, and from taking her to a limit and making sure I do not over step it.

I hope this helps.

Best


Peter
Ravyn
Posted: Thursday, November 07, 2013 11:20:00 PM

Rank: Cock Connoisseur
Moderator

Joined: 4/26/2010
Posts: 2,113
Location: Bend, United States
Milik_The_Red wrote:
More deeply, may I inquire to your respective subs what it is about the pain and punishment you endure that you crave and enjoy?

The woman I am writing of is not living in a submissive lifestyle per se' but she will be expected to enjoy giving pleasure to all whom seek it from her, and my presumption is that there are those people who do derive pleasure from the giving of torment, just as there are those who find pleasure and strength in enduring it.


I would like to address the part in bold. If you plan on writing about a submissive woman, the wording that she is expected to enjoy, what you need to understand is that a woman who is submissive already has the desire to enjoy, the desire to please as well as the need for both. Those who role play this will never truly understand they can only live out the fantasy of what they think it is and I don't begrudge anyone that. I am just giving my 2 cents on a few points in your post.

As for the question as to why we crave and enjoy certain types of pain and punishments, that is an individual thing for each. No two are alike. Pain for some can be an amazing feeling, its more than a rush. It can be freeing when done correctly and between two people with the highest level of trust to know it will never be pushed past certain limits. Having that one person who can read you and know what you need before you ever utter a word, to be taken to that place where everything just stops and you feel. Some call it subspace I call it my happy place. The reasons a submissive craves this will also vary with each person.

Forgive me if this came off as babbling, I am overworked and tired and I hope I make sense here. If not feel free to send me a pm if you wish to know more from my perspective as a submissive woman.

Guest
Posted: Friday, November 08, 2013 3:03:24 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,474
Milik_The_Red wrote:
Greetings members of our BDSM community here on Lush. Although I have been a member of the Lushstories for over four years, I come to you as an outsider to your sanctum. For those many of you who are not familiar with me or my writing, allow me to explain why I have created this thread.

In my life, I have experienced and experimented with many forms of sexuality, but I have little or no experience or understanding of the lifestyle many of you hold as an integral part of your existence. As I am aware that BDSM is more than merely a sexual practice, I come to you so that I may gain an insight into the inner feelings that make your lifestyle so complete.

You see, I am currently writing a story in which a young woman is to explore many of the wide and various aspects of pleasure gained from sexuality, and while I have enough life experience to feel confident in being able to express most of this, your world is still a mystery to me. To that end, I ask the permission and patients of your Doms and Masters that I may respectfully inquire of them what it is about the application of pain to your sub that is arousing. More deeply, may I inquire to your respective subs what it is about the pain and punishment you endure that you crave and enjoy?

I realize that this sounds as if I am ignoring the greater part of your lifestyle. Please do not feel that this is the case. The woman I am writing of is not living in a submissive lifestyle per se' but she will be expected to enjoy giving pleasure to all whom seek it from her, and my presumption is that there are those people who do derive pleasure from the giving of torment, just as there are those who find pleasure and strength in enduring it.

Lastly, it is my intention to portray this aspect of the story with the utmost respect and understanding of which it deserves. My stories often revolve around a strong female character who is selfless in love and courageous in it's pursuit. I assure you that nowhere in my story will any cheap aspersions or negative connotations of your lifestyle be made. I thank you all in advance for your input.



Thank you Milik, for the respectful way you asked these questions. Of all the different lifestyle choices represented on Lush, I believe BDSM is the most misunderstood and disrespected lifestyle. Your post is the most respectful one I've ever read on this forum.
Thank you.
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