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Once a switch, always a switch? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, September 12, 2012 6:50:09 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Excuse me, but I'm looking for some education here.

Is a switch always a switch, throughout their BDSM lives or is there a certain point where they find what they like and decide to be either sub or Dom/Domme permanently?

I know this may sound a bit ignorant and trollish, but I'm genuinely interested in the psychology of a switch and if it's possible for someone who switches to fully commit to being either sub or Dom/Domme.
Peter242
Posted: Friday, November 22, 2013 2:58:28 PM

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Joined: 3/4/2008
Posts: 55
Switching is very possible. I am a sub who was introduced to domming. It's not as much fun as being a sub but I can see the eroticism in both ... now
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 5:08:15 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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I have difficulty in understanding/accepting the theory of being a switch. That doesn't mean I'm saying it's not possible. Isn't being Dominant or submissive something that comes naturally, and how can a person be both and get as much pleasure out of both roles? I'm not talking about a couple who might switch roles occasionaly, rather someone who will play an opposite role than their usual, long term or permanently, only to please their partner.




Peter242 wrote:
Switching is very possible. I am a sub who was introduced to domming. It's not as much fun as being a sub but I can see the eroticism in both ... now

You can see the eroticism in both, but is it something you choose to do because you like it and it feels natural, of you do it because a partner asks you to do it either occasionally, or as a permanent role during a relationship?
TxPrincess
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 5:48:54 AM

Rank: The Resident Princess

Joined: 10/6/2012
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Location: The Best Part, United States
I knew I was a sub, always...but one person, one day made me think otherwise. It was strange it just happened...my maternal instincts too over and all I wanted to do was protect her. I asked for help, because what does an extremely submissive person know about being a Domme, nothing....I was going on my mom reactions. It was nice in the beginning, very nice, the exploring and learning new things. In getting the help to be the best Mistress (Princess was what I was called) I realized that I was not a switch and being a submissive was what I was missing. The relationship ended not in a good way, all on my part, personal issues got in the way, trust was broken, and in the end it was just not what either of us needed.

So do I think it is possible to be a switch, of course if you are just playing as in role playing. I don't think it is possible to participate in the lifestyle 24/7 and be a switch, especially to the same person. Now if you wanted to bring a person under you and your Dom/me then it could be possible. This is not my cup of tea.

My nature is submissive and I think I am quite good at it.

Americanheart
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 8:24:46 AM

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Joined: 5/18/2012
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Location: Hopefully soon to be, United States
Being a Switch means you like being a submissive some of the time and to dominate sometime. I'm a switch, depending on the person I'm attracted to. I could be wrong.

Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 10:01:17 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 651,821
I think I'll try to answer my own question, mostly because I'm bored, but also because I want to explore it further.

I, myself, am a switch. I find myself quite easily able to go from sub to Dom, sometimes in the same session. I think, at some point, I'll probably be either a Dom or a sub full time, but I like it when I'm with another switch. It brings a slight power struggle, depending on the person, which can actually be quite fun.

It still doesn't really answer the question of whether one can be a switch and then commit properly to being a sub or Dom, but I think with the right person, I could be their Dom or sub full time.
TxPrincess
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 10:13:49 AM

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GingerKitty wrote:
I think I'll try to answer my own question, mostly because I'm bored, but also because I want to explore it further.

I, myself, am a switch. I find myself quite easily able to go from sub to Dom, sometimes in the same session. I think, at some point, I'll probably be either a Dom or a sub full time, but I like it when I'm with another switch. It brings a slight power struggle, depending on the person, which can actually be quite fun.

It still doesn't really answer the question of whether one can be a switch and then commit properly to being a sub or Dom, but I think with the right person, I could be their Dom or sub full time.


I think you may be confusing being aggressive with being a Dom. If when said Dom walk in to a room and I go up to him and unbutton pants and begin to give him a blow job, I have not become a switch or even topping from the bottom. I am just being aggressive in what I want at the moment, and that is part of the relationship. Now not all Doms I assume would not allow this and then it would be known ahead of time, what liberties you as a sub are allowed to take. Again I am speaking in the assumption that this is a 24/7 relationship and not just in the bedroom (roleplay).

Poppet
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 11:14:21 AM

Rank: Sweetest Cricket

Joined: 10/5/2012
Posts: 5,438
Location: You Inspire Me, United States
trinket wrote:
I have difficulty in understanding/accepting the theory of being a switch. That doesn't mean I'm saying it's not possible. Isn't being Dominant or submissive something that comes naturally, and how can a person be both and get as much pleasure out of both roles? I'm not talking about a couple who might switch roles occasionaly, rather someone who will play an opposite role than their usual, long term or permanently, only to please their partner.


I’m going to give this the best shot I can at explaining, but don’t beat me with a stick, if I get it wrong.

Now this is just me, not everyone, because everyone is different. I think of myself as more of a submissive then a Dominate, however I have been a Dominate in relationships. I am extremely submissive in the bedroom, I like the idea of being controlled in there. Though, I do have times where I like being in control, that is mostly during foreplay. I only like it, knowing that at any time it can be taken from me though. Confusing, I know.

When I am a Dominate, I am to the full max. I don’t sway. When I’m submissive, I tend to sway between them. It takes a strong Dominate to ‘keep me in place,’ so to speak. If anyone has read any of my BDSM stories, I like the softer side of it. I’m not one into the extreme pain, punishments and over-the-top stuff.

I think a part of it is, I can be very Dominate outside of the bedroom. I hate not having control, knowing what’s going on, having things in order. It might be part of my OCD and I’m also a lot like my grandmother, we’re controlling, by nature. I try to let my guard down, have faith, but I just hate the unknown. If I don’t know what’s going on, I feel like everything is going to fail.

So, I can be very submissive in the bedroom, but it does take a lot to submit outside of it. It takes the right kind of man to do so. I’ve only met one who has done so for me. I’ve been in several BDSM type relationships. I’ve only submitted fully to one. Though, I do submit fully in the bedroom for them. I want to please them. Nothing makes me happier than knowing I can please my Sir, my man, the one I’m with. I know that because they are my Sir, they’ll take care of me, so my job is to take care of them.

Also, it depends on who I’m with. I know this sounds strange, but some men just don’t come off Dominate enough for me to submit to them. Even if they claim to be Dominate. It’s also hard for me to, if they are younger than I am, or switches themselves. I guess I’m just weird, but we all know that. Don’t we?

When I was with my first Master here, I was totally submissive. No one would have guessed I had a Dominate bone in me. I was happy to be as such. It was easy to be his submissive, because he made a great Dominate, even online. But, when we broke up, I got together with Jamie. Now, anyone who knows me, knows how Dominate I was with him. I wasn’t submissive at all with him. No one would have guessed that I was the same person, just two totally different people.

After he and I broke up, I was single, didn’t date and won’t date again on here. I enjoy being submissive more than Dominate, at least in the bedroom. I will always be cheeky, I will always be hard to handle. Not because I’m a bad submissive, I’m just a Brat. Just, not a ‘bad’ brat. It just takes the right kind of man to understand me, guide me in the right direction.

I think it’s harder to be a switch, it can get confusing at times. But, when you get the right flow, with the right person, it’s amazing.

I really hope this has helped. It’s a bit wordy, but that’s just how I am.


Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ You Inspire Me Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
Poppet
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 11:19:02 AM

Rank: Sweetest Cricket

Joined: 10/5/2012
Posts: 5,438
Location: You Inspire Me, United States
GingerKitty wrote:
I think I'll try to answer my own question, mostly because I'm bored, but also because I want to explore it further.

I, myself, am a switch. I find myself quite easily able to go from sub to Dom, sometimes in the same session. I think, at some point, I'll probably be either a Dom or a sub full time, but I like it when I'm with another switch. It brings a slight power struggle, depending on the person, which can actually be quite fun.

It still doesn't really answer the question of whether one can be a switch and then commit properly to being a sub or Dom, but I think with the right person, I could be their Dom or sub full time.


Yes, I think a switch can turn full time Dominate or full time submissive, if they meet the right person, who brings that out of them. It happens to me. It just depends on who I'm with. If I'm with someone and he's Dominate, if it's done right, I can be a great submissive. But, if we were to breakup, I can easily go back to being a switch. So, yes, it's possible.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ You Inspire Me Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
Naughty_Nurse
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 12:25:40 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/29/2012
Posts: 597
Location: Netherlands
Hi, interesting subject.
I'll try to explain my brain evil4
Well, I consider myself as a typical switch, although at the moment I tend more towards being submissive.

I think my character has many strong opposites and one of them is being a switch.
If I have to choose, I can say that naturally I am a slightly more dominant than submissive (outside the bedroom). I like to be in control and know what's going on. I have trust issues and keep an eye on peoples behavior.
I think those things make that I love to be submissive in te bedroom, but it takes a very strong and trustworthy person(ality) to bring me into my submissive mood.
If 'the game' is played slighty 'wrong' or too harsh in my opinion, then I am not submissive anymore, if the game is played the way I really feel it should be, I am all his' and willing to push my limits.
I am only into the softer side of BDSM, but as a Dominate I will give pain to my sub if he or she likes to recieve pain, I will go as far as my sub likes it (well, not into extremes).
I don't really have the real life experience of dominating, only a bit and that was nothing serious, I hope to experience it one day.
But I do have experience being submissive, I think that makes me getting into that role more and more.

I think that if I would meet a nice submissive woman, I will grow into my Dominant role much more...

It is a thing that will change all the time I think, due to my character and needs, it also has to do with the people who come across my path, the one person tickles my dominant side and the other person triggers my submissive side...

Well, hope it makes sense clown

My newest story: Monica's Birthday turns into an unexpected orgy

Lessons from a Naugthy Nurse: Scott learns all about oral sex from his nurse
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 5:12:49 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 651,821
TxPrincess wrote:


I think you may be confusing being aggressive with being a Dom. If when said Dom walk in to a room and I go up to him and unbutton pants and begin to give him a blow job, I have not become a switch or even topping from the bottom. I am just being aggressive in what I want at the moment, and that is part of the relationship. Now not all Doms I assume would not allow this and then it would be known ahead of time, what liberties you as a sub are allowed to take. Again I am speaking in the assumption that this is a 24/7 relationship and not just in the bedroom (roleplay).


I really am not. I do know the difference between an aggressive bastard, a proper Dom and a bona fide sub. Gimmie some credit, willya?

What I'm getting at, is that I can go from being Dominant to being submissive and vice versa quite quickly. If that makes me aggressive, I'm a cold blooded jelly doughnut.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 5:13:37 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Naughty_Nurse wrote:
Hi, interesting subject.
I'll try to explain my brain evil4
Well, I consider myself as a typical switch, although at the moment I tend more towards being submissive.

I think my character has many extreme opposities and one of them is being a switch.
If I have to choose, I can say that naturally I am a slightly more dominant than submissive (outside the bedroom). I like to be in control and know what's going on. I have trust issues and keep an eye on peoples behavior.
I think those things make that I love to be submissive in te bedroom, but it takes a very strong person to get me into me being submissive.
If 'the game' is played slighty 'wrong' or too harsh in my opinion, then I am not submissive anymore, if the game is played the way I really feel it should be, I am all his' and willing to push my limits.
I am only into the softer side of BDSM, but as a Dominate I will give pain to my sub if he or she likes to recieve pain, I will go as far as my sub likes it (well, not into extremes).
I don't really have the real life experience of dominating, only a bit and that was nothing serious, I hope to experience it one day.
But I do have experience being submissive, I think that makes me getting into that role more and more.

I think that if I would meet a nice submissive woman, I will grow into my Dominant role much more...

It is a thing that will change all the time I think, due to my character and needs, it also has to do with the people who come across my path, the one person tickles my dominant side and the other person triggers my submissive side...

Well, hope it makes sense clown


Yup, this makes perfect sense to me.
TxPrincess
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 5:32:23 PM

Rank: The Resident Princess

Joined: 10/6/2012
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GingerKitty wrote:


I really am not. I do know the difference between an aggressive bastard, a proper Dom and a bona fide sub. Gimmie some credit, willya?

What I'm getting at, is that I can go from being Dominant to being submissive and vice versa quite quickly. If that makes me aggressive, I'm a cold blooded jelly doughnut.


giggles....oki oki....here is your credit.....My 2 cents all i could find was 2 cents....

Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 5:36:48 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 651,821
TxPrincess wrote:


giggles....oki oki....here is your credit.....My 2 cents all i could find was 2 cents....


Well, those are completely useless, I don't use such things. Gimmie some pennies instead!
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 23, 2013 5:41:07 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Poppet wrote:


Yes, I think a switch can turn full time Dominate or full time submissive, if they meet the right person, who brings that out of them. It happens to me. It just depends on who I'm with. If I'm with someone and he's Dominate, if it's done right, I can be a great submissive. But, if we were to breakup, I can easily go back to being a switch. So, yes, it's possible.


I believe so, too. Finding the right person to either be Dom to or sub to is important and probably the turning point in any switch's life. Well, sex life, at least.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, November 24, 2013 2:46:29 AM

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hmmm I'm still not hearing a definite 'yes'. What I'm curious about, is whether someone can have a long-term relationship as a submissive, then a long-term relationship as a Dom, and still feel comfortable in, and enjoy both roles. Perhaps I have the wrong idea of what a 'switch' is. thanks to the peeps i asked to post on Ginger's thread.
Naughty_Nurse
Posted: Monday, November 25, 2013 4:14:34 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/29/2012
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Location: Netherlands
trinket wrote:
hmmm I'm still not hearing a definite 'yes'. What I'm curious about, is whether someone can have a long-term relationship as a submissive, then a long-term relationship as a Dom, and still feel comfortable in, and enjoy both roles. Perhaps I have the wrong idea of what a 'switch' is. thanks to the peeps i asked to post on Ginger's thread.


I can't answer that question because I don't have enough experience to tell.
If I am overthinking it I still don't really know. Actually I think it will bore me if I am 'stucked' in the role of Dom.
I think I am a much better sub and I am (almost) sure I can enjoy that role for a long(er) time.
But I like variety, and know I can have quite dominant periods...hahaha....I'm useless for answering your questions blah5
What would be perfect for me is having a submissive girlfriend and a dominant boyfriend...that would be amazing hahaha icon_biggrin

My newest story: Monica's Birthday turns into an unexpected orgy

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Guest
Posted: Monday, November 25, 2013 4:30:54 AM

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Naughty_Nurse wrote:


I can't answer that question because I don't have enough experience to tell.
If I am overthinking it I still don't really know. Actually I think it will bore me if I am 'stucked' in the role of Dom.
I think I am a much better sub and I am (almost) sure I can enjoy that role for a long(er) time.
But I like variety, and know I can have quite dominant periods...hahaha....I'm useless for answering your questions blah5
What would be perfect for me is having a submissive girlfriend and a dominant boyfriend...that would be amazing hahaha icon_biggrin



That is something I never thought of and would I be correct in assuming that scenario is a perfect example of being a switch?

Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 26, 2013 4:17:49 PM

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Its not part of my lifestyle really anymore. I mean the serious BDSM, not the playing around stuff. I can't switch. I can't sub and it just made the situation frustrating. Now hubs and I will play and he will spank me and call me a bad girl or some light stuff but that is all I can do. I think it depends on how strong certain traits are in your personality. I know some D's try it to better understand what their sub may feel or to come up with some new ideas and I was curious but No. I sucked. The urge to dominate was too strong and I ended up hurting him because he cared deeply for me and I him. Very hard parting with each other but I could not give what he wanted. I have rarely, in my own experience met someone who could truly switch in the serious BDSM scene. When I say truly because maybe the person was never really a D or maybe that person was never really an s. Maybe some people can but I couldn't and I don't claim to speak for everyone.

Edited.
Naughty_Nurse
Posted: Wednesday, November 27, 2013 4:42:49 PM

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Joined: 9/29/2012
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trinket wrote:



That is something I never thought of and would I be correct in assuming that scenario is a perfect example of being a switch?



Well actually I don't think so.
All switches have their own 'reasons' for being a switch I think. For me, Yes it is the perfect example, but for others it probably isn't.
It is not black or white, it is a very nuanced subject/ feeling I think and hard to catch in words (for me).

My newest story: Monica's Birthday turns into an unexpected orgy

Lessons from a Naugthy Nurse: Scott learns all about oral sex from his nurse
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 30, 2013 6:46:47 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 651,821
Naughty_Nurse wrote:


Well actually I don't think so.
All switches have their own 'reasons' for being a switch I think. For me, Yes it is the perfect example, but for others it probably isn't.
It is not black or white, it is a very nuanced subject/ feeling I think and hard to catch in words (for me).



Thanks NN, and you explained yourself perfectly, thanks for coming back and posting again :)
PrettyWhispers
Posted: Friday, December 13, 2013 10:41:28 PM

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I've always thought you can only be one or other, not both. Maybe I'm just not understanding it correctly. But I would think if you enjoy being a certain way (be it dominant or submissive) why would you be open to going the other way?

I'm just curious
Danowadd
Posted: Friday, December 13, 2013 11:11:55 PM

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Location: foothills, United States
When you train in the craft of BDSM--you explore each fetish that turns you on. A Master or Mistress helps you extract maximum pleasure from the fetish.
A TRUE Dominatrix will go either way--she must to round out her training. All the most common fetishes are explored
IF she progresses to Mistress she then has the experience to train either sex and pass on the knowledge she attained through HER training.
I have trained several over the years and it's a lifestyle that has many rewards---both financially and emotionally.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, December 26, 2013 5:21:27 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 651,821
Danowadd wrote:
When you train in the craft of BDSM--you explore each fetish that turns you on. A Master or Mistress helps you extract maximum pleasure from the fetish.
A TRUE Dominatrix will go either way--she must to round out her training. All the most common fetishes are explored
IF she progresses to Mistress she then has the experience to train either sex and pass on the knowledge she attained through HER training.
I have trained several over the years and it's a lifestyle that has many rewards---both financially and emotionally.


But don't you find once you know what you are you sort of follow that path. I know many women start out as subs and discover themselves. Maybe it is societal gender roles. I don't think it is the same for males in BDSM. But again, I cannot even speak for everyone or every scene or every experience.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, December 26, 2013 7:00:22 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 651,821
NickiC wrote:


But don't you find once you know what you are you sort of follow that path. I know many women start out as subs and discover themselves. Maybe it is societal gender roles. I don't think it is the same for males in BDSM. But again, I cannot even speak for everyone or every scene or every experience.

I have found that people are predispositioned to be what they are and that sometimes there is confusion because of societal gender roles, but not so much any more. And I have also seen that you really can't make someone be something they are not. Oh sure, they can "play" at the role, but that does not MAKE them that. This of course does not include true brainwashing and abuse that breaks down another person (this goes pretty much only in one direction though, from Dom to sub), I am NOT in agreement with that at all and think it is outright abuse whether the person at first agrees to it or not.

But in normal BDSM the goal should be to explore all kinks that interest/turn them on, and expand each other's pleasure, true. But it is, IMO, more about enhancing what is NATURAL in the first place and perfecting it; not about starting with a blank slate and writing on it. Because none of us are truly blank slates. Some need assistance finding who they truly are, and others just need polishing what they already know. So yes, I believe that once you know what you are (fully) you follow that path. If a person "becomes" something they didn't appear to be at first, IMO it was because they always WERE that (or had that as well) but it was just not focused on.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, December 26, 2013 7:08:18 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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PrettyWhispers wrote:
I've always thought you can only be one or other, not both. Maybe I'm just not understanding it correctly. But I would think if you enjoy being a certain way (be it dominant or submissive) why would you be open to going the other way?

I'm just curious

Just like other sexual roles, D/s is often on a sliding scale. Some are one, some are the other, and some are both. But normally those who are both are only so when the dynamics are right. For instance, we see it in females a lot. A female may be a sub for a male Dom. and a Domme for a female sub. Now males have been known to do this as well, but I just tend to see it happen more with females.

But I have also seen (again mostly with females) where a female may be a Domme to one male and a sub for another. It is about their dynamics. And like I posted in another post, I find many times it is about where on the sliding scale each person is (like all sexual things).

Now I have seen some people switch roles SEXUALLY with the same partner, but IMO that is simply kink play and not their true dynamic. When not in a sexual situation they tend to fall back into their "true" roles. But keep in mind that for many, BDSM is ONLY a kink. They don't live their lives in defined roles, or even do it regularly. It is just another way to spice up their sex lives like any other kink out there.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, December 26, 2013 10:07:02 PM

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JohnC wrote:

I have found that people are predispositioned to be what they are and that sometimes there is confusion because of societal gender roles, but not so much any more. And I have also seen that you really can't make someone be something they are not. Oh sure, they can "play" at the role, but that does not MAKE them that. This of course does not include true brainwashing and abuse that breaks down another person (this goes pretty much only in one direction though, from Dom to sub), I am NOT in agreement with that at all and think it is outright abuse whether the person at first agrees to it or not.

But in normal BDSM the goal should be to explore all kinks that interest/turn them on, and expand each other's pleasure, true. But it is, IMO, more about enhancing what is NATURAL in the first place and perfecting it; not about starting with a blank slate and writing on it. Because none of us are truly blank slates. Some need assistance finding who they truly are, and others just need polishing what they already know. So yes, I believe that once you know what you are (fully) you follow that path. If a person "becomes" something they didn't appear to be at first, IMO it was because they always WERE that (or had that as well) but it was just not focused on.


Hmmm made me think some more. I see your point. I can only speak for me. Many many people here have way more experience because I left the lifestyle and your remarks about abuse are so on. I have heard of many situations like that. Sad.
HBmale
Posted: Thursday, January 09, 2014 5:41:51 PM

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Location: So Cal, United States
I am naturally very dominant in my everyday life and at work...this includes in the bedroom. However, sometimes, I like someone else to be in charge....and I enjoy it. Basically, pending my mood. Just have fun! No worries.
Red_Wispy
Posted: Sunday, February 09, 2014 4:03:15 PM

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Yes, I can switch. I have a tendency to be a bottom, but hormones being what they are, I feel the need to top. I love to share or gift if you will, the glorous release my dom gives to me.

It's not a you do me.... Now I do you. It all about creating the scene, the release and most of all the pleasure we get from eachother.

beinggood
Posted: Tuesday, February 11, 2014 2:26:07 AM

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I am a switch and shall always be one...I am submissive to one person..that would be my Master...My sub is submissive to me and shall always be...I am always a dominant when with her...I love the feeling of being both

doing my best to be good..
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