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Fling while married? Options · View
rjwi2008
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 9:11:39 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/4/2013
Posts: 2
Location: United States
Is it OK to have a fling even though married if sexually frustrated at home?
onerealguy
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 9:16:41 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/4/2013
Posts: 24
Location: Kawartha\'s, Canada
only if your spouse likes the idea
Dudealicious
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 9:23:57 AM

Rank: Wise Ass
Moderator

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,529
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
That's called cheating isn't it?

Would your wife approve of this? If so, BINGO you now have an open marriage.

You're welcome.

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

thesexynun
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 9:52:11 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/18/2013
Posts: 672
Location: the nunnery, United States
I would first address the sexual issue

you look fairly young??

could it be you have young kids at home? she has a demanding job?

perhaps she too is slightly unhappy in the bedroom

to have great sex one must communicate

and that is the number one problem in a marriage

I would go to a sex therapist before I would cheat

you made vows to her..and this includes fidelity

however on HER part too

to love means to have sex

so if you are not getting any sex..then yes it is a HUGE issue

if you are getting it couple times a week that is sometimes marriage

but if you do cheat

remember what you may lose

her and YOUR life you have built together

I pray you don't..i pray you both get help and you find your way back together



" smile..it is the second best thing to do with your LIPS!"
CurlyGirly
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 10:47:26 AM

Rank: CurlyFries

Joined: 10/5/2012
Posts: 1,829
Location: United States
rjwi2008 wrote:
Is it OK to have a fling even though married if sexually frustrated at home?


I think you should text this exact question to your spouse.


"Baby, as you know, I'm sexually frustrated, is it OK if I have a fling?"

Get back to us and let us know her response.


Would you be OK if she were to have a fling? confused5



It won a potato. Aren't you intrigued?



lafayettemister
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 10:52:33 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,437
Location: Alabama, United States
CurlyGirly wrote:





Would you be OK if she were to have a fling? confused5


If it is ok, have her fling it at me.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 10:57:00 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde
Moderator

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,602
Location: Your dirty fantasy
Technically it's cheating and probably not 'ok' unless you have her consent, but it's ultimately up to you if you're willing to risk the potential consequences. Only you can answer that.

Nikki703
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 11:09:32 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 13,813
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
If you do it without her OK it is cheating no matter what you want to call it. And I don't believe in cheating!

But what you do is your own business. Who am I to judge you!!
rjwi2008
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 11:17:31 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/4/2013
Posts: 2
Location: United States
I've only thought about it, but I can't see myself ever actually doing it unless given permission. I'd feel too guilty. Just wanted to see what others thought.
CurlyGirly
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 11:25:16 AM

Rank: CurlyFries

Joined: 10/5/2012
Posts: 1,829
Location: United States
lafayettemister wrote:


If it is ok, have her fling it at me.



Here you go...


run away...run away...run away...


(sorry, I can't help myself) evil4



It won a potato. Aren't you intrigued?



Piper71
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 12:55:58 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 8/15/2013
Posts: 15
Location: Birmingham, United States
I don't think I could cheat on my wife. She is awesome!
Guest
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 1:14:58 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 674,188
I've been wrestling with this idea for about 8 weeks now!! You can easily engage in adult talk here on lush with some naughty girls to help get you off, which could satisfy the need to pursue extra marital sex. However, there is a danger that you can connect with someone so well on here that it inevitably ends in discussing meeting up for real!!
Don't know about you lot but I'm drawn to danger!! I've been well behaved so far but I'm not sure how long I can hold out....
NYMM500
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 1:40:56 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/3/2013
Posts: 65
Location: Howard beach, United States
OK. I know I will probably get a lot of flack about this
And let's not use the word "fling". A fling could be just a one night stand or a very casual 'hook-up'
I have had a few "EMR's" (Extra-Marital RELATIONSHIPS) and will admit feeling guilty but only about not feeling guilty. All my EMR's were with other married women. And for whatever reason they ventured outside their marriages, and besides the sex being amazing there was also urial respect, understanding and Ina couple there was also deep love for each other
WellMadeMale
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 2:07:59 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,471
Location: Cakeland, United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:
Technically it's cheating and probably not 'ok' unless you have her consent, but it's ultimately up to you if you're willing to risk the potential consequences. Only you can answer that.


I've wrestled with those thoughts frequently in my life...





Most intelligent people are introspective and doubt themselves while many fucktards are proudly over-confident. - a tip of the hat to Charles Bukowski
Guest
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 2:12:33 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 674,188
I get it, man. My wife and I went from once a day, to once a week, to once a month, to twice a year

I could understand if I was inattentive or let myself go.

When it dries up like that, you start asking questions.

I agree with the majority. You need to stick with it and communicate.

Anything else is cheating.
angela39
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 2:31:19 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 10/10/2013
Posts: 23
Location: EU
I had flings with my husbands mates who hit on me. I would meet them for dinner. I was anxious to feel them inside me and before dinner was over had given them a hj in the restaurant. It took of the edge because I love hours of foreplay
paul_moadib
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 3:28:22 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/31/2013
Posts: 601
Location: Docking bay 94
rjwi2008 wrote:
Is it OK to have a fling even though married if sexually frustrated at home?


It's never OK - that's what marriage vows are all about.

However, it takes 2 to make a marriage work and if your spouse is denying you the things that make a marriage work in the first place, one could argue that the vows were broken on both sides.
Weavindreams
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 5:33:22 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/28/2013
Posts: 8,180
Location: On the bluffs above the Mississippi River., United
Assuming the avatar is your pic, you appear to be relatively young. which means that in all probability so is your wife. MOST younger males have higher sex drives than their younger wives, which can result in all sorts of problems in the marriage. (Been there done that.) Later in life those roles tend to reverse (keep that in mind no matter what you decide) My response to JUST your OP is NO. Hurting someone you love (and it will at some point in time) is NOT something I'll advise ANYONE to do. That alone won't be of any help to you and what I will say next might not be either but it's the best I can do. DO talk to your wife, and find out IF there is a REASON for her lack of interest. If so do what you can to FIX IT! If that doesn't get you anywhere try being honest about the EXTENT of your desires and see where that goes.
The only exception I finally made was an opportunity too good to refuse as my former wife had already had two affairs that I was aware of so I saw NO reason for ME to remain faithful to her.

Mazza
Posted: Thursday, December 05, 2013 5:40:37 PM

Rank: Mazztastic

Joined: 9/20/2012
Posts: 3,266
Location: Scotland, United Kingdom
WellMadeMale wrote:


I've wrestled with those thoughts frequently in my life...





That's the best gif ever evil4
HotLittleMoments
Posted: Sunday, December 08, 2013 4:19:56 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/24/2013
Posts: 98
Location: Bali, Indonesia
I think this is a complex question. It is also complicated by the "ownership" aspect of marriage. Marriage is important for many reasons, among them stability. Mutual respect is paramount, for without it there can be no relationship. But trust is more important than monogamy (not my line, it's from a Savage Garden song) and in that context an affair is far more destructive than a one-night stand or a brief encounter. That's because it necessarily requires gross deceit. Unless you think you own your spouse it really shouldn't worry you if they have sex with someone else on the spur of the moment, wherever that was, especially if it's while they're away on a business trip or a weekend, or even a holiday. If you think you own your spouse, that's what should really worry you.

(And I agree: that gif above is the best one ever... )


Ambrose
BelleduJour
Posted: Sunday, December 15, 2013 4:05:49 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/13/2011
Posts: 1,507
Location: Canada
If you have to ask the question, I think you already know what the answer is.

I've been down this road before, so I understand how frustrating it can be; to love someone you're bound to but completely frustrated with the lack of sex. It's difficult to handle particularly if you've tried to talk it out with your partner and they don't see a problem and/or can't or won't work with you to improve things. I don't think anyone on here can tell you what to do or what is the "right" thing to do. That is ultimately up to you and therefore you will have to live with your choices. If you haven't shared your feelings with your current partner, I would start there. You owe it to both of you to say what's on your mind and put it all out on the table. I just caution you if you're leaning towards having an affair because it's a slippery slope. Sometimes this types of things turn out to be better in theory than reality.

thor12300
Posted: Sunday, December 15, 2013 5:50:24 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/3/2013
Posts: 114
Location: Poole, United Kingdom
Only if both parties agree that its ok to do so. Otherwise its cheating.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, December 15, 2013 6:01:11 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 674,188
Even if it was ok, I'm sure you'd feel guilty because you exchanged vowles with her and
were in love enough to get married...

I'm guessing by you asking us that you're thinking of doing it without her knowledge, once you start fooling around you're most likely going to think she's fooling around or get very defensive when she asks simple questions like "What took you so long, dinner was ready a half hour ago", even if you were honestly stuck in traffic. You'd have the back of your mind going "SHE KNOWS, DEFEND MYSELF, DEFEND MYSELF, SHE CANNOT KNOW". Which would probably raise red flags, needless to say it's just a recipe for disaster.
deeanna
Posted: Sunday, December 15, 2013 7:50:46 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 11/12/2013
Posts: 9
Location: Los Angeles, United States
This is a tricky question. I think what first needs to be addressed is why you are sexually frustrated and can your wife make the necessary adjustments to remove that frustration? If not, then there needs to be a discussion as to how your sexual needs should be met? If she's not willing to help you on her own, have her give you some ideas on how to meet them? You have to able to speak openly to each other. Have you had this discussion with her?
Plushbunny
Posted: Monday, December 16, 2013 12:39:32 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/6/2012
Posts: 329
Location: Sydney, Australia
Be very careful. A friend of mind recently went through a crazy situation where the woman he had an affair with turned out to be a psycho. When he attempted to end it, she threatened to blackmail him. When he did end it, she contacted his wife, sent emails and pictures, the whole works. He ended up having to contact the police. Amazingly, his wife forgave him. And of course it was his fault..so beware taking those steps. You don't know who you are going to meet and what the consequences will be.

" I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer"
Woody Allen
buttercup2u
Posted: Tuesday, December 17, 2013 7:43:06 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/13/2012
Posts: 439
Location: lost in paradise, United States
thesexynun wrote:
I would first address the sexual issue

you look fairly young??

could it be you have young kids at home? she has a demanding job?

perhaps she too is slightly unhappy in the bedroom

to have great sex one must communicate

and that is the number one problem in a marriage

I would go to a sex therapist before I would cheat

you made vows to her..and this includes fidelity

however on HER part too

to love means to have sex

so if you are not getting any sex..then yes it is a HUGE issue

if you are getting it couple times a week that is sometimes marriage

but if you do cheat

remember what you may lose

her and YOUR life you have built together

I pray you don't..i pray you both get help and you find your way back together



Perfectly stated!
A couple of other thoughts...

How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot?

If you aren't happy in your marriage, try to fix it before you jump into something else. If it can't be fixed, then get a divorce before you jump into a new relationship. Its only fair to both of you.
Will_greybeard
Posted: Tuesday, December 17, 2013 10:26:01 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/30/2012
Posts: 638
Location: Chorlton cum Hardy, United Kingdom
thesexynun wrote:
I would first address the sexual issue

you look fairly young??

could it be you have young kids at home? she has a demanding job?

perhaps she too is slightly unhappy in the bedroom

to have great sex one must communicate

and that is the number one problem in a marriage

I would go to a sex therapist before I would cheat

you made vows to her..and this includes fidelity

however on HER part too

to love means to have sex

so if you are not getting any sex..then yes it is a HUGE issue

if you are getting it couple times a week that is sometimes marriage

but if you do cheat

remember what you may lose

her and YOUR life you have built together

I pray you don't..i pray you both get help and you find your way back together



I couldn't have put it any better myself.

I did have an affair 30 years ago when my children were young. It caused my wife great pain and distress and nearly destroyed our marriage. We ventually put things back together, but it took a very long time to re-establish trust, and our sex life over that time was very poor. Now, after 43 years together, the work needed to save our marriage was worth it. The most important thing is communication - always talk, always be honest, and always look at yourself and see where you might fall short.

Marital fidelity should be your aim, but fantasy is another thing entirely. Flirt with friends on Lush, talk about having sex with them, but remember those are just fantasies fuelled by lust, and use them to enrich your number one relationship - the one with your wife which is based first on love.

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BelleduJour
Posted: Tuesday, December 17, 2013 10:34:35 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/13/2011
Posts: 1,507
Location: Canada
Willyc2licu wrote:


I couldn't have put it any better myself.

I did have an affair 30 years ago when my children were young. It caused my wife great pain and distress and nearly destroyed our marriage. We ventually put things back together, but it took a very long time to re-establish trust, and our sex life over that time was very poor. Now, after 43 years together, the work needed to save our marriage was worth it. The most important thing is communication - always talk, always be honest, and always look at yourself and see where you might fall short.

Marital fidelity should be your aim, but fantasy is another thing entirely. Flirt with friends on Lush, talk about having sex with them, but remember those are just fantasies fuelled by lust, and use them to enrich your number one relationship - the one with your wife which is based first on love.


Lapplause BINGO!

submissivemom72
Posted: Wednesday, December 18, 2013 4:07:20 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 57
Location: United States
since my husband enjoys watching, and is usually the one selecting the guys, I am all for 'flings'.
VirginalViet
Posted: Wednesday, December 18, 2013 10:34:20 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/4/2012
Posts: 360
Location: United States
My dad now lives with his "fling" and her name is Judy. My mom is okay now, but it was hard on me (especially the day he moved out of the house). A fling will lead to a lot of tears I promise you. Mom is okay now though. She's having more fun I think and she's changed a lot. Actually I think in the end it was good for both of them. I still miss my dad though. Sometimes a girl needs her daddy. Anyways if the guy gets a fling then the girl gets to have flings too…..fair is fair.
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