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DamonX
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 1:21:36 PM

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What are your views on one night stands?

Have you had a few? Maybe more? Or is it something that you would never do?

Was it a good time or a huge mistake?

Be sure to include any relevant or dirty details if you so wish.

b229
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 2:05:19 PM

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I've had my share of one-night stands ... not a huge fan of them for the most part. I do see a lot my friends doing the kind where they go out to the bar, get wasted, and end up having terrible, drunken sex with whatever guy happened to be standing beside her when the bar closed down. One friend actually walked out of a bar, and randomly picked a guy who was standing in line trying to get into the club and took him home... LOL.. luckiest guy ever, I'm sure. Didn't even have to buy her a drink!

I'm not a huge fan of one-niters UNLESS I'm feeling some serious chemistry and sexual attraction to the person. I don't like the accidental drunken-fucks where its less about wanting to have sex with THAT particular person, and more about just wanting to have sex.

When I'm not in a relationship, then I would rather call a fuck-buddy or just use my toys.

A one-niter does take on a more exciting dynamic when it's a threesome though...

Something just has to be out of the ordinary for me to want to do it.. whether its an usual circumstance, or when you meet someone where there's just a kind of chemical lust that makes you just have to have them that night!

One-nite stands do tend to be more fun and acceptable when you're on vacation though! Who doesn't like hot vacation-sex?!

DamonX
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 5:13:39 PM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:
I've had my share of one-night stands ... not a huge fan of them for the most part. I do see a lot my friends doing the kind where they go out to the bar, get wasted, and end up having terrible, drunken sex with whatever guy happened to be standing beside her when the bar closed down. One friend actually walked out of a bar, and randomly picked a guy who was standing in line trying to get into the club and took him home... LOL.. luckiest guy ever, I'm sure. Didn't even have to buy her a drink!

I'm not a huge fan of one-niters UNLESS I'm feeling some serious chemistry and sexual attraction to the person. I don't like the accidental drunken-fucks where its less about wanting to have sex with THAT particular person, and more about just wanting to have sex.

When I'm not in a relationship, then I would rather call a fuck-buddy or just use my toys.

A one-niter does take on a more exciting dynamic when it's a threesome though...

Something just has to be out of the ordinary for me to want to do it.. whether its an usual circumstance, or when you meet someone where there's just a kind of chemical lust that makes you just have to have them that night!

One-nite stands do tend to be more fun and acceptable when you're on vacation though! Who doesn't like hot vacation-sex?!


Damn, I'd like to meet your friends. icon_smile

It's true...one niters usually tend to have worse sex, but I find that the excitement of having someone new usually makes up for it.
LadyX
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 5:25:17 PM

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DamonX wrote:

It's true...one niters usually tend to have worse sex, but I find that the excitement of having someone new usually makes up for it.


I'm not really a relationship kind of person, so I have these kind of situations a lot, where sex just happens because of a physical attraction, then you go separate ways.

You are right, the newness adds to excitment because you never know what kind of a lover - I hate that word for this use- they will be. Sometimes, afterward, it feels like the dumbest move ever, and other times I feel like being single and doing whatever I want is the best decision I could ever make- because of hookups like that, where I don't have any strings attached.



Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 5:46:36 PM

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As a related question, how often do people end up making a relationship out of something that began as a one-night stand?

The 'urban legend' is that it doesn't happen, but we all know that it does sometimes.

Is it always at least somewhat on the table, or are there people out there who take the old-fashioned view that no matter what happens that night, they'd never seriously consider dating someone they randomly hooked up with just a few hours after meeting.

DamonX
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 6:07:16 PM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:
As a related question, how often do people end up making a relationship out of something that began as a one-night stand?

The 'urban legend' is that it doesn't happen, but we all know that it does sometimes.

Is it always at least somewhat on the table, or are there people out there who take the old-fashioned view that no matter what happens that night, they'd never seriously consider dating someone they randomly hooked up with just a few hours after meeting.


I have had relationships after one night stands. I have absolutely no problem dating someone I had sex with on the first night. Usually it doesn't happen though since my standards for relationships are much higher than my standards for sex.

I don't think that the fact that you connect with someone on a physical level should ever eliminate all future hope of relationship. I have noticed, however, that some women experience what I refer to as "buyer's remorse". They will hook up with a guy and then eliminate him as a potential relationship because they did so. That's why sometimes its a better idea to avoid sexual contact with a girl if you want things to progress further. Not because I would think less of her, but because it's possible that she may eliminate any hope of the relationship from progressing.

It hard to hold back after a few drinks though. 3601
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 6:21:58 PM

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I think women are almost trained to assume a one-night-stand isn't going to lead anywhere, so we almost back off instinctively immediately after it happens....

This might even give the guy the impression that we aren't interested in taking things further into a dating relationship. But women want to play being the "cool girl" and not put any pressure on things, and more often than not, we'll just walk away and assume it was a no-strings moment in time.

Damon, after reading what you said, I almost wonder how many missed opportunities there are out there because both people had their wires crossed: the girl assuming the guy wouldn't respect her or want to date her after sleeping with her on the first night and therefore backing off completely and not leaving her number behind, and the guy just assuming she wasn't interested and not wanting to push things.

Hmmm...

WellMadeMale
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 6:34:03 PM

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Using AFF was, for the most part...a series of agreed upon one-nighters - for me and whomever I met.

One woman and I continued to see one another for four months...in the mean time, I would meet and enjoy sex (and sometimes not enjoy sex) with other women...and 'she' too was seeing other men.

On what would be our last Saturday afternoon together, she remarked, "What started out as just a pure carnal attraction with you has turned into nearly 60 great fucks and I think we need to part ways, before one of us gets too serious..."

"Or perhaps we need to quit seeing other people and concentrate on extending the streak to 6000 great fucks?"

"I just can't figure out why you've never been married.."

"It takes two, to tango, Babe."

"Let's end it at 65 then."

I think tried to extend it to 70 that weekend...but that's how that ended - me at 46 and her at 42 (thrice divorced) and her moving on to quit her AFF days and search for soulmate #4.

I don't believe in soulmates...but sole-mates, yeah. And I think she and I could've been quite happy together to this day.

I've found myself in two short term relationships which started out of one-night stands - (pre online days). I'm always open to that possibility. I've also endured too many coyote-mornings when doing the one night thing, too.

Alcohol was usually involved.

I think it's generally better to not drink and fuck.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 6:44:21 PM

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WellMadeMale wrote:

I think it's generally better to not drink and fuck.


Or make sure you go to HER place and say you have an early meeting the next morning.
Always take a taxi home before sunrise if you can...
Think like a sexual vampire.

Guest
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 7:15:40 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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One night stands, have I had one, or two or three or many? Surely it is somewhere beyond three.

I do not drink when I am out and I do everything possible not to exhange names or phone numbers. If the attraction is there why not. But I am more than willing to go home alone when the right man or woman is not insight.

The excitement is unusual sometimes unusually good and sometime unusually bad, mostly something in between. Nothing is expected from either and the next day we can each go back to whatever our life is. Hotels are best, but have been to some peoples places.

The question is what if you want a second or third matchup? Darn
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 9:49:57 PM

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I'd rather a solo play than a one-night stand. At least it never feels so empty as the result of a one-time fuck unless it's a one-night stand that goes over the entire weekend and the room service is stellar!


Van
WellMadeMale
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 10:53:13 PM

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VanGogh wrote:
unless it's a one-night stand that goes over the entire weekend and the room service is stellar!


Van



Hear hear! notworthy

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
She
Posted: Friday, April 16, 2010 11:00:28 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/24/2010
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I am monogamous by heart and I don't like relationships, so what I do have is regular sex partners.
Between them a usually play with my toys and when I need a live dildo then I have a one night stand.

I do not know why some people assume that one night stand means only teenage (or older) drunk fuck.
I don't pick up guys when I drink, because I need to feel a chemistry between us (if there is any),
and lack of it for me means the sex is usually no good.

After sex he must leave, but if we like each other we can become regular lovers.

This works for me now and I asume that I haven't fall in love yet and when I am going to,
knowing myself I will just let him be free.
DamonX
Posted: Sunday, April 18, 2010 11:10:22 PM

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Here's an addendum.

Some people tend to be more conservative during a one night stand since they aren't as comfortable with the person...and some tend to be a little bit more wild and kinky if they know that they will never see the person again.

Which one are you?
She
Posted: Sunday, April 18, 2010 11:28:29 PM

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I am a passionate lover, my sex drive is high.
I am pretty much passionate about everything I do,
but if I am kinky?
Hm, probably not kinky enough for you f-hihi
She
Posted: Sunday, April 18, 2010 11:30:08 PM

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for your standards
Annie_S
Posted: Monday, April 19, 2010 2:01:55 AM

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Me neither, not a big fan of one night stands. I can recall two of them now. The first one was a talker in bed and at that moment he wanted me to scream his name asking me 'so who is the best lover?' (or something similarly stupid) but I happened to forget his name so I just said 'you' It was funny and embarassing. I had to nick his pullover in the morning and as he knew where I worked I prayed every day, he won't show up there to collect it. Thanks heavens he never did.
Second one was quite a macho type, and although I didn't understand why he wanted me, miss little grey mouse, the chemistry was there and we had great sex at mine's. I knew some of his friends and I knew where he used to hang out but I never looked for him. Dancing Doll is right, we are kinda trained not to...
But one day, weeks, maybe a month later I bumped into him at a clubs entrance. He saw me and then he turned his head. That really hurt me. It made me think he only did it as a sick bet or something. I didn't want a relationship, only wanted a stupid 'hello' and maybe a kinky smile...
And as for whether I am more kinky in a one night stand...hm...let's just say I tend to go with the flow more.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, April 19, 2010 8:01:44 AM

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DamonX wrote:
Here's an addendum.

Some people tend to be more conservative during a one night stand since they aren't as comfortable with the person...and some tend to be a little bit more wild and kinky if they know that they will never see the person again.

Which one are you?


In terms of one-niters, I get more wild and kinky as the likelihood of ever seeing them again decreases. In certain social circles, there are lots of 'friends of friends' who all talk. I've even heard some of the wilder stories about my own female friends being shared around the social-campfires. So every situation is different for me... That's why vacation sex is so much more uninhibited.

Other than vacation, I do tend to favour fuck-buddy situations, because I feel like I enjoy exploring kinks more as I get to know the person and develop the sexual chemistry. And when it comes to sexual partners, I'm a firm believer in the 're-use and recycle' policy... (unless the sex was bad).

Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 22, 2010 9:17:36 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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I believe that I am a lover and not a fucker.

Quantity means more than quantity to me. And quality is above all else important.

Carress and enjoy the love. Spread it as you would spread all else. Why have one night when you might have many?
DamonX
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010 5:00:39 PM

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Joined: 1/25/2009
Posts: 795
DebonairRogue wrote:
I believe that I am a lover and not a fucker.

Quantity means more than quantity to me. And quality is above all else important.

Carress and enjoy the love. Spread it as you would spread all else. Why have one night when you might have many?



I've some pretty "quality" one night stands. glasses8

In the words of Eddie Murphy "I will fuck someone I love...But I aint making love to nobody!" Isn't "making love" just another term for boring sex? d'oh!
LadyX
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010 5:02:44 PM

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DamonX wrote:
Isn't "making love" just another term for boring sex? d'oh!


lol, I don't know. I will let you know if I ever make love.
BigRod
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010 5:24:15 PM

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LadyX wrote:
DamonX wrote:
Isn't "making love" just another term for boring sex? d'oh!


lol, I don't know. I will let you know if I ever make love.


No Damon.. NO.. it is the highest peak you can climb.. the greatest privilege two people can allow each other.. everything else is just tapping pleasure buttons..
DamonX
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010 6:03:55 PM

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BigRod wrote:
LadyX wrote:
DamonX wrote:
Isn't "making love" just another term for boring sex? d'oh!


lol, I don't know. I will let you know if I ever make love.


No Damon.. NO.. it is the highest peak you can climb.. the greatest privilege two people can allow each other.. everything else is just tapping pleasure buttons..


Thank you oh master for once again imparting your sexual wisdom upon us ignorant peons. notworthy

I for one, enjoy tapping my pleasure button. icon_biggrin
WellMadeMale
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010 7:39:12 PM

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Define for us, what boring sex, is...to you?

I don't believe I have ever endured boring sex. I've been with women whom I was too bored to be around, let alone have sex with. But I do not recall being in the middle of a sexual act with anyone and thinking.

"Okay, I'm officially bored now."

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
DamonX
Posted: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 12:12:15 AM

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WellMadeMale wrote:
Define for us, what boring sex, is...to you?

I don't believe I have ever endured boring sex. I've been with women whom I was too bored to be around, let alone have sex with. But I do not recall being in the middle of a sexual act with anyone and thinking.

"Okay, I'm officially bored now."



Well...first let me say that that comment was made partially in jest.

Didn't you start the thread about bad sex? So you can have bad sex but not boring sex? Hmm, you're not trying to start something are you? Haha.

To me...bad sex and boring sex would be pretty much the same. I will tolerate plain old tender missionary sex if it is with a new person, or if there is something about the situation that makes it exciting. But...if I've been dating a girl for two years, its hard to get excited about something like that. Now, everyone has a different idea of what good sex is. Some are probably fine with plain old gentle sex, but I prefer good, hard, hot kinky fucking myself. It's all personal taste of course. That's my taste.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 7:04:36 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
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DamonX wrote:
Didn't you start the thread about bad sex? So you can have bad sex but not boring sex? Hmm, you're not trying to start something are you? Haha.

To me...bad sex and boring sex would be pretty much the same. I will tolerate plain old tender missionary sex if it is with a new person, or if there is something about the situation that makes it exciting. But...if I've been dating a girl for two years, its hard to get excited about something like that. Now, everyone has a different idea of what good sex is. Some are probably fine with plain old gentle sex, but I prefer good, hard, hot kinky fucking myself. It's all personal taste of course. That's my taste.


I've certainly endured some bad sexual encounters with a number of women.

Even the missionary position, to me -- one of my favorite positions, is not boring. It all depends on technique, and mood, I suppose.

I knew a woman, 15 or so years ago...all she wanted to do was have anal sex. No oral, no vaginal penetration. So, that got boring to me.

So, I take it back. You made me jog my memory again, Damon.

I've had boring sex...once. Fck a bunch of ass fucking only. If I only wanted that, I'd become bisexual.

So I can see how you'd be bored of missionary. I'm bored of going down mustard road.

To each, his own.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
DamonX
Posted: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 8:00:15 PM

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Posts: 795
WellMadeMale wrote:
DamonX wrote:
Didn't you start the thread about bad sex? So you can have bad sex but not boring sex? Hmm, you're not trying to start something are you? Haha.

To me...bad sex and boring sex would be pretty much the same. I will tolerate plain old tender missionary sex if it is with a new person, or if there is something about the situation that makes it exciting. But...if I've been dating a girl for two years, its hard to get excited about something like that. Now, everyone has a different idea of what good sex is. Some are probably fine with plain old gentle sex, but I prefer good, hard, hot kinky fucking myself. It's all personal taste of course. That's my taste.


I've certainly endured some bad sexual encounters with a number of women.

Even the missionary position, to me -- one of my favorite positions, is not boring. It all depends on technique, and mood, I suppose.

I knew a woman, 15 or so years ago...all she wanted to do was have anal sex. No oral, no vaginal penetration. So, that got boring to me.

So, I take it back. You made me jog my memory again, Damon.

I've had boring sex...once. Fck a bunch of ass fucking only. If I only wanted that, I'd become bisexual.

So I can see how you'd be bored of missionary. I'm bored of going down mustard road.

To each, his own.


Ya know...I don't think its even just missionary. Because that is actually my second favorite postion. I think anything can get boring if its done over and over again. (Like you and your anal experience) Missionary just seems to be the old standby, so it tends to be the one that people do the most. I think variation is the key, especially in long term relationships.

Guest
Posted: Wednesday, April 28, 2010 7:45:28 PM

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One night stands are a mixed bag. I haven't had one since my late teens and early 20s, when they were a regular feature on my sexual landscape. I think I would put one night stands in the category of recreational sex. The mixed bag feature of one night stands means there is a lot of uncertainty in the outcome.

The ugly side of one night stands.

A few times I would be really disgusted with myself, walking away with the kind of memories that you cringe at and take a long time to go away. Like that night at a party and feeling horny knowing that chick will go to bed with me, she is the wrong chick and I know it but do it any way. She will be fucked by me tonight and someone else tomorrow never finding a way out of her lonelinesses because no cares much about her except fucking her. Fucking gives her the pretense of living. It is ugly, there is no other way to explain it. Life is good, but it is not a movie, sometimes it can be painful.

If that wasn't depressing enough, how about waking up in a motel on the out skirts of Fayetteville NC, in bed with some woman you don't know who she is. You vaguely remember a country and western bar, being rowdy as hell, doing the yahoo and vaguely remember checking in. You get up quietly, hoping you don't wake her up because you are not ready to deal with reality. You look outside and are relieved to see your car in one piece. You sit in a chair thinking this kind of life needs to stop now. You hear early risers driving by on their way to pieces of their life. You can only feel a road to nowhere becoming you.

The starlight side of one night stands.

She came in with someone else. She has the look I like, I sense her positive energy directed at me. It is not foolish male pride, I know the difference by this time in life. Calmly, I approach her, connect and we disappear out onto Santa Monica Boulevard. She suggests the Huntley, a room with an ocean view. In the morning sipping lattes looking out on the Pacific letting the pleasure of the night linger before each leaves to follow a different path.

It is a loft party in Jamaica Plain, there is a rock band playing, the atmosphere is full of intellect but the energy is not right. I head out to the street, she is setting on the steps smoking a cigarette. She is artistically dressed. I can tell she is engaged in her own thoughts, I am attracted by her energy. I respect a woman's space but this time I flip a mental coin, it comes up heads and I approach her. I ask her if she would like to go for a walk. She looks at me, silent for a while, I wait. She asks why. I said it will be interesting. She trusts me. We take to the trolley to the Massachusetts Ave. We talk about what is, we walk down Commonwealth Avenue, through the Public Garden, across the Boston Common, through down town, over Beacon Hill, across the Salt and Pepper Bridge, along the Cambridge side of the river, back across the Mass Ave Bridge, then along the Boston side of the river and fuck under a tree at 3:30 AM. We knew, we kissed and went our own way.


DamonX
Posted: Wednesday, April 28, 2010 8:27:57 PM

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[quote]
Kyle wrote:
One night stands are a mixed bag. I haven't had one since my late teens and early 20s, when they were a regular feature on my sexual landscape. I think I would put one night stands in the category of recreational sex. The mixed bag feature of one night stands means there is a lot of uncertainty in the outcome.

The ugly side of one night stands.

A few times I would be really disgusted with myself, walking away with the kind of memories that you cringe at and take a long time to go away. Like that night at a party and feeling horny knowing that chick will go to bed with me, she is the wrong chick and I know it but do it any way. She will be fucked by me tonight and someone else tomorrow never finding a way out of her lonelinesses because no cares much about her except fucking her. Fucking gives her the pretense of living. It is ugly, there is no other way to explain it. Life is good, but it is not a movie, sometimes it can be painful.


That's a bit of a depressing view I guess. I think it is a mistake however, to think that a woman that has a one night stand is doing so because she's trying to fill some hole in her life or that she's lonely. Sometimes there is an intense sexual attraction and lust that just takes over, leading to a night of hot passion. Women do enjoy sex just as much as men, and have the same urges the we do. Of course we all have those one niters that we'd like to take back, but I can honestly say that the majority of mine have been great times, void of the guilt or emptiness that some may feel. It's simply two people that have an attraction to each other, having a good time.

I think your account illustrates part of the problem women face. If she choses to share herself with you, you immediately look down on her, assuming that she will fuck someone else tomorrow or that she's doing it not because she likes you or is attracted to you, but to fill an emotional void in her empty life. Having a woman protraying the same sexual urges as men should not be viewed as a dysfuntion in my opinion.

I think a lot of people assume that a one night stand entails no intellectual or emotional connection. I've found that my one night stands usually involve an extremely intense emotional or intellectual connection, which then leads to physical involvement.

It is possible that some women engage in promiscuous sexual behaviour to fill some void in their life...but I think usually its just having a little fun and living in the moment. What do the women think?
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Wednesday, April 28, 2010 8:58:11 PM

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I think there is definitely a double standard when it comes to women who are empowered to choose their own sexual destinies. Many women are conflicted (or at least at some point in their lives they probably were) about the primal sexual desires that they have, which sometimes veer closer to the kind of urges men are expected (and loudly applauded) to have.

If a woman dresses provocatively, walks into any kind of situation and feels the urge/desire to have a night of crazy, no-strings sex, she is immediately looked upon negatively by many people... not only by men, but by other women.

She is branded as 'having issues', slutty, no self-esteem, disrespecting her body, or giving her power over to men who just want to fuck and use her.

The truth is... sometimes women also want to fuck and use men. But somehow we end up feeling like we should apologize for it, or keep it on the down-low.

The myth that women can't have sex without feeling emotion is largely just a myth.

Besides that, there are emotions to be felt during a one-night-stand. There's heat, passion, and it wakes up a carnal vitality deep in the core that sometimes just needs to be satisfied. Attraction to another person can be just that... heat and attraction. It does't have to mean love, and white-picket fences.

It brings back the whole concept that most women lie about how many sexual partners they've had. Why does this happen? Because we are afraid of being judged. What other reason could there be?

I find this to be a shame. For as much as the feminist movement has brought women forward, it has arguably been at the expense of the power we have over our own sexuality.

Now, I do agree with Kyle, that there ARE many occasions where women have one-niters for the wrong reason or seek out toxic situations that lead to self-sabotage and serious self-esteem issues. I certainly know my fair share of girls like this. If they are not in right mindset, one-niters can lead to a hollow, empty, regretful experience to be sure.

But there is a whole subset of other women that just like to fuck and are tired of having to apologize for it all the time.

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