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Have you ever tried to date your 'fuck-buddy'? Options · View
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Sunday, April 18, 2010 9:02:56 PM

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Many people have someone they call up for random late-night booty-calls or fuck-buddy sex (or they have at least one point in their lives).

The question is... have you ever tried to take a 'fuck-buddy' relationship into the realm of real dating, and possibly moving into 'open-relationship' status?

Why or why not?

If the sex is great, what issues have prevented you from wanting to actually date them?

This Q is open to both guys and gals...



LaceyChains
Posted: Sunday, April 18, 2010 9:52:48 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/11/2010
Posts: 139
Location: Hiding in plain sight
Oh this one cuts right to all my problems. I actually have two of these. My gf and I are like that, we are mostly just friends but we started having sex on and off saveral years ago. Dating her is always confusing because I lean strongly towards men. She was the first girl I slept with and is my best friend. She is a dedicated lesbian who moves in circles that I don't really fit into.
My other is well, I'm not getting into it here.
DamonX
Posted: Sunday, April 18, 2010 10:22:50 PM

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Joined: 1/25/2009
Posts: 798
I have not. Mainly because my fuck buddies usually tend to be girls that I wouldn't want to date in the first place. If I'm interested in dating a girl it usually happens right away. If I'm not interested in dating them but still find them sexually appealing, they get relegated to the "fuck buddy" position. (or the late night, post bar phone call club). This is in no way related to the girl's promiscuousness however. My fuck buddies tend to be girls that are either attached to other guys, live far away, or have personalities/looks below the standards that I would consider for a relationship. If I had a hot, sexy FB I would have no problem entering a relationship with her if she was so willing.



Guest
Posted: Sunday, April 18, 2010 11:33:47 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,012
I have tried to date a fuck buddy and it ended in total disaster. Through this experience I have found that they are a fuck buddy for a reason and to date them will not ever work out. I find that I have two categories of woman...FWB and ones that I date and as much as i try you can not mix the two.
Annie_S
Posted: Monday, April 19, 2010 2:20:52 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 12/2/2009
Posts: 22
ok. this. is. a. tough. one.
It keeps happening to me. I don't know why, how, when but it just does. And usually it's quite messy.
I am not a big help here, am I?
AngelicSinner
Posted: Monday, April 19, 2010 9:06:55 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 3/29/2010
Posts: 1
I actually had a fuck buddy and we ended up dating for 3 1/2 years. It was great while it lasted and we are still awesome friends. Now my current fuck buddy-I wanna date but the situation is pretty complicated so I don't know how it will work out. It seems like girls have this problem more than men. Females tend to put more emotion into sex where guys just want the sex.
Guest
Posted: Monday, April 19, 2010 9:54:47 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,012
I have never had anyone on-call to satisfy my sexual desires, nor have I ever been on anyone's "fuck buddy" list. I have had random encounters, a few try each other out for a while relationships, but never a genuine "fuck buddy".

I do think the idea of "fuck buddy" has merit, but I don't know if I would do well in a situation like that. The closest thing for me would be an affair, a kind of not quite committed but established relationship. The kind of relationship that engenders an understanding of the other, that is you like each other for more than sex.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Monday, April 19, 2010 11:12:04 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,477
Location: Cakeland, United States
This FWB concept was introduced to me in the 1980's. Between then and 2007, I think honestly, I've enjoyed five of this type of relationship.

We were friends who also occasionally fucked each other's brains out. But I would classify the relationship as predominantly being friends, more than sexual partners. None of those women were ever written down in a little black book or drunk dialed at 2 in the morning. And in fact, I often enjoyed actual 'dates' with each of them. In my mind and I am sure in theirs, we looked at it as a continuation of a casual short term relationship, which could very loosely be defined as an open agreement.

Three of those relationships petered out over the course of a few years. I either became involved monogamously with someone else and the occasional sex with the FWB stopped...and she drifted off to her next short or long term relationship...or, the opposite happened. Eventually we (the former F'sWB's) drifted apart. If I was of a mind to, I could probably track them all down, but for what purpose other than to say hello. Chances are high they are married, with family -or- maybe not, but should I go there? Sometimes it's best to let them stay as fond memories.

Two of those relationships (more friend than fuck) remain to this day. Although the last time I was intimate with either woman was 2006. I keep the possibility open that I may receive a phone call or email to renew a physical connection, beyond just the regular catch-up conversations, I enjoy with other female or male 'friends' who are more than acquaintances, but not in my little circle of regular friends I see or talk with on a two, three or four instance basis per month.

I don't know if this qualifies me as being more fortunate than others when it comes to 'dating a FWB', or more unique and hence, dysfunctional.

I just know that it is comfortable to me and it's worked without funking up my expectations or theirs. I think all 'three' of us are serial short term monogamists who, for whatever reason, either cannot commit to a more permanent partner for a long term situation, or we choose people who are uncomfortable committing to us or someone else, themselves.

I also think this way of thinking and living has contributed greatly to my ability to not become jealous and possessive, yet at the same time, I may seem a bit distant and unconcerned - to possible long term female partners who I have dated in my past.

Is that dysfunctional of me? Yeah, I'll concede that it is, compared to the rest of Western society, where many couples enjoy 5, 10, 15, 20 year long monogamous cohabitation.



Most intelligent people are introspective and doubt themselves while many fucktards are proudly over-confident. - a tip of the hat to Charles Bukowski
Guest
Posted: Monday, April 19, 2010 1:49:22 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Yup. Fuckbuddies for a year or so. That was 20 years ago. Married her. My story is about her. These things sometimes end well.
kojo
Posted: Wednesday, May 12, 2010 3:37:22 AM

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i wouldnt, fuck buddies are usually the ones you call when your drunk and its late. ive met all my fuck buddies when drunk, and ive usually fucked all my fuck buddies when im drunk, hence dont have a relationship with them and frankly speaking sexual communication is as far as i wanna go when im in the mood for an intoxicated rondevouz!!! sorry girls, you would have it the same way, trust me im a bore when u try to get to know me !!
Catnip
Posted: Wednesday, May 12, 2010 3:47:34 AM

Rank: Internet Sensation

Joined: 3/30/2009
Posts: 3,967
Location: Cloudy dreams., Sweden
AngelicSinner wrote:
I actually had a fuck buddy and we ended up dating for 3 1/2 years. It was great while it lasted and we are still awesome friends. Now my current fuck buddy-I wanna date but the situation is pretty complicated so I don't know how it will work out. It seems like girls have this problem more than men. Females tend to put more emotion into sex where guys just want the sex.

and I used to get it the other way...
the man wants me not the other way around...

KrrraaazzzyGuy
Posted: Saturday, May 15, 2010 7:50:40 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/12/2010
Posts: 66
Location: I'd rather be somewhere else...
Well, the only "fuck buddies" I've ever really had was one ex-girlfriend, and one girl I was trying to make a girlfriend, and one girl who was truly just a friend with benefits.

In the case of my ex-girlfriend, I had been ready to marry her and we were engaged - but getting engaged scared her silly and so she broke it off. But the sex was too good and so we kept ending back up in bed together, and so after a talk we decided to be friends with benefits, and we screwed on and off whenever we got together for that purpose. Eventually though we stopped when I really wanted to start dating again, and she was a little jealous. I had found out that I liked her tons and we had great sex, but I wasn't all that broken up when she broke up with me, so I realized that I didn't love her after all - and so how could I let it go on too long?

The one girl I was trying to make into a girlfriend was a friend who I never got out of the friend zone with entirely, but we did make out alot. It was hot and heavy necking, mutual groping, and even seeing her nude on many occasions (she even stripped for me with a full bump and grind). But she never would go to that next level. In time, she got a boyfriend and I took the hint and stopped coming around.

The only true "friend with benefits" I ever had, who wasn't an ex or someone I was trying to make a future girlfriend - honestly, the thought never crossed either of our minds. Though we did consider becoming roomates so that we'd have a fuck buddy just down the hall, we decided against it. So, it was just pure booty call for us, but it sure was fun...

Gals... I am looking for NEW friends with benefits, and I know how to keep things from getting out of hand. :)

I'm a wild and Krrraaazzzy Guy!
JossGray
Posted: Saturday, July 06, 2013 8:25:50 PM

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Joined: 5/26/2013
Posts: 75
Location: United Kingdom
My fuck buddy and I both met at a time where we were lost. We used each other for sex in order to heal, and have since then become good friends, too. I've never really taken her on an official date, but we have hung out together as friends and we also travelled together for a little while. Honestly? I probably won't take her on a real date, because we know we're not right for each other as a couple, but we do enjoy each other's company and that's enough.
jobudnova
Posted: Saturday, July 27, 2013 12:33:31 AM

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Joined: 6/20/2013
Posts: 2
my former FB and I couldn't have a normal dating relationship because of rules . . . It was in the military and we were in a senior-subordinate roles (military, non-sexual, lol). Think it might have been nice though. We snuck far away a few times so we could act 'normal' but always had to return to the work environment / roles. Funny thing is we now live 30mins from each other and visit with spouses...
SereneProdigy
Posted: Saturday, July 27, 2013 5:43:23 AM

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Joined: 7/16/2013
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Nice 3 years post resurrection ; but I might as well answer.

Personally, it's quite the opposite that happens to me, and it happens quite often. I actually kinda avoid fuck buddies because of this... women always seem to want more and more from me. The sex I have with female friends or acquaintances happens more "accidently" or "naturally", after or during an activity/meeting, and I prefer it that way. That way they know our relationship is not just about sex and their cravings are thus more easily controlled. They still can be flirtatious, even without sex, but at least it's easier to ignore their hints then.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, July 27, 2013 6:23:47 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,012
DamonX wrote:
My fuck buddies tend to be girls that are either attached to other guys, live far away, or have personalities/looks below the standards that I would consider for a relationship.




As shallow as it sounds I have to tend to agree. When it came to choosing a FB I was not as picky as to whether or not we had so much in common. There needed to be a connection there and of course a sexual attraction, but my standards were not as high for a FB as opposed to someone I would have dated.

However, my husband and I actually started out as FB. He lived about 3 hours from me and when ever I would go to Atlanta I would let him know and we would hook up. About 4 months into he asked if I would start coming up on a regular basis, I did, and then he started making the trip to see me. Eventually he ended up moving to my home town and we settled down pretty quickly.

Still married, although the relationship isn't as hot as it was when we were fuck buddies, 10 years ago.
orcbattalion
Posted: Thursday, August 01, 2013 7:08:33 PM

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For me, it has never ended up working out. I guess I would much rather date AND have the sex with one women.
Guest
Posted: Friday, August 02, 2013 1:47:11 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,012
My girlfriend and I started out as fuck buddies. We fucked the night we first met (super horny as neither of us had gotten any in several months), stayed in contact and hooked up regularly for a few months, until it dawned to me that we actually have so much in common outside of the bedroom, too. So we sort of seamlessly transitioned to being a couple, which wasn't a difficult decision for either of us.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, August 03, 2013 1:58:35 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,012
Uhhh...no! You're a side-piece for a reason, and she knew that at the beginning. A mate is a mate, and a slut is a slut...two different types of people. And if the side-piece starts to loose it and begin to catch feelings, she's off the team and her contract is revoked...leaving her in the free agency pool for another man to add to his roster...sorry. but it is what it is.
HappyEndings
Posted: Saturday, August 03, 2013 5:17:06 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/7/2011
Posts: 1,102
Location: United States
I would never be so stupid as to mess up a good "Fuck Buddy" relationship by dating her.

Dates are a dime a dozen but a good fuck buddy is like solid gold and can keep a man from screwing up his life and trading his freedom for regular sex....

YMMV

Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together.... ;)
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