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Rabies
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2010 10:34:40 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 4/29/2010
Posts: 15
I go to college, and there's a girl I really love. Not just like, literally love. I never want to be with anyone else, I feel one thousand times happier when I'm around her, and I feel like I don't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else.
But there are three problems.
Firstly, she already has a boyfriend, and they've been going out for quite a long time.
Secondly, I don't know if she feels the same way, but probably not.
Lastly, I don't want to tell her because it might ruin our friendship.
The case of unrequited love is the most painful experience I have ever been through in my life. It's so painful not knowing whether there is anything there, but I feel like I couldn't love another girl.
What do I do? I know people will tell me to move on, but it isn't as easy as that.
I started smoking to ease the stress of my life (partly due to this horrible situation). People advise me not to, but I can't find another way through the day.
LusciousLola
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2010 11:40:15 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/5/2010
Posts: 2,918
She has a man already, so don't tell her how you feel. You will more than likely ruin your friendship if you do. Your feelings are your responsibility, not hers. Your happiness is up to you.
Starting smoking, an extremely poor choice. Quit now. You can. There is that old quote about whether you think you can or you can't, your right. It is true.

Sorry if this sounds harsh. Don't mean to be, just realistic. Your life is up to YOU! Make it great.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2010 1:53:28 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,190
Nothing good will ever come from obsessing over someone.

I believe there are times you just have to roll the dice in life. Have you ever stood on the western edge of North America on a bluff above Big Sur watching the sun set over the Pacific Ocean. Make it a goal, quit school and buy a motorcycle and go off into life and never look back. That would be my advice.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2010 5:40:54 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,190
I was in the same situation back in my university days. She actually knew how I felt and things were rough for awhile but I had to accept the fact that she was with someone else. No choice but to move on. Go do something else. Focus on your studies. Hang out with friends. I ended up playing a lot of pool and got quite good at it. You know what? I got over her. You know what else? 20 years later, she and I are still good friends.

Oh, and stop smoking!
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2010 6:12:11 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,190
When two people make a whole, what you end up with are two half-people.

5. Take charge of your feelings and regain control of your life.

People who panic or get depressed usually do so because they have lost control- they give up responsibility for how badly they feel. Because it’s easier to let others take charge of your life and blame them for your troubles than to say, “I created these feelings myself.”

~Wayne Dyer
fystee
Posted: Thursday, April 29, 2010 10:26:46 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/28/2007
Posts: 1,285
Location: tied up somewhere
roccotool wrote:
When two people make a whole, what you end up with are two half-people.

5. Take charge of your feelings and regain control of your life.

People who panic or get depressed usually do so because they have lost control- they give up responsibility for how badly they feel. Because it’s easier to let others take charge of your life and blame them for your troubles than to say, “I created these feelings myself.”

~Wayne Dyer


That's the best advice I have heard in a long time Rocco. I had to copy it down so I coud give it to a well deserving friend. Thanks!

Rabies, I am sorry but what you are feeling is not love.....it's obsession. She has obviously never shown you any feelings except for friendship. I am sorry to say this, but you should move on. Stop smoking too....it's a terrible habit!
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 30, 2010 12:27:00 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,190
Stop smoking, take up a physical activity or sport and put that stress and energy into something that will be beneficial to you, not destructive, like smoking.

If you're at college, is there a student health center with counselling? If so, go and talk to someone about this, it might help.

Good luck.
maeann
Posted: Wednesday, May 5, 2010 12:26:09 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/11/2009
Posts: 3
Location: Comfort zone
Get out of the fantasy world. Face the reality, so to lessen the pain and for you to accept the truth.
Guest
Posted: Friday, May 7, 2010 3:30:17 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,190
Love can be the root of all evils. cussing Especially when you know it's bad for you.
Saffron
Posted: Friday, May 7, 2010 3:44:13 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 11/11/2009
Posts: 5
Location: South Pole
Emotion and energy must go somewhere, if you love this girl holding in your feelings will make it worse. Other posts are correct, quit smoking cause it makes kissin awful. If you really care for her why not write a few stories dedicated to her. Life is too short if you love someone then tell them, if they reject you then move on. If you want her heart standing silent does'nt help. Smoking will kill you, telling this girl you love her will not. The pain will not leave till you find out, ask her !

Saffron Dreams
Guest
Posted: Friday, May 7, 2010 3:50:34 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,190
I think just let it all hang out, be open and truthfull. Hiding what you feel inside and wrapping it up to stop hurting yourself, just makes the misery even worse.

Just get it over and done with and then move on to the next woman that catches your eye.

I'm just going through a phase of being fed up of keeping all what you feel inside in order to not hurt people's feeling, and who really end's up suffering inside. It is you!

Just don't stay to long dithering abouticon_smile
Rembacher
Posted: Friday, May 7, 2010 3:59:37 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/16/2008
Posts: 1,107
I would definitely recommend telling her. Because if in your role as her friend, you help her see that her current guy isn't good enough for her, and then she later finds out you have those feelings, she is going to question whether you were truly acting in her best interest, or whether you manipulated her into dumping him so you could be with her. Better to put your cards on the table, so there is no second guessing later on.
Guest
Posted: Friday, May 7, 2010 4:08:18 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,190
Listen, been thru this too... all the above is great advice... if the best you can do is be her friend then take it. I know it sucks and sometimes it hurts, but youll get over it (so they say Im still waiting)but would you rather lose her? its your choice.
Catnip
Posted: Saturday, May 8, 2010 1:39:00 PM

Rank: Internet Sensation

Joined: 3/30/2009
Posts: 3,967
Location: Cloudy dreams., Sweden
by telling her how you feel you get a response and it's easier to cope and move on if she tell you there will never be anything between you.
In this world you have to put yourself first to ever get what you want.
Starting smoking as an excuse is just... (no comment)

Rabies
Posted: Saturday, May 15, 2010 4:07:32 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 4/29/2010
Posts: 15
Okay so anyway, I got over my feelings of this girl. However, she is one of my best friends and there's something wrong.
I feel completely useless- I've tried talking to her about it, but she just pushes me away and says "nothing's wrong". She says herself she randomly cries some nights, I wish I knew why. I can't get her to talk about it, and she's making it seem like the whole world is against her.
Can I help her?
Thanks for the advice.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, May 16, 2010 5:20:29 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,190
Rabies wrote:
Okay so anyway, I got over my feelings of this girl. However, she is one of my best friends and there's something wrong.
I feel completely useless- I've tried talking to her about it, but she just pushes me away and says "nothing's wrong". She says herself she randomly cries some nights, I wish I knew why. I can't get her to talk about it, and she's making it seem like the whole world is against her.
Can I help her?
Thanks for the advice.


If she doesn't want to talk to you and confide in you, then she isn't going to. Maybe she doesn't even know what is making her cry. Maybe it's her family, maybe it's hormones out of whack, maybe she just needs to cry.

Be a friend, don't pressure her, get her to go outside on a walk and breathe some fresh air, get a little physical ectivity, etc. Be a gentle prescence, but don't get the idea that you can solve her problems or 'fix' her, because you can't, and it isn't up to you to do it. If she can define to herself and then to you what is wrong, and what she needs, then take it from there.

How old is she?
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 28, 2010 9:10:25 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,190
I went through the same thing accept I was very very very young too young to even know what love was. Anywho I got over it and went on with my life but never forgot about him it took ten years and some crappy relationships between but now we are married and I still feel the way I did when we were 13. Moral of the story if it's meant to be which you never know until it happens, it will happen you can't force it and don't try to hinder it, LET IT BE. If it's to be; it will be!!!!! Good Luck icon_smile
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, July 21, 2010 11:33:31 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,190
I can understand and relate. I know someone who was in a similiar situation, he told her and she didn't feel the same way. Knowing she didn't feel the same way was actually sort of comforting, knowing there was no reason to just obsess over it, he let her go. He still feels the same way and always will, but now it's not such a problem.
Good luck. :)
Guest
Posted: Thursday, July 3, 2014 10:19:32 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,190
Rabies wrote:
Okay so anyway, I got over my feelings of this girl. However, she is one of my best friends and there's something wrong.
I feel completely useless- I've tried talking to her about it, but she just pushes me away and says "nothing's wrong". She says herself she randomly cries some nights, I wish I knew why. I can't get her to talk about it, and she's making it seem like the whole world is against her.
Can I help her?
Thanks for the advice.


The most you can do is just be there for her and when she's ready to take she will.
cherrycola703
Posted: Thursday, July 3, 2014 10:49:55 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/27/2014
Posts: 275
Location: United States
Tell her how you feel. Fight for her.
If you truly love her more than anything, then I think you need to go for it.
I know you said you don't want to move on, but staying where you are isn't good for health; emotionally or physically.
Your friendship will suffer in time if you continue this way, because it isn't honest.
You're just her friend. She's your friend too, but because you want more, it's going to make you even more miserable the longer you keep it to yourself.

"Find me the sweetest boy, with a heart
more hopeful than spun sugar on a hot day,
I will teach him the meaning of meaningless
nights. The whole time, every moment, wishing
he’d crack me open, rib by rib, to see
how I work. How I bleed.”
― Clementine von Radics
jollylolly
Posted: Thursday, July 3, 2014 11:07:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/24/2012
Posts: 719
Location: Texas, United States
jen070 wrote:


The most you can do is just be there for her and when she's ready to take she will.


This thread is 4 years old, the OP is probably dead by now.
cherrycola703
Posted: Thursday, July 3, 2014 11:08:33 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/27/2014
Posts: 275
Location: United States


This thread is 4 years old, the OP is probably dead by now.[/quote]



lmao...i didn't even check

"Find me the sweetest boy, with a heart
more hopeful than spun sugar on a hot day,
I will teach him the meaning of meaningless
nights. The whole time, every moment, wishing
he’d crack me open, rib by rib, to see
how I work. How I bleed.”
― Clementine von Radics
cherrycola703
Posted: Thursday, July 3, 2014 11:08:57 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/27/2014
Posts: 275
Location: United States
lmao..i didnt even check

"Find me the sweetest boy, with a heart
more hopeful than spun sugar on a hot day,
I will teach him the meaning of meaningless
nights. The whole time, every moment, wishing
he’d crack me open, rib by rib, to see
how I work. How I bleed.”
― Clementine von Radics
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