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Would modern marriage work better as a term lease? Options · View
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 9:40:22 AM

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I found this interesting book the other day looking at the idea of redefining modern marriage. Specifically it looked at saving the premise of the world's oldest institution by proposing a radical change: that marriage be treated like a termed 'lease' instead of a 'til death do you part'.

If you think about it, after 2-3 years you typically have the option of deciding whether to re-lease a car. As a loose theory, what if the same principles applied to marriage.. that let's say every 3 years you have the option to decide whether to 'renew your commitment'. If not, then a pre-defined contract would work to quicken separation and asset division rather than dealing with long drawn out and expensive divorce battles. Plus it would remove the 'stigma' or sense of failure that often accompanies the concept of divorce.

To argue "for it"... this could help legitimize making the choice to live to your utmost relationship potential by not enduring a marriage when you're not happy, the sex is gone, your partner has 'let themselves go', or you've just grown apart. And it might also spur people on to continue working proactively on the romance and relationship if every 3-5 years, decisions are being made on whether to "re-sign the lease".

What do you think?





MrNudiePants
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 9:57:54 AM

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It's not a new idea, but it's certainly an interesting one. I can see how some people would be all for it. I can easily see how the churches would be against it - it would effectively end one of the last few holds religion has on modern life. Speaking just for myself, I'm glad that this option wasn't available when I got married. If I were with someone other than who I AM with, though, my opinion might be different.
laoshi1000
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 10:03:44 AM

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If I signed the lease, would I be the leasee? Or the leasor?

And, when the lease expires, would there be a buy back clause payable by her mother?
Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 10:22:05 AM

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Not really sure if I understand the whole process (if that guy wrote a book about it, there must be lots of details, clauses, exceptions, data, etc), but at first thought I'd say it wouldnt work.

Some things should be old school, and love and marriage, which is the social expression of love, should be one of them.

I just think that applying the same rules to a relationship than to a car can´t be a good idea.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 10:40:27 AM

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What is the point of marriage then? Why not just have a commited relationship without any paperwork?
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 10:52:54 AM

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Loislane wrote:
What is the point of marriage then? Why not just have a commited relationship without any paperwork?


Actually I agree with this, but the idea of marriage or a kind of formal commitment obviously appeals to many people. As well, there are many legal/health/insurance benefits given to married spouses that aren't given to common law partners. With the fight to legalize gay marriages, it does seem that the institution has some validity.

I'm open to the idea of "marriage leases" on a whole.

Everyone goes into a marriage with the romantic expectations that this is your forever love which will withstand the pressures of modern society. It's hard to ever imagine divorce on the day you are taking your vows, and yet the divorce rates continue to increase exponentially. I think this is an interesting idea as a way to put provisions in place just incase things don't work out.

Considering the subjective nature of love and how much we all change as we get older, I still stand in awe of those couples that DO make it work (or have chosen their mates as wisely as they have). But they seem to be more and more rare these days...

I would like to think that there would be many couples that would want to renew their marriage leases. And, if it was me, I would be happy knowing that the person I was with, truly wanted to be with me, and wasn't there because of obligation etc. I think it would make the love and commitment stronger.


Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 10:54:20 AM

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Loislane wrote:
What is the point of marriage then? Why not just have a commited relationship without any paperwork?


One thing beyond the romantic view is property rights, child custody. That is why I support the notion of domestic partners for couples both hereto and same sex.

Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 12:16:35 PM

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I think it would weaken us more as a whole than we already are. We have become a very weak people. Our parents and grands and greatgrands were much more strong physically and mentally than we are now. It would be another easy out. You wouldn't have to work for it or anything at all. Just wait until the lease is up and trade in on a new one. Ask someone that's been married 20/30/40+ years if it was easy. The answer is always no but, worth the effort. Our society has become an instant gratification people. They don't want to work hard for anything. Just gimme and gimme now.

On the other hand I know some short attention span people that this would work well for, as long as no children are involved.
MrNudiePants
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 12:25:58 PM

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Kyle wrote:
Loislane wrote:
What is the point of marriage then? Why not just have a commited relationship without any paperwork?


One thing beyond the romantic view is property rights, child custody. That is why I support the notion of domestic partners for couples both hereto and same sex.



Lots of rights come into play when two people get married. Joint bank accounts, medical consent, jointly entering into contracts. Right now, if your spouse buys a car, you're just as liable for the debt. Who would be responsible for any joint debts if two people entered into a "marriage lease"? Or would joint debts even be allowed? What about credit scores and tax refunds?
MrNudiePants
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 12:27:26 PM

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chefkathleen wrote:
I think it would weaken us more as a whole than we already are. We have become a very weak people. Our parents and grands and greatgrands were much more strong physically and mentally than we are now. It would be another easy out. You wouldn't have to work for it or anything at all. Just wait until the lease is up and trade in on a new one. Ask someone that's been married 20/30/40+ years if it was easy. The answer is always no but, worth the effort. Our society has become an instant gratification people. They don't want to work hard for anything. Just gimme and gimme now.

On the other hand I know some short attention span people that this would work well for, as long as no children are involved.


I know there are times when MY spouse wishes she could trade me in on a new one. Wait a minute... does this mean I could trade a fifty-year-old in on two new twenty-fives?
Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 12:31:02 PM

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Marriage is supposed to be a huge undertaking...you commit to marrying someone for life. Society has become too complacent with quickie weddings down in Vegas which are annulled after a few days/weeks/months...If you are willing by law and in front of your family and friends to commit to someone for life then you have to be prepared for the good times and the bad times...My grandparents have been married for 40 or 50 years(memory is going) and they still love each other after 5 children etc...If you can't be bothered to make your marriage work then don't get married...and in the UK after 6 months a partner (common law) has all the legal rights as a married spouse
Jillicious
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 2:46:46 PM

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I agree with Loislane. Why even get married if you don't want to try to make it work? And it is a lot of hard work.

Thousands of user submitted stories removed from the site. You are nothing without your users or their freely submitted stories.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 27, 2010 6:45:29 PM

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I'll continue to use the Overnight or Extended Stay® plan.
mercianknight
Posted: Friday, May 28, 2010 8:14:53 AM

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chefkathleen wrote:
I think it would weaken us more as a whole than we already are. We have become a very weak people. Our parents and grands and greatgrands were much more strong physically and mentally than we are now. It would be another easy out. You wouldn't have to work for it or anything at all. Just wait until the lease is up and trade in on a new one. Ask someone that's been married 20/30/40+ years if it was easy. The answer is always no but, worth the effort. Our society has become an instant gratification people. They don't want to work hard for anything. Just gimme and gimme now.

On the other hand I know some short attention span people that this would work well for, as long as no children are involved.


Hear, hear, Chef! Well said Applause Applause

Married 21yrs and STILL working at it. sheepholy

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Guest
Posted: Friday, May 28, 2010 9:11:30 AM

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chefkathleen wrote:
I think it would weaken us more as a whole than we already are. We have become a very weak people. Our parents and grands and greatgrands were much more strong physically and mentally than we are now. It would be another easy out. You wouldn't have to work for it or anything at all. Just wait until the lease is up and trade in on a new one. Ask someone that's been married 20/30/40+ years if it was easy. The answer is always no but, worth the effort. Our society has become an instant gratification people. They don't want to work hard for anything. Just gimme and gimme now.

On the other hand I know some short attention span people that this would work well for, as long as no children are involved.


I definatly don't think we have become weak, if we see ourselves as weak, well why bother aiming for anything in life, I just don't believe in being negative.
I know myself I can work as hard, mentally and physically as my mother. The last generation didn't work when they had children and got married (the Husband's didn't like it, i.e a woman's role is to stay at home with the kids etc) and by the time their children grew up, their Husband's where retired so they didn't need to work that hard.
I see lot's of parents around me that both work and have good job's and equally they are rewarded for what they do.
What is wrong with instant gratification if you have worked for it.
How can a 30/40 year marriage that is so damn hard, be worth it. You ask any woman in her 60/70's if she had her time again would she do it all again? I have a feeling there would be some change.
I don't agree with a lease for a marriage if you believe in marriage do it all 100% Otherwise just live together.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, June 2, 2010 5:03:41 PM

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Yes. I don't want to read the book but they should pass that law. This is a great idea.

My mom is old school (Italian) and wants me to get married one day. I keep telling her not to hold her breath. But if it came down to it I could handle being married for a few years to make her happy.
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