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Trashing Your Ex Options · View
Ace1047
Posted: Wednesday, August 28, 2013 10:26:31 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/24/2013
Posts: 143
Location: Elsworlds and What Ifs
When it becomes clear the relationship will end, go into seclusion writing a brute force or keylogger and a DOS program. When it ends, use the brute force, then hit the ex with the DOS. Using your new information, wreak havock. I have never done this (except writing the various programs) and therefore can't speak to it's perfect use. But be careful with this information. A few passwords is a dangerous thing

And I've only begun fucking with you people.
At the end of the day, it's all math.
Paige42985
Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2014 10:00:44 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 136
Location: Shelby, United States
I don't trash my ex husband even though I could because I could not sleep at night knowing I did that even though 26 years later he trashes me to every one he knows! For my son's sake I don't because he may want to have a relationship with his father one day and it would hurt him if i bad mouthed him he already know what his dad did to me so I don't want to push the hate anymore!

Believe in yourself and all things are possible
Weavindreams
Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2014 11:52:41 AM

Rank: Ricepaddy Daddy

Joined: 10/28/2013
Posts: 11,186
Location: On the bluffs above the Mississippi River., United
It's been 30 years I didn't and don't "trash talk" truth is not trash she screwed around on me simple as that. The sex EARLY in the marriage was good (never great she had way too many inhibitions) so if telling those truths is "trash talk" ok but I don't think so.


Mazza
Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2014 2:55:14 PM

Rank: Mazztastic

Joined: 9/20/2012
Posts: 3,349
Location: Scotland, United Kingdom
Despite everything that's happened, I'll do my best not to put my ex down - certainly never ever in front of the kids and I've made a HUGE effort to make sure that mutual friends and family continue to treat him with respect. I feel that's important as he will continue to be a part of my life, because of the children. I also know that it makes it easier for other people in our lives to deal with our split (that's obviously not my primary concern, but it does help, I think)

The down side is that he doesn't seem to be extending the same courtesy and some of our "friends" and his family have completely cut me off... My tendency is to withdraw in difficult situations and I think that people find that hard to understand.

I am finding it hard to just keep my mouth shut, but honestly, apart from perhaps persuading people who probably weren't as close as I thought, I just don't see the benefit in getting into it...

Nothing to see here...
dpw
Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2014 4:36:43 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/15/2013
Posts: 4,464
Location: Liverpool, United Kingdom
Mazza wrote:
Despite everything that's happened, I'll do my best not to put my ex down - certainly never ever in front of the kids and I've made a HUGE effort to make sure that mutual friends and family continue to treat him with respect. I feel that's important as he will continue to be a part of my life, because of the children. I also know that it makes it easier for other people in our lives to deal with our split (that's obviously not my primary concern, but it does help, I think)

The down side is that he doesn't seem to be extending the same courtesy and some of our "friends" and his family have completely cut me off... My tendency is to withdraw in difficult situations and I think that people find that hard to understand.

I am finding it hard to just keep my mouth shut, but honestly, apart from perhaps persuading people who probably weren't as close as I thought, I just don't see the benefit in getting into it...

All I can say is that you are the one that is showing maturity. I've got no children but my belief is that you don't pass the mistakes of parents onto children.
In my case there has never been any animosity after a break up. Mine were almost always engineered by me to have the least impact. No cheating on my part, with one exeption I just knew I wasn't in love with them. The one I was, I was scared of the commitment. Idiot!
Mazza
Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2014 4:51:14 PM

Rank: Mazztastic

Joined: 9/20/2012
Posts: 3,349
Location: Scotland, United Kingdom
dpw wrote:

All I can say is that you are the one that is showing maturity. I've got no children but my belief is that you don't pass the mistakes of parents onto children.
In my case there has never been any animosity after a break up. Mine were almost always engineered by me to have the least impact. No cheating on my part, with one exeption I just knew I wasn't in love with them. The one I was, I was scared of the commitment. Idiot!


Thanks D - I've had a few messages about this, which is nice.

To be fair, I'm not doing it out of maturity, being the good guy or any sort of philanthropic duty but rather because I know that nothing good can come of making things worse by badmouthing, even if that means that it shows me in a bad light. The people who know me, I hope, will simply see things for what they are. I've been in worse situations.

At the end of the day, I just want what's best for my kids and that is NOT having two parents at each others' throats.

Nothing to see here...
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2014 8:00:45 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,117
While my breakup years ago was painful and she did everything she could to hurt me. What I remember now is the good things we had.

I may not like the things she did, but I still have fond memories of our time together.

26 years gone, and part of me still loves her.

I may rant about WHAT she did, but never bad-mouth her purposefully.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2014 8:35:58 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,117
Never have & never will.

Just not who I am
OldDog_BlackHeart
Posted: Monday, January 20, 2014 6:12:41 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/30/2013
Posts: 374
Location: Chicago S.W, suburbs, United States
OMG! This thread is as bad as group therapy. There are no easy answers. Sometimes relationships end badly, sometimes they don't. There are so many variables. If you really want to trash your X go ahead but be advised most people really don't want to hear it. My marriage ended badly we both blamed it on each other.And never wanted to see each other again. If your in this situation the best thing I can advise you is. Get the hell away from each other for awhile. I went back to driving semi ( what I did for A living before we met.) I always liked driving but it didn't pay enough. I worked as A Sheet Metal Mechanic for 25 years. It paid well but it sucked.I started about 2 years before I got married.After the divorce I realized I didn't need to earn that much any more & this is A chance to do something I enjoyed. So I did. Now back to the point. Doing all that driving gave me time to think A lot. I started reviewing my entire marriage. It took A couple of years & A lot of soul searching but I finally started seeing the whole picture.I came to realize it wasn't all her fault. I was as much to blame as her.The more honest I became with myself the more I knew we were never rite for each other to begin with. And that I never truly loved her,I was just in love with the idea of love.I suppose you could call it infatuation & there was lust. True love on the other hand, No. I think it was about 4 years after the divorce she was in A car accident with my daughter in the car. Their injuries were minor & my daughter called me from the hospital & asked if I would come get them. I agreed & went to get them. My X apologized for the inconvenience I said I didn't mind & I was glad they were going to be OK.We talked on the way to her house & I told her I wasn't Mad any more I understood it wasn't all her fault & if they ever need my help again I would do what I can. Over the years we have become friends again & we see each other from time to time but only as friends. My children are happy the war is over & we can function as A family again. So as I said the best advice I can give you is get away from each other & examine your life. And above all be honest with yourself. Try and see your life through another persons eyes.You might just be surprised what you see. Good luck with your life & I hope things eventually work out for you.
One other thing the worse thing you can do is jump into another relationship. Give yourself some time to think. It may keep you from making the same mistakes all over again." They that do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it." My 2 cents
GardenerGuy
Posted: Thursday, February 6, 2014 9:33:31 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/29/2013
Posts: 1,092
Location: Victoria, BC
NightMan wrote:
above all be honest with yourself. Try and see your life through another persons eyes.You might just be surprised what you see.


for me, that point especially - thanks.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, February 6, 2014 9:50:35 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,117
Trashing would be better than the indifference...
Guest
Posted: Thursday, February 6, 2014 11:13:15 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,117
My 2 cents Why? Its a waste of time....
Plus, she still is the mother of my very precious and very beautiful daughter
Karranaz
Posted: Saturday, March 22, 2014 11:44:22 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/7/2013
Posts: 121
Shhh I keep my silence even during the worst of times together. When I'm mad or fed-up I keep silent and my husband knows I'm mad or bothered when I start to do that. I stop myself from saying hurtful words to him or about him. I cry for the pain I feel not just for me but for us. We are together and happy but we have our heated moments. When the time comes which I hope won't happen to us I will keep the bad as well as the good and remember mostly the good in what we once had. He is a great man who loves me and I know long after the relationship is over he will always love me and anytime I need someone, he will be there for me for the rest of his life. He will always have my respect - in lush or outside lush, US or not anymore US, he is special and will always have a place in my heart.

Adagio
Posted: Saturday, March 22, 2014 12:03:01 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/24/2013
Posts: 2,192
Its not to respectful to talk about one's ex on the internet...duh.
doctorlove
Posted: Saturday, March 22, 2014 1:53:53 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/11/2012
Posts: 883
Location: United States
Dont do it! Your ex was yours at one time and wouldn't say much about the type of person you are.
Thrawn4U
Posted: Friday, July 25, 2014 9:31:43 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 4/18/2012
Posts: 20
Location: U.S.
I went through a difficult divorce and was quite hurt. To this day, my friends that witnessed my divorce ask me how come I don't talk bad about her. Well, talking bad about someone you loved at one time is like a poison. It poisons your attitude, it poisons your future relationships, and it poisons those around you. Now have I discussed my divorce to others? Yes, I've talked about what I perceive is unfair parts of the decree, but it in no way lead to trashing my Ex.
Cyndy
Posted: Sunday, July 27, 2014 5:24:45 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/3/2014
Posts: 801
Location: LaLa Land, Canada
If someone starts trashing you, don't respond likewise either. Don't lower your self to where they are. Just let them make fools of themselves. Hold your head up high, and move on! The reward will come sooner or later. (My opinion) And if you are the first one to start doing the trashing, then you give your ex the high ground and that puts him in a better place than you.
noll
Posted: Sunday, July 27, 2014 5:49:19 PM

Rank: Ping Kong

Joined: 7/4/2013
Posts: 2,552
Location: Basement
Glad I'm on good terms with my exes. No dark clouds covering the memories. I understand that this is not always possible though.

Olivia
Posted: Wednesday, July 30, 2014 5:15:39 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2011
Posts: 120
BiMale73 wrote:
Glad I'm on good terms with my exes. No dark clouds covering the memories. I understand that this is not always possible though.


Indeed it isn't, so count that a blessing.

Breakups are an essential part of any relationship. They can reveal a lot about you to yourself and change who you are just as much as an actual relationship can.
symes4u
Posted: Tuesday, August 19, 2014 10:31:21 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/24/2010
Posts: 1,003
Location: Chicago, United States
They are ex's for a reason. Reasons will guide you as to whether to trash or not to trash.

Now stick out your can for the garbage man.



OldVet
Posted: Tuesday, August 19, 2014 11:46:03 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 6/24/2014
Posts: 51
Location: New England, United States
I just can't trash talk about anyone. It's not how I want to be treated, so I can't in good conscious talk that way about my ex. She had some redeeming qualities so I let that be my guide. Burning bridges Is not my style.
PeachesAndDiesel
Posted: Sunday, August 24, 2014 4:26:20 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/28/2013
Posts: 65
Location: United Kingdom
Although being rude about your ex can feel therapeutic, and may be justified, it's a losing game. Expressing the anger feeds the remnant of the relationship, keeping it burning, but without a positive end in view. It stops you accepting your own role in the breakdown of the relationship too. Moving on means releasing yourself from that emotional connection and seeing yourself as independent.
EwaBeachSlut
Posted: Tuesday, September 23, 2014 5:21:50 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/3/2011
Posts: 158
Location: United States
I see no benefit on Trashing your Ex. What do I know I never had one. I dated lots of guys but they were casual dates and about sex. When we tired of each other we went in different directions.

There was one guy that would pop up at my door ever two or three years and we know it was real but we wanted different things. Well now we are married and I do not expect to have an ex anytime in the foreseeable future.

But if I do what is there to be gained by thrashing him. He may have had serious flaws and I was so anxious to have a husband the I overlooked them. Seems like that would reflect on me as much as on him.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 23, 2014 6:18:41 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,117
I don't need to trash him anymore. He cheated on my when I was 4 months pregnant with his child and I hated him for so long, but now when he calls I am polite to him because he will never be a part of my sons life and I think it destroys him on the inside.
HeraTeleia
Posted: Tuesday, September 23, 2014 7:43:29 PM

Rank: Top Shot

Joined: 1/25/2014
Posts: 1,613
Location: Canada
I don't know, I think that trashing one's ex would reflect poorly on oneself. My parents happily trashed each other to my brother and I (and my mother will still trash my father, twenty odd years on from the divorce) and it didn't create a lot of positive childhood memories of them for either of us.

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BethanyFrasier
Posted: Tuesday, September 23, 2014 9:01:10 PM

Rank: Rainbow Warrior

Joined: 5/15/2014
Posts: 3,315
Location: Land of Legend, south of the Firelands, United Sta
Neither of my exes would ever trash me, nor I them. We parted amicably. Sadly, but on mutually respectful terms.

ChuckEPoo
Posted: Tuesday, September 23, 2014 9:17:53 PM

Rank: Chuckanator

Joined: 8/30/2013
Posts: 2,417
Location: Ventura, United States
BethanyFrasier wrote:
Neither of my exes would ever trash me, nor I them. We parted amicably. Sadly, but on mutually respectful terms.


I applaud you. My first fatal ex was a conniving gold digging whore. My second wife was sweet and caring and loyal. We are still best friends and who knows maybe we will get past our problems and reconcile some day.

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VirginalViet
Posted: Tuesday, September 23, 2014 9:42:57 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/4/2012
Posts: 434
Location: United States
Oh my gosh that would be horrible. No way. Haha I set Steve up with one of my friends. He's terribly sweet, but it just wasn't the right time for me. Whatever was there at the beginning just went away for me Embarassed Embarassed ? I know Steve was shattered for a while and he tried to get me back, but he's so happy now and I'm happy for him. angel7 angel7
ManofAdventure
Posted: Tuesday, February 10, 2015 6:20:38 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 8/5/2014
Posts: 48
Location: London, United Kingdom
I don't believe in trashing exes. After all, I liked or loved them enough to date them-it just didn't work out. I have to admit to being lucky-far as I know Ive never been cheated on. Are there things I would change-sure but they're between me and the relevant ex.

But it can be therapeutic to get things out of your system-so you can always try writing them down in a journal. I just console myself with the fact that they lost out on my awesomeness ;)
Weavindreams
Posted: Tuesday, February 10, 2015 9:05:57 AM

Rank: Ricepaddy Daddy

Joined: 10/28/2013
Posts: 11,186
Location: On the bluffs above the Mississippi River., United
Once again I'll be in the minority, nothing new. All things are relative folks. MOST relationship break ups are such that I whole heartedly agree... there IS one EXTREME exception. I DO NOT see telling the plain and simple truth about someone who is a vicious abuser as being "trashing".


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