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Why is so hard for some people to give an explanation? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 20, 2010 9:42:21 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,397
Sometimes I wonder why some people seems to think its some sort of humilliation to give an explanation for some particular attitude or action. "Just because", seems to be a good explanation to them. Do they have some sort of inferiority complex which leads them to create artificial ways to look above other people?

Once I was denied entrance in a disco by a bouncer. The guy was in the middle of some power trip, acting like he was in a Clint Eastwood movie, or something. So I kept asking what was the reason why I couldnt enter, (not that I really wanted, it was just to piss him off), the guy seemed surprised at first, he thought I'd just walk away, so he said I had "no pass", or that it was a private party, or some crap like that he just made up on the spot.

So I said, "okay, how can I get a pass, do I need a leaflet? should I fill in some document?". The guy knew I was not gonna go away with no answer, and after a few tense seconds, he eyeballed me and snapped " I am not gonna give you a reason", and then threaten to beat me up.

Of course I left, but that sentence got recorded on my brain "I am not gonna give you a reason".

So what's so wrong with giving a reason, I thought. I dont like your clothes, or I dont like your face, or I dont like your wotever, it would have been more than enough for me.

This incident happened many years ago, this attitude is a constant in life, and of course I've come across similar situations, finding people stubbornly thinking that giving a reason is like a humilliation.

Obviously I am talking about actions or situations that affect other people. It happens a lot in politics. Bush and his pals wanted a war in Iraq, so they just sent the troops. I wonder how moral is doing things just because you can, rather than because you should.

Well, that's all, just an open reflexion on this subject, have you experienced similar incidents?

PS. If you were wondering what did I do after the bouncer accident, check this out, perhaps one day you may need it: I phoned the cops pretending to be a neighbour,making a fuss about the noise of the club (it was late at night, almost morning), I said there were drunken guys fighting in the front door, broken bottles, etc. 5 minutes later the police arrived and they shut down the place for the night, while I enjoyed the show, especially the part of the cops asking the bouncer his ID.
LadyX
Posted: Thursday, May 20, 2010 10:32:15 AM

Rank: Artistic Tart
Moderator

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,804
In general? I think people don't give explanations when they know/think it will just cause more questions they don't want to answer, or maybe even a giant argument. Like a mom and her kid, and the kid asks 'why' after everything, and then the mom finally says 'because I said so'.

Now, not to harsh on you with the bouncer- but he didn't owe you an explanation. Those guys are judge, jury, and executioner, which pisses people off, but it's just the way it is. If he did give you an honest explanation for why you couldn't get in, I'm guessing it would be one of these choices:

1- You're a guy, and we don't let spare sausages in. Come back with two hot girls then we'll talk.
2- You're not dressed right for this club
3- You're not on my list to let you in, and I don't recognize you as somebody important
4- You're too old
5- You're ugly

Not saying you're any of those things, but those are usually the reasons when they don't lift the rope for you. Did you see "Knocked Up", when the lady demanded that the bouncer explain why she couldn't get in, and he told her it was because she was "old as fuck", lol. Sad, but true, and it will happen to everyone sometime.



Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 20, 2010 11:04:00 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,397
Yes, I guess you are right, that guy was just doing his job...I guess I was lucky I didnt get beaten up, many of those guys are on steroids.

thepainter
Posted: Thursday, May 20, 2010 11:59:39 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/23/2009
Posts: 1,353
Location: hell, Netherlands
Should've told him you're Javier Bardem. evil4

Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 20, 2010 12:19:09 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,397
Are you serious, to ask this about not being let into a club? Try having your passport refused when you want to enter a country, or your visa application refused, or your residence permit refused, and then have an expulsion order arrive with 72 hours to comply along with it.

LadyX summed it up best, as she often does.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 20, 2010 12:54:50 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,397
LadyX wrote:
In general? I think people don't give explanations when they know/think it will just cause more questions they don't want to answer, or maybe even a giant argument. Like a mom and her kid, and the kid asks 'why' after everything, and then the mom finally says 'because I said so'.

Now, not to harsh on you with the bouncer- but he didn't owe you an explanation. Those guys are judge, jury, and executioner, which pisses people off, but it's just the way it is. If he did give you an honest explanation for why you couldn't get in, I'm guessing it would be one of these choices:

1- You're a guy, and we don't let spare sausages in. Come back with two hot girls then we'll talk.
2- You're not dressed right for this club
3- You're not on my list to let you in, and I don't recognize you as somebody important
4- You're too old
5- You're ugly

Not saying you're any of those things, but those are usually the reasons when they don't lift the rope for you. Did you see "Knocked Up", when the lady demanded that the bouncer explain why she couldn't get in, and he told her it was because she was "old as fuck", lol. Sad, but true, and it will happen to everyone sometime.





This happens a lot here. Especially in South Beach. I have friends that go there all the time. They go to the clubs that only allow a guy in if he has a girl with. Won't let in two guys together. There's others that you have to have a certain "look" about you. Meaning your clothes, etc. Other ways they keep out the "riff raf" is by charging $200.00 cover charge,etc.
Guest
Posted: Friday, May 21, 2010 4:30:58 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,397
gypsymoth wrote:
Are you serious, to ask this about not being let into a club? Try having your passport refused when you want to enter a country, or your visa application refused, or your residence permit refused, and then have an expulsion order arrive with 72 hours to comply along with it.

LadyX summed it up best, as she often does.



That incident was just an example, I just used it because it was simple and straight to the point. I know it sounds superficial, but it was just an example.

I am familiar with harsh treatments, was sleeping on the rough in London for some weeks, eating just a chocolate bar and a cup of tea on a daily basis, and some other not so glorious episodes, life has ups and downs.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, May 21, 2010 11:02:52 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde
Moderator

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,828
Location: Your dirty fantasy
Clubs have a right to refuse entry to anyone they want to. It's their establishment, so they have the right to pick/choose music, vibe, style of patrons, crowd-space etc. Yes, it's a lot of bullshit most of the time (if you aren't dressed right, or aren't the right age/look), but that is their perogative. It's the same as when you are in that bar, only a select group will get into the VIP area. The "class system" works on the entertainment scene (on a superficial/wealth level) just as much as it works in regular life.

On the flip side, imagine throwing a house party and having random people showing up that you didn't like the look of... would you feel compelled to explain to them the reason you didn't want them to come in and party with your friends?

There are plenty of clubs out there.... either pick a different one, or try to figure out the standards of the one you want to get into. If you're a guy, go in with a group of girls, change the way you dress, your hair etc.. Or if you're a girl, go get some botox and dress younger if 'age-ism' is the issue.

This may sound harsh and unfair, but if you're the one trying to get into that establishment, chances are you like and buy-into the image that bar stands for. If not, then just find another place to drink/party...

Another way of looking at it: If you start hitting on someone at the beginning of the night and ask them to dance or leave the club with you and the person says "no"... do you really need an explanation for the rejection?

I just think it's easier to move on.... there are plenty of "girls/guys/bars/clubs" (or whatever else you are being rejected for) out there to satisfy all desires...

The reasons that limit explanations are probably just related to lack of time available, a lack of desire to get into a debate/fight over it, or not wanting to hurt someone's feelings.


Guest
Posted: Thursday, June 24, 2010 4:34:01 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,397
To be fair to club owners too. How many 1000's of people try to get into the club every night? Imagine if they had to give an explanation to every person they reject, they would be there all night.

Besides, in a lot of countries the reason they give you i.e class/race/look would be considered discrimination which is not legal. Its legal for them to reject you without reason though.

Maybe you should find a Tavern or something, maybe the whole club scene just isn't your thing.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, June 24, 2010 9:03:33 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,397

This is a dark take on club selection and rejection. I have had incredible times in clubs drinking, dancing, socializing and being on the hunt. I've had my clubbing seasons but my interests now lie elsewhere. If this is your season then may you dance on through night until morning and live with no regret.

Any set of selection methods is about generating money for the investors. Granted running such a business can be creative and personally rewarding, yet without a a solid cash flow there would be no motivation to put up with drunks, assholes, divas, cleaning crews, wait staff, bands/DJs etc

The selection process is designed to cater to vanity by creating the illusion of being special and a member of the elite. Sometimes the selected or anointed if you will, are members of one exclusive class or another like the entertainment industry, hot chicks, even drug lords.

The selected are rewarded for keeping in shape and understanding the mechanics of “the look”. Occasionally, a few tokens are taken from the long line of rejects outside who think they stand a chance. This is done only to keep them coming back, being props standing in line, praying that someday they will be worthy to walk, and dance and drink amongst the anointed. Many of the anointed walk by the rejects felling special and superior. It is the “look at me” syndrome.

What I am saying is that under the illusion and entertainment that you pay for lie the structural realities of the business. I have known people so far into the club scene identity they are divorced from larger realities of life. I am not saying it is bad to party hard, I just don't think it is healthy to pretend it is something it clearly is not.
BigRod
Posted: Thursday, June 24, 2010 9:35:49 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/31/2009
Posts: 363
Location: California
LadyX wrote:
In general? I think people don't give explanations when they know/think it will just cause more questions they don't want to answer, or maybe even a giant argument. Like a mom and her kid, and the kid asks 'why' after everything, and then the mom finally says 'because I said so'.

Now, not to harsh on you with the bouncer- but he didn't owe you an explanation. Those guys are judge, jury, and executioner, which pisses people off, but it's just the way it is. If he did give you an honest explanation for why you couldn't get in, I'm guessing it would be one of these choices:

1- You're a guy, and we don't let spare sausages in. Come back with two hot girls then we'll talk.
2- You're not dressed right for this club
3- You're not on my list to let you in, and I don't recognize you as somebody important
4- You're too old
5- You're ugly

Not saying you're any of those things, but those are usually the reasons when they don't lift the rope for you. Did you see "Knocked Up", when the lady demanded that the bouncer explain why she couldn't get in, and he told her it was because she was "old as fuck", lol. Sad, but true, and it will happen to everyone sometime.





Damn.. no wonder they wouldn't let me into WalMart the other day.. I think I'm 5 out of 5.....
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