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At what age do people "get it?" Options · View
DamonX
Posted: Saturday, July 3, 2010 8:17:38 PM

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Posts: 798
When we're 18, we look at 16 year olds as immature. When we're 20, we look at 18 year olds as emotionally inferior. When we're 30, we look at 20-somethings as idealistic and foolish. When we're 40 we look at 30 year olds as inexperienced. When we're 60, we look at 40 year olds as unwise and unlived...blah, blah, blah

So my question is...at what age to people actually get it? Or do the standards rise with our age? Or...is it possible that we tend try and find something in our younger counterparts in order to assuade our own age related insecurities?
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Saturday, July 3, 2010 10:06:10 PM

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I think some people 'never get it'...

I think life experience, maturity, and the ability to intelligently reflect back on our experiences and gain some learnings from them help add credibility and weight to our opinions. And these things are not necessarily correlated to age.

I'm at a detriment with three social factors that shouldn't mean anything, but do... I'm a twenty-something, I'm female, and I'm blonde.

The desire to typecast in a certain way is very typical in life... and even in an online space that is supposed to be about what someone is saying, not the visual first impressions.

I certainly don't think I 'know it all' or that I'm superior in any way to someone older (or younger) than me. I base impressions on what comes out of their mouth or what they write. But it's kind of sad when ageism creates a level of condescension. I have a lot to learn from people older than I am, and I think the same goes vice versa.

The minute someone assumes they 'get it' or 'know it all', it really just shows they don't get it at all.


Guest
Posted: Saturday, July 3, 2010 11:17:38 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,356
This is the first time that someone has referred to me as emotionally inferior, idealistic fool, inexperienced, unwise4 and unlived in one post.

No worries, I think 16year olds are too horny to think straight. I think my own age gap is too eager to do everything they get told about. I think 20 years olds are in that 'don't appreciate what we have' stage. I think 30year olds are too broody and 40year olds are way too judge mental. I think 60year olds should get over birthdays and start thinking about the bucket list and live a little.

Each age gap has their own worries, the only thing we should 'get' is that we make our own happiness, if you are unhappy, you're obviously not doing enough. If you are happy in your own life, you wont judge others for theirs.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, July 3, 2010 11:24:22 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,356
I "got it" ages ago. Just can't remember where the hell I put it now.
DamonX
Posted: Saturday, July 3, 2010 11:29:36 PM

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Joined: 1/25/2009
Posts: 798
Necho wrote:
This is the first time that someone has referred to me as emotionally inferior, idealistic fool, inexperienced, unwise4 and unlived in one post.

No worries, I think 16year olds are too horny to think straight. I think my own age gap is too eager to do everything they get told about. I think 20 years olds are in that 'don't appreciate what we have' stage. I think 30year olds are too broody and 40year olds are way too judge mental. I think 60year olds should get over birthdays and start thinking about the bucket list and live a little.

Each age gap has their own worries, the only thing we should 'get' is that we make our own happiness, if you are unhappy, you're obviously not doing enough. If you are happy in your own life, you wont judge others for theirs.


Haha, I was actually referring to comments that other people on this site have said about those younger than them. I guess I should have put them in parentheses. Trust me...of all my faults, age-ism is not one of them.

I'm a little disapointed that you think of me as "broody" though. Even though according to many on this site, I'm still a "teenager."

happy8
Guest
Posted: Saturday, July 3, 2010 11:39:45 PM

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I thought you were somewhere in your 20's to be honest Damongeek Didnt mean to call you broody, but I find that women from about 28-> get all baby/marry crazy "shudders"

People older than me think I'm immature because I deliberately say dumb things when people get too serious, I don't like serious (unless it comes to rape or my home country), Im not really immature though, well, I dont think I am anyway, I think Ive been through more than enough drama to really give a damn about what people think of others. Thats the problem... people should stop thinking... hoora!hello1


I still think that you get more serious the older you get, older people shouldn't force younger people to grow up. One should give people the same chances in life that you had.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, July 4, 2010 12:43:30 AM

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Age related insecurities? I don't accept that premise at all.

Get what?
Guest
Posted: Sunday, July 4, 2010 2:20:04 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,356
When you say 'Get it?' just what kind of point are you getting at.
Playmale
Posted: Sunday, July 4, 2010 9:03:22 AM

Rank: Smiley Guru

Joined: 7/16/2008
Posts: 551
Location: United States
There are two things that come to my mind on this topic.

First I recently read a quote, "Every generation believes it is smarter than the one before it and wiser than the one after it."

The other is...
When you are 20 you are worried about what everone is thinking about you.

When you are 40 you don't care what others are thinking about you.

When you are 60 you realize that they never were thinking about you.

No one ever gets it, but some fit in better than others.
Maverick777
Posted: Sunday, July 4, 2010 9:08:47 AM

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Location: Arkham asylum for criminally insane,Gotham
Personal Opinion-Age has nothing to do with maturity.

Let's put a smile on that face.
iceman
Posted: Sunday, July 4, 2010 9:18:34 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/30/2009
Posts: 534
Location: Caifornia
Dancing_Doll wrote:
I think some people 'never get it'...



I'm at a detriment with three social factors that shouldn't mean anything, but do... I'm a twenty-something, I'm female, and I'm blonde.



DD, I'm adding an additional description for you: "Cuter than a cuddly puppy."

coffee
LadyX
Posted: Sunday, July 4, 2010 9:30:52 AM

Rank: Artistic Tart

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,773
Necho wrote:

No worries, I think 16year olds are too horny to think straight. I think my own age gap is too eager to do everything they get told about. I think 20 years olds are in that 'don't appreciate what we have' stage. I think 30year olds are too broody and 40year olds are way too judge mental. I think 60year olds should get over birthdays and start thinking about the bucket list and live a little.

Each age gap has their own worries, the only thing we should 'get' is that we make our own happiness, if you are unhappy, you're obviously not doing enough. If you are happy in your own life, you wont judge others for theirs.


Applause I agree with that.

I think people's attitudes about age reflects a lot about the way they look at life. I thought I knew everything when I was 15, and that wasn't helped by the fact that I already knew that my dad didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. He was (and still is) an alcoholic who can't keep a job or a partner, whose daughter didn't respect him as much.. Not surprisingly, his attitude is that young people are all idiots, nobody listens to their elders, girls and women are too liberated and mouthy, etc. His life shapes his attitudes.

I see people here act the same way, like being under a certain age puts us at the kiddie table, to be paid no mind. And that's fine, that's their little mindset, but the reality is different. There are plenty of mental children over the age of 40 here, too, and they're just as obvious as the 'kids'.

I know it works both ways, ageism is a two way street- both on the internet and in life. One thing I love about this site is that except in a few cases, that age barrier is broken down, or at least less important. We share ideas, joke around, ask questions, and sometimes those age differences make it much more interesting. I know I'd be bored as hell on a sex site filled with nothing but 19 and 20 year olds.

Bias is not something we can ever do away with completely, it's everywhere and part of who we are. But, having an open mind and making an effort to share and not judge- that's the main thing. As long people meet each other halfway with good faith, then the word 'ageism' really won't even get typed that often.

Rembacher
Posted: Sunday, July 4, 2010 10:17:23 AM

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Joined: 10/16/2008
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I grew up being used to being allowed to participate in "grown up" conversations, and since I have read the newspaper daily since I was 13 years old, I've always been knowledgeable in what was going on in the world, and developed my own opionions about it.

Growing up in that type of environment made it, and still makes it even more frustrating when someone seems to dismiss my opinions or ideas for something as ridiculous (to me) as age, experience, or formal education.

I'm not sure anyone ever "gets it." I think the ones who are closest to that are the ones who never stop asking questions and trying to learn something new, even when they are in their 90s. I do believe you gain a little something with age, which is part of why I enjoy listening to a good storyteller talk about the old days, or the lessons he or she has learned. Because, if I can learn something from their experiences, that could be one less mistake I make, or maybe the knowledge will enable me to have new experiences I never could have had without that knowledge.
alabasterfairy
Posted: Sunday, July 4, 2010 8:38:56 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/1/2010
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Location: Brisbane
I don't think there is a point where someone "get's it" and then everything stops. I think there is always something to learn and a part of yourself that you haven't explored yet. We're here to live life to the fullest; to ask questions; to explore; to share. The most fun you will ever have is when you throw yourself into your fears and realise that the only thing you were afraid of was your self. Life gets exciting, relationships get more intimate, sex gets interesting.. ;)
rxtales
Posted: Sunday, July 4, 2010 9:03:36 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/28/2008
Posts: 2,589
Location: Newcastle, United Kingdom
I am having a bit of trouble phrasing what I want to say, but I will give it a shot. I think a lot of people make assumptions based on age. I am told I look and act a lot older then I am. Then as soon as I say I am 19, people sometimes automatically feel like they have to avoid certain topics around me because I am "too young." Yet I have a higher maturity level then a lot of people my age. I have lived on my own, had to take care of my self since I was younger, I have seen more of the world then most people, had to deal with and see things that most people never do, and should never have to.

And sorry Damon, I think I may have gone off topic - I didn't really understand your question. Sorry.
Guest
Posted: Monday, July 5, 2010 8:17:22 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,356
My understanding of your question is that it refers to socially dysfunctional attitudes of some people regarding differences in age. A person who “gets it” understands the meaning of the old Byrds' song "Turn! Turn! Turn”, which by the way was totally adapted from the Book of Ecclesiastes. No matter what your views on religion, and I am an atheist and libertarian, you cannot deny the truth no matter where you find it. Here are a few lines.

To Everything
There is a season
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

I embraced this idea when I was still in my teens. There is something romantic about it.

I may have been 27 when I overheard a group of teenagers seriously discussing with passion the existence of god. I was fascinated, recognizing my voice at that age. It could have been my friends and I as teens. I realized listening to them that life is a cycle, we grow from one stage to another. What was obvious for me at 27 was something these teenagers were leaning for themselves. “There is a time for everything under the sun.”

Being able to relate with people younger or older than you is dependent on how open minded you are. People younger than you will be having experiences that are fresh and new to them but not to you. People older than you might have views and understandings that only come with age and experience. When these views and understandings are profound we write books about them. Older than you is relative.

When our age becomes a primary characteristic of our identity, then we have chosen superficiality over substance. I have met some very profound 19 year old people and some very ignorant 50 year old ones.
iceman
Posted: Monday, July 5, 2010 8:40:13 AM

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Joined: 10/30/2009
Posts: 534
Location: Caifornia
Let me see now.....

Teens------------Heard about "IT", sounds kewl, wants "IT"...
20's--------------Trying to find "IT and use "IT"...
30's--------------Had "IT" for a while, misused "IT"...
40's--------------Found "IT" again, trying to figure "IT" out...
50"s--------------Misplaced "IT" again, hunting all over for "IT"...
60's--------------Had "IT", trying to figure out what "IT" is....
70's--------------Heard about "IT" ages ago, but...
80's--------------Remember hearing about "IT" somewhere...
90's--------------Somebody mentions "IT", says "huh?"...

dontknow dontknow

coffee
mercianknight
Posted: Monday, July 5, 2010 9:37:46 AM

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Posts: 2,025
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
Don't want 'IT', never wanted 'IT' and hope I never get 'IT' - especially if 'IT' means I actually start 'acting my age' and having way less fun than I ought. I am considered the achetypal enigma (honestly, you should see some of my staff appraisals) - thoughtful, insightful, resourceful, diligent, persistent and yet can still not care about acting and behaving like Peter Pan.

A frame of mind that keeps me from going completely nuts geek

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
DamonX
Posted: Monday, July 5, 2010 2:31:54 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/25/2009
Posts: 798
Quote:
There are two things that come to my mind on this topic.

First I recently read a quote, "Every generation believes it is smarter than the one before it and wiser than the one after it."



Thank you! That was the point I was trying to make with this post, after I've noticed some of the coments that others have made in the fourms. That quote sums it up perfectly. icon_smile


And Rocco, thanks for contributing once again. I alway look forward to your abrupt, grumpy-sounding one-liners. icon_smile
Lisa
Posted: Monday, July 5, 2010 2:47:50 PM

Rank: Moderator

Joined: 3/3/2009
Posts: 5,168
Location: Victoria, Australia
I hope I never get it. To me, that would mean I've stopped learning.

I like little surprises, discovering something about myself or someone else that I didn't expect. It's what makes life interesting.
Guest
Posted: Monday, July 5, 2010 4:02:47 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,356
Quote:
"Every generation believes it is smarter than the one before it and wiser than the one after it."


This quote I feel demonstrates the fragmentation and alienation of society. If we surrender to superficiality such as locking ourselves within a arbitrary generation, then we lose as individuals. I feel strongly that a complete human being is creative throughout life, always changing and evolving, always seeking new truths. The old can learn from the young as the young can learn from the old. It is not rocket science to understand this.

Lisa wrote:
I hope I never get it. To me, that would mean I've stopped learning.


I don't have the same meaning for "getting it" that you do Lisa, but I understand exactly what you mean and share your sentiment 100%. For me "getting it" in this context is enlightenment and transcending the cultural and generational games we play with each other. Generational boundaries are social constructions that inhibit us as human beings. Gen X, the Baby Boomers and such labels segregate people artificially.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, July 6, 2010 8:20:48 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Two posts in a row, rare but not unheard of.

Anyway, I was thinking about relationships between generations defined by age. I have a friend who is a lot younger than I am. She gorgeous, athletic, educated. I am Caucasian, she is not. The age difference is significant. I have taken my time over the past three years getting to know her because I like her and think she is interesting. There is always underlying sexual tension of sorts but minimized because I know that any sexual moves on my part (or hers) would be a mistake.

To have a friendship with her I have had to give her space so she can figure out on her own that I am no threat. The differences in ages are real due to experience and other factors yet rather than see them as walls and boundaries I see them as part of the relationship mosaic that has to be dealt with. There are parts of her life where she is leaning the same kinds of things I learned when I was her age. I listen, encourage but don't tell her how to live her life just because I have been through it because I know that we each have to live our own lives in our own way. Most experiences we share are on par. Somethings she is better at than I am, which I acknowledge.

The point is that real and lasting relationships are complex and difficult. We deny ourselves when we create artificial barriers rather than overcome stereotyping our lives.

Playmale
Posted: Tuesday, July 6, 2010 9:52:16 AM

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Location: United States
These fine ladies just say, "Age aint nothin'ut a number,"
WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, July 6, 2010 10:45:09 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,858
Location: Cakeland, United States
A number of years ago, I was driving a twenty five year old junked-out Euclid dump truck on a summertime construction job. I was a wet behind the ears 20 year old, college student on break. The fellow who I spent a lot of time around was 43. Gary had been operating bulldozers, front end loaders, any kind of heavy excavation equipment available to operate, since he was 15 years old.



Fifty some odd men all spending eleven months, carving a new multi-unit apartment complex, with roads and utility lines out of the southern 200 acre side of a steep forested hill of vacant city-land, joined efforts at this task. I hauled waste dirt (under the topsoil) from wherever it was being dug out to wherever it needed to be dumped, somewhere on the site. I hated that miserable truck, almost liked the job and grew up a bit that summer around those guys. Three months of THAT, did reinforce my desire to obtain an education and a different j.o.b. for the rest of my life, however.

My nickname on the job then, was Professor Pud or variations on that. Gary's, was Creekbank. He once drove a backhoe into the deep mud of a swampy stream, several years earlier. It took considerable expense and time to hoist it out. I was just the youngest punk on that particular crew of blue collar rowdies; most of them knew I was also attending college and had gotten the job as my parents had known the company owner for many years.

Creekbank and other operators would fill my dump truck with their loaders and track-hoes. They delighted in ordering me to be their track cleaner, equipment greaser and all 'round gopher.

As this was a union job there were one hour lunch breaks, and I would often times spend the greater portion of those minutes with my head buried in a book, while many of the other workmen would eat their prepared sandwiches or leftovers from their lunch pails, sitting around and gossiping like a gaggle of rumor mongers. I would try to disappear into another world for 50 minutes.

I sometimes took shit (mostly good-natured jibes) from many of the older operators and laborers, during this time - for being an anti-social bookworm/college boy...'too good to associate with the common-folk'.

One morning I forgot to bring my book with me, and had purchased a morning newspaper at a convenience store on my drive to the worksite. I had either misplaced it, or more likely...it had been pilfered by someone on the crew. Quite possibly to be used to swipe a grease gun clean or their own grommet in the porta-potty - or maybe some wiseguy was just to trying to get my goat.

Lunchtime rolled around and I killed the ignition on that man-killing deathtrap I drove. I swung down and walked over to where several guys were grouping together in the shade of a huge oak tree. It was already in the low 90's and several of us wore no shirts. I also pulled out two earplugs I had jammed into my canals. One old bastard made a crack about me protecting my dainty hearing. I silently mouthed to him, "Go fuck yourself you deaf asshole." Several other guys laughed.

Creekbank was pouring me a cup of coffee, as I sat down next to him on the tracks of his Caterpillar.



"Whatcha reading today, Pee Pee?"

I rolled my eyes and exhaled, "I had a newspaper this morning, but it seems to have spouted legs."

He dug out of his pocket and handed me the keys to his 1976 Ford F250 pickup truck. "In the passenger side map pocket, I got some stuff you might be interested in."

As I walked over a landscape of dirt clods, torn sod, boulders and graded soil, to his vehicle, I could hear chortling behind me and I figured I'd find my morning purchase in Gary's cab.

A quick search of the side map pocket showed that there were several newspapers, yellowed, tattered, stained, folded and contained therein.

I pulled a handful out and set them on the floorboard of the truck, as I stood between the open door and the interior of the cab. The front page I first selected, displayed a story of the failed Iranian hostage crisis rescue attempt by the US, that previous April. Jackpot!

I grabbed the thick pile of newspapers, turned and shut his unlocked truck door behind me, and carried my precious booty back, in both arms, to where the men were sitting in a loose circle - chowing down

Lunchmeat (named such as he was putting his meat to the boss' hot 26 year old daughter), another 30 year old operator, reached out and grabbed a sports section and critiqued, "Hell, all of this looks to be month's old news, Creek!"

Creekbank smirked, "That it might be 'meat, but if ya ain't read it yet, ain't it still news?"

(I get it - in bits and pieces, and have all my life, from young and old alike. Similar to Lisa's awareness - I don't think I'll ever get it all, but if I haven't learned it yet, it is still new to me.)

Obscenity is the last refuge of an inarticulate motherfucker.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, July 6, 2010 1:39:07 PM

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Posts: 816,356
Good story Jeff.
MeganC
Posted: Saturday, July 10, 2010 11:20:26 AM

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Posts: 9
Location: USA
I was 18 and didn't "get it" but then I met some kids who are 13-16 and they do. It's different for different people.
She
Posted: Saturday, July 10, 2010 11:47:47 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/24/2010
Posts: 2,628
With this particular question I never refer to another person, always oriented towards me, because people can suprise you no metter the age.. I was suprised in my life quite some times and I love it

So when I say I get it, it's been said to yunger me. When I say it, it means groving for me, it means that I know what I did right or wrong in the past but here in present for present I definitely don't get it.
I believe that capability of seeing bigger picture is much more easier when you are not involved in the proces itself. And that is it, if I would be able to see objectively the whole picture I would get it, since I cannot and it is not posible for me to see it, it is mystery for me.

...and I can conclude with part of Playmale's post:

Playmale wrote:
First I recently read a quote, "Every generation believes it is smarter than the one before it and wiser than the one after it."
Guest
Posted: Sunday, July 18, 2010 6:06:45 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 816,356
I see that some here "Get It"!
"IT" being defined as the time of realization, the Ah HA moment. The epiphany moment. Through my many years of life, I have had moments like this, Also many moments that I thought I knew it. Most of the latter moments I was in some way, gentle as well as "In you face", slapped down for them.
DamonX
Posted: Friday, December 17, 2010 9:52:41 PM

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Joined: 1/25/2009
Posts: 798
fish
Rontre
Posted: Sunday, December 19, 2010 10:40:32 AM

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Joined: 10/6/2010
Posts: 805
Location: Right here
Everyone has their own interpretation of what "getting it" means & this is what keeps these forums going. Hearing different opinions from others can be informative & educational as well> Some posts that are of no value to myself are to others. I "get it." For myself to "get it" seems to be a never ending process because things can change at a split second. Never knowing what tomorrow brings, the one thing I do know is to expect it will involve "getting it." For the present I feel that I "get it." How a person conducts his or her life & the way they treat other people to me is a part of "getting it" constantly requiring adjustments to meet the present needs. If you are making bad choices in what you are doing with you life & you know these choices are wrong then you are definitely not "getting it."
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