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Cybersex - a poem Options · View
Guest
Posted: Friday, August 13, 2010 1:46:18 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,035
Hi
I posted this on the 'story' part of the site (under 'Love poems'... I know, sex isn't love, so cybersex certainly gets the thumbs down... but have you read some of the stuff on there?) and they rejected it. Something about 'standards', a nebulous enough term for even a government to hide behind, never mind a porn site... A dubious one too for a site that turns a blind eye to mums and dads copulating with sons and daughters. (No, I'm ok really, not annoyed at all... it's just my out-dated British sense of 'fair play' and appreciation of irony.) Anyway, for want of anywhere else to stick it (apart from the obvious) and at their suggestion, I'm posting it here. Tell me what you think, if you can be arsed.
Thanks x


Cybersex

Cybersex, the safest sex,
As safe as sex can be.
I jack with Jill,
Don't need a pill
To stop a pregnancy.

No STD's, no crabs, herpes
Or Aids or hepatitis C
Can leap the void,
So I've enjoyed
Hot cybersex with two or three...

Or four, or five, or six -
Ok, they say that sexual addiction's
Quite a sad and dangerous disease.
A solitary sinful act -
Well, it takes two to be exact
And either sex, so twice the chance to please.

Experience the decadence
Of ancient Rome
While sat at home!
An instant online orgy and it's free.
'Show me wot uv got!
Ohhhh yessssss! av u done this a lot?'
'Well, yes... we did it twice last Tuesday, actually.'

My cock's unrecocognisable,
To show more's not advisable -
(Here's not the place
To share your face, address or mobile number...)
One handed typing is my forte
While I show you something naughty
I can do with half a fresh cucumber.

Few girls will cam,
They think they have to look like Pamela
Anderson before a man will want to see them nude.
But no, your saggy tits
And flabby arse's cellulite and zits
Will get me going,
It's the showing that I find so rude.

I've wanked for girls,
But not till I've been told
They're old enough,
I've wanked for women,
Old and rough,
I've cum for queens and done things, told them stuff -
That you don't really need to hear -
To get them off, and they appear, er...
Sexually relieved -
If 'cuummmmminggg!!!!!' is a word to be believed...

No masturbating on that future date,
We'll mate.
'Yeah penetrate n pull my hair n
Hurt me god ur so big lover mmm.'
'What? UK? Hey, you're not too far away!
Say, know that Travel Lodge on the M62?
I'll pay.'
'Hell yes i do
oh babe im so wet
i cnt w8 to fuk wit choo.
Call me ur bitch n slut n whore
n slap my arse...'
'Oh, babe, if you're,
Up for it I'll fill that hole too!
Let's do it, screw it, when can I meet choo?'

Cybersex was safer sex
Until the wife caught me.
No broadband in my caravan,
She's got herself a proper man,
So take precautions: purge your History.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Friday, August 13, 2010 1:51:38 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,477
Location: Cakeland, United States
hello1

Most intelligent people are introspective and doubt themselves while many fucktards are proudly over-confident. - a tip of the hat to Charles Bukowski
Guest
Posted: Friday, August 13, 2010 2:07:36 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,035
Boo hoo! music to my ears lol!! Hear Hear!!hello1
DonAbdul
Posted: Friday, August 13, 2010 5:25:04 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 9/18/2009
Posts: 65
Location: PHC
hello1 Bravo!

Life is too short to waste it on drama. Have fun while you still can.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, August 15, 2010 6:48:45 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,035
Brilliant!
Guest
Posted: Sunday, August 15, 2010 7:01:03 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,035
WHOOP WHHOP I scored you a 10/10 it almost had a ring to Victoria Woods song, Can't do it tonight! Do you know that song it's well funny. director ENCORE!
mercianknight
Posted: Monday, August 16, 2010 11:41:15 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,027
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
Okay, okay, I'll admit it. That was good, real good.
thumbup

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Guest
Posted: Monday, August 23, 2010 3:20:27 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,035
that is fantastic - can't believe you were censored from posting it as a story !
WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, August 24, 2010 2:41:53 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,477
Location: Cakeland, United States
Katy1970 wrote:
that is fantastic - can't believe you were censored from posting it as a story !


It is a very witty piece, but it's not really a story and it sure isn't a love poem. Certainly not comparable to any of Ima's other love poetry, is it?

Some things just are not meant to be published in some categories. There is no harm, nor no foul in this.

And it takes nothing away from your cleverness!



Most intelligent people are introspective and doubt themselves while many fucktards are proudly over-confident. - a tip of the hat to Charles Bukowski
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, November 03, 2010 2:22:53 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,035
Thanks everyone for your comments. Very much appreciated. I know there's no conspiracy - and if there was, they'd conspire against someone more interesting than I (or would they?). Hope your cybersex experiences have been more productive than the guy in the poem xxx
SweetPenny
Posted: Wednesday, November 03, 2010 6:02:45 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/15/2010
Posts: 1,274
Location: State of Confusion
I love it!
Guest
Posted: Friday, November 12, 2010 12:53:42 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,035
I like this too. It's written in a ( sort of) ditty fashion I would say, but I don't think that is your intention. I like this very much because it's full of many different aspects of humour at varying levels and yet it still has a serious side to it. For anyone who can write this way, as you do, it's most certainly a talent ... and it's one you are good at in this style of writing. Loved the read, and well done you!

~F~
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 13, 2010 1:08:01 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,035
Loved it, very funny! Cheers!
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