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LullabiesForAnna
Posted: Tuesday, November 09, 2010 11:38:50 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/10/2010
Posts: 30
Location: Where should I be..?, Germany
I have a long history with my ex Jesse. We we're once in a year in a few months relationship, really young though. Too serious, perhaps. We even talked about marrage and having a future together. We were engaged for a short while even. It was wonderful, intil I started regaining feelings for an another ex of mine, and cheated, hurt, crushed him. Not only because of another man, because my fear of comitment. I put Jesse through far too much. He sat there and took every slap in the face I'd give him. I finally ended it with him.

Now, it's been a full year since then, we go through phases where we are pissed at each other and stop talking. But, we recently started talking again, almost a week ago. Since then, we both recently got with people. I got with my boyfriend, Zandy, almost a month ago.

Now me and him are secretly going behind our lovers backs. We're having an affair. Last night, I got him to admit to me, that he loves me still. I honestly don't know how I feel towards him. I always come back it seems. When we're together we can't keep our hands off each other, can't help but to give into our temptations.

What would you do in my situation?
Has anyone every experienced this?
Any advice?


I t m u s t h a v e b e e n t h e p i l l s I a t e for B r e ak f a s t;;



R a g d o l l;;
A n n a l i e;;
< 3
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Tuesday, November 09, 2010 12:54:08 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde
Moderator

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,550
Location: Your dirty fantasy
Yes, it happened to me. The sex and intimacy is hot because you are both cheating. Once you get back together (if you do) with your ex, it will be super hot for about 2-3 months and then slide right back into where you were before you broke up initially. Sometimes you keep going back to the same person, and eventually the lesson is learned. A lot of time wasted and emotional highs and lows are what you get in the meantime. You are probably also romanticizing how things were with Jesse now that you don't have him anymore and also because he's with another girl.

Before you make the leap to get back together with Jesse, make sure you know what you really want. It's easy to think he's the one right now because you're having hot cheating sex and it's forbidden and you're sneaking around, and dealing with temptation etc... That may cause you to trust in feelings that might just be an illusion.

Just my take on things based on my own experiences. I don't know either of you, and maybe you were just young when you first got together and it deserves a second round.

But... when you said you have a "fear of commitment".... think about the fact that you cheated on Jesse and sabotaged that relationship. And now you're cheating on Zandy and about to sabotage that relationship too. Could just be a pattern and a fear of commitment. You are probably too young for commitment anyway... why not just break up with Zandy and enjoy casual dating and have sex with whoever you want. Chances are if you're cheating on Zandy less than a month into your relationship, you're not that into him anyway. Besides, I think you'll have more fun being single... :)

Good luck!

MMonroe
Posted: Tuesday, November 09, 2010 1:56:02 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
Dancing_Doll wrote:
Chances are if you're cheating on Zandy less than a month into your relationship, you're not that into him anyway. Besides, I think you'll have more fun being single... :)

Good luck!


This. If you cant be faithful in a relationship then dont be in one. Its not fair on him.



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Magical_felix
Posted: Thursday, November 11, 2010 9:35:30 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 5,196
Location: California
I agree with what Dancing doll said in her first paragraph. You'll eventually fall back I to the same routine that broke you up before.

I've done my fair share of sneaking around and it is only about the excitement of the sex and feeling like a stud. At the time I was thinking I had a lot of love to spread atoned but now I realize I was in Lust not love. That's what your situation sounds like to me. You're in lust with people so it seems easy to jump around from bed to bed. The only way to truly get out of that cycle (according to my experiences) is to end it with all the dudes your sleeping around with (including cutting off texting and all kinds of contact really) and just be alone until a nice boy comes along and inspires you to love him and be faithful.

But... You're probably really young and fucking around is fun... Eventually though the desire to have a loving relationship might hit.



Guest
Posted: Monday, November 15, 2010 8:29:29 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,386
Girl, I'm always in that situation! There ain't nothing thats wrong with it. Its not like your married or anything. If you like them both then keep em both! You just have to make sure you don't get caught and that means if you all end up at the same party then try not to spend too much time with the guy your cheating on your bf with when your bf is around. If you get creative and sneaky enough then you can make it all work and don't worry about the cheating bit. Temptation is hard but jesus will always forgive you and thats what counts in the end.

angel7
Guest
Posted: Monday, November 15, 2010 2:50:27 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,386
Jesus always forgives for being sneaky and deceptive. Gotcha.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 23, 2010 10:27:51 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 659,386
Guest wrote:
Jesus always forgives for being sneaky and deceptive. Gotcha.


Would somebody mind introducing me to "this Jesus" as well ...seems I got the conservative one - dontknow
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