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I could need some perspective. Options · View
Posted: Saturday, October 09, 2010 8:44:53 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 9/28/2010
Posts: 8
Let's start off with me giving a description about myself:

I'm a 20 years old Male, I've never been in a real relationship (I've been in one, which I was treated badly in and was cheated on).
I don't get out a whole lot, I mostly just play games and chat with various people.
I'm quite insecure due to how I've been treated before, I have some trust issues.
In short; I'm nothing amazing really, I've got a personality just like everyone else, and I'm simply a person just like them.
I'm the type of guy who wants to please the most important people in my life. (I.e. buying roses and making a dinner to a girlfriend just because she is who she is, cuddle during movies, have a romantic evening etc)
I do hold a grudge against the majority of the males I've come across, because they have turned out to be assholes.
And in the section down below there is nothing too impressive either. My cock is roughly 6.5inches long and 6inches around, which I've been told is average.

Anyway, to the point. I've met a a woman while playing a game, she is 2 years older than me and not the woman I would typically fall for.
She is very athletic (I'm not, I'm a bit big - I'll admit that), she is smart, fun, beautiful, creative, witty, confident - the list could be made long.
I love spending time together with her, and she loves spending time together with me. But the both of us have been abused in previous relationship.
I got abused mentally and I was cheated on, she was abused physically once (and once is once too many, imho).
I have told her that I do fancy her, and she admitted herself that she liked me (not in what way, though).

I'm not going to lie, I've acted like a jerk towards her lately (i.e. sort of being a bit dismissive, short etc) - but the reason isn't her, it's some personal reasons. (Which I've told her about)
If anyone else had acted towards her in that way they would have got their ass kicked, but I've done it four times now out of stress, but yet she and I just carry on like we normally do.
We can argue a bit just like anyone else, but it's soon out of sight and things are back to normal.
And yes, I do loathe myself for acting that way towards her.

The few times we've talked about things becoming a bit more, she usually says "I don't know, with how my ex treated me I'm a bit defensive". Which I can relate to and understand completely.
But she's agreed that we can get to know eachother better when she feels the time is right. And I have in no way stated that we should just jump head start into a relationship.
I believe my words were "Ok, I'm going to be straight with you here - which I hope won't offend you. I really do like you, you're an amazing woman, and when you feel that the time is right, I would really want to get to know you better.
To see where things lead.".

I am doing my best to show her that I'm nothing like her ex, and that I wouldn't put her through any grief intentionally.
I'm by her side when she needs a shoulder to cry on, I'm there for her when she feels like just doing something, I try to give her things that I know she wants.
I've never been too good with words when I'm asking for help, so forgive me if it's a bit hard to read. I have a limited vocabulary and my grammar is close to awful.

Do you think there might be something there, or am I just imagining there is, because I would want there to be?

But hopefully you have got to know me a bit by reading what I've written, and feel that you know just about what type of person I am. And if there is anything else that you would want to know, don't hesitate to ask.
So if you see any way that might be of a inconveniance for her, would love to hear what that might be.

Best regards, GaspaTree.
Posted: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 7:23:23 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/2/2009
Posts: 1,020
Location: My own little world, United States
Stop spending so much time playing games and get out there. Join a gym and improve your body and mind then go for that girl you only live once! Stop reading so much into things if she's already putting up with your shit she must like you at least a little. Good luck!


Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 9:08:12 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 9/28/2010
Posts: 8
Thanks for the reply.

The reason to why I'm playing games in the first place is due to me suffering from social phobia, something that I'm working on to overcome - but it doesn't go away just over night.
And I'm constantly trying to improve my body, but the results aren't as good as they could be as I have limited ways to improve myself.
True, and most of the time I treat her like she deserves to be treated, like the amazing woman she is. However, there are those rare occasions where I do act like a jerk.
I know I'm probably reading into it all too much, truth to be told, I want people to be straight with me - so when they send mixed messages, I overanalyze things.

I often take things just the way they are said, unless the person in question corrects himself/herself - so people being straight with me is a must.
I tell people how I feel, what my views are on the subject etc, and I expect them to do the same.

But thank you so much for your reply. I will admit that you're right, especially about only living once.
Perhaps I should just go with "What the F..." and get things done, or try to at least. :)
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 2:45:07 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/2/2009
Posts: 1,020
Location: My own little world, United States
"Perhaps I should just go with "What the F..." and get things done, or try to at least. :)"

BINGO!!! You got it he who hesitates is lost! Rejection isn't devastating it's just one more step towards getting what you want. I had a gorges guy and lost him so I wanted another hunky online toy to play with and approached one got no interest at all then a few days later an even hunkier one fell right in my lap. You just never know unless you go for the gusto.


Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
Posted: Thursday, October 14, 2010 12:38:41 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 9/28/2010
Posts: 8
Fair enough. And I know it isn't really devastating. It might sound stupid and silly, but she's the first thing that have managed to get me smiling in the past 4 years - I suppose I'm afraid of feeling hurt.
But it's a risk that I will have to take. She would be worth it.
Posted: Friday, November 12, 2010 1:30:18 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/2/2010
Posts: 949
Location: Sneaking up behind you.
If you've been through a rough situation that causes you to fear interacting with others, then your choice is pretty clear.

1. You can continue to be afraid of people and life, sit in your house playing videogames and being sad that you don't have any real human connection with others, which is pretty clear that you actually want from your romantic date description. You can spend the next 30-40 years doing that, whacking off to porn because there is no one real in your life, and kick yourself for being lonely, afraid, etc.

Or. . .

You could find a therapist/Psychologist/counselor/whatever they call them in your part of the world. It's that person's job to help people get through situations just like the one you have.

Your first and only relationship was traumatic for you. Understandably, it is very hard for you to trust anyone, including yourself, assuming that you question your own judgment after that first relationship. A good therapist can help you sort out all of those mixed feelings that you have and help you to make good judgments, so that you can learn to trust your own judgments again.

As for your online lady friend; unless a miracle happens for both of you, more than likely your relationship is doomed. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but think about this for a second. What happens when one person in a relationship is afraid of intimacy or commitment? The relationship usually ends, oftentimes badly. One person cannot be strong enough to hold two people together forever.

Knowing that, how do you think a relationship in which both people are scared will turn out?

If you do really care about this woman. Both of you need to address your fears, get outside help, and communicate with each other. Being cold, hiding from each other, etc will never work. You two do have one big thing in common, your track records/trust issues. Oddly, it could be the one thing that could make it work, while at the same time being the most likely thing to tear it apart.

I can't tell you to try to make it work or tell you to break things off with her, but I can tell you one thing; you need to tell her why you are being cold towards her. Think about how you would feel if she did that to you. It's unfair to brush her aside and let her think that its solely her fault. Understand?

I hope this helps you some. I just know that sitting around your house is not going to bring you any happiness in life. That's not a path you want to stay on. Find a way off it as soon as you can.

Think about it this way:

If you have a toothache, you would go see a dentist.
If you broke a bone, you would get it X-Rayed.
If you have a phobia/emotional troubles, you go to a therapist.

It's not something you can fix yourself because you cannot be objective about yourself. Find someone who can help you.

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Posted: Saturday, November 13, 2010 4:06:51 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 712,978
GaspaTree wrote:
Fair enough. And I know it isn't really devastating. It might sound stupid and silly, but she's the first thing that have managed to get me smiling in the past 4 years - I suppose I'm afraid of feeling hurt.
But it's a risk that I will have to take. She would be worth it.

It isn't the girl who made you smile, but the things you did that made you smile. She will feel great that you made her smile; but sometimes when in a realationship you can revert back to your usual type after a while. Old habits die hard.
If you continue to feel afraid she will get fed up and start lookin for someone who will give her what she needs!
Sometimes when you take that brave step you will acheive loads, but you have to be brave and ignore the fear and do it anyway!
Posted: Saturday, November 13, 2010 9:04:26 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 6,565
Location: California
Sounds to me you just lack a little confidence. I know that's a biggie but a lot of that social anxiety is just in your head. Its just you driving yourself crazy in social situations. People aren't judging you and you aren't making a fool of yourself. Just tell a joke or join in the conversation with a group of friends or just people at a party or whatever. Even if you don't say anything witty, people aren't going to hold it against you, they'll forget in 10 seconds anyway.

With your new ladyfriend, just keep taking it slow. Make sure to be the rock she needs and be really careful not to play mind games, pout or do any of those things a needy boyfriend might do. Remember a lot of women that just broke up with a boyfriend get really annoyed with those things and she could associate it with the same irritating behavior of her ex. Your her friend right now, so just be that. Eventually the romance will come. Just keep being the fun to be around.

Posted: Sunday, December 12, 2010 7:31:15 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 9/28/2010
Posts: 8

You're absolutely right. I have actually shaped up. I am seeking the help that I need to become the person that I know I am.
And she knows the reason to why I acted cold towards her, we have talked about, quite a bit as well.
It might turn out to not work for us if we decide to give things a try, but that is a risk I will have to take, and she agrees with me.
But as for the part about whacking off to porn.. I'm not sure whether or not it's normal, but I actually don't do that. I need intimacy to work, I just can't get off watching porn and masturbating, or masturbating at all for that matter.
I'm not going to lie though, it does get sooooo frustrating sometimes, it's been over 4 years since I was with a girl last


That's true, but I didn't mean for it to sound like I put that much weight onto her being able to make me smile. I know I make her smile, I know I make her feel special, and I know she likes it. (She's said so herself.. so nothing I'm just imagining)
But yes, one have to overcome fears to be able to achieve what one want. Which is what I am working on right now.


I do have very low self esteem, and I know you are right - it's all in my head.
I am currently taking it slow with her, as she and I have decided to.

Anyway, I did tell her exactly how I felt, we talked about it for a while. And the conclusion we came to is that she isn't in the right frame of mind to be commited in a relationship right now, she is still being haunted by her ex.
But we did decide that we're going to give it some time, we're going to continue being friends for a while till things settle down, but there is very well a chance of there becoming something between us both.
She likes me, and I like her. That's all it takes for things to start off. I'm not going to worry about things as I have done before.

Worrying too much only leads to self destructive behaviour. And I refuse to have a part of that anymore.
I know what I want, I'm not going to be afraid to go after it.
But I really do appreciate all the help.

And sorry for neglecting this topic for so long, there's just been a whole lot of things going on IRL. I decided to do something with how I feel, and that is taking up most of my time.
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