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Meeting Strangers Safely Options · View
Paddler
Posted: Monday, January 31, 2011 7:27:09 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 12/22/2010
Posts: 41
Time was when people would chat, email, phone, agree to meet in a public place, size each other up, exchange ID stuff, and set up silent alarms if they wanted to meet privately.

Silent alarms still work. It's now probably more acceptable to bring a trusted friend to the initial meeting, at least for some folks. The sticking point is the ID exchange in the age of identity theft.

I have this idea and I'd like to know what others think.


First of all, trust your gut.

Show each other two pieces of government-issued pieces of picture ID with the date of issue showing, Covering up all but your names. Preferably passport and driver's license.

Show that the name on a credit card is the same, covering the number.

Show that the name on the vehicle registration is the same. There's not much you can do about license plates.

Any other ideas, suggestions, experience? Items to add, items to leave off?




Paddling works three ways:

* Me on top
* You on top
* On the water
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, January 31, 2011 8:10:55 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 5,146
Location: California
Maybe you can ask her for her social security card, birth certificate and her library card as well. Some fingerprint samples would be good too. You can also have her fitted with a GPS device just so you can make sure she is in a safe location after your meet too. Just to keep a friendly eye on her. You never know, lots of dangerous people out there.



WellMadeMale
Posted: Monday, January 31, 2011 8:24:06 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,422
Location: Cakeland, United States
If she was a hottie, I'd ask her to insert her finger inside her cunt and wipe herself above my upper lip.

If she refused, hell...there's more fish in the sea.

I think you're making this meeting in public into too much of a production. But that's just my thought.

How is this any different than meeting someone at a meat market lounge/nightclub...after exchanging a few choice glances across a crowded dancefloor?

You gonna whip out your birth certificate, 2 photo IDs and your Gym Membership card and ask her to dance?

I'd still go with my initial 'gutty' and extremely suave and debonair move #1.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Jillicious
Posted: Monday, January 31, 2011 8:25:31 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/28/2009
Posts: 1,293
I like to show up to meetings like this with my FBI badge; just for shits and giggles.

Thousands of user submitted stories removed from the site. You are nothing without your users or their freely submitted stories.
Paddler
Posted: Monday, January 31, 2011 8:29:14 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 12/22/2010
Posts: 41
Whoa, what have I started?

First of all, I'm the one that would be doing the disclosing first and most. If I meet a woman, it's clear who's more vulnerable.

I hoped for some serious answers.

Paddling works three ways:

* Me on top
* You on top
* On the water
lovely_lady
Posted: Monday, January 31, 2011 9:07:17 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/1/2009
Posts: 1,100
Location: melbourne
Perhaps if you feel you need to go to such extremes you are not ready to meet. If you have been talking awhile it should give you some indication on the truth of who they are. Perhaps you need to give it a little longer and talk some more first?
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, January 31, 2011 9:14:04 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 5,146
Location: California
lovely_lady wrote:
Perhaps if you feel you need to go to such extremes you are not ready to meet. If you have been talking awhile it should give you some indication on the truth of who they are. Perhaps you need to give it a little longer and talk some more first?


You don't say... She's right paddler. You don't just meet someone at a bar for two minutes and then go home right? You make sure they are not crazy by having a conversation...

You make it sound like a hostage exchange with all this other shit.



Jillicious
Posted: Monday, January 31, 2011 9:25:03 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/28/2009
Posts: 1,293
Paddler wrote:
I hoped for some serious answers.


I was serious.

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sprite
Posted: Monday, January 31, 2011 11:10:46 PM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Moderator

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 15,943
Location: My Tower, United States
i always request DNA and blood samples, as well as a note from their Mom.

Live, love, laugh.
nicola
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 2:35:18 AM

Rank: Matriarch
Moderator

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 26,061
Location: By a fireplace.
Paddler, I think you need to get out more.

Haven't you ever gone out on a Friday night and picked up a stranger and taken them back to your place?

I'm sure I'm not the only one here to have had a string of meaningless sexual encounters, no questions or ID asked. What's so different about online as offline? Are online people more likely to be nutcases or serial killers?

If you're worried, arrange to meet up in a foursome or something (as awkward as that may be).

I don't get this whole ID business, sorry. ID's are easily faked anyway.

Guest
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 3:54:15 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 649,084
WellMadeMale wrote:
If she was a hottie, I'd ask her to insert her finger inside her cunt and wipe herself above my upper lip.

If she refused, hell...there's more fish in the sea.

I think you're making this meeting in public into too much of a production. But that's just my thought.

How is this any different than meeting someone at a meat market lounge/nightclub...after exchanging a few choice glances across a crowded dancefloor?

You gonna whip out your birth certificate, 2 photo IDs and your Gym Membership card and ask her to dance?

I'd still go with my initial 'gutty' and extremely suave and debonair move #1.


laughing3
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 6:21:48 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 649,084
This has to be one of the strangest questions I've heard in awhile. When I meet someone, I usually shake their hand and start talking. If we've talked on the phone or the internet first and I get a vibe that he/she's a whack job then I wouldn't hesitate to bring a friend. Or a gun. Or just not go at all. I just don't believe in looking for trouble where there is none. The last thing I would do is pull out my D.L. or any other ID to show them.
mercianknight
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 7:26:26 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,027
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
nicola wrote:
Paddler, I think you need to get out more.

Haven't you ever gone out on a Friday night and picked up a stranger and taken them back to your place?

I'm sure I'm not the only one here to have had a string of meaningless sexual encounters, no questions or ID asked. What's so different about online as offline? Are online people more likely to be nutcases or serial killers?


Fugly
Nic, you never said our encounter was 'meaningless'! crybaby

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
rxtales
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 9:23:20 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/28/2008
Posts: 2,589
Location: Newcastle, United Kingdom
chefkathleen wrote:
If we've talked on the phone or the internet first and I get a vibe that he/she's a whack job then I wouldn't hesitate to bring a friend. Or a gun. Or just not go at all.


I think if you think they are a whack job, that should be a sign to just stay away
rxtales
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 9:33:49 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/28/2008
Posts: 2,589
Location: Newcastle, United Kingdom
I have met quite a few people from online. A lot ended up being a one night encounter, some were relationships that lasted a while and others were just friendly meetings. I don't think I ever went to any great lengths to confirm that the person was who they said they were.

There was one guy I saw pretty regularly over a few months, and never asked his last name. There was no point. We met in the basement of his shop, so I felt fairly safe in that respect, but I never asked any personal questions. I didn't really care who he was.

To me, it's no different then going home with someone you meet in the bar.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 8:32:15 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 649,084
Maybe it's just a generational thing, but I think there is a difference between meeting someone on-line, and meeting someone at a party or bar. At least when you meet someone in "real life," you have a chance to size them up: what they look like, how they act, how they talk, who they are hanging out with. All things that give little clues into a person's personality, values, and mental state. It's not 100% perfect, but it's something. On-line, anyone can pretend to be anything. While on-line friends can still be fun, I tend to treat them skeptically (for example, I sort of assume that some of my female "friends" out here are probably actually just guys pretending to be girls), and assume that they might not translate well into real-life friends. Although I have been proven wrong on that at least once.

Having said that, I still don't really get the point of the ID trade. Someone who is willing to meet you face-to-face is probably not a complete fake. And so you verify the person's name. So what?

lovely_lady
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 8:44:44 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/1/2009
Posts: 1,100
Location: melbourne
not_yet_famous wrote:
Maybe it's just a generational thing, but I think there is a difference between meeting someone on-line, and meeting someone at a party or bar. At least when you meet someone in "real life," you have a chance to size them up: what they look like, how they act, how they talk, who they are hanging out with. All things that give little clues into a person's personality, values, and mental state. It's not 100% perfect, but it's something. On-line, anyone can pretend to be anything. While on-line friends can still be fun, I tend to treat them skeptically (for example, I sort of assume that some of my female "friends" out here are probably actually just guys pretending to be girls), and assume that they might not translate well into real-life friends. Although I have been proven wrong on that at least once.

Having said that, I still don't really get the point of the ID trade. Someone who is willing to meet you face-to-face is probably not a complete fake. And so you verify the person's name. So what?




Sure it is different but if you have been talking online for a long period of time you can actually get to know someone better then if you had met them in a bar or a club. Online all you can really do is talk and listen and you get to learn more about that person then if you had just meet them. And sure there are some people posing as others but I would imagine if you have been talking awhile you would be able to get a sense of if they are telling the truth or not.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 8:45:40 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde
Moderator

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,524
Location: Your dirty fantasy
not_yet_famous wrote:

Having said that, I still don't really get the point of the ID trade. Someone who is willing to meet you face-to-face is probably not a complete fake. And so you verify the person's name. So what?



Very true. I'm sure Ted Bundy carried all the proper ID verifying his name... yet at the end of the day... he was still "Ted Bundy"...

Dancing_Doll
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 8:56:56 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde
Moderator

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,524
Location: Your dirty fantasy
Also...my opinion on the whole topic is... you can only take so many precautions before you start to look like a psycho yourself.

I believe that gut instinct is probably the best thing to rely on (since it's what we use when we meet strangers in bars or in public that we consider going home with or exchanging numbers with).

If you're feeling concerned enough that you need to ask for ID, license plates, credit card ID and vehicle registration, chances are you're already getting a red flag or two or are just not comfortable with who they are presenting themselves to be. Maybe it means you need to get to know the person more, or maybe you need to accept that you might be getting fucked over (and not in a good way) and move on.

If someone asked me for all kinds of weird personal identification, it would probably make me think that they were definitely either a stalker or a serial killer.

The internet can be a bit 'iffy', but you should be able to gage a solid vibe from a person over time and especially over the phone. If you're feeling something is 'off' then it probably is.

BigDaddyRich
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 10:52:29 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/9/2010
Posts: 679
Location: Ridge Manor, Florida, United States
I don't know. You've been chatting, emailing, etc... all along, built a repor with the other party. I'm kind of like Doll you have to just meet, sit and talk and get a gut feeling. Also you could have a friend to call with a safe work just in case.

Well that's just my opinion, sorry if you don't like.

BigDaddyRich
overmykneenow
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 2:16:52 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 1,209
Location: United Kingdom
You make meeting someone sound as attractive as buying a gun. If you're that mistrusting perhaps meeting someone isn't for you.

If you're worried they might be underage - then they're almost certainly too young for you. I'd suggest meeting them in a bar - if they can't served - they're too young.

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shadowcat
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 3:08:16 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/12/2010
Posts: 165
Location: Somewhere fun, United Kingdom
overmykneenow wrote:
You make meeting someone sound as attractive as buying a gun. If you're that mistrusting perhaps meeting someone isn't for you.

If you're worried they might be underage - then they're almost certainly too young for you. I'd suggest meeting them in a bar - if they can't served - they're too young.



I haven't yet met anyone from online but thats not to say i wouldn't. It does seem an attractive thought, much better than buying a gun! LOL. i definetly agree with taking them to a bar! you have to go with your gut and if you haven't got to know them well enough before suggesting you meet you are obviously just after sex!
SweetPenny
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 12:27:24 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/15/2010
Posts: 1,274
Location: State of Confusion
I'm not sure I understand how the ID exchange prevents trouble.

I've met a handful of people off the internet (even 14 years ago before it was cool/acceptable). My safety has never been compromised, even though there was no ID trade.

First, you need to spend some online time with the person. You can get a good feeling for someone that way. If they creep you out online, they will likely creep you out MORE in person.
Second, spend some time on the phone. That's a good way to get to know someone a bit better.
And finally, it is best for first meetings to take place in public.
lafayettemister
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 12:28:48 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,421
Location: Alabama, United States
SweetPenny wrote:
I'm not sure I understand how the ID exchange prevents trouble.

I've met a handful of people off the internet (even 14 years ago before it was cool/acceptable). My safety has never been compromised, even though there was no ID trade.

First, you need to spend some online time with the person. You can get a good feeling for someone that way. If they creep you out online, they will likely creep you out MORE in person.
Second, spend some time on the phone. That's a good way to get to know someone a bit better.
And finally, it is best for first meetings to take place in public.


Great plan Penny... what's your phone number? lol





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 5:10:44 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 649,084
SweetPenny wrote:
And finally, it is best for first meetings to take place in public.


That is so, so true.
SweetPenny
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 7:37:23 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/15/2010
Posts: 1,274
Location: State of Confusion
lafayettemister wrote:


Great plan Penny... what's your phone number? lol


212-660-2245
Magical_felix
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 8:09:58 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 5,146
Location: California
A public place for sure.

A secluded public place is best actually, like a hiking trail or an alley. Just in case they are screamers guys.. Word to the wise.



BigDaddyRich
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 8:36:26 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/9/2010
Posts: 679
Location: Ridge Manor, Florida, United States
Safe word for a friend for you to call, and in a public place.

Well that's just my opinion, sorry if you don't like.

BigDaddyRich
Woman
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 9:30:35 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/21/2009
Posts: 674
Location: Stopping the war 'tween Harold and Kumar
I've met quite a few folks from online, actually travelled across the country to meet them when I was on holiday. But it was a site dedicated towards expats living in China. granted, it took me four years to finally build up the courage to actually call them up when I was in their city... but it was all good and fun. When you speak to people over time, you do get to know them and you do get a feeling in your gut. If you listen to it, and it is not indigestion or bad food, you should do ok.

However; meeting people I interact with here on Lush or the other erotic websites I belong to, I would question myself in regards to meeting some of my "online" friends. Simply because, I would have said to them, we are meeting as friends, nothing more. No sex, no romantic involvement... I might have said that all... but some people do not seem to hear my words, or just hear what they want to hear.

My favourite part of meeting some of the people I have met online? Is to see exactly what they are like in person. And how close their online style is to reality. I always get told... Woman... I'd thought you'd be nice. Yeah... no. I am not nice!!!



Living life and enjoying life are two different things... just need to figure out how to do both at the same time to live it right!

Woman... GO FLY A KITE!!!!! Take a slideshow walk with me on a walk through the parks of Inner Mongolia, China. Then enjoy the tale of a very traditional day in the life of a white Woman in China.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, February 03, 2011 6:10:33 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 649,084
Magical_felix wrote:
A public place for sure.

A secluded public place is best actually, like a hiking trail or an alley. Just in case they are screamers guys.. Word to the wise.


What do you mean?
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