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does it bother you to know about your partners previous lovers? Options · View
realz
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 6:35:53 PM

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This question came up when I was reading post by a woman who finally told her husband about her previous lovers and he became jealously upset.

I started thinking about this. I know about how many lovers my wife has had, and it doesn't bother me at all (nor do I have a strongly prurient interest in knowing... it's emotionally neutral as far as I am concerned). She is a little more jealous, she knows my 2 ex wives (we're still friendly) she does not realize that she knows another one of my past. I have not problem with telling her but I wouldn't unless she really wanted to know. I've never pushed her for too many details about her previous liaisons, though I can hardly imagine getting jealous over it.

So all that long windedness comes to this. Do you know about your partner's previous lovers? Do you care? Are you jealous?
DeliaStar05
Posted: Tuesday, February 01, 2011 11:11:12 PM

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Before my husband and I got married he had cheated on me with a girl he worked with. He decided to tell me almost two years later. I don't care about any other woman he slept with but the girl a cheated on me with, everytime I think about it I'm hurt and the anger returns.

*DeliaStar*
MMonroe
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 4:29:19 AM

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It depends how much you trust your partner. I've had 2 boyfriends. The first was very flirtatious and good looking, not to mention he travelled around alot with his band so i was always worried about going off with someone else, and i probably wouldnt have been very happen to hear of his exes.

I trusted my second boyfriend alot more cos i knew he wasnt the type to cheat so i wouldnt have minded knowing about his. If i trust my partner 100% i wouldnt mind knowing how many he'd been with or anything like that, as long as he didnt constantly go on and on about it!



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Magical_felix
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 6:19:13 AM

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I don't see how someone could be jealous of their partners previous lovers. Maybe you could be intimidated if you feel that they might be better than you I guess. But getting affected by something so out of your control seems weird to me.

I actually find it to be a huge turn on finding out a lovers sexual past. The crazier the better. I might say, "wow, you're such a huge slut." But I'll say it with love.



thepainter
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 7:23:18 AM

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No it doesn't bother me. I asked about details and such. Interestingly, hb74 doesn't really ask much about my previous lovers so maybe it bothers her a little bit.
Either way, we're having fun in the here and now. Regaeman Man

Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
Dontholien
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 9:09:58 AM

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DeliaStar05 wrote:
I don't care about any other woman he slept with but the girl a cheated on me with



Im the same. My partner has had a LOT more sexual partners than i have, some of whom i now know but the only one that bothers me is the ex he had an affair with
Nikki703
Posted: Wednesday, February 02, 2011 10:49:08 AM

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No!! We have both had lovers before and I see no reason to worry about that. If you trust each other, nothing else matters!
Guest
Posted: Friday, February 04, 2011 11:01:24 PM

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Thanks goodness he did not demand to know the details of my previous sexual history. I sure do not want to go there.

You asked about me?

If he is not inquiring, why should I. Only one requirement openness and honesty
sazraz
Posted: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 4:53:55 AM

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yes, we were good friends before we went out for a number of years so we used to talk about pretty much everything with each other.

I've always been open with him. and though i'm not too worried about his previous girlfriend....I worry what he thinks of me because i've had a lot more sexual partners than he has...
Woman
Posted: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 5:11:26 AM

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Magical_felix wrote:
I actually find it to be a huge turn on finding out a lovers sexual past. The crazier the better. I might say, "wow, you're such a huge slut." But I'll say it with love.


Magical Man? What would be the male version equivalent???

Nope. I like hearing his stories about his past sexual encounters. Besides... a lot of his ideas comes from the past!!! I am a little hesitant to share mine though, not a big fan of the sharing thing!!!!

Living life and enjoying life are two different things... just need to figure out how to do both at the same time to live it right!

Woman... GO FLY A KITE!!!!! Take a slideshow walk with me on a walk through the parks of Inner Mongolia, China. Then enjoy the tale of a very traditional day in the life of a white Woman in China.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 6:10:04 AM

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It doesn't bother me as long as he treats me right, and I have a sexier bum than his last girlfriends or in my case his ex-wifes LOL
lafayettemister
Posted: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 7:17:00 AM

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It doesn't bother me in any way. What happened in the past is just that... in the past.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
cherryrebel
Posted: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 8:34:11 AM

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I have a rule, we don't talk about our ex relationships unless necesary... myself and my boyfriend are both jealous people and I hate to admit our love is quite consuming and destructive sometimes... so it's best that it never comes up. I accept he was no virgin when i met him, he's thirty for christs sake but i don't need a list.

also i think this stems back from my parents relationship. it was so twisted and upsetting to watch my mum tortured by my dad as he rubbed every one of his exes in her face and compared her to them and then had an affair with one of them... it's always been a sticking point of paranoia for me! : ( i dont want to end up the same way so I see all of his past girlfriends as a threat.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 9:05:22 AM

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Unless you are a virgin going in to the relationship,
yes you have had other partners. In which here is the
thought each partner has either tought you something,.
Or you have tought them something and vice a verce a
so rather that look a the passed relationships. As a was
of showing anger and jelous problem. Mabie think of it as
a gift that you have more experince you share with him/her.
I which brings both of you pleasure. So on the note of do you
talk or tell it really up to the 2 people. I have had it go both ways.
The relationships where we had that "talk" we had more trust.
The ones that we didnt and we ran in to an Ex and it came up
thats where the problems accured and we fought.
SweetPenny
Posted: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 11:49:17 AM

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It doesn't bother me at all to hear about one's previous lovers and experiences. On the other hand, my husband does not want to hear/know anything about my previous male lovers. He doesn't mind hearing about my former female lovers though.
Just-SJ
Posted: Friday, February 11, 2011 7:55:53 AM

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He has to have learned his moves somewhere, right? It doesn't bother me, so long as the past stays the past.

Follow my blog! Latest post: Shake Your Bootie
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, February 11, 2011 9:08:18 AM

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I love sharing and hearing all those dirty stories in explicit detail...it's quite a turn on.

I have been with people in the past that were not into it though, and it was a bit of a source of frustration for me. I much prefer an open flow of sexual communication and ideas. Pretending like you have no sexual history prior to your current partner is kind of lame.

I think if a couple is secure, then sharing can create a new dialogue for fantasies and experiences to enjoy together.

Guest
Posted: Sunday, February 13, 2011 5:16:46 PM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:
I love sharing and hearing all those dirty stories in explicit detail...it's quite a turn on.

I have been with people in the past that were not into it though, and it was a bit of a source of frustration for me. I much prefer an open flow of sexual communication and ideas. Pretending like you have no sexual history prior to your current partner is kind of lame.

I think if a couple is secure, then sharing can create a new dialogue for fantasies and experiences to enjoy together.




I couldn't of said it better myself. I have done like this in my relationship for a long time. It makes for some hot sex...
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, February 22, 2011 4:05:56 AM

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I don't mind at all but I'm not sure if i'll ever feel different about the man I marry (whenever that may be). Some of my past boyfriends have been quite jealous of some of my past partners and some even seem to have been jealous that I'd had more partners than them. Married men are an exception though - they don't seem to care at all about my history (which is probably no surprise to anyone).
BicycleBum
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 9:26:45 PM

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As long as they don't come around anymore it's not a problem.
PoorLittleGirl
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 9:34:38 PM

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Sometimes I get jealous hearing about my partner's other lovers, mainly because I wish I could have fucked the women that he did or get to have the sexual experiences that he did. Only when he brags about how great they were and how they did things that I can't do, then I get a little jealous but that is only me being insecure about my position as his current sexual partner.
Shaman
Posted: Wednesday, October 09, 2013 1:47:50 PM

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Her past is what made her who she is if that is a problem the problem is yours
Guest
Posted: Saturday, October 12, 2013 9:43:50 PM

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No it doesn't. It's in the past.
mentalcase
Posted: Saturday, October 12, 2013 11:03:55 PM

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Posts: 383
sorry to say, it kinda bugs me. I know we both have a past and there is nothing I can do to change it. But hearing stories about his old girlfriends just annoys me.
Marinepilot
Posted: Saturday, October 12, 2013 11:07:43 PM

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Honestly, I get turned on when she shares her past experiences with me. When whe recalls a particularly pleasant encounter I can tell by her facial expression and Cannot help but smile. I'm very happy she has had some of the experiences that she has.

Marine Pilot
Guest
Posted: Saturday, October 12, 2013 11:09:25 PM

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I do not mind. I like to know about his life before me.
lickorfuck
Posted: Sunday, October 13, 2013 12:16:39 AM

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Location: United Kingdom
We should not mind it.... We every one had past lover.... Love the present one till the end... That is called love...
Bobsadventures2013
Posted: Sunday, October 13, 2013 2:18:13 AM

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Not at all ,I find it a turn on ,especially when she tells me about them in detail.(or writes them to me)
We trust each other completely, and its what has made us who we are now.

If your in love with each other you should be able to talk about anything and everything.


Marineluva
Posted: Sunday, October 13, 2013 1:57:21 PM

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No, I actually love it when he tells me about his experiences with his first wife. When he tells me things that he did with his second wife, I get grossed out because she is just NASTY!! You would have to know her to understand what I am talking about. She had a stinky ass & she never showered. YUCK! crybaby I feel bad for my handsome man for even having to go through that. *Shudders in disgust*
Guest
Posted: Sunday, October 13, 2013 2:55:24 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,012
Not at all - think about it - they're with YOU now, so obviously the previous partners lacked something.

Course, some time in the future, YOU may be the one they're talking about to someone else - ah well.
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