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Why do men find it offensive when a woman is submissive? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, April 06, 2011 5:57:42 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,023
i dated a few guys that have found my way of life difficult.... i am if you cant tell from my screen name a submissive.... i like to be controlled completly and yet they found it extreamly difficult to do... i guess my question is why they found it offensive.
all thoughts are appreciated!!!!!
confused1
Kenny8227
Posted: Wednesday, April 06, 2011 6:04:18 PM

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Joined: 1/4/2010
Posts: 7,439
Location: Georgetown, Malaysia
I don't understand why they should be offensive. In fact, l would very much like it as l would be able to perform anything that would pleases both of us.
MinaMiranda
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 1:00:41 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/29/2011
Posts: 71
I hear you. Had way too many boyfriends who were freaked out by it. But I think it's down to a lack of understanding as to what submission means. I think a lot of guys stereotype D/s behaviour based on society, porn and unimaginative friends so it's up to us to explain what it really means.

Some guys possibly see it as welcoming disrespect for women? I, for one, can see why that would freak out some men.

Stock answer to most forum questions:
Some do, Some don't

Love blindsides us all.
realz
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 4:10:50 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/29/2011
Posts: 226
It can be erotic, though even with a fully submissive woman it's not my nature to be all that controlling. I've not had an experience, I am sure, quite like you're describing.

The closest I've come to being in that situation started when my wife was tired one time, spread her legs and said 'just take me'. So I did, she was a living 'fuck doll' and everything I did was all about my pleasure. It was surprisingly erotic, more than I would have expected.
Catnip
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 10:59:03 AM

Rank: Internet Sensation

Joined: 3/30/2009
Posts: 3,967
Location: Cloudy dreams., Sweden
I think they might get offended by you wanting them to be dominant.
To be a Dom is not all that easy, it's not something anyone can do.
I thought submissive people worked that way too, that they can't submit to whoever.
If someone wanted to control me and pushed me about it I would get offended too. There are two or more voices in a relationship, why is yours the most important? I'd say it's better to meet halfway or try to find someone who is a dom, from the start.

MMonroe
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 1:13:06 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
Do they?

maybe they saw it as you just being lazy and ot wanted to take control and give him any pleasure? Personally i like doing both, but more being submissive than dominant.



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 1:23:58 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde
Moderator

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Because men have been taught from an early age that being dominant and controlling and forceful with a woman makes them an asshole or an abuser (or somewhere in between).

Society upholds the traditional assumptions about romance, with the "perfect lover" being gentle and a giver and putting a woman's needs before his own.

Sometimes, it might be hard to deconstruct those things when it comes to sexuality.

I can see how some men might be confused or uncomfortable when a woman asks to be dominated/controlled or humiliated/degraded when it comes to sex.

Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 1:33:33 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,023
some men just don't know how to handle it or not in control of them selves so it scares them sometimes it can be the challenge of tings if your to submissive it does get boring after awhile i had a women that was so submissive she never gave her safe word and we never found her limits and she got boring and we went our separate ways i like a little defiance in my subs lets you learn about one another and the punishments can go on i feel your pain and frustration if you want to chat hit me up that means anybody i hate fake doms that think they can do this but most cant it takes a lot to be dom she puts everything in your hands and the trust is such a rush you have to careful not to break it and push the right limits or the whole thing doesn't workMy 2 cents
DirtyMartini
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 3:22:28 PM

Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn

Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,847
Location: Right here on Lush Stories..., United States
Catnip wrote:
or try to find someone who is a dom, from the start.


I think Chatnip hit the nail on the head...and there is a big difference between playing dom-sub games now and then, and actually having a relationship with someone who is a true submissive, and needs to be always dominated to get turned on...

I touched on this in a story two years ago, and just went back to see what I wrote...quoting myself here..."As much as most of our bedroom time would be cause for envy among even long time residents of Heaven, Joyce had a definite submissive side and I wasn't sure I was always the man she needed for this position. Perhaps it was my long held belief that sex was a beautiful thing best experienced between equals or maybe long suppressed inhibitions, but my heart wasn't always into it."

I guess I would still say the same...


You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...
Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories

Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 09, 2011 2:20:17 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,023
and with the mix of cat and doll, you get a confused guy, who might get "confused" which can be interpreted as "offensive.".
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 09, 2011 3:34:54 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,023
I think like most things in life it depends on the peson them selves but i wouldnt say all men find submissive women offensive infact i know for a fact there are plenty of men out there who strive to find the perfect submissive woman
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 09, 2011 5:04:09 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,023
submissivewhore19 wrote:
i dated a few guys that have found my way of life difficult.... i am if you cant tell from my screen name a submissive.... i like to be controlled completly and yet they found it extreamly difficult to do... i guess my question is why they found it offensive.
all thoughts are appreciated!!!!!
confused1


If you are really this person I'd be surprised...I don't know anyone in real life that doesn't like more than a few things to go their way...submissive on everything...really?
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 09, 2011 5:24:53 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,023
I can't begin to imagine being totally submissive. In role play occasionally, yes. In all areas of my life everything I do is a reflection of me. I imagine a totally submissive man, and shake my head. Totally submissive = boring partner a1089
Squirthero
Posted: Saturday, April 09, 2011 5:32:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/5/2011
Posts: 373
Er.. we dont actually. Most girls who think we do are projecting their fears of being seen as a wanting slut. But its not our view per say.

Squirt is in the eye of the beholder
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 09, 2011 5:41:25 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,023
"Totally submissive = boring partner." ... or the 40's, 50's and 60's. Welcome to sexual evolution.
rxtales
Posted: Saturday, April 09, 2011 8:25:54 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/28/2008
Posts: 2,589
Location: Newcastle, United Kingdom
Jason9035 wrote:
submissivewhore19 wrote:
i dated a few guys that have found my way of life difficult.... i am if you cant tell from my screen name a submissive.... i like to be controlled completly and yet they found it extreamly difficult to do... i guess my question is why they found it offensive.
all thoughts are appreciated!!!!!
confused1


If you are really this person I'd be surprised...I don't know anyone in real life that doesn't like more than a few things to go their way...submissive on everything...really?


Being submissive doesn´t necesarily mean that. I am very submissive with the right Dom. That doesn´t mean that I am just going to please him. I expect an equal amount of pleasure from whatever we are doing. It doesn´t mean that I should have no input on what we do. Not all men are into the d/s world, and not all men are dominant. It may just not be there scene.
Guest
Posted: Monday, April 11, 2011 11:19:29 AM

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Posts: 676,023
the only part of my life that i am not subissive in is my job... other then that i am completly submissive you can choose to belive me of not that is your choice
f-hihi
dan17
Posted: Monday, April 11, 2011 9:27:45 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 283
as my experience it is a nature of a girl to be submissive maybe one way on how to hold their man, for some they find it as offensive to their part but for me every behavior has to be talk, process so that you meet half way by compromising the guy wants and girl wants.

mrgay
Squirthero
Posted: Thursday, April 14, 2011 5:59:47 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/5/2011
Posts: 373
submissivewhore19 wrote:
the only part of my life that i am not subissive in is my job... other then that i am completly submissive you can choose to belive me of not that is your choice
f-hihi


I can well believe you are.

The opposite to you the hi-court judge who wants to be spanked and controlled.

People whom are extreme in there control orientation tend to be both sides of that in two main areas of their lives.

some men clearly think submissive is boring. its not wrong to think this, it may be that he prefers a more ballanced control play between the guy and girl.

so this is more about matching preferences then anything else.

and you know what, some pple are just twats, and can make the link from submissive to slut.....

its an evolutionary / social construct for men to (generally!) think that sluts are bad. of course men are designed to want a slut in the bedroom, but only for them... thats the whole wanting to ensure his dna is passed on, and not other mens. therefore distain and fear of the slut.

One of the biggest social contradictions we have, but we aint gna change that one for along time yet.

interesting topic tho

X

Squirt is in the eye of the beholder
HimesInu
Posted: Saturday, April 16, 2011 10:00:32 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/12/2011
Posts: 63
People fear the unknown and what is different, and to a lot of people the dom/sub (culture?/style) is different than what they are used to or they have preconceived notions about it.


"So how does it feel to know that someones kid in the heart of America
Has blood on their hands, fighting to defend your rights
So you can maintain the lifestyle that insults this family's existence"


Security is mere illusion; yet in that illusion lies security.
TopThis
Posted: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 9:42:18 AM

Rank: Removalist
Moderator

Joined: 11/17/2010
Posts: 979
Location: Mountains of , United States


submissivewhore19 wrote:
i dated a few guys that have found my way of life difficult.... i am if you cant tell from my screen name a submissive.... i like to be controlled completly and yet they found it extreamly difficult to do... i guess my question is why they found it offensive.
all thoughts are appreciated!!!!!
confused1


submissivewhore19 wrote:
the only part of my life that i am not subissive in is my job... other then that i am completly submissive you can choose to belive me of not that is your choice
f-hihi


You are not submissive, you are a slave - to yourself only. You are working to please yourself only, in that you wait for someone else to give you what think you want - to be controlled. This post, for example... You already know the answer to this question but you sought two responses:
A.) Assurance, from those blind to BDSM, that you are perfect the way you are.
B.) Humiliation, from those who live the lifestyle.

Stop begging for attention, its not even cute.
MissBehave
Posted: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 8:24:56 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/1/2011
Posts: 2,729
Location: Atlanta
TopThis wrote:


submissivewhore19 wrote:
i dated a few guys that have found my way of life difficult.... i am if you cant tell from my screen name a submissive.... i like to be controlled completly and yet they found it extreamly difficult to do... i guess my question is why they found it offensive.
all thoughts are appreciated!!!!!
confused1


submissivewhore19 wrote:
the only part of my life that i am not subissive in is my job... other then that i am completly submissive you can choose to belive me of not that is your choice
f-hihi


You are not submissive, you are a slave - to yourself only. You are working to please yourself only, in that you wait for someone else to give you what think you want - to be controlled. This post, for example... You already know the answer to this question but you sought two responses:
A.) Assurance, from those blind to BDSM, that you are perfect the way you are.
B.) Humiliation, from those who live the lifestyle.

Stop begging for attention, its not even cute.


It could also be that she has no idea what she is talking about since she makes little sense.

You can't just date a guy and say "ok, control me." As catnip pointed out, he has to be of a dominant nature. She may just be clueless of how to find someone like that.
WorkAlone
Posted: Wednesday, April 20, 2011 7:15:24 AM

Rank: Cogent Sensualist

Joined: 2/27/2010
Posts: 1,516
Location: Subject to Change without Notice, Canada
TopThis wrote:


You are not submissive, you are a slave - to yourself only. You are working to please yourself only, in that you wait for someone else to give you what think you want - to be controlled. This post, for example... You already know the answer to this question but you sought two responses:
A.) Assurance, from those blind to BDSM, that you are perfect the way you are.
B.) Humiliation, from those who live the lifestyle.

Stop begging for attention, its not even cute.


TopThis, you're my hero hello1
Kimasa
Posted: Wednesday, April 20, 2011 1:59:32 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/18/2010
Posts: 1,371
Location: Narnia, United Kingdom
They don't seem very offended when a girl is on her knees in front of them with a mouth full of cock xxx

My latest story:

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/reluctance/the-school-reunion.aspx
Guest
Posted: Friday, May 06, 2011 10:17:34 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,023
I don't find a submissive woman offensive, but I do find it intimidating. To take control of a woman, a man must have control of himself, no? My wife is the epitome of submissive, yet I have no control of her, simply because I can't control myself...
If the person you are with finds you offensive, I would suggest that the problem does not lie with you, luv, but with the other person...
curiousmystery
Posted: Sunday, May 08, 2011 8:37:15 AM

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Joined: 5/5/2011
Posts: 10
Submissive women do not offend me, far from it. Dominant women offend me. Simple.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, May 08, 2011 3:55:08 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 676,023
Wildcat wrote:
I can't begin to imagine being totally submissive. In role play occasionally, yes. In all areas of my life everything I do is a reflection of me. I imagine a totally submissive man, and shake my head. Totally submissive = boring partner a1089


Very well said.

myself
Posted: Sunday, May 08, 2011 6:35:13 PM

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Location: .showyourdick.org/
You are very young and probably inexperienced. It's natural for many young women to be submissive. In fact, it feels natural for many women throughout their lives. Find someone who wants to dominate and let them help you learn as much as you can about the give and take of relationships. It's as simple as that. Pretty sure you will either be happy being dominated or learn how to ask for something different.

Most people enjoy some give and some take. : )

Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
cokeheadbarbie
Posted: Sunday, May 08, 2011 8:09:57 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/4/2010
Posts: 163
Location: In the DJ Booth , United Kingdom
submissivewhore19 wrote:
i dated a few guys that have found my way of life difficult.... i am if you cant tell from my screen name a submissive.... i like to be controlled completly and yet they found it extreamly difficult to do... i guess my question is why they found it offensive.
all thoughts are appreciated!!!!!
confused1


If you were truly submissive you would appreciate his efforts.

If he cant control you then maybe you arent allowing yourself to be controled and maybe you are fighting back too much.

It could be that you are more dom than you think if you question his methods no?


xx B.
dan17
Posted: Sunday, May 08, 2011 10:06:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 283
Catnip wrote:
I think they might get offended by you wanting them to be dominant.
To be a Dom is not all that easy, it's not something anyone can do.
I thought submissive people worked that way too, that they can't submit to whoever.
If someone wanted to control me and pushed me about it I would get offended too. There are two or more voices in a relationship, why is yours the most important? I'd say it's better to meet halfway or try to find someone who is a dom, from the start.


agree, as guy don't want to be domain by woman very much offending once it happen

mrgay
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