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How is it possible to be in love with my wife but no longer feel any sexual attraction toward her Options · View
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 09, 2011 4:14:12 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,315
Can anyone tell me why im still deeply in love with my wife who i no longer desire in a sexual manner despite having a massive sex drive who wold have sex all day if i could and im quite prepered to risk the love of my wife for sex with other people am i really that bad a guy
MinaMiranda
Posted: Sunday, April 10, 2011 10:46:02 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/29/2011
Posts: 71
Wow. Uhm. Well there's lots of things that can affect this -

Could it be as simple as familiarity breeding contempt?
Sex became routine and you're not sure how to spice it up?
Maybe, just maybe you've got 'too close' and have stopped seeing her as a sexual being and more an extension of yourself?
Or is there a thrill at tasting forbidden fruit...when something is available on tap we tend not to want it as much so go looking elsewhere - Thrill Of The Chase?

This would definitely be time for a chat with a sex therapist IMHO.

I know that one technique they use with this kind of thing is to place the couple on a no-sex-for a month ban, the idea being that a reverse psychology kicks in and when the month is up you can't keep your hands off each other.

Or maybe even one of you going away for a little bit so that you start to miss her and the desire comes back that way?

Does she know you feel this way? Please don't cheat - what if this is just a temporary thing and you lose her forever?

Stock answer to most forum questions:
Some do, Some don't

Love blindsides us all.
Guest
Posted: Monday, April 11, 2011 5:04:56 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,315
I certainly hope this is just a temorary thing and thanks for the good advice x
dan17
Posted: Monday, April 11, 2011 9:35:36 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 283
MinaMiranda wrote:
Wow. Uhm. Well there's lots of things that can affect this -

Could it be as simple as familiarity breeding contempt?
Sex became routine and you're not sure how to spice it up?
Maybe, just maybe you've got 'too close' and have stopped seeing her as a sexual being and more an extension of yourself?
Or is there a thrill at tasting forbidden fruit...when something is available on tap we tend not to want it as much so go looking elsewhere - Thrill Of The Chase?

This would definitely be time for a chat with a sex therapist IMHO.

I know that one technique they use with this kind of thing is to place the couple on a no-sex-for a month ban, the idea being that a reverse psychology kicks in and when the month is up you can't keep your hands off each other.

Or maybe even one of you going away for a little bit so that you start to miss her and the desire comes back that way?

Does she know you feel this way? Please don't cheat - what if this is just a temporary thing and you lose her forever?


this is correct dude, you need a break/time out from the routine you been doing with your wife. some couple did go out of town for better ambiance, different place it add up to your appetite to have sex, or maybe you buy your wife the best lingerie you want her to wear to the romantic place.

mrgay
Jane_Awsum
Posted: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 8:21:23 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/4/2010
Posts: 59
My understanding is that in many cultures men rarely have sex with their wives beyond the need to procreat. They have sex with cortisans. Of course if their wives have sex with another man they have them stoned to death.

I guess the point is that sex is not always the basis of a marriage. In fact the best extramarital lover I ever had was with a happily married man.
Magical_felix
Posted: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 10:14:22 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 6,342
Location: California
Slickdick wrote:
Can anyone tell me why im still deeply in love with my wife who i no longer desire in a sexual manner despite having a massive sex drive who wold have sex all day if i could and im quite prepered to risk the love of my wife for sex with other people am i really that bad a guy


You're not a bad guy. You just wanna fuck.

What you should think about is WHY your wife doesn't want to have sex and attack your problem from that angle. Maybe stop farting around her or hanging around your bros to long. Surprise her with something or just mix it up.

EDIT: I read what you said wrong... Yeah YOU dont want to fuck your wife, never mind. Yeah that is a problem. Just don't get caught playa.



cokeheadbarbie
Posted: Thursday, April 14, 2011 2:25:15 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/4/2010
Posts: 169
Location: In the DJ Booth , United Kingdom
Don't worry about this. If the fire has gone out of your sex life with your wife and there is no attraction anymore than its natural that you are fantasizing about other girls. Your wife is probably out having sex with other men as well, so you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. Life is here to be enjoyed as long as you keep l'amour alive. Giggles.

xx B.
Squirthero
Posted: Thursday, April 14, 2011 2:47:34 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/5/2011
Posts: 373
hmm. not sure you shld take any notice of the above if im blunt.

Zenophilia is a male trait that we all get,have, etc to whatever degree. your obviously a really lovly bloke as you see how much love is unrelted to ex. sorry that not enough ppl here have commented on that. but thats the forum lottery ur gona draw.

im going through a very simalar process. but what I cn ay for sure, is that you are not n arsehole mate. as we grow, we change, as we change we want. but what we want in our 30's i as childishly bullshit as it was when we were 10.....

But just do this thing before you right it all off. try and work out wht is missing in your life, and see the ways you are already very rich. And it might seem ludicrously old hat, but tke some time and go on holls away from eachother. My god, the lust will grow for this person you love, more than you realise.

if youve done all that, and its till bad...

then work out why ur in love with her. and remember why u used to lve to hve sex with her, and realise you are no more further away from that thn you are a big clever boy whos made some cash and thinks hes now able to pull heather locklier...

all the best mate.. we all have trub..

X

Squirt is in the eye of the beholder
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 14, 2011 6:13:36 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,315
My sister hasn't had sex with her husband for three years! She won't leave him because she doesn't want to pay the bills! I agree, that is the man's job. We will go out together and find our man fix.
myself
Posted: Friday, April 15, 2011 8:47:45 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/17/2010
Posts: 966
Location: .showyourdick.org/
Slickdick wrote:
Can anyone tell me why im still deeply in love with my wife who i no longer desire in a sexual manner despite having a massive sex drive who wold have sex all day if i could and im quite prepered to risk the love of my wife for sex with other people am i really that bad a guy


this is probably were the trouble started dontknow

sounds like you both may need to move on

Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
Bad_4You
Posted: Friday, April 15, 2011 12:49:34 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2010
Posts: 159
Location: United States
Well Slick, in answer to your question, I can only give my opinion. I'm a writer here and it amazes me how many people have read my stories and commented on how apparent it is that I love my wife. That is certainly true. However, I must confess, that my desire for her sexually has really taken a hit in recent years. As I've contemplated this I know the main reason is that she has quit taking care of herself physically. She's gained a lot of weight, quit exercising and eats junk all day long. As the typical male I am an extremely visual person. The vision is no longer very appealing to me. Beyond the mere aesthetics, I find that my respect for her as a person has diminished. She has become 'lazy' in several other areas as well and, quite frankly, I just don't find it very pleasing. I work my ass off six days a week to look good for her. I wish she'd work to that end too. Lastly, I've noticed that other stressers and just dealing with the harder issues in life (kids, etc.), especially if you're not on the same page together, creates an unhealthy distance. That certainly doesn't help either. Well that's my verbose two cents worth!
pdidy
Posted: Saturday, April 23, 2011 10:44:52 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/11/2010
Posts: 10
I am having the same problem, I know mine is a physical thing since we have been married my wife has gain around 100 pounds. I love her, and her sex drive is awsome, but its real hard to stay hard with her. I am having a hard time not wanting to have sex with a small women again.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, April 24, 2011 9:33:14 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 700,315
Guys thanks for all the different advice and opinions deffinatly going to try a few of the ideas and see what happens love to all xx
realz
Posted: Wednesday, May 04, 2011 8:46:14 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/29/2011
Posts: 229
This happened with my ex wife. We decided (for a number of reasons concerning what we wanted in life). We're still close (and we've both moved on to different partners), but she's like my sister now

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