Welcome Guest Search | Active Topics | Members | Log In | Register

Would you stay or go? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Monday, December 6, 2010 4:16:29 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
He was obviously not worth much a child is no reason not to get on with someone so she should be glad he has not got back in touch any decent guy would not be bothered about a child.
2706ali
Posted: Monday, December 6, 2010 7:54:27 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/5/2010
Posts: 287
Location: London, United Kingdom
it wouldnt have worked......you come together ,as a family
strapon
Posted: Friday, December 17, 2010 11:28:38 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/4/2010
Posts: 17
Location: Pennsylvania
Would've have stayed...everyone has something in their passed these days.
dirtyoleman
Posted: Monday, June 13, 2011 2:51:34 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/27/2011
Posts: 94
Location: Midstate IL
When I started dating my wife she had a 7 y.o. daughter. Two yrs after we married I adopted the daughter. Next week I get to walk her down the aile and give her away at her wedding. But some men are deathly afraid of parenthood.
Terrag
Posted: Monday, June 13, 2011 7:58:58 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/3/2011
Posts: 40
Location: United States
The only problem I have with it is that she waited till then to tell him. I know I would have liked to have had that information early on. Just finding out that late in the game would scare me a bit. I mean if she has hidden that from me, what else? and she may not have been hiding it, but that is what would have gone through my mind. if in talking with a potential partner they tell me they have a kid, it is not a bad thing, just another thing to think about.

I most likely would not have stayed because I would have felt she was hiding the fact that she had a kid from me, and communication is very important to me.
realz
Posted: Monday, June 13, 2011 8:32:17 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/29/2011
Posts: 252
I'd say the problem here is that the existence of the baby first came up after extensive testing and finally a date.

That screams 'here is a woman with issues'

If she's any kind of a proud mother she would have at least mentioned the baby. I would have serious concerns about her honesty in other areas as well.
beast999
Posted: Tuesday, June 14, 2011 4:27:36 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 8/4/2010
Posts: 34
Location: United Kingdom
For me personally, if I like the girl enough, it wouldn't matter to me if she had a kid. So what if she had a kid with someone else, she's obviously interested in me now :)
dan17
Posted: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 2:04:17 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 283
it is a matter of acceptance and i want a girl to be honest for whatever past she had as long as i love her or like her i stay, its not her fault for having a baby and the guy that suppose to be with her will out that should be a way for you to save her from the sadness or tragic she felt when the guy leaves her and i don't want her to feel it again.

mrgay
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, September 28, 2011 10:50:00 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
o hellllllllllllll yeah id run but then again im only 20
Guest
Posted: Friday, September 30, 2011 2:33:11 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
Kids are part of the fabric of life and if this guy really liked her the fact she had a kid would not matter he was obviously only after one thing so she had a lucky escape hope she can move on from this and realise there are plenty of guys who would have no problem with the fact she has a child
Pelicanbill
Posted: Friday, September 30, 2011 3:15:35 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/13/2011
Posts: 304
Location: Top Of The South
If the lady is worth it, you stay and do your utmost to make a go of it. I was with a lady, had three kids. I did the best I could with the kids. The youngest, with a mate, set a house on fire. After the cops, fire had had a word with him, the lady asked me to talk to him. I was a Ssgt in Army at time. I talked to him, explained what he was doing to Mother and sisters and reinforced what cops and fireys had said. Two days later, Mother and I asked to attend
social services. She had been with me when I talked to him. I was accused of being heavy with him. Obviously the kids didn't want me. I said sayonara. Couldn't stay where I wasn't wanted.
Guest
Posted: Friday, September 30, 2011 4:04:46 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
It all depends on the situation. I have not been in it personally, but two close friends of mine have. One was the woman in the situation, she had twins, and I never asked where the father was. She met a really nice guy, they hit it off, and they are happily 3 years married with a baby of their own now. It didn't make a difference to him, he loves the girls regardless and is their "dad" (for want of a better term). My other friend was the fella in the situation. He started seeing a girl for a few weeks, was introduced to them, and got on with them, but then she broke it off as she didn't want him getting attached. Every situation has different options, depends on the people, age of the child/children, maturity of the people involved.
Guest
Posted: Friday, September 30, 2011 2:12:05 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
BigTittedRita wrote:
A friend of mine was texting a boy for a while, and finally arranged to go out for dinner. Once on the meal they got talking about random stuff and one topic lead to another. Then the topic of past relationships came up and whatever happend they started talking about children.

Now my friend has a baby that is nearly a year old, and once the fella heard of this he started to get cold. They finished dinner and headed home. He left her to the door and kissed her and told her he would txt her when he got home.

My friend thought she had blew it, and of course he never text her when he got home and she never heard from him again.

She was annoyed and has now left her thinkn that no man will want her because she has, in her words, ''baggage''.

So my question to you men out there....if this was you in this fella's shoes, would you do a runner or not?


What about Ye, Norn Iron......

(So now you know what you're dealing with, (Ha!)

Okay, seriously.....

If you're a guy in his late 30s and you're dating a girl in her late 20s and she has a kiddie, (or two????) then that's not a total shocker...... People live lives, things happen..... We adjust as we like.....

(Personally, in my 40s now, it wouldn't bother me if she had kids.... Don't get me wrong, it would be a CONCERN, but only because my responsibility would extend, to an extent, to the kids as well.... And often that's not easy..... But I guess if you're serious about HER then you're serious about everything about her..... Which can include a 9 year-old boy who thinks you're a cunt.... And that's not his fault....)

If the guy's in his early 20s, well it's a different story... In that case, a child attached to the girl he wants to see might add a complication that he's not really equipped to deal with..... (He's still a lad himself, he's not really ready to settle down, he's not got the experience to deal with a little person in this mix..... Don't judge him too harshly...... Mum's mature quickly because they HAVE to..... Even men who become fathers often don't...)

Your friend obviously has the ability to attract guys.... There are are a lot of nice ones out there.... When she finds the right one, he'll love the little one because he loves her, and everything she is, was, or ever will be.....

xx SF
Guest
Posted: Friday, September 30, 2011 5:24:02 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
i had gotten married to a guy who supposedly loved me to death and he had to daughters i accepted them and did my best to be their friend and then my job required me to move so we had our own lil family and of cource i took my hubby with me but then wen things got tough he blamed me for leaving his kids and ruining his life i was hurt beacuse i had left my fam thinking all would be good but if i had to choose again i wouldnt take a man with kids i got bit once and nver will it happen again
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, October 4, 2011 1:12:07 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
There was a woman I met once at a nightclub. She was sweet looking so I asked her out and she agreed to go. But first before she agreed, she said she had to tell me that she was divorced. I said, "That is not an issue". So I went to go pick her up and she was ready but had to say good night to her son before we left. I said"you have a son?".

She asked if that was a problem and I said "No that is nice." We had a nice night out and when I dropped her off I told her that I would call her... and I did. We went out the following weekend and I went to pick her up and again she was ready but had to say good night to her daughter. I said "I thought you had a son?" She said."I do."

She asked if that was a problem and I said "No that is nice." We had a nice night out and when I dropped her off I told her that I would call her... and I did. We arranged to go ut the next weekend and i went to pick her up and AGAIN she was ready but had to say good night to her sons and daughters!!!!!!!

I couldn't find my keys fast enough! Maybe that makes me a heel or a jerk or some kind of dick, but I couldn't risk her having 8 kids the next time I showed up at her door. The numbers seemed to increase exponentially!
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 5, 2011 6:35:19 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
at this stage of my life (college student) I will admit I would have done the same thing. Maybe I would have explained myself a little more and not just go MIA, but I feel it depends where the guy is in life. A child is a BIG step in life and lots of responsibility. Plus, younger guys are probably more selfish in the fact that they like to be NUMERO UNO and don't want competition.
Guest
Posted: Monday, October 10, 2011 10:26:51 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
I personally wouldn't have stayed. I wouldn't have blown her off completely, but I would have told her that at this point in my life (21 and in college), I can't be responsible for a kid. Specially having just met.
Guest
Posted: Monday, October 10, 2011 10:28:10 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
if he ran is because he still a boy like you mentioned i would never run over that i find that silly thats what getting to know someone is all about knowing about their life do you have children ? oh ok cool find out more know the girl because i know as a guy i wouldnt want a female running from me just because i mention i have a child
ruff4fun
Posted: Friday, November 4, 2011 4:54:49 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/4/2011
Posts: 22
The fact she has a kid would not matter to me and would have probably texted her and dated again. However, as this was just the first date, would need to go out with her a few more times to find out if there was chemistry between us before deciding to 'stay or go'.
I did have a similar situation happen to me, when I was 23, we were together for a few years, not living together then. And no, she wasn't looking for a father for her son per se. Unfortunately, we ended up parting ways and she moved away. As we had a close relationship and I had seen her son grow up for two years, at the time, I felt somewhat cheated when things didn't work out between us.
Would I do it again though, dunno, although what is life/love without risk?
Guest
Posted: Friday, November 4, 2011 7:00:35 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
I would think anyone you are going to date would already be aware of the fact that you have a child. That being said, if the child would be a deal breaker, she is better off never having a second date.
Archadia
Posted: Friday, November 4, 2011 8:00:42 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/1/2011
Posts: 426
Location: Middlesbrough, United Kingdom
I admit that a girl having a child to another guy isnt ideal, but i think in the long run, if i liked her enough, its wouldnt be an issue. Maybe you did make a mistake in the past, but you got something beautiful that you love out of that. Any guy who cant appreciate that, isnt worth your time.
Guest
Posted: Friday, November 4, 2011 8:21:23 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
Most people have baggage, that's just a fact - Kids, jobs, family, ex partners, friends, emotional hang ups - that's just the way it is.

If she really liked that guy, then she should probably have mentioned that fact that she had a child, I mean, I have two daughters and if I was looking for a partner, I would sure as hell want to know that they were up to the job (if you will) of fitting into OUR lives. I certainly wouldn't have went 'blind' into a date with some guy, not having established that...
I mean, what would be the point?

If he doesn't like kids? Well, that's fair enough, like others have said, that's his prerogative... Children aren't for everyone. Better to establish that early on though, no point investing your time, energy and emotions in someone with different goals than you...

OK, he didn't text. Maybe he just didn't want to get into it with her? After only one date, that's fair enough. Rude? Well, yes it is, especially if he said he would, but maybe easier in the long run. What's she going to do? Try and change his mind? Convince him that he wants a kid?? Come on...

It occurred to me, was it to do with the kid? Maybe he just wasn't that into her, kid or not? It happens...
Guest
Posted: Friday, November 4, 2011 9:22:33 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
I like kids, so it's not a big deal BUT, it's better to be up front, why waste each other's time?
beowulf69
Posted: Friday, November 4, 2011 9:34:02 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/24/2011
Posts: 246
Location: Cocoa Beach, United States
That's some heavy duty baggage. I really think he should have at least texted her and explained he is not ready for that. I am not ready for that kind of baggage myself but would not have left her hanging without an explanation.

My first story for Lush is posted, The Goodbye Fuck.
http://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/the-goodbye-fuck.aspx
Rembacher
Posted: Friday, November 4, 2011 9:41:34 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/16/2008
Posts: 1,107
I'd like to think that I would have weighed the rest of the date against that. Kids can definitely complicate things, but they are not a deal breaker for me. They do probably raise the bar a little though, for how much of a connection I need to feel before I get involved.
Michael
Posted: Saturday, November 5, 2011 5:33:53 AM

Rank: Author

Joined: 10/22/2011
Posts: 2,006
Location: Somewhere with Sun and Sea, United States
My brother married a sweet gal with twin daughters. He adopted both and they have a fantastic life.
So I would stay...

But the question is two-fold>
Will the man accept the kids and raise them as his own?
Will the mother share parenting responsibility with the man or will she expect to be "the" parent?

Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 5, 2011 6:23:17 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
I worked with a young girl a few years back. She'd been dating Mr. Wonderful for a couple of weeks when she found she was pregnant from an earlier fling. She told him about it and said.. well it was nice knowing you.... They're now married, have a son he considers his own and a little girl.

The right man will show up for your friend one day.
AGreyFoxxx
Posted: Saturday, November 5, 2011 7:18:39 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/20/2011
Posts: 341
Location: Far From the Madding Crowd!, United States
We ALL have baggage! And I guess it would depend on what both people wanted from the relationship. Personally, I met a woman who had three kids, and twenty one years later we now have a grand-daughter!
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 5, 2011 10:25:48 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
The guy was shallow! she's better off with out the creep. How could a child be considered baggage. Don't let her give up!
Guest
Posted: Monday, November 7, 2011 8:03:29 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,109
If I could see myself with her then I would text her back, and even if I didn't I would still text her, but I wouldn't let the fact that she has a child be a factor, I'm more concerned with personality
Users browsing this topic
Guest 


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Main Forum RSS : RSS

Powered by Yet Another Forum.net version 1.9.1.6 (NET v4.0) - 11/14/2007
Copyright © 2003-2006 Yet Another Forum.net. All rights reserved.