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Worst Analogies Ever Written Options · View
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 25, 2008 3:35:14 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 796,267
"1.He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it, and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."

Joseph Romm, Washington

2."She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again."

Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

3."The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

Russell Beland, Springfield

4."McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."

Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

5."From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and 'Jeopardy' comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30."

Roy Ashley, Washington

6."Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."

Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

7."Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center."

Russell Beland, Springfield

8."Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake."

Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

9."Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

Unknown

10."He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."

Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

11."The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."

Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

12."Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man.'"

Russell Beland, Springfield

13."Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

Jennifer Hart, Arlington

14."The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can."

Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

15."They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth."

Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.

16."John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."

Russell Beland, Springfield

17."The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play."

Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

18."His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free."

Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

19."The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon."

Unknown
Hourglass
Posted: Friday, January 25, 2008 5:22:45 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/12/2008
Posts: 90
can you number them please
coz i like 3, 4, 9, 16 and the last one

might use them in one of my numerous esaays :D

*~*xX/ ;) i'm not joking/Xx*~*
nicola
Posted: Friday, January 25, 2008 11:44:13 PM

Rank: Matriarch
Moderator

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 27,612
These analogies are superb, like some superby thing evil4

There's whole sites out there dedicated to them - I like this one:

"Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
Curious2c
Posted: Saturday, January 26, 2008 1:35:58 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 796,267
"lol @

'Her volcabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.'



funny stuff.
Hourglass
Posted: Saturday, January 26, 2008 5:44:55 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/12/2008
Posts: 90
thankyou for the numbers :)

and lol

we used to play it at school

''Rosie laughs like a hyena on happy pills in happy town, on happy day!''

she actually sounded like a moose snorting up it's breakfast through it's nose!

sorry... graphic...

*~*xX/ ;) i'm not joking/Xx*~*
KnightOfPassion
Posted: Saturday, January 26, 2008 7:47:54 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/2/2007
Posts: 48
Okay, the rest of them are hilarious, but...

Quote:
12."Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man.'"

Russell Beland, Springfield

That's actually quite smart and funny, isn't it?

...

Well, I think it is!

Knight Of Passion: The Man, The Legend, The Blog - and now, The Podcast!
AutumnNymph
Posted: Sunday, January 27, 2008 1:59:56 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 1/10/2008
Posts: 60
KnightOfPassion wrote:
Okay, the rest of them are hilarious, but...

Quote:
12."Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man.'"

Russell Beland, Springfield

That's actually quite smart and funny, isn't it?

...

Well, I think it is!


I think so. Hmmm...great minds think alike, I suppose. clown

The naughtiest Nymph this side of the forest.
Last submitted a story: March 12, 2008
Guest
Posted: Monday, January 28, 2008 3:48:40 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 796,267
Quote:
her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.


Quote:
laughs like a hyena on happy pills in happy town, on happy day!


Lfunny



Kanga40
Posted: Tuesday, February 5, 2008 4:17:38 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/14/2007
Posts: 73
This is late on the thread, but I thought
"The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can."

Was way too clever to be in with the stupid ones. I wish I'd thought of that one!
Guest
Posted: Thursday, November 5, 2009 6:26:34 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 796,267
fish
MrNudiePants
Posted: Thursday, November 5, 2009 7:15:48 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/10/2009
Posts: 2,226
Location: United States
My favorite comes from an old Damon Wayons movie - Major Payne: "I'll be on you like white on rice in a bed of mashed potatoes on a paper plate in the middle of a blizzard at a Ku Klux Klan rally..."
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