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Swollen
Posted: Sunday, October 16, 2011 4:00:17 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/27/2010
Posts: 1,039
Location: United Kingdom
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

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A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,

'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'
SirSpanksAlot80
Posted: Sunday, October 16, 2011 2:42:04 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/21/2010
Posts: 8,417
Location: United States
Lfunny AWESOME jokes
MindsEye
Posted: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 6:26:32 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/14/2010
Posts: 158
Location: Canada
very cute, jokes are good too
erectus_2011
Posted: Thursday, October 20, 2011 12:34:58 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/7/2011
Posts: 197
Location: Delta of Venus
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!"

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed. The lady doctor then chuckled and said "I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. Show me what you bought".
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