Welcome Guest Search | Active Topics | Members | Log In | Register

After being married 27 yrs my wife is not intrested in is sex, ????? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Monday, December 5, 2011 11:42:47 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,317
Not sure what to do, our relationship and married are great. she just doesnt care about sex anymore. whats a guy to do? dontknow
HK4167
Posted: Monday, December 5, 2011 11:58:27 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/1/2011
Posts: 3,307
Location: Seattle, United States
There is a post below about sexless marriage, might be related to this topic.

http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst9276_Sexless-marriages--Is-it-ok-to-cheat.aspx

Welcome to visit my tumblr page at http://HK4167.tumblr.com for erotic arts. Or http://slice-of-moment.tumblr.com for non-erotic arts.
bonscott11
Posted: Monday, December 5, 2011 12:40:04 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/25/2011
Posts: 62
Location: United States
I would try bringing some toys into the equation and try to make it fun for her. Also get her to a doctor he hormones might be out of whack or something.
HK4167
Posted: Monday, December 5, 2011 12:45:37 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/1/2011
Posts: 3,307
Location: Seattle, United States
And another post here talking about similar topic.

http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst16104_Sexless-Relationship.aspx

Welcome to visit my tumblr page at http://HK4167.tumblr.com for erotic arts. Or http://slice-of-moment.tumblr.com for non-erotic arts.
1Zratedgal
Posted: Monday, December 5, 2011 1:01:52 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/1/2011
Posts: 703
Location: Northern California, United States
Congratualtions on being together for this long! That is a testimate to your love or efforts towards each other!

I suggest you seek out some intimacy for couples counseling. You may also look at some retreats or resorts that deal with older couples anr how to reignite the spark and intimacy in your marriage!

You're never to old to learn new tricks in love and intimacy!

Kisses!

Steph
Guest
Posted: Monday, December 5, 2011 1:28:26 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,317


I've known men who've only been married six or seven years who are in the same unfortunate position as yourself. And I've known younger women who've had the same problem. Children, money problems and familiarity breeding contempt all seem reasons for the slow but inevitable erosion of that which was so magic at first. Maybe I'm too young to give advice but I don't believe in monogamy - which may have been a necessity in bygone generations - but not so now in a mass consumptive western world where we've learned self gratification as the norm - 'if it don't fit no more its useless ... so chuck it out'.

I'm in a relationship but have no magic ideas it will last forever - or even as far as a few years. Only thing I can say is thank your lucky stars your marriage has survived for 27 years - enough surely to raise a decent thinking and good living family. Maybe you should just accept that things are not forever, accept also you've had a good sex life in the past and you've had a damned good innings. Most relationships won't survive anywhere near as long.

Guest
Posted: Monday, December 5, 2011 1:57:52 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,317
"Congratualtions on being together for this long! That is a testimate to your love or efforts towards each other!'

Thanks 1Zratedgal, i agree, however when she can go 6 to 8 weeks with out it and its no big deal, somethings up. I know the things change when we get older. we are 50/49 yr old healthy attractive couple with a very active sex life in the past. It just seems the last few years have been a strain and has been my only issue. I'm not looking for an every nighter, just some effort on her part.confused1

I know my appetite is way different than hers now, im up for just about anything and maybe thats the frustrating part. Maybe we have grown apart in this part of our relationship?
1Zratedgal
Posted: Monday, December 5, 2011 2:11:56 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/1/2011
Posts: 703
Location: Northern California, United States
T-rex,

I can see how it will be difficult to get her to go to a therapist or some sort of counseling since she may not see your situation as a valid need for outside help. But if you can start talking to her about your desires and that you feel your needs are being ignored, at least you can open the door to find out her feelings about the situation and if she has any thoughts or concerns in a similar area.

The hardest thing is going to be if you both can discuss the situation and then if you both are willing to help each other out! It will at least take some communication and common acknowledgement of what you both perceive. Then, if you can take this to someone who can help you both, it will be more effective as long as you both are open minded and willing to work together to resolve and grow!

I hate to say it but I have heard many examples similar to yours where the male feels ignored and the female feels bothered or is being demanded of too much sex. Just getting together to recognize her thoughts and feelings first to identify what the situation is will give you more indications on what direction to take to resolve your frustrations.

Kisses!

Steph
nicola
Posted: Monday, December 5, 2011 5:39:54 PM

Rank: Matriarch
Moderator

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 27,465
I would check out if it's physiological first: http://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/sex-drive-and-menopause
DLizze
Posted: Monday, December 5, 2011 8:04:09 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,568
Have you tried asking her? I mean in words, like, "Honey, what has happened to us? We used to make love,(screw, fuck - whatever you want to call it) _____times a week, now we hardly ever do. WHY?"

No fair defending yourself if she says it's your fault, or blaming her if she says it's her. Move on with her answer, and ask, "What can we do about that? I'd like to get back to the way we used to be."

Be completely honest, open, and calm., Above all, NO JUDGING.

And no touching while you are talkiing. You want to solve the problem for now and for the future; not just knock one off for now.

(All this advice came from a psychologist to me when my wife and I had been together for about 10 years, and things had gotten very few and far between, adn I was getting depessed about it.).


"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
Guest
Posted: Thursday, December 8, 2011 1:43:29 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,317
I am not an expert but why don't you introduce her to Lush? I am 50 and it has opened my eyes.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, December 8, 2011 9:18:49 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 779,317
ok guys after looking at and reading the post and links, i find myself with alot of advice. i know communication is important between couples and as we age things dont work like they use to or would like them too. i dont want to throw her under the bus, but we have talked about this with each other and with a shrink. not sure if talking again will help, but am willing to give it shot. i'd love her to get out here on lush to see its ok to be a freak about sex, however it would probably back fire and she may shut down even more. thanks for the comments and ill get back on how it goes.

toast

t-rexxx
OldGeezer
Posted: Thursday, December 8, 2011 10:14:39 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/12/2010
Posts: 151
Location: Amersham, United Kingdom
Most of the advice has been about communication and psychological issues, but it could just simply be hormones, early menopause consequences and others. If she is willing to talk openly to you and her Dr, maybe there is a medical solution, or at least something to help.
honeyx
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 1:01:21 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 12/12/2011
Posts: 49
Location: United Kingdom
It's the other way round for me. My husband of nearly 25 years seems to have lost interest. Lucky if its once a month then I just feel as if I am being used to scratch an itch. dontknow

Have tried talking but he doesn't seem to be listening
JimmyBlue
Posted: Sunday, January 8, 2012 11:56:06 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/6/2011
Posts: 40
Location: anywhere..., United Kingdom
I know that feeling only too well :(

honeyx wrote:
It's the other way round for me. My husband of nearly 25 years seems to have lost interest. Lucky if its once a month then I just feel as if I am being used to scratch an itch. dontknow

Have tried talking but he doesn't seem to be listening
Users browsing this topic
Guest 


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Main Forum RSS : RSS

Powered by Yet Another Forum.net version 1.9.1.6 (NET v4.0) - 11/14/2007
Copyright © 2003-2006 Yet Another Forum.net. All rights reserved.