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STD - the initial conversation between you and him/her Options · View
WellMadeMale
Posted: Thursday, January 19, 2012 6:11:59 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,477
Location: Cakeland, United States
You've met a girl, or guy...everything is clicking wonderfully. You meet in person for the first time and share a kiss or there's a lot of mutual physical touching...

Hand to hand, hand to knee, etc... I don't mean groping...just familiarization with one another.

You're pretty sure that at some point in the courtship process, he or she is going to want to fornicate. You've got herpes or some other critter.

When do you mention this?

If it's mentioned to you...how do you react?

I've only experienced it once...and frankly, it scared me off of her. My 30 second silence as I contemplated my reply to her, told her all she needed to hear.

She was very gracious and turned what was (for me) an awkward moment, into something a bit less. Now, she @ 36...would've been at the time, quite the catch for 40 year old WMM. But I had to bail.

What would you do in a similar situation (or what have you done)? Or, have you even given this any thought? I never did, til I was confronted with it.

Most intelligent people are introspective and doubt themselves while many fucktards are proudly over-confident. - a tip of the hat to Charles Bukowski
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, January 19, 2012 6:38:28 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde
Moderator

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,620
Location: Your dirty fantasy
If I had herpes or HIV, I wouldn't be waiting until we were into the groping/foreplay phase before bringing it up. I think it's important for everyone to know the facts up front.

It's a tough question because chances are high that it's going to disturb a lot of people, unless they are somehow already falling hard for you and willing to overlook anything. Then again, herpes is pretty common as far as the actual stats go, so maybe a lot of people would be cool with it as long as condoms were used (which I should mention doesn't completely protect you from transmission, even between outbreaks).

One of my girlfriends has it and she tells the guy on the second or third date and she doesn't do the one-night-stand thing since she was diagnosed. I have another friend who has it and she told her super understanding nice-guy man and now they are married with a kid.

Some people obviously are inclined to "work around the issue" as well as they can - maybe if they are really into the person already.

For me... I dunno... Unless I was feeling like this was potential marriage-material guy, I think I'd just take a pass. I think it would play on my mind and bother me enough that I would be very sexually inhibited/distracted because of it. I definitely wouldn't risk it for a casual relationship, no matter how hot he was.

As for how I'd react... I'd be PC-friendly about it in the moment. I'd thank him for sharing the info, commiserate over how hard it must be for him, and then tell him I needed to 'think it over' etc. and digest the info. Then... yeah... I'd just try to do a fade-out or let the curtain fall shortly thereafter. If it was me, I definitely wouldn't blame a person for not wanting to take the chance or get involved. It's a mature adult health-related decision that everyone needs to make individually - without pressure or guilt.

tomc82d
Posted: Thursday, January 19, 2012 7:07:25 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/12/2012
Posts: 147
Location: Hamilton, United States
Have to let them know right away.

Veni, vidi, vici" Julius Caesar 47 BC
rxtales
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 3:19:41 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/28/2008
Posts: 2,589
Location: Newcastle, United Kingdom
If it was something treatable, it a non-issue, I would just wait.

If it were HIV or something like that, I wouldn't want to know up front. I would want to know after a couple of dates, maybe when you are thinking of sleeping together. If I saw that I had a future with someone, then I could deal with them having HIV, and would just have to be more careful. I might not jump to intercourse right away, maybe that would take a bit more time, but there are plenty of other things you can do until then.
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