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A question for all you lady's out there Options · View
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 29, 2012 11:34:11 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,215
I would like your thoughts, I am a father to 4 wonderful children who i have regular access with and will like every other parent come first, i am currently unemployed (not through choice) I am a bit of a loner but would describe myself as a decent guy who does his best to please and although i know im no brad pitt i wouldnt say that im ugly, I am lacking in confidence and wondered if you lady's think a man like this is date able and if so any advice and if not why not? I look forward to any reply's that you can offer Thankyou in advance any one who reply's.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 29, 2012 12:27:29 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,215
Hi John,

Welcome to Lush. There are a lot of great people here, so I hope you enjoy your time on Lush.

To answer your question, I probably would not date you. You asked why not, so I will tell you.

You mentioned that you're currently unemployed and have 4 children. Honestly, I think you supporting your children should be where you are focusing your efforts and that's what I would be thinking. I'm sure it's not your choice you're unemployed, but I think you need be doing everything possible to support those kids and wouldn't want to get involved until your life was back on track.

I also have no interest in getting into a relationship w/a guy who is not working. I don't expect or want you to support me, but I have no interest in supporting you which is what I would be thinking.

You mentioned that you lack confidence? To be perfectly honest, that's a HUGE turn off for me. I am very attracted to confident alpha males. I just am. This is the internet where you can be anything you want, so try and sell yourself and build your confidence. Tell us what is GREAT about you and why someone would want to get involved with you not so much the things that are negative.

You having 4 kids would not be a turn off for me really, because I do have a litter of my own, so that's not an issue for me. evil4

P.S. I had to go to your profile and look at your AV in your gallery, because I thought he you had a big hairspike on your head. icon_biggrin Need to have my eyes checked.

I would suggest you have some fun in the forums and enjoy all that Lush has to offer!
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 29, 2012 12:39:33 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,215
Curlygirly wrote:
Hi John,

Welcome to Lush. There are a lot of great people here, so I hope you enjoy your time on Lush.

To answer your question, I probably would not date you. You asked why not, so I will tell you.

You mentioned that you're currently unemployed and have 4 children. Honestly, I think you supporting your children should be where you are focusing your efforts and that's what I would be thinking. I'm sure it's not your choice you're unemployed, but I think you need be doing everything possible to support those kids and wouldn't want to get involved until your life was back on track.

I also have no interest in getting into a relationship w/a guy who is not working. I don't expect or want you to support me, but I have no interest in supporting you which is what I would be thinking.

You mentioned that you lack confidence? To be perfectly honest, that's a HUGE turn off for me. I am very attracted to confident alpha males. I just am. This is the internet where you can be anything you want, so try and sell yourself and build your confidence. Tell us what is GREAT about you and why someone would want to get involved with you not so much the things that are negative.

You having 4 kids would not be a turn off for me really, because I do have a litter of my own, so that's not an issue for me. evil4

P.S. I had to go to your profile and look at your AV in your gallery, because I thought he you had a big hairspike on your head. icon_biggrin Need to have my eyes checked.

I would suggest you have some fun in the forums and enjoy all that Lush has to offer!


I really have to agree with what CG said, especially about confidence and having fun...

Nothing puts me off more than a 'down' attitude...

Take your time, get to know some people here - we are for the most part, a nice bunch..

Lush is what you make it, so my advice is, make it good!!



Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 29, 2012 12:42:02 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,215
Thankyou curlygirl very much appreaciated :D
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 29, 2012 12:44:07 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,215
Thankyou mazza i think i knew the confidence thing would be an issue but isnt it better to be honest?
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 29, 2012 12:49:19 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,215
Honesty is definitely the best policy, but you honestly have some great qualities, so focus on that. thumbup
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 29, 2012 12:53:22 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,215
Oh i do have good qualities i know that so i will focus on them from now on thankyou curlygirl
Shylass
Posted: Sunday, January 29, 2012 7:05:58 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,853
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
JustJohn wrote:
I would like your thoughts, I am a father to 4 wonderful children who i have regular access with and will like every other parent come first, i am currently unemployed (not through choice) I am a bit of a loner but would describe myself as a decent guy who does his best to please and although i know im no brad pitt i wouldnt say that im ugly, I am lacking in confidence and wondered if you lady's think a man like this is date able and if so any advice and if not why not? I look forward to any reply's that you can offer Thankyou in advance any one who reply's.


As somebody who is incredibly lacking in confidence myself, I also understand a lot of the issues surrounding it. I would say that people like us are often viewed very differently by the outside world, and as the others have said, concentrating on the positives (even if we don't actually believe them!) is a good thing.

As far as dating goes, I never did that before, but if you asked me out and I liked you, of course I would. I got made redundant before and I know it sucks without a job! Money is not an issue for me, because I neither have any, nor am a person who expects handouts and looking after. I make do as well as I can, and naturally expect others to do the same. If I can treat people, brilliant. If I can't, that's how the gingerbread crumbles, and I wait for a better day.

I don't have children of my own, but every person comes with their own history and parcels and packages, some good, some bad - and you come with a family. A family is a gift. As far as I'm concerned, although I don't think I shall ever have my own children, it is a joy that my friends do, and I am welcomed into their lives. So a man who has his own children simply comes with more to love, and new people to enrich my own life.

Personally, I think the most important thing is to be honest, to be careful, and to enjoy getting to know people. And if you meet somebody you really like, there are three answers she can give if you ask her out. Yes, no, and sod off (or words to that effect).

It isn't always you and your circumstances that make you "dateable" in my opinion, sometimes it's how the person you want to date sees you and the world - two very different things. And if somebody says no to getting to know you better, most likely it will be her loss.

Just my opinion, obviously.


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
DLizze
Posted: Sunday, January 29, 2012 9:16:39 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,568
I know this is "Ask the Gals" and, the last time I checked, I didn't have the proper equipment to qualify, but I feel the need to pass on some advice I got many moons ago, when I was very young, and had to give a speech to the PTA (Parent-Teacher's Association) at my grade school.

My teacher said to me, "I know you are scared. I know you think you can't do it, but you can. Start by lying. They don't know you, and they will not know that you lack confidence. After a while, you will find that the lie is the truth." She was a smart woman.

So I say to you, lie to yourself. Tell yourself you CAN do it. And none of your half-way measures, eiher. None of that "little engine that could I THINK I can" crap.

Just flat-out lie to yourself, and say, "I can do this, because, Dammit, I'm good. I know what I know, and I know what I don't. I can admit both, without losing value as a person."

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
rxtales
Posted: Monday, January 30, 2012 4:25:37 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/28/2008
Posts: 2,589
Location: Newcastle, United Kingdom
I don't think being unemployed would stop me from dating someone, long as they were trying to find one. I wouldn't date someone with four kids though, but that's only because I am a 20 year old student, and in no way ready for kids.
Guest
Posted: Monday, January 30, 2012 8:49:32 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 781,215
I think Shylass should meet up with John. She sounds like a very compassionate and kind person. Just what John needs.
Are you two close to each other? And if you end up married, I want a wedding photo. Big Hugs clapping
myself
Posted: Monday, January 30, 2012 9:01:14 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/17/2010
Posts: 966
Location: .showyourdick.org/
of course you're date-able -there is a little girl out there just waiting for you to be the man and choose her : )

Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
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